BG East has a sale running on their membership site, Arena. It appears that someone has lovingly curated all of the Video On Demand matches that feature wrestlers in thongs. Fuck me, where did I go so miserably wrong, that I did not end up with the job of combing through the BGE catalog looking for thongs?! I feel like my entire educational career is suddenly a tragic farce, now that I know what job I should have been padding my resume for all these years. And those “career aptitude” inventories I filled out for my guidance counselor were clearly a load of bull shit, because if I was hardwired for any particular career, it’s OBVIOUSLY to be the lucky son of a bitch tasked with categorizing BG East products by themes for sales promotions. Fuck you, Mrs. Rogers, my high school guidance counselor, who said I ought to pursue a career in human services or educational settings.

In a cheap imitation of the professional I wish I was, I’ve now been spending some time looking through the sale catalog at matches with thongs. Woozy, what an erotic trip down memory lane! Like, Reese Wells getting his balls bashed until his cock was so hard that it, nor his balls, could fit inside his bullseye thong’s pouch any longer. Sweet fucking homoerotic wrestling gods. Legendary.

Mike Columbo’s thonged dismantling of Jay Stevens from Fantasymen 18 gets a discount in this sale. Let me repeat, Mike Columbo’s ass in a thong…. Good fucking gods, are you kidding me? Talk about legendary, and this match is from the first DVD I ever bought, in no small part because of the irresistible allure of Mike’s bare ass cheeks. He is a TERROR in the match, and I personally never loved him as much as when Mike was brutalizing a lucky fucker like Jay, wringing him out to two dimensions in epic, epic muscleboy body scissors.

The Gear Wars: UK Kink match between Ashley and Rob has recently been on my mind for some reason. And by “some reason,” I mean Rob’s stunningly gorgeous cock, and the ridiculously weird sock-fetish theme of the match. Honestly, I came for Ashley’s prettiness, but I go back again, and again, (and again) for Rob’s insanely gorgeous muscles, stunningly hot cock (I know, I already said that, but it bears repeating), and his sensational intensity that totally rubs out any campiness from the sock fetish antics.

And finally, Thrash thrashing El Favorito, who I’m convinced was named in honor of me! Sweet fucking gods, El Favorito’s ass NEVER looked better, and I’m in more of a position than most fans to back that claim up. And I maintain a long, long, LOOONG simmering crush on Thrash, and, in particular, his circus strongman, insanely sexy quads.

More thongs need to show up, and then get ripped off, in homoerotic wrestling, as far as I’m concerned. But who am I? Clearly not an insider living my best self with the job I was born for.