Let’s Talk About Sex

I had my toes sucked for the very first time recently. It wasn’t too bad. I don’t really think about my own feet as erogenous zones, but it kept my engine revving. I don’t mind giving a little foot worship, by any means. It’s not exactly my fetish, but for a guy who’s into it, and who I want to please, sure, I’ll suck toe for a while. But despite not being too bad, having my own toes sucked was still not at the top of my list of the hottest things I enjoy. Now, if my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestling pornboy, Rusty Stevens, had a thing for my toes (as he seems to in his match with Mitch), he could have at mine anytime. And I suppose that’s part of it: what’s hot can depend on who I’m with, what about them turns me one, what about me turns them on, and what spontaneously makes the blood pump faster in the heat of the moment.

This raises for me a point I’ve been thinking about broaching here for a while, but haven’t yet: sex. Okay, so it’s not as if I’ve never mused about sex here before. But quite literally, specifically speaking, I’m not sure I really have. I receive messages pretty frequently from readers who completely identify with one thing or another that I describe that turns me on, but who, very tactfully and demurely, let me know that there are some things that the pro-boys do that they just aren’t into. Now, I’m no sexpert by any means. I haven’t done the research. I’m just speaking anecdotally here. But it seems to me that not all of us are exactly into the same thing when we talk about gay sex, even within the relatively specific context of wrestling kink. Let me continue to use my reigning champ, Rusty, to illustrate my point. In the pic above, he’s going to town with the cock of tattooed muscle god, David Taylor, tickling his tonsils. I know plenty of gay guys who consider it absolutely universal that sucking cock is fundamentally an essential component of gay sex. Yet, I’ve heard from quite a number of you who’ve let me know that basting a cock in your mouth just isn’t arousing for you.  I have to say I’m more a fan of giving than receiving in this particular formula, but I have to report that there are plenty among us for whom neither end of the stick is a particular turn on. Clearly, among those of us who enjoy some homoerotic wrestling kink, giving/getting head is not common to us all.

Here Rusty illustrates another case in point. Taking an ass to the face seems to be even less on the menu for many of us. I’ve lost count (not that I really started) of the number of times that someone has qualified their agreement with some wrestling kink opinion of mine by noting that they really don’t find rimming something that they enjoy or want to try. I’m of the opinion that if it was Rusty’s magical muscled ass planted across your face, he could tantalize just about anyone to give it a go. Personally, when the ass is right (his or mine), I’m all for it. But again, clearly, among our very insider crowd, face sitting, sucking ass, a rim job, or so called “analingus” is not our common denominator.

At one point in my life I would have sworn that we could all agree that anal intercourse is simply an essential component of gay sex. As ably illustrated after losing his “prison” wrestling match to aforementioned tattooed muscle god, David Taylor, Rusty here takes it up the ass. But on closer inspection, I know plenty of guys who only want to catch, and I know more than a handful who exclusively want to pitch. And then a number of you have dropped into an email conversation that neither fucking nor getting fucked is really your thing at all. I’ve mentioned before that I think sexual tastes evolve over time, and perhaps this is just a matter of evolving tastes. I have a buddy who’s quite convinced that every guy, sooner or later, really wants to get fucked. But I’m not so convinced. I don’t think that you are somehow lacking in self-actualization if you just don’t want any ass play. I think that it’s simply not the one thing that draws a line around us, such that all of us who are gay are inside the circle and everyone else is outside.

It’s not toe sucking. It’s not cock sucking. It’s definitely not rimming. Hell, it isn’t even fucking that unites us all when it comes to the sexual behavior of all of us wrestling kinked gay men (or, I would propose, of any sort of gay man). It’s here that I think the anti-gay distinction of “behavior” versus “orientation” falls flat. Because just like the human condition itself, sexual tastes and behaviors among gay men vary. We recognize one another as like-minded, not because of any one behavior. I think there’s something much deeper, something much more akin the word “orientation” that draws us inside one circle. It’s much more about where our attention is drawn, where our thoughts and imaginations linger, than about a monolithic understanding of “gay sex.” It’s about proximity, intimacy, taste, touch, smell, sight and sound much more than it is about “a behavior.” Whatever it is that turns you on, or more precisely, what you do once you’ve been turned on, a whole lot of us share something in common that makes life exciting, arousing, and erotically delightful.

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