Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

I’m a few days late in taking the crown of homoerotic wrestler of the month off of the handsome brow of Dr. Austin Cooper and placing it on a new honoree.  Perhaps I’ve been reluctant to move on from Austin-as-heel.  Perhaps I’m afraid he’ll kick my ass.  In any case, I’m stepping up to the plate today to peruse the new releases in homoerotic wrestling published in the month of May to pick one wrestler who grabbed me hardest.  Without further ado, the new reigning neverland homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

 

 

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…Chace LaChance.

I’ve been attentive to Chace’s career since I first saw him team up with long-time favorite Lon Dumont over at BG East in Tag Team Torture 12.  Chace is nothing… nothing like he was in those early days of his career.  For one thing, he’s added another 50% of bodyweight, at least 20% of which is contained in his gargantuan pecs.  I used to refer to Chace as a go-go boy, but these days he looks like he swallowed a go-go boy as an appetizer. Over the years he’s grown increasingly illustrated, with ink now extending almost the length of his mammoth right arm.  And here in his Hairy He Men match at Muscle Domination Wrestling, he’s put down the razor and let the hair grow on this gorgeous pecs and abdomen.  Muscleboy. Ink. Fur. Heel?!  I’m just referring to him as Chace “Made to Order” LaChance now!

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Tony Law adorably insists that his physique is the best in the house.

A word about his opponent.  There are moments when I just want to pinch adorable Tony Law’s cheeks.  Such is the case when he opens this match by flexing and announcing, “I think I have the best physique in the house.  And I want anyone to come challenge that right now!”  It’s clear that Tony knows what’s coming from the way he bites his lower lip.  He knows he’s full of shit. And he knows he’s about to get pummeled by the mountainous, mouthwatering muscles of Chace LaChance.  Everyone. EVERYONE at MDW has beat Tony’s sweet ass, of course.  But damn it all if I don’t find myself wishing that the epic farmboy jobber learned a lesson or two and earned some respect along the way.  However, it’s not today, my friends.  Not today.

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Tony keeps insisting on tests of strength with completely overpowering Chace.

The boys slap down their proverbial dicks when Chace calls attention to what I find most eye catching and provocative about his appearance: his awesome coat of hair across his torso.  He refers to Tony’s modest patch of upper chest hair as “pussy fuzz” in comparison.  “Outrageous!” Tony snarls, his masculinity insulted.

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Chace’s full nelson almost snaps Tony’s arms off at the shoulder. And get a load of that ass!

“Outrageously great, I understand,” cocky Chace flexes his mammoth bicep in Tony’s face.  Tony seems most intent on proving that he can defy the odds in one test of strength after another.  Chace smirks and chuckles each time they lock up and the behemoth swats Tony away like a horsefly.  He peppers the story throughout with both physical and emotional attacks, regularly calling attention to Tony’s baby smooth body and suggesting an inherent inferiority in comparison to Chace’s manliness.

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Bear trap.

There’s so much about Chace’s physique to commend him to this month’s title, but in addition to the aforementioned awesome pecs, biceps, and abs, that massive slab of beef that is his muscled ass is breathtaking.  And those gargantuan, hairy legs!  Holy crap, what a specimen!  Muscleboy wannabe Tony absolutely shrinks in comparison, and when Chace locks those telephone pole thighs around him, Tony wriggles like a helpless fish on the line.

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Chace doubles down on the body scissors, demonstrating just how wrong Tony was to believe that he had the best physique in the house.

The camera work in Hairy He Men is either too avant garde for me, or else it’s just a bit “off.”  There’s a ton of focus on suffering Tony, but weirdly, epically hot Chace is frequently partially cut out of the frame.  Perhaps it’s intended to emphasize how huge he is (as in, he’s so big our camera can’t quite capture him all at once!).  And of course there are those for whom the turn on is precisely watching Tony’s face turn beet red and twisted in agony, so shortchanging a look at Chace is fine.  As someone who tends toward infatuation with the pitcher, however, I’m a bit frustrated for the lack of lingering looks at devastatingly hot Chace.

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Chace repeatedly attempts to pry Tony apart at the seams.

I’ve been critical of MDW for shortchanging the wrestling in their wrestling matches, as they sometimes tend to favor the drama, domination, and muscle torture more.  Chace brings a sweet focus on the kink I love, however.  His go-to is, curiously, a sort-of bow and arrow that I swear has got to have added inches to the length of Tony’s right leg and right arm.  Mammoth, hairy bear bearhugs and back and gut abuse maintain a pleasing pace in the combat.  However, I feel compelled to point out a familiar refrain in my reviews of MDW: this is a total, complete, unadulterated squash.  Those left yawning at one-way streets will likely not be provoked by this as much as I am.  I think MDW still has more to learn in taping homoerotic wrestling that tells the compelling story of competition that teeters on the edge, of battles that are nuanced and suspenseful.

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Like me, Chace likes what he sees. All hail never land’s reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month!

There’s no suspense in Hairy He Men.  Chace is THE Hairy He Man this day. Tony Law is ground into dust.  Chace LaChance is sexier than I think I’ve ever seen him. And in the field of new releases in May, it’s Chace who grabs not only Tony, but me as well, in claiming the title of never land’s homoerotic wrestler of the month.

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