What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

Lost Boys hit the big screen, I’d already picked out Jason Patric as my crush-du-jour. Vampires, hot guys, man-on-man seduction… so many seeds sewn in that moment of my adolescence. But early in the movie when the screen was filled with a concert scene on the boardwalk in “Santa Carla,” my jaw dropped.

Yes, the liberally oiled, bodybuilder saxophone player and lead singer from Lost Boys turned me gay. I really only knew him as the liberally oiled, bodybuilder saxophone player and leader singer from Lost Boys until I did my research for this installment of What Turned Me Gay. Fortunately, now I can refer to him by his much more concise name, Timmy Cappello.
Timmy performed with a lot of artists, most notably Tina Turner. There’s just nothing that isn’t overtly sexual about Timmy as an artist, and his appearance in Lost Boys is the epitome of everything that worked for him in the 80’s. It’s not as if he could disguise those huge muscles (look at the thick cut of meat that are his pecs!), but with Timmy shirtless and absolutely lathered in baby oil, there’s nothing but sex that can come to mind. He moves like a go-go boy, and when he sticks the mouthpiece of that sax in his mouth and closes his eyes in ecstatic concentration… holy hell! That’s a magic spell that simply must have turned hundreds of us homo.
The choice to present this musician shirtless and bathed in oil was inspired. I think it represents the turn to overtly objectify and sexualize the male form that was going more and more mainstream throughout the ironically politically conservative 80’s. Timmy’s hardbody was completely extraneous to his musical entertainment, which only proves that it was sex and the unambiguously objectified male body that was on stage at least as much as it was music. The combination of the music, the body, the oil, and Timmy’s mouth blowing on that mouthpiece was guaranteed to turn someone gay. I, at least for one, am that gay someone.

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