Xaos Theory

I love the fact that BG East makes periodic excursions to the United Kingdom to scout out the hot wresting meat on that side of the Atlantic. The extended reach of BG East vicariously extends my appreciation for the breadth and depth of homoerotic wrestling, pulling me, at least occasionally, out of my provincial assumptions that have been pounded into me my entire life that the United States is the center of the universe.  There are many of the Brit-finds from BG East that spark my imagination and generate a conditioned response in my crotch to an English accent growling, “Like that?”  Yes, yes indeed. I like that.

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Chris Xaos is one of the homoerotic wrestlers from across the pond who has squeezed his hot body into my homoerotic wrestling fantasies and put down permanent roots in my imagination. Early in his career, there was a brash, tatted, pierced street punk hit that I got off of him that was tasty. The official story is that he was discovered in a pub by Brit veteran wrestler Ty Garrison, or, rather, Chris “discovered” that he recognized Garrison and immediately let him know that he’d always wanted to have a go at him.

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In other words, Chris Xaos was one of us long before BG East fans first got a look at the 6’1″, 170 lbs grappler. There was instantly something magnetic about him the first time I saw him wrestle.  Despite his chaotic name, there’s a passionate, fierce methodology about him. He wrestles straightforward, always with a playful edge, and always paired with a dangerousness that is unmistakable. The stud is big and strong enough, and he delights in dominating enough, to do serious damage to any opponent not ready to match him throw for throw.


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In his more recent releases, Chris has appeared more mature and with a goatee, both factors that exponentiate his magnetism for me. He officially graduated from boy to man when he showed up against fellow British fantasyman and favorite of mine, Rob Chandler in Motel Madness UK. That match is one of the most intimate, hottest motel matches ever produced. Chandler’s hard-on straining the fabric of his trunks alone signals exactly what the action is doing to me. The only thing missing is a bottle of baby oil and me!

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There’s a rawness and ferocity about BG East’s British collection that is incredible, particularly as it’s paired with the variety of Brit and European accents that I, like so many Americans, find entrancing. Chris Xaos is all of those adjectives: raw, fierce, and entrancing. I only wish we could get him a green card to work more regularly on this side of the pond.

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As the World Watches

I actually wasn’t going to post today, but a very sweet, direct appeal from a reader for something to divert his attention from election day anxiety convinced me otherwise.  I’m not sure what topic is appropriate for a day like today, as Americans go to the polls to cast votes with such big potential to impact people around the world.  We have way too much influence on the well-being of people worldwide, those of us who live and vote in the US.  So many people may prosper or suffer based on the (let’s face it) fickle and often superficial election choices of Americans.  So today, I honor those who have to sit on the sidelines and watch the wingnuttery of American politics play out yet again, just hoping that those crazy Americans won’t elect a(nother) nutjob who will start yet another war of expedience, exploit more of the earth’s resources while ignoring the impact of our exploitation on the global climate, or arm more wingnuts worldwide to fight wars of ideology that ultimate do nothing but increase overall human suffering.  So here are a few of the fantasy men I lust after who today, as far as I know, don’t get to vote in the 2012 US election…

Even armored in newly minted, mouthwatering muscle, high impact x-wrestler Gabriel Ross can only sit back and sip his tea, hoping that those crazy Americans get it right.  Then again, Gabriel and his UK buddies have their own political insanity to sort out on their side of the pond…

Monstercocked leatherboy Rob Chandler and dizzyingly handsome x-wrestler Chris Xaos both command my lustful adoration.  These gorgeous, nasty battlers do such things to me! But one thing that they can’t do: cast a vote for the American politicians who will undoubtedly have undue influence over the world economy and their own local well-being in the UK.  Truly, I’m sorry boys.

Ben Monaco and his hot and hairy pecs are Canadian, which is a particularly hard place to be on a day like today, I’d think.  There’s so much American shit that rolls down hill and across our northern border.  Again, Canada’s got their own bizarre politics to cope with, but at least they have universal health care.  And if it’s any consolation, at least Ben and his compatriots will have another 3 years or so before they have to hear completely ignorant and misleading American political ads warning against being “too much like Canada.”

Rio Garza compete for Mexico in fitness competitions, though his livelihoods seem intimately tied to his commercial success in the US.  I can’t imagine what the US campaign season looks like from south of the border.  Even worse than for Ben and the Canadians, Rio and his countrymen can almost certainly count on being continually demonized as the barