Eye of the Cyclone’s character Exile combines several sexy fantasies all rolled up into one homoerotic hunk. His back story is that he was Billy, a straight-A university student who accidentally zapped himself into another dimension. Trapped in a fascist universe, he was disciplined and brainwashed into a sexy-assed motorcycle cop with superpowers including a laser motorcycle. Upon the end of his natural life in this alternate universe, he reverted back to his original life as a uni student, but now with the experiences and powers of a lifetime lived as a hardcore trooper warrior (with a killer hot bod).

So let’s count up the hotness.  1) Nerd hunk. 2) Hot cop. 3) Magical crotch-rocket. 4) Tragic bad boy backstory turned mysterious hero. 5) Rockin’ bod in skin-tight supersuit.  It’s like Eye of the Cyclone dug down into my subconscious and fished out precisely the combination of guilty little pleasures necessary to make my knees buckle.

Speaking of my subconscious, Exile is featured in Eye of the Cyclone’s newest serial, “Snake Charmed,” cleverly playing off of Freudian theory to draw double (perhaps triple) entendres to both terrify and titilate me. Let me lie down on my couch and explain what I mean…

I’m terrified of snakes, as in, clinical phobia, full on panic attacks, cold sweats. I close my eyes when there are snakes in movies. Occasionally, I have to push mute if there’s too much spine-wrenching hissing. Of course you and I know the Freudian significance of snakes. Same as cigars. And trains. And the Washington monument. So go ahead with the jokes. A ‘mo with a phobia of the metaphorical phallus. It’s embarrassing…

So imagine the deep ambivalence I feel when I see Exile with his bulging muscles and highway patrol reflective sci-fi sunglasses suddenly attacked by 3 massive, flexing, aggressive snakes. There the stud was, showing up for a photo shoot for charity (sign me up for that beefcake calendar!), only to be swarmed by paralyzing phalluses grinding into every inch of his hotly muscled body. Wildly aroused and hyperventilating at the same time seems dangerous.

The story is just one chapter in, so I’m dying to know what happens to Exile next. I’m desperately hoping that this dreamboat nerd hunk manages to get his mojo back and tame the hungry serpents, though I’m aching to see Exile’s own trouser snake join in on the fun. As a wrestling fanatic, I’m also hoping that there are human hands involved in this confrontation, with my money on the fashion photographer as an undercover hardbodied super villain with a fetish fantasy involving dominating a hot cop. The line starts right behind me, buddy!