Welcome back to episode two of Sidelineland Sounds. I’m Bard, and this is the audio supplement to Sidelineland, which is the blog I’ve been toiling away at in text for 15 years.  I say toiling, but most often, I refer to it as a labor of love, because whatever Sidelineland is about, it’s about what I love about homoerotic wrestling. When I started the blog in 2009, I had an inkling that I wasn’t the only guy turned on by wrestling, and in the intervening years, it’s been a pleasure to communicate with hundreds of others for whom wrestling, and watching wrestling, and reading about wrestling, and writing about wrestling is a primary turn on.  Sidelineland Sounds is another variation on a theme, in this case exploring what’s hot about listening to wrestling. So lace up your boots and put on your game face, because today, I’m talking about trash talk.

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

In the last episode, I touched on several aspects of what audio brings to my enjoyment of wrestling. For this episode, I’m going to do a deeper dive into one of those topics I mentioned last time: trash talk – the verbal sparring between two wrestlers. For my purposes today, trash talk includes the insults, the barbs, the mind games, the intimidation between wrestlers. It can happen before, during, and after a match. Trash talk can set the scene. Perhaps in the most straightforward way possible, it establishes the wrestlers’ motivation and defines the characters in the drama. I think trash talk is maybe the most spontaneous way that a consumer of wrestling gets a glimpse into why these two fierce athletes are invested in beating the fuck out of each other, and why the rest of us should be invested in watching it play out. In mainstream pro wrestling, trash talk most often happens before or after matches, in interviews backstage or in microphone takeovers inside the ring. But an advantage to how homoerotic wrestling is typically produced is its intimacy. Homoerotic wrestling matches are typically recorded in small spaces, usually without an audience, and with just a little production attention to audio, we get to hear what wrestlers have to say to each other from start to finish.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Weekend Wrestling’s Cash Kellogg & Dominic D’Andrea vs Blake starr]

That was Cash Kellogg for Weekend Wrestling, telling hottie Blake Star that he’s skinny and doesn’t have the balls to fill his tiny little trunks. Now, as fun as I think that is, I know for a fact that not everyone is as big a fan of trash talk as I am. Some homoerotic wrestling fans tell me that it distracts from what they find hot about the raw pretense of physical competition pitting one man’s body against another. The words seem out of place for some fans who want to focus on nothing but the wrestling. I suspect a similar divide may separate us along the lines of those of us who key off on classic, high production, pro wrestling-style homoerotic wrestling and those who dial into homoerotic wrestling with more of an amateur or MMA vibe. In my opinion, it’s all good, and I’m good with you, even if you’re one of those fans who finds trash talk downright irritating. And, truth be told, as big a fan as I am, sometimes I find it irritating. As with anything, when it’s done poorly, it can be a lot more cringey than sexy. But when it’s done well, I think it accentuates the drama. It can add to the stakes of a match and make me believe that the wrestlers care about who wins, and so should I.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Ripped Rookies 1 starring Austin Cooper and Jake Jenkins)

That’s Jake Jenkins gloating after scoring a submission on Austin Cooper in Ripped Rookies, rubbing it in by pointing to his hot, thick thighs. —  I do want to mention that I’ve talked to a few wrestlers who’ve told me that they find the expectation of trash talk even more intimidating than taking off nearly all their clothes and doing battle with nothing but their hot bodies in front of a video camera. Knowing that the line between clever and cringey trash talk can be a fine one, some wrestlers really dread that verbally performative aspect of it that I’m talking about today. The demand to be thinking on their feet, to be thrusting insults and parrying verbal blows while also executing feats of strength and wrestling skill to try to dominate an opponent… it’s a lot. For some wrestlers, it’s not being beaten or physically dominated that really scares them, it’s been made to look foolish because they stumble over their words or sound silly trying to improv some trash talk. So, I get it that not all of us turned on by wrestling have the same relationship to trash talk. Today, I’m just talking about me, and the value added to my wrestling pleasure from hot trash talk.

In my opinion, the most perfect example of scene-setting trash talk is the verbal sparring between Rusty Stevens and Aryx Quinn. It happens at the end of Rusty’s match in Can-Am’s Arena 1. I blogged about it several times starting in 2010, because, fuck, that scene grabs me hard when Aryx steps out of the shadows and strolls onto the mat just when Rusty is literally taking his victory lap around his demolished opponent, Brian Bodine. I mean, it’s not like the scene is lacking in homoerotic tension before the verbal sparring starts between Rusty and Aryx. Brian is beaten senseless, ass up and out cold. Rusty is circling that ass, looking like the sex gladiator he is, naked and gloating, Rusty’s monster cock is bobbing up and down hypnotically as he monologues about just what he was going to do with lucky loser Brian. And right then and there, Aryx busts into the scene, interrupting Rusty’s victorious trophy-taking…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Can-Am’s Arena 1 starring Rusty Stevens, Aryx Quinn, and Brian Bodine]

So the confrontation between Rusty and Aryx immediately crystalizes into West Coast versus East Coast. Rusty is the LA badass who’s strutting around with contempt dripping from his lips, pointing out the undeniable evidence that he’s The Man, that he can win absolutely anybody’s ass he decides to wrestle and fuck. It’s classic Rusty, all accelerator and no brake, mean and gloating and with a fight record to back up his bragging. If I remember correctly, Aryx had just landed in LA, after starting his homoerotic wrestling career with BG East back in Boston. He’s rock hard and gorgeous as fuck. He already commands one of the most passionately devoted fan bases ever, and his brand is wicked sharp wit backed up with military combat training and private tutoring in professional wrestling at the hands of Kid Leopard himself. I’d never seen Aryx at a loss for words before this moment in Arena 1, but holy fuck, Rusty’s trash talk game runs circles around him! The clash of words, the taunts and insults, turn the heat way, way up, and even though you know they aren’t slated to wrestle until the sequel to Arena 1, Rusty’s huge, dripping cock pointing at Aryx makes you think, for just a moment, the heel-versus-heel battle very well may just bust out spontaneously.

Pre-match trash talk can be like that, like a flame thrower set to burn an opponent to the ground before the wrestlers have even put hands on each other. But sometimes, it’s more layered, more subtle. Anytime a wrestler shows up and starts dishing out compliments to his opponent, for example, you’ve just got to wait for the other shoe to drop. Inflating a wrestler’s ego with relentless flattery, only to pop him like a balloon moments later, isn’t just scene setting. It’s part and parcel of the wrestling offense. It is a move, in and of itself, that can be just as unsettling and overpowering as an outmatched muscle hunk getting bested in a test of strength. There are a few masters of that pump and pop pre-match trash talk, but my sentimental favorite master of the technique is BG East’s Lon Dumont. For example, when he shows up to face off against Braden Charron in Forced to Flex 4, Lon is openly in awe of Braden’s thick, sculpted muscles.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Forced to Flex 4 starring Lon and Braden Charron]

So, Lon can’t seem to compliment Braden’s hot bod enough. I swear you can just about see Braden blush under the relentless charm offensive, as his ego inflates bigger and bigger. Then, with his back turned, he takes a blind side shoulder tackle to the back of his knees that drops his hot bod just like that. And Lon stomps the living shit out of Braden when he’s down, pulling the plug on the big boy’s overinflated ego and revealing what he really thinks of him. And, fuck, it’s not like Braden’s in any position to defend his honor there, laid out and suffering from the little bodybuilder’s brutal physical and psychological attack. Lon’s dragged him over miles of rough road just 3 minutes into the start of the match.

