I seem to have added a bit of mystery and suspense, if not downright confusion, by teasing, but not revealing, an exciting return to BG East of a favorite wrestler who was unmasked only in the final seconds of Masked Mayhem 23. I fielded quite a few sidebar requests for me to spill the beans about the identity of American Muscle, the ripped-to-fucking-shreds Adonis in red, white, and blue. Happily, Manny Mendez was on the scene even before the unmasked American Muscle could peel his magnificent (and Z-trashed) physique out of the ring at the end of Masked Mayhem 23, leading directly into the start of The Comeback 5. And even more fortunately, the cameras were still present to capture Manny’s excitement, which may rival mine, to discover that the gorgeous muscle man making his thrilling return to the BG East ring is none other than Kip Sorell.
Fuck, yes, the homoerotic wrestling world needs more Kip Sorell! That boy-next-door face mounted on top of that body by Michelangelo. Holy fuck, he’s so devastatingly pretty. I think of his impressive catalog as filled with him jobbing, but I also think his absolutely phenomenal physique always bring at least a hint of suspense. As he demonstrates in his scorching hot rematch with Z-Man, all of that superhuman conditioning makes him an absolute punishment sponge. And, credit where it’s due, when he locks all those mind blowing muscles onto an opponent just right, he can be seriously devastating. I still have intrusive and graphic thoughts about him mounting Z-Man, crushing the lucky fucker’s skull between his legs, and making Z-Man stare helplessly at his rock hard flexed glutes in his face. But there’s no question, Kip’s brand has been that of a devastatingly gorgeous muscle jobber ripped off of a stripper pole and put through the wringer again and again.
That’s what Manny fell in lust with, back in Kip’s early days at BG East. Like the rest of us, Manny was infatuated with the homoerotic art opponents made out of Kip’s gorgeous physique back in the day. “I’ve fantasized about meeting you and making you my jobber,” Manny gushes, as if he thinks Kip will be flattered. Kip peels his fine, fine carcass off the mat and waves Manny off, demanding a “rain check.” It should surprise no one who’s seen Manny wrestle that he refuses to take “no” for an answer. Like a true fan, Manny gushes about his favorite Kip match, the Science of Scissors 2, when Kip and Brad Barnes tested their jobber reps and stunning strength against each other. Bless his heart, Manny insists on living the fantasy by having Kip put Manny in those same scissors that Kip used against Brad.
I am normally a bitter critique of an undersell, but when Manny absolutely no-sells Kip’s bodyscissors, it’s a rich little nugget of pathos with just a taste of comic relief. “Harder! Harder,” Manny demands, waiting to feel the damage Kip’s gorgeously muscles legs can do. Mind you, Kip just finished an absolute barn-burner marathon grudge match against Z-Man. The Adonis has tapped into every ounce of reserves he’s got, and even then got beat at the finish line by Z-Man and milked long and hard after Kip had so clearly lost the battle. Perhaps he can be forgiven if his gorgeous legs aren’t packing the same power they might have 45 minutes earlier, but Manny is just plain disappointed. “You know what,” the superfan decides, popping Kip’s legs apart like it’s nothing and repositioning them. “Let’s do the headscissors!”
Fuck, how many of us wouldn’t line up for hours to take that ride? Kip’s lean, ripped quads clamped around our skulls, maybe just a little sweaty, pulsing with power as he bears down with all of that concentrated power he packs into that magnificent physique? Fuck. However, again, Manny no-sells. “Really? That’s it? This is not happening,” he announces, again effortlessly flinging Kip’s exhausted legs away and insisting on showing the veteran Adonis-jobber how do it. And thus really begins Kip’s nightmare of being ambushed by his number one fan.
I seriously love how much suffering Kip conveys while stubbornly refusing to give his submissions away for free. Manny snaps on a lock tight full nelson that shows off the star of the show, Kip’s phenomenal physique, beautifully. The muscle beast wrings Kip out like a rag doll, and fuck, I can feel Kip’s screams deep down in my testicles. “You can give up for me,” Manny explains, like maybe the seasoned veteran forgot what a submission was. “Never,” Kip snarls back through gritted teeth, clinging to stubborn pride while his magnificent muscles hang helplessly like laundry on the clothesline.
Manny has clearly been fantasizing about this opportunity for a long time. He’s got a boatload of ways he’s aching to punish Kip, and he starts checking them off his list, savoring each one. Everything demonstrates the pure magic it is watching Kip’s comic book hero body getting owned. There’s this big-bro-bully move where Manny transitions from a kneeling surfboard into twisting Kip’s arms across his own throat in a Japanese stranglehold. Kip’s meaty biceps are the garotte used to nearly to choke him out, as he twitches and writhes, legs spreadeagled and bouncing uselessly. The theme of using Kip’s pride-and-joy muscles against him offers this deeply satisfying take on exactly what makes watching an Adonis-jobber like this so incredibly compelling.
Of course, Manny is a fucking beast. The man’s got muscle on his muscles. He’s an avalanche crashing down on too-pretty Kip again and again in a way that muscle-heel fans will tune into hard. Honestly, Manny’s downright pretty and entirely coverboy material, except for the fact that he’s in the ring with the homoerotic wrestling version of a Disney prince. He doesn’t seem to mind being out-prettied, though. In fact, manhandling the homoerotic wrestling version of a Disney prince looks like it’s giving him nothing but feels.
Regular readers will know just how infatuated I have always been of Kevin Von Erich, so when Manny pulls out an iron claw on Kip, please know that I have high standards for that hold. Kip on his knees, helpessly getting his skull crushed between Manny’s massive mitts, though, is absolutely lush. It’s sold perfectly both both wrestlers, with Manny’s massive pecs, flexed like his about to cave Kip’s skull in, and Kip’s gorgeous body suffering, flailing, and then going limp as his brain short circuits under the inhuman pressure. These boys tell a layered story that long-time Kip fans, like me, will get sucked right into.
I know a thing or two about developing a disproportionate infatuation with a particular wrestler and riding wave after wave of adrenaline, after years of getting off on watching him, when I finally getting the chance to get my hands on him. I understand Manny from the inside out, as he lives out this fan-encounter he’s fantasized about for so long, astonished at the luck of it finally materializing. Kip has clearly got a portrait of himself aging in his attic, because he’s timeless, like the last decade never happened. If anything, he’s prettier, harder, and even more of a fantasyman-Adonis than he was to start with.
Welcome back, Kip. You’ve been missed. I’m certain there is a line queued up around the block of eager wrestlers who can’t wait to climb into the ring with their favorite fantasyman-Adonis, and I can’t wait to watch!
Sidelineland 