I find it nearly impossible to refrain from commenting when Lon Dumont stars in a new release. Capping off a sensational year, Lon does what, I believe, Lon does best in Gut Bash 12: wreck the fuck out of rookies.
I realize that I can neglect talking enough about a wrestler when I’m such a raging fan of his opponent, so let me take a little time up front to welcome hot, ripped, lithe, lovely rookie Carlos Ortega to the homoerotic wrestling universe. Is there anything more mouthwatering than a ripped, achingly young, lusciously lipped newbie climbing into the ring in white trunks and sporting a pony tail? The adorable kid has an awesome attitude. Sure, he works the time tested, well worn path of the cocky, naive young hottie convinced of his own destiny. But as the tussle rages back and forth with one of the most tried and true pro heels in the business, Carlos takes a beating and keeps crawling back for more. He gives nothing away to the sizzling hot, fabulously fit wrestler turned bodybuilder turned wrestler Lon Dumont. Lon’s got to earn it.
Earn it, he does. There’s something of waves crashing to shore about Lon when he’s executing a crushing, grinding, weathering assault on a hot young kid like this. Rakes to the eyes, ab stretches, grinding knees digging deep into the kid’s core initiate adorable young Carlos into the harsh realities of pro wrestling. Somehow, the babyface beauty keeps insisting that his abs put the bodybuilder’s six-pack to shame. Have you SEEN Lon’s abs!? (Oh, sorry, my infatuation with Lon popped up there).
I’ve got a Pavlovian response to watching Lon prop himself up on the ropes and hang there with an opponent squirming like a bug stuck between his sensational scissors. That’s what squeezes a screaming, “I QUIT!” from the hot young initiate first, slapping at Lon’s boots in a frantic, humiliating tap out.
“You put up a pretty good fight,” Lon concedes, hovering over the pile of broken promises and dreams lying in a heap at his feet. “You impressed me today, buddy.” True, Lon then proceeds to kick the kid viciously while he’s way down and way out, but seriously, any newbie who can earn that much praise from the notoriously unimpressed Mr. Dumont deserves a second look.
Lon gives him another 10 minutes of soul crushing gut bashing, delivering to us a glimpse of the depths of suffering young Carlos can suck on and still remain conscious. My favorite moment of this match, by far, is when the battered babyface swings for the fences, driving full force, drilling jabs punching squarely into Lon’s muscled core. Lon sucks it down, but Carlos suddenly cradles his right fist, trying to shake the numbness away. Fervently, he starts punching with his left fist, determined not to relinquish momentum, only to abruptly cradle his left fist against his chest, clearly now having damaged both paws futilely pounding at the granite sculpture that is Lon’s phenomenal, award winning bodybuilder core. A note of panic creeps across the kid’s face. Determined to throw everything and the kitchen sink against the veteran heel, in desperation Carlos drives a diving head butt down into his opponent’s abdominals. The kid comes up, swaying sickeningly, having nearly knocked himself out on Mr. Dumont’s famously fit gut.
Lon doesn’t disappoint fans aching to see Carlos’ irresistible hair handle get yanked. Truthfully, the kid has been out COLD from a skull rattling bull dog well before the unsatisfied heel drags him to his feet by his hair. He hangs him in the ropes, awakening the kid from the respite of unconsciousness back into the nightmare of being the helpless target of a bodybuilder with pro wrestling expertise.
“Still undisputed, baby!” Lon crows, patting his trophy-ready, ripped six-pack proudly as the kid hangs humiliatingly from the ropes. So fucking true. In fact, it’s been a full two years since Kid Karisma last snatched title of my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler from Lon’s grasp, but with this exceptionally entertaining follow up to Lon’s inaugural Wrestler Spotlight DVD earlier this year, I’m announcing that Lon has retaken my fondest fanaticism from Kid K by a hair’s breadth.
Somehow, I doubt this will be the last of Kid K’s praises here at neverland. And of course the best evidence of which of these hot, hot wrestlers shines brightest would be a head-to-head battle of the titans in 2016. Oh, homoerotic wrestling gods, hear my prayer…