During a match, trash talk also dials up the temperature. It incites the grapplers to battle harder, to put more of themselves on the line to claim the victory. Trash talk in the middle of the action can act like a download progress bar, reflecting backward on what’s happened so far in the contest, and foreshadowing what may be in store. Like Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you, by the way!), muscle bullying adorably twinky rookie Christian Taylor in Demolition 27. Fuck, the erotic tension in this match is magnificent. Everyone, and I mean everyone understands that Christian is fucking awed by the sight of Mr. Joshua’s drop dead gorgeous body and his gargantuan bulge, and Mr. J just keep piling on the pressure, dialing up the humiliation and tension, both by manhandling the skinny boy and by pouring heaping helpings of taunting trash talk on him until Christian is nearly drowning it.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Demolition 27 starring Joshua Goodman and Christian Taylor]

And then, just to really rub it in both figuratively and literally, Mr. Joshua sits on his face and demands that Christian kiss his ass. Holy shit, the way Mr. Joshua can cock tease Christian, and me, into a drooling mess is just fucking magic. Interestingly, I think some of the best and some of the worst trash talkers are the guys with pretty extensive indy pro wrestling experience. Some of them, frankly, suck at it, and, rightly or wrongly, I always assume when they particularly suck at it, it’s out of some self-consciousness about the literal and figurative intimacy of wrestling for gay eyes. Like, some legit pro wrestlers are the most painfully poor at selling. I have a long standing guideline on the blog about not tearing down wrestlers or matches, so I’ll restrain myself from naming names here, but it just bears saying that some indy pro wrestlers who show up in matches for gay eyes look like they’re half-assing it. But, on the other hand, there other indy pro wrestlers who’ve made a mark in gay-oriented companies who bring it sensationally hot and fierce. I’m guessing  that spontaneity of wrestling live in front of an indy pro audience, of telling a story all exposed like that, night after night, must help a lot of those pro wrestlers who dabble in the homoerotic houses, really improv in a way that’s clever and focused and turns up the temperature. Here’s two indy pro wrestlers who wrestled quite a few matches for BG East under the names Flash LaCash and Zip Zarella.  Both of them are insanely gorgeous specimens of male beauty, but they wrestle hard and aggressive, and they narrate their brutal contest in this super clever, spontaneous way. Zip is the smart ass who’s cheesing it up almost too much for my taste, and here, Flash is getting more and more pissed until he’s twisted the smart mouth pretty boy into a single leg crab pretzel, taunting him relentlessly until the brutal hold and insults finally make Zip tap.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Backbusters 1 starring Flash LaCash and Zip Zarella]

Zip gets a lot less cheesy the more big Flash beats the living shit out of him, which is, itself, a hot little story told by the trash talk. Another value added in any Flash LaCash match is that fucking intense sound of his controlled breathing. It’s that rhythmic hissing you can hear, telling you and me that he’s working hard crushing the cheese right out of smart ass Zip. It’s like serious lifters at the gym, breathing in through the nose and then hissing out in long, controlled exhalations as they manhandle massive weights around.

Another hot variation on the trash talk theme is the wrestler who tauntingly demands his opponent humiliate himself before he’ll acknowledge the loser’s submission. Like, the forced-to-flex theme demonstrates this technique gorgeously. 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Forced to Flex 1 starring Kid Karisma and Brad Barnes]

That’s Kid Karisma, proving you don’t have to be an indy pro wrestler to bring sensational, spontaneous trash talk morning, noon, and night, to make a homoerotic wrestling match sizzle. In that clip from BG East’s Forced to Flex 1, he’s just clawed Brad Barnes’ gargantuan, meaty pecs so viciously you can just about hear the tendons tearing away from Brad’s sternum. And then immediately, Kid Karisma demands to see the once proud muscle boy flex his pecs now. It’s this seamless, double-pronged offense of brutal physical domination and Kid Karisma’s diabolical, self-amused chuckle and snarling trash talk, and watching Brad flinch and scream in response to both is fucking brilliant!

It doesn’t have to be forced-to-flex for a dominating wrestler to drive home the point that he owns this bitch loser, body and soul. I love the schoolyard bully theme that plays out when a wrestler insists that a sniveling loser say something, on demand, before he’ll let the loser submit. 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Rock Hard Wrestling’s Royal Punishment starring Austin Cooper and Tanner Hill]

That’s serious as fuck trash talker Austin Cooper making twunk Tanner Hill scream that he’s a peasant before Austin will let the destroyed kid submit.  That taunting obey-me-now-bitch trash talk is super sweet, I think. I think it taps into something primal that playground bullies and bad ass pro wrestling heels all know, that winning a fight is one thing, but owning your fucking opponent takes it to a whole new level.

And then, finally, there’s the post-victory gloat. Trash talk can be the symbolic victory lap. It can demonstrate the stakes and substance of the victory, as one wrestler demonstrates the fact that he can say (and maybe do) anything he wants with impunity, because he’s proven he’s the better wrestler, and the loser just has to take whatever taunts and insults the winner shovels on top of him.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Fanstymen 17 starring Mikey Vee and Brad Rochelle]

That’s charging bull Mikey Vee taking his gloating victory lap after trouncing Brad Rochelle in BG East’s Fantasymen 17. It’s petty and unnecessary. It’s just verbally rubbing Brad’s face in his humiliation. And it’s perfect for exactly those reasons, because it’s not like Brad’s in any shape to complain.

One of the most classic examples of the post-victory gloat  has got to be the legendary badass and trash talker extraordinaire, Brooklyn Bodywrecker. The Bodywrecker hasn’t been in front of the camera in a long time, and still, he’s got one of the most passionate homoerotic wrestling fan bases in the business. I’ve recently talked with 20-year-olds who put BBW at the top of their list of wrestling crushes, and everyone agrees that his appeal is about way more than his smoking hot, hairy body and his wrestling skills. It’s his in-your-face attitude. It’s like when he was fucking over Yves Larocque in BG East’s X-Fights 10. He terrorizes Yves every which way. He has him screaming and weeping in panic. He strips him naked and makes him wear his jock strap over his face. He literally shaves Yves’ chest while he’s got the pretty boy served up like a turkey dinner draped over the top turnbuckle. It’s not a contest, it’s a crime scene, and at one point Brooklyn Bodywrecker’s snarling trash talk can’t be contained to just his sniveling muscle boy opponent. He wrings out another of any number of submissions he can demand from the traumatized pretty boy, and then turns to the camera. And in a rare busting through the 4th wall in a homoerotic wrestling match, BBW shoves a finger in the camera and starts trash talking you and me and anyone else who might nurture fantasies of challenging him in his ring.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s X-Fights 10 starring Brooklyn Bodywrecker and Yves Larocque]

So, that’s my take on the value added of hot trash talk. Did I convince anyone who wasn’t already as turned on as I am by snarling insults, diabolical verbal mind games, and contemptuous gloating? It’s okay if you aren’t on board, because it seems like homoerotic wrestling producers are pumping out plenty of snarling trash talk for me to enjoy. Let me know what you think about trash talk by dropping a text comment on the blog like ComixRay did in response to the first episode of Sidelineland Sounds, when he and I bonded over our mutual impulse to shake our fists and complain about kids these days. Or record a brief audio file and share it with me at wrestlebard@gmail.com, that is, if you aren’t too much of a pussy.  See what I did there? Trash talk to get a rise out of you, to move the story and motivate you?

For now, let’s bring Episode Two of Sidelineland Sounds to a close. For my next foray into exploring wrestling audio, I plan to turn the mic over to the sounds of suffering and ask what could be another controversial question, what makes for good sell? Until then, as always, thanks for listening and reading and commenting, and I hope you’ve the balls to let me know what’s turning you on about homoerotic wrestling these days… because, you know, I’m going to keep telling you about what’s turning me on about it!

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]