Tag: Anderson Cooper

AC on Top

wrestlebard4 Comments

I’ve been unable to post for a couple of weeks, and it’s felt like going without chatting with a good friend. At some point I really ought to spend some time contemplating how blogging about my homoerotic wrestling kink has impacted me. But that must wait for another day, because gloriously I now have internet access again!  I’m ticking off those new year’s resolutions, and loving every moment of my life right now. I have a new job that rewards me a little more proportionally to the contribution I make to my workplace. And more pertinent to my absence from the pages of this blog lately, I have a new home a couple of thousand miles away from my last base of operations. Since last you heard from me, I packed up, drove across the country, and have set up shop in an entirely new-to-me city that I’m already quickly learning to love. And today, my new place was wired for action

It’s official: AC plays for out team!
I wonder how new geography will affect my musings in neverland? Ah, but no, that question belongs in the “another day” category. For today, let me just marvel at the juiciest bit of news to fire up my homoerotic wrestling imagination in months: Anderson Cooper came out. This is relatively old news in the fast twitch, ADHD, 24-hour news cycle now, but since this is my first chance to reflect on it here, I have to say officially that this news rocks!
Guns a-blazin’!
Setting aside the catty bullshit that has been oozing out from every corner of the gay world, with virtual eyes rolling and tongues tut-tutting about how everyone already knew about this poorly kept secret, I think anytime anyone says their truth out loud, it’s a good day. And Anderson is a hot little piece of white meat who has already inspired a full-length fantasy in my homoerotic wrestling fiction all on his own. In my Producer’s Ring collection, Anderson starred in the first match of the regular Newsmen series (after the initial sequestered beach round robins featuring the likes of my first celebrity wrestling fiction stars, including perennial objects of lust like Carter Evans, Rob Marciano and Chris Cuomo).
AC has reason to be cocky in Producer’s Ring action.
In his first and, to date, only appearance in the Producer’s Ring, Anderson fought a grudge match against that touped Fox News pretty boy Bill Hemmer. Like most of my homoerotic wrestling fiction, this match works out some of my personal issues, as evidenced by 1) the context is lube wrestling, and 2) the gay silver fox owns the Fox News lovely in body and soul, hoisting Hemmer across his shoulder and heading to the locker room to stuff something down Hemmer’s throat to shut him up for good.
Upgrading the already impressive guns to grenade launchers
Just like in this world, Anderson in the Producer’s Ring has been behind the scenes pumping up those lovely guns of his and building his made-for-tv body bigger and more beautifully. And as so often is the case in my fiction, art imitates life (and surprisingly, life often imitates art!), and AC is already prominently featured in some late breaking news in the Newsmen division, taking center stage from the recently MIA Carter Evans (who in real life apparently followed his wife to California for her work opportunities, ripping him from my morning routine watching him report life from the NYSE).
Beauty, brains, brawn… a lethal concoction in the Producer’s Ring!
AC is all right with me, in this universe and in the universe of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies.  I look forward to seeing much more of him (hell, I may even check out his talk show now), and you should expect to see much more of him in a Producer’s Ring story coming soon!

Pecs in the News

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My “thing” for hunky newsmen is well-established. Just last week, I was going on and on about my nomination of Anderson Cooper to be a new gay superhero. A couple of days ago, Towleroad pointed me toward a snarky piece by the NY Times fashion writer, bemoaning the “Anderson Cooper effect” of newsmen dressing casually, and particularly in tight t-shirts in order to show off their buff physiques. Apparently, we are to believe that this is a tragedy. Apparently the good old days were better, when any old white guy with jowls and elbow patches on his sport coat could be trusted to speak with the voice of authority. I assume the NY Times fashion writer must have in mind those same good old days when people of color and women were entirely absent from the news media and the only images of gay people to be found on camera were pencil mustached sissies with bows in their hair.

Anyway, I was initially feeling a little defensive of my gay superhero, Anderson. Sure, he can take care of himself. I have no doubt Anderson could put that “buff physique” to good use cracking the NY Times fashion writer like a walnut with those awesome biceps (I’d buy a ticket to that show). But on reading the article in question, the reporter also calls out a new face/body I’d not noticed before.
Jason Carroll is officially my newest newsman crush. And speaking of crush, just imagine those guns wrapped around you in a bearhug. I realize that I’m playing into the argument of the NY Times article, that the news is more about entertainment and sex than news (has someone been reading my wrestling fiction!?). But short of a time machine back to the 1950’s, the days of the valiant (old white) newsman with a paunch and horned-rimmed glasses are over, and I’m pretty okay with that. Until there’s a revolution overthrowing the global capitalist hegemony and tearing down the culture of the commodification of everything, I say bring on the buff boys of CNN!

To ever (ever, ever, ever) put Jason in a sport coat and tie would be ridiculous. It’s like those expensive sports cars parked on the street with the ugly canvas draped over top of them. If you’re going to leave something beautiful out in public, show it off, for God’s sake! To be honest, at first glance, I think Jason looks just a little bit too tweezed for my tastes.
But then he flexes those softballs on his upper arms and suddenly I can find absolutely nothing at all wrong with this man. Look at those bulging shoulders and pecs (as if you could tear your eyes away from them)! He’s pretty smooth on camera. I totally buy the assessment that he looks like he just pumped out 20 push ups and his taking every opportunity to flex his fantastically vascular guns. And frankly, I prefer my horrific world news delivered this way.
Jason Carroll is now on my radar and starring in my imaginative fantasies. He clearly doesn’t have the news credibility and polish of Anderson, but I think if Anderson were willing to take on a sidekick, they’d make an unbeatable superduo. The bitter queens will likely continue to misdirect their self-hatred toward Jason’s gorgeousness, but I for one am picturing some nasty muscle domination and humiliation that only two sadistic gym bunnies could deliver. I have a strong suspicion that there will be a new tag team wrestling match in the Newsmen division in the near future.

I Need a Hero

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Did you catch Anderson Cooper rushing in to pull an injured child to safety in a violent confrontation in Haiti? Anderson is one lickably handsome man, and he’s always had a conscience to go with a healthy sense of humor. But he swoops in like a superhero to rescue injured children? Good God. How much of a good little boy can this gay man be!?

I think the world could use a fresh, new, gay superhero. Like Clark Kent, Anderson could easily be the mild-mannered, boy scout newsman who, when faced with a crisis, rips off his clothes and swoops in to save the day. Yes, ripping off his clothes really is an essential component of this scenario.

“Stunningly pale” typically is not my turn on, but Anderson wears it well. All the gossip and speculation about his personal life lends him an air of mystery. Yet, like Superman, aren’t we all left with wondering how anyone could be fooled by Anderson’s asexual, on camera alter ego? Clark Kent in a business suit and wearing glasses is hardly a convincing disguise. We can all see who you really are, Superman. Even if you’re wearing a suit and tie, we’re all picturing you in your tights (or less).
The occasional buff pics of Anderson are provocative and stimulating. Look at the guns he’s got! Pow! Now that’s the body of a superhero. When he’s finished rescuing injured Haitian children (which clearly could take a long, long time), I’m feeling in need of some rescuing myself. I’m not entirely certain what sort of rescue I need, but it will most definitely involve Anderson wrapping those arms around me and lifting me. It very well may be that SuperAnderson might discover that the entire rescue is actually a trap, and I will in fact bind him with kryptonite-laced leather straps and hang him from the ceiling like the evil sadist I am (but don’t tell him, he’d prefer it was a surprise).
And who the hell knew that Anderson had a python that massive?! Holy hell, he can’t even manage that monster with two hands! It’s so big that it requires Jeff Corwin to grab hold of the head while Anderson strokes it from the other end. Now that’s what I want to see in a gay superhero! Once he’s captured in my lair, I guarantee you I’ll be checking out his snake for myself.
In all seriousness (I think I can manage that), whatever the rumors, with whomever Anderson discloses his personal life, I think he’s a beautiful man in body and soul. It’s no wonder he throws my imagination into overdrive. He’s warranted two appearances so far in my wrestling fiction, most recently beating the living crap out of Fox News smarm-master Bill Hemmer (clearly, sometimes my writing is an avenue to work out some pent up frustrations with right-wing wingnuts). Whether he’s ready to be a goodboy gay standard bearer or not, I’m glad that he’s putting his hot gymbunny muscles to good use to protect the innocent and save the world, one earthquake victim at a time.

Newsboys

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As I’ve mentioned, adoring Chris Cuomo is a morning ritual for me. Last Monday, he bragged about catching a 25 pound fish over the weekend. This image from his Twit shows his shirtless moment of glory. Oh my God. Again, I say, Good Morning America, indeed!!!

Tracking news hunks is a hobby of mine. There are the obviously stunning newsboys, like Cuomo, Lauer, Cooper. There are the slightly less exposed objects of lust, like Marciano, & Engel. One of my wild card favorites is Carter Evans, who appears to be on the payroll at CNN, but also does remote coverage of Wall Street for local affiliates. The emphasis on making newsboys into hunks (vice versa, really), is probably bad news for journalism, but fantastic news for shallow gay men like me that tune in for the beefcake. Since we NEVER see enough of these fine looking men, I’ve written a whole wrestling division devoted just to them in my wrestling fiction.