In a world full of politicians who check the polls before they decide whether to take a piss, where people who sell coffee are legally required to give written notice to customers that their hot beverage may be hot, where a televised same-sex kiss in prime-time still merits a parental advisory… I need a hero. I need to imagine that someone out there is courageous, selfless, and duty-bound to use his dominating power in defense of the powerless.
Oh, and this guy really has to be gorgeous with the body of a Greek god. So just to recap, Ryan Reynolds will be starring as Green Lantern in an upcoming production that I will be desperate to see. Ryan Reynolds in a skin tight superhero outfit… that image has been blatantly plagiarized from my erotic imagination. Well, not really, considering Ryan already played an anti-hero in Wolverine.
Ryan plays the smart ass comic so well, I’ll be interested to see if he can pull off the larger than life, inherently melodramatic portrayal of a defender of the universe. In my imagination, of course, he had to win this role by literally beating out both Bradley Cooper and Justin Timberlake at the same time, which he succeeded in doing in a all-naked double choke-out (how else?).
Also previously announced, Australian hot commodity, Chris Hemsworth will be starring soon in the movie adaptation of the Norse god turned comic book hero, Thor. I was seriously doubtful about this casting, but I’m getting more convinced with each new shot of Chris I see. He’s clearly putting on slabs of muscle.
Chris and his brother, Liam, were recently photographed in a fight (well, sort of…), outside a bar in Hollywood. The snarling look on both Hemsworth boys’ faces has inspired me to start thinking about a brothers team tournament in the Producer’s Ring. Indicative of his skyrocketing Hollywood career, Chris has already shown up twice in the Producer’s Ring, both times getting seriously (and satisfyingly) worked over.
The most recent casting announcement to tickle my fantasy is Chris Evans as Captain America. Chris has the body of a gay pornboy, and any movie with him fully clothed is blatant disregard for his true calling. His hairy torso is just about the most sexual thing I’ve seen on the big screen. His body was almost too distracting in his previous foray into superherodom, as Johnny Storm in Fantastic Four.
Like Ryan, I think Chris has an extra burden of toning down his natural comedic skills to play it straight, particularly for Captain America. Of course, he’s already the stuff of my wrestling fantasies, appearing against Ryan in an early match in the Producer’s Ring. In that match, both boys had to battle their inner class clowns to stay focused on hammering the smirk off of each other’s faces. Chris took a particularly savage turn in that bout, surprising even himself with the depths he would plumb to conquer his hardbody opponent.
Reynolds, Hemsworth and Evans are excellent answers to my need for a hero these days. I’m fully supportive of more superheroes in my life. So squeeze into that spandex, pump up the pecs, and take on evil with that cocky self-assurance that, in the end, whether you start the fight or not, you’ll be man enough to finish it.
Sidelineland 