I astonish myself just a bit by the fact that I have offered merely passing reference thus far to the newest new release by long standing favorite and perpetual favorite emeritus homoerotic wrestler around these parts,
Mitch Colby.
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| 6’2, 205 lbs., my favorite homoerotic wrestler emeritus: Mitch Colby |
I have several possible excuses for this perplexing oversight. One possible excuse is that
Cybertron’s epic
mauling and dismantling of luscious little
Ronny Pearl on this DVD shockingly grabbed my attention and distracted me from giving the rest of the matches in
Ringwars 21 their due. Another more cheeky excuse is that soon after its release, Cage Thunder gave Mitch’s match against Skotch English
some attention. Hell, Cage Thunder actually offers faint praise for Mitch, poured so tightly into those metallic blue trunks. “Giving credit where it’s due,” Cage writes, “the Bitch looks good.” Faint praise from Cage Thunder for Mitch (who he affectionately refers to exclusively as Bitch) is equivalent to me tattooing Mitch’s gorgeous face across my lower abdomen. And I cannot argue with Cage Thunder… Mitch looks very, very good. What more is there to say!?
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| 5’7″ Skotch English looks way up at 6’2″ Mitch Colby |
Like Cage Thunder, I like Mitch at this point in his physique training. He’s big, seriously meaty, but not as lean as we’ve seen him wrestle at times before. Staring way, way down his nose at fireplug badass Skotch English, a full 7 inches shorter, Mitch is simply a stunning specimen. Mitch was one of the earliest infatuations I called out on this blog almost exactly 4 years ago, and strutting into the ring in that doomed, too-big-not-to-fail American flag warm up jacket, he grabs me and holds my attention every bit as commandingly as he did the first moment I saw him.
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| Got your attention? |
He does an awfully decent job of grabbing Skotch’s attention, as well. Skotch is a seriously dangerous, highly accomplished pro wrestler, so Mitch should probably have been warned not to showboat too, too much, too, too early. But all is forgiven (from me, anyway), at the sight of big, beautiful Mitch’s schoolboy pin, his package resting on Skotch’s chin, his sweaty, tanned, towering muscles flexing in a show of primal dominance.
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| The perfect position |
I’m sure I’ve said it a thousand times, but it bears repeating again: this is a ride I’d wait in line for for days on end! Mitch looks so fucking HUGE planted seductively across Skotch’s barrel chest. Sadly, Skotch’s erotic tastes appear to diverge significantly from my own, because I’d be powerless to resist the temptation to stretch out my tongue and take this match to a whole different level.
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| Bullseyes! |
However, the direction that Skotch does take this match in certainly doesn’t disappoint! Mitch might as well have bullseyes tattooed to his pecs, because those thick slices of meat never fail to inspire an opponent to dig in his claws and try to rip Mr. Emeritus apart at the seams. Skotch’s relish in this task, his roaring enthusiasm, makes the pathos spike. Once (and future) mighty Mitch’s knees buckle. His handsome face contorts in agony. He sinks, his back hanging in the corner, as Skotch claws the giant down to size. Mitch’s baritone groans make my crotch tingle.
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| Hunk humiliation |
Mitch is one big, stunning, experienced hunk of wrestler, so this is very legitimately a ring war and not a hunkbash. Mitch Colby on offense can be quite the juggernaut, and he makes the fireplug hurt. A lot. But what Skotch apparently lacks in a tongue offense, he makes up for in bringing the mighty giant low, applying liberal doses of withering trash talk, yanking those metallic trunks up Mitch’s crack, snarling contempt and rage and humiliation into Mitch’s body which visibly grows softer, more pliable, and less able to resist by the second.
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| Squeezing out that last ounce of dignity |
I love a big, tanned, handsome, muscled babyface victory over the forces of evil every so often. I know; this merits scorn and shame from a large portion of homoerotic wrestling fans, but I’ve faced worse. Sprinkled throughout my fare, I love a handsome, dominant hero who is so technically proficient, so physically dominant, that he actually overcomes the treachery of a nasty heel and plants a boot in the loser’s ass for all that’s good and right. Without that touch to spice things up, the rest of pro wrestling fare could grow bland. This, however, is not that match (though Mitch has starred in his fair share of them). No, this is a match spotlighting the brutal humiliation and spoiling of a handsome hero. Skotch digs deep to pull out Mitch’s hope in humanity and fair play by the roots. And the more Mitch suffers, the more his ass is on display, the more his sweat stains the mat as he’s dragged from corner to corner by the last shreds of his dignity, the more I’m firmly cemented as a Mitch Colby fan (sorry Cage!).
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| The ride of my life |
Mitch battling back, firing off one last blast of offense, shocking the heel with a rally and a rib crushing standing bearhug does nothing but accentuate the classic scope of this story. To be Skotch here, his crotch crushed against the mighty physique star lifting him off his feet, would truly be a fantasy. Those long, heavily muscled arms stretched around the fireplug’s back crushing him against those formerly abused pecs, are the epitome of implicitly erotic homoerotic pro wrestling. Mitch’s hot breath pumping against Skotch’s neck, his sweaty torso primed and slick, that painfully pretty, insanely wide lat spread making Mitch’s upper back look like he’s sprouting wings… gorgeous, homoerotic wrestling drama!
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| Conquered and powerless to resist |
But Cage Thunder is, again, 100% correct in delivering the spoiler that “when the match ended, the big Bitch wasn’t smiling.” His prominent, superhero chin makes me paint this image into Superman series 2 issue 75, the man of steel laid out, conquered, all those massive muscles slack and helpless, all that power evaporated. Sure, I’ll lose control watching Mitch lay waste to some young upstart heel wannabe any day, but Mitch crushed and defeated and splayed out at my (um… Skotch’s) mercy is golden. And I have to agree one last time with Cage Thunder: Skotch should’ve peeled off those trunks and shoved them in Mitch’s mouth. Nice call, Cage. Beautiful, beautiful work, Mitch.
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neverland 
"I love a big, tanned, handsome, muscled babyface victory over the forces of evil every so often. I know; this merits scorn and shame from a large portion of homoerotic wrestling fans, but I've faced worse."That's funny, I've found the complete opposite to be true. Maybe people are just mean.That aside, this really DOES look like a super-hot match, and while too much of any one thing DOES get boring, and the triumph of good over evil IS deeply satisfying, I'm certainly not going to dispute the hotness of these images of Mitch suffering!And Cage Thunder and his nickname for Mitch just adds this WHOLE other level of hotness to the whole thing. Cage REALLY needs a chance to prove his superiority over Mitch in-ring, as soon as possible!
Yawn. Another Bard paean to the magic that is Bitch Colby.Quelle surprise.I do enjoy watching his arrogance getting beaten out of him.