Compulsory and Conspicuous


This morning on Good Morning America we were reminded several times of how butch and heterosexual Chris Cuomo is. They stopped the show at the end of hour one for Chris to announce that he has successfully impregnated his wife for the third time. There was applause (really?). They also discussed at length People magazine’s upcoming “Broadcast Dad” article about what a devoted husband and father he is. He teared up waxing on about all the good things in his life that come from his wife. Then just to drive home the theme, they aired another installment in Cuomo’s provocative (and not-at-all-gratuitous) “Tough Jobs” series, showing him doing interior demolition swinging a crowbar and removing floor tiles with a power tool.
It’s all very subtle, and you have to read between the lines, but I think Chris Cuomo may, in fact, be straight. The clip of him holding the jackhammer between his legs as he removed floor tiles was almost reminiscent of gay porn, but all the clues together suggest heterosexuality. Notably, Sam Champion was off today, so perhaps they wanted to provide a counterpoint to Chris and Sam’s bromance without Sam around to break the mood by flirting with him.
Just for the record, despite my infatuation with the 6’2″, dark, handsome, curly-haired Italian hardbody attorney, I don’t actually think that his heterosexual bona fides are news. Frankly, I’d much prefer that he just look pretty, read the tele-prompter, and leave the rest to my imagination.

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