Do you ever have that sense that someone’s been on the wrestling scene forever when, objectively, you know they’re relatively new? Not only do you see them popping up in a lot of places in a lot of different matches, but you have this pervasive sense of familiarity about them, like you’ve been watching them wrestle for years? That’s how I’m feeling about Santiago Sandoval right now. I feel like I’ve been crushing on those abs, that ass, that boyband-beautiful face forever, but when I try to track when I actually first caught sight of him, it definitely hasn’t been so long. The oldest video on his Watchfighters channel is just over a year old. I started seeing him pop up in my social media near the start of the year. I remember that he still had that fresh-out-of-the-box feel about him when I saw his first match for BG East in late February. And yet, I still feel like he’s been inhabiting my homoerotic wrestling fantasies forever. In fact, I’ve been taking for granted how long I’ve been attending to Santiago so much that I mistakenly thought I’d already mentioned him here on the blog. As I sit down to write this, though, it’s apparent that’s not the case, somehow. So this is my inaugural send up to Santiago Sandoval, although I’m pretty sure this won’t be the last you hear about him from me.
Santiago debuted for BG East opposite another newbie, Reid Hawthorne, in Jobberpaloozer 30. Fuck, neither of them look like rookies. I mean, sure, maybe there are a few nerves, but there’s not that edge of self-consciousness that brand new guys often bring with them the first time to a match on my screen. Reid is wicked pretty, but holy shit, the first impressions are all about Santiago’s abs! Fuck, he’s got to be an early frontrunner for Best Abs of the year, right? The next thing catching my eye are Santiago’s pecs. He’s just fucking sculpted out of marble. Smooth. Honey-dipped. Lush lips, and dangerously disarming face. Santiago is sucking the air out of the room when he climbs into the ring, and maybe adorable Reid knows it. Right out of the gate, Reid shoves a finger in Santiago’s face accusingly. “There are a lot of cheaters around here,” Reid says, speaking truth to power. “No dirty moves, right? Just clean wrestling?”
This is Jobberpaloozer match, of course, but I’m honestly not sure who’s going to be revealed as the hot new jobber on the scene as the drama initially unfolds. Despite his protests, Reid telegraphs that he’s not above dabbling on the dark side, looking like he’s about to punch his opponent’s balls from behind before Santiago catches on to the impending threat. Then, when they shake hands, Santiago abruptly interrupts the display of sportsmanship to yank Reid into a full nelson and wring the boy out like a washcloth. It’s right then and there I take a second look at Reid, with his beautiful, bigger opponent now partially obscured behind him. Fuck, yes, Reid’s got it going on! He’s long and lean and ripped, with juicy, hairy pecs and tight, hard glutes. His long, curly locks are flopping into his face as Santiago rag dolls him in that full nelson, and holy shit, I’m starting to suspect exactly who’s the jobber in this tale!
My suspicions seem to be confirmed when, upon earning a break with a boot in the ropes, Reid beats a hasty retreat out of the ring. “I knew it! You’re a fucking cheater,” Reid bitches like he’s trying to tell on the schoolyard bully. “All the wrestlers around here are!” And then long, lovely Reid turns and starts walking away from the ring like he’s throwing in the towel on his homoerotic wrestling career before it even started. “Oh, you’re not leaving,” Santiago snarls like a Bond villain, reaching over the ropes and grabbing a handful of that undeniably yankable mop of hair on Reid. And I am genuinely warming to the picture of devastatingly handsome Santiago debuting as the brutal heel to Reid’s titular jobber. And then, dragged back up to the ring apron, Reid drops to ass, slamming Santiago’s throat across the top rope and sending the boybander catapulted back into the center of the ring. “All right, then,” Reid says with the sudden swagger of someone who’s known all along what’s up. “I’m not leaving, then!”
You may think you know, but genuinely, you do not know how much I love a dramatic plot twist! Reid, it turns out, is a total sadistic fucker! Yep, that same pretty boy who was whining about everyone being cheaters moments earlier has got a bottomless bag of dirty tricks. And fuck, as the newbies’ characters crystalize and Reid starts opening up an avalanche of whoop ass on Santiago, they both grow ten times more attractive. Reid has this edge-of-feral aggressiveness about him that’s awesome to watch. He stomps the shit out of Santiago’s back, sits on the pretty boy’s ass, and pries Santiago’s head up by fistful of hair. Santiago is wailing like a siren as Reid manhandles him into a camel clutch, making sure Santiago is facing a mirror to be able to witness his utter humiliation. “Let’s see those muscles now,” Reid snarls with delight. He bitches about Santiago suffering too loudly, smothering his gaping mouth, and then setting fishhooks, and then a nose claw. It’s just this endless menu of sadistic methods of rule-skirting methods of torture. And Reid in the saddle, his hairy pecs flexed and that sneer stretched to one ear, is fucking hot! And all Santiago’s dazzling beauty and ripped muscles twisted and crushed and ripped apart is just epic!
Santiago gets some beats in, and honestly, I’m all for him working up a head of steam. The torture rack he applies displays his ripped muscles and Reid’s long, lean, limber vulnerability to perfection. And I swear, there’s a heel just beneath Santiago’s golden surface. You can tell by the way he shows off by doing squats and then shoves Reid’s dangling face into a corner, demanding that the snarling heel kiss the turnbuckle.
There’s crowing domination, but then there’s that bottomless bag of dirty tricks Reid’s got with him. Santiago has milked just enough offense out to seriously piss Reid off, and the mop-haired pretty boy goes to town. Trunks come off, with ultra briefs showing off even more of their hotness. There’s forced muscle worship, which, honestly, doesn’t look like it has to necessarily be all that forced. When Reid’s got a full steam of momentum going, with his opponent tucked in deep into face-to-crotch headscissors, Santiago can’t stop himself from stroking Reid’s abs and groping those lovely, hairy pecs. For his part, Reid is absolutely cruising, smothering the muscle man with his crotch and yanking on Santiago’s trunks to show off the big man’s gorgeous ass.
This is a hot match, with two deliriously hot debuts! It’s overdue, but welcome, Santiago and Reid, to all of our homoerotic wrestling fantasies. Keep playing raunchy and rough, and expect to see more rapt praise from me!
Sidelineland 