Theo Alexander – Sidelineland

Get Out of My Dreams

August 11, 2010July 1, 2013 wrestlebard2 Comments

Superherofan describes True Blood as “outgaying” itself with this week’s episode. I describe True Blood as ripped straight from my erotic fantasies (sans the wrestling), which I suppose is the same thing as outgaying itself. Alexander Skarsgård has starred in many of my wrestling fantasies and sexual fantasies, and his seduction of Theo Alexander’s character this week was spot on.

In my fantasies, Alexander would be surprisingly open to a man-on-man sexual liaison, just like in the plot of True Blood. In my fantasies, he obeys my command to take his clothes off, just like in the episode.

Yep, just like in the episode, my fantasies include an abundance of suck-face, and just to lay it all out there, I also picture Alexander on top, cradling my cheek, looking lustfully into my eyes.

Yep, both of us naked, Alexander taking his sweet, sweet time exploring and adoring every inch of my body.

Okay, everything about this last scene works in my fantasies as well, except that I don’t end up with a wooden stake in my heart. There’s also some exchange of bodyscissors and pec pounding in my imagination, and Alexander eventually makes me submit in a naked figure-4 headlock. But other than those few details, I swear Alan Ball has ripped this scene straight out of an oft-replayed fantasy scenario in my fondest imagination. God, this series is awesome…

The Spice of Life

January 6, 2010July 1, 2013 wrestlebardLeave a comment

I think there’s not much in life that wouldn’t be much sweeter for everyone with a little more sprinkling of gay. A little more gay in organized sports and we might have mandatory butt-slapping after every point scored. A little more gay in politics and I think everyone would benefit from the transformation of the proverbial political bitch-slap into a literal political bitch-slap. Happily, we’ve learned that there’ll be still a little more gay in True Blood next season with the addition of a boyfriend for openly gay character, Lafayette. Kevin Alejandro is reportedly joining the cast to make an already homoerotic subtext into, well… homoerotic text.

This announcement comes on the heels of learning that Theo Alexander will also join the cast as a gay vampire companion (hot human boy toy). Of course between Alexander Skarsgård, Ryan Kwanten, Sam Trammell and Stephen Moyer, there’s already been plenty to catch a gay man’s eye. And seriously, it’s all one transparent analogy to the gays (regardless of what Alan Ball says). But giving their gay character a lover and writing in another gay character simply cements True Blood as a gayboy’s fantasy.

Like Theo and Grant, I know little about Kevin Alejandro. Fortunately, there’s an adoring fan who’s been cataloging the rise of Kevin for some time now. I’m liking the playful turn at the corners of his mouth.

He also looks beefy. I see you flashing that sexy bicep while making eyes at me, Kevin!

Some shirtless pics from Ugly Betty give us a glimpse of Kevin’s meaty, entirely claw-able pecs (you see where my mind immediately takes me).

I didn’t see Purgatory Flats, but the stills of Kevin strangling Vincent Ventresca send my twisted mind off in wonderful flights of fantasy. Coincidentally, I’ve thought it would be fun to choke out lovely Vincent, as well (way too pretty not to suffer).

So once again I tip my hat to Alan Ball for sprinkling more gay into True Blood to spice things up. Just like garlic, some people might not like it, but for my tastes, you can never have too much.

A Warm Front from the Bayou

December 4, 2009July 1, 2013 wrestlebard1 Comment

Since Dexter is forcing me to take cold showers just as the winter winds blow in, I’m happy to get a warm front from off-season news about True Blood. I first saw the newsbreak on Towleroad, which is slowly becoming my only source of relevant news. Now I see it everywhere. Grant Bowler and Theo Alexander are joining True Blood for season 3.

Bowler is somewhat of a known quantity. Another Aussie, he and Ryan can speak each other’s language between takes. The few shirtless pics I can scare up of Grant make me very, very happy. Apparently he’ll be playing a werewolf, and EVERYONE knows that werewolves must rip off their clothing and be naked before turning. It’s a law… in Bon Temps, Louisiana… or else it should be. Grant is bringing nice, mature beef to the already packed meat market that is True Blood. For a show with naked hunks spilling into every other scene, though, True Blood doesn’t pair up the bevy of beauties nearly enough. For example, when will we see some extended [lovemaking] scenes between Alexander Skarsgård and Ryan Kwanten? New cuts of beef must include some more attractive presentation (as in man-on-man action!)!!

Speaking of that, apparently Theo Alexander will be playing a gay vampire… Aren’t they all ambiguously bi/pansexual? The sexual tension between Scandinavian sizzlers Alexander Skarsgård and Allan Hyde was unmistakable and so promising. So if someone is going to bill Theo as a “gay vampire,” then damn it, I want to see something gay happen there (and not just that he wears an apron in the kitchen)! I’m completely at a loss with knowing much at all about this actor upon whom I’m already heaping so many hopes. I see nothing wrong with the few pics I’m finding so far. The smoldering eyes, the lickable lips… the equipment all seems to be in order. I’m hoping for a little more seductive a gay character than this one here, though.