For the second time in as many years, I feel compelled to print a retraction/correction on comments I made about Kirk Donahue’s ass.
To catch you up, two years ago I found it highly suspicious that Kirk’s tasty little derriere somehow managed to get nominated for Best Butt for the 2014 award season, despite having appeared in only one match late that year, and despite donning gear that did not show off his ass particularly well. At the time, I ungraciously* speculated as to whether Kirk had possibly exchanged a bite of that ass to someone with influence in the nominating process, in order to weasel his way into the elite ranks. It was total gutter journalism. It was rumor mongering and likely trend setting for the rampant “fake news” epidemic threatening to topple world powers these days. I was a total bitch.
No one less than the Boss himself reached out to slap me upside the head and demand a little more respect for Kirk’s freckled cheeks. So I ate a little crow, posted a PSA acknowledging my overreach, and moved on.
Apparently, in my voter’s guide that I feverishly completed over the past week for the 2016 Besties, I returned to my old ways and came down a little hard on Kirk’s ass (which, I don’t mind acknowledging, sounds like a lot of fun). In order to counter any innuendo that Kirk has unfairly benefited from being teacher’s pet, the Boss once again reached out to insist that Kirk’s sweet cheeks stand on their own merit. In order to disprove any implication that freckled-faced Kirk is daddy’s favorite, Kid Leopard intervened on his behalf to argue against the opinion that Dudley Do-Right must’ve spread those cheeks in order to squeeze them into the nominating pool in the past. Let me just reiterate. Heel Papa himself, the Boss, the Puppet Master, he-who-makes-the-BGE-world-go-round, the Godfather of Winning at All Costs, the Daddy of Dirty Dealing who pretty much defines the scope and depth of a rule breaking homoerotic heel… Kid Leopard made an extremely rare contribution to the comments on this blog in order to rush to defend… nay, extol Kirk Donahue’s ass and dismiss any innuendo that would suggest Kirk might have “earned” special favors from someone in power.
So, for the second time, let me apologize for impugning the nominating process, the powers that be, or Kirk Donahue’s hot little athletic ass. I officially retract the statement that his ass is “fair-to-middling quality.” On the merits of Kid Leopard’s photographic evidence that he sent in a rush to defend his hot little boy, I have to concede that Kirk’s ass is clearly above average. I’d probably put it in the 65th percentile. Maybe the 70th. I can totally see why someone in charge of recruitment at BG East might feel compelled to slide their hands down the back of Kirk’s trunks and squeeze the Charmin. Whether or not it happened, and I’m not saying it did, I could certainly sympathize with a mover and shaker behind the scenes who happily accepted Kirk’s offer lick those hot little cheeks in exchange for an unearned push and teacher’s pet treatment.
And happily Kid Leopard and I are in complete agreement when it comes to Kirk’s gargantuan bulge. That monster is huge and mouthwatering, and considering how saccharine sweet Kirk is in the ring, I’d bet his cock tastes like Life Savers. If some BG East executive had, indeed, exchanged carnal favors for giving Kirk a push, I’d have totally wanted to ask him if Kirk tastes like candy. Not that that ever happened. As far as I know.
*Okay, so, all kidding aside. I can see how casual readers might mistake my good natured ribbing of Kirk Donahue as a personal attack. I continue to screen out comments to this blog that offer scathing take downs of some of the nominated wrestlers this year, and perhaps my jibes at Kirk (and KL) give you the impression that I’m good for tearing some wrestlers down in an effort to build my favorites up. For the record, I think insulting the homoerotic wrestlers who populate the industry runs counter to building up a healthy cadre of hot hunks for us to form opinions about. If we pull out the claws and start acting like the worst stereotypes of gay men by trying to eviscerate the very wrestlers who strip down, oil up, and put nearly every inch of their fine bodies into competition for our entertainment, then we will only chase off the talent (both the ones we like and those we don’t), and discourage prospective newbies from bothering with giving this industry a shot. I guarantee you that the wrestlers you would be ready to trash are someone else’s favorites, and once the insults and body shaming and ridiculousness take hold, everyone will suffer. So chill out. I’m just kidding about Kirk. I love his ass. I’d fuck his ass 7 days a week, plus twice on Sundays. If he’s into that, I hope someone gives him my number. I love that he’s willing to bring his high quality indy pro skills into the BG East ring and take such monumental, humiliating, debasing beatings time and time again, for the very reason that there’s an audience (me at the head of the line) eager to pay to watch. I’ve never actually spoken to the kid, but I respect the fuck out of him, and every other wrestler nominated or not for an award.
And I still bet Kirk’s cock tastes like Life Savers.