Grant Bowler – Sidelineland

I’m finally caught up on season 3 of True Blood, and I am one happy camper. At every turn, a new gorgeous hunk has been introduced. I’m still bitter about Mehcad Brooks’ character being killed off at the end of last season, but by my calculations, the addition of Grant Bowler and Joe Manganiello evens the score (yes, it takes the both of them to cancel out the absence of Mehcad… one for each of Mehcad’s massive, round pecs). Then add Kevin Alejandro, Theo Alexander, and James Frain, and True Blood’s hunk quotient is back in the black (a little ironically). All of this new hunk blood merely compliments the main course hotness of Ryan Kwanten, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, Nelson Ellis, and Alexander Skarsgård. Finally, in the first four episodes we’ve seen the beautiful bare asses of Alexander Skarsgård, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, James Frain, Ryan Kwanten (twice!) and depending on how you count it, Grant Bowler. Hands down, this wins the best hunk-casting for a television show… ever.

In addition to the very satisfying rear nudity, the two highlights among the new kids on the block, in my opinion, are Grant Bowler and Joe Manganiello. I’m a little torn as to which one is my favorite so far. In the spirit of everything in my imagination, someone has to be on top, and typically these sorts of situations are settled with a wrestling contest (again, in my imagination).

Massive, massive (did I mention massive?) Joe Manganiello looks like he could snap Grant Bowler into two pieces with a decisive drop into an over the knee backbreaker. Not many 6’5″ boys can pack on the astounding muscle mass and proportion that Joe is sporting. Picturing that body stepping over the top ropes and staring you down from across the wrestling ring would be an adrenalin rush of a lifetime.

Still, my money just might be on an upset victory for Aussie extraordinaire, Grant. Whereas Joe is almost too pretty to be believed, Grant looks like he’s built for serious business. I’d be tempted to sketch Joe as the (overly?) cocky, physically dominating juggernaut/face who’s never really faced serious competition until he climbs into the ring with Grant. Joe would probably play by the rules. When you can squash your opponents like bugs underfoot, why need to cheat? But I’d sketch Grant as an ice cold, calculating heel whose jaw might drop a little to be staring up at the behemoth in front of him in the center of the ring, but who would make it his personal mission to teach the big boy that no one, no matter how physically dominating, is invincible.

School’s in session, and someone needs a little corporal punishment.

Since Dexter is forcing me to take cold showers just as the winter winds blow in, I’m happy to get a warm front from off-season news about True Blood. I first saw the newsbreak on Towleroad, which is slowly becoming my only source of relevant news. Now I see it everywhere. Grant Bowler and Theo Alexander are joining True Blood for season 3.

Bowler is somewhat of a known quantity. Another Aussie, he and Ryan can speak each other’s language between takes. The few shirtless pics I can scare up of Grant make me very, very happy. Apparently he’ll be playing a werewolf, and EVERYONE knows that werewolves must rip off their clothing and be naked before turning. It’s a law… in Bon Temps, Louisiana… or else it should be. Grant is bringing nice, mature beef to the already packed meat market that is True Blood. For a show with naked hunks spilling into every other scene, though, True Blood doesn’t pair up the bevy of beauties nearly enough. For example, when will we see some extended [lovemaking] scenes between Alexander Skarsgård and Ryan Kwanten? New cuts of beef must include some more attractive presentation (as in man-on-man action!)!!

Speaking of that, apparently Theo Alexander will be playing a gay vampire… Aren’t they all ambiguously bi/pansexual? The sexual tension between Scandinavian sizzlers Alexander Skarsgård and Allan Hyde was unmistakable and so promising. So if someone is going to bill Theo as a “gay vampire,” then damn it, I want to see something gay happen there (and not just that he wears an apron in the kitchen)! I’m completely at a loss with knowing much at all about this actor upon whom I’m already heaping so many hopes. I see nothing wrong with the few pics I’m finding so far. The smoldering eyes, the lickable lips… the equipment all seems to be in order. I’m hoping for a little more seductive a gay character than this one here, though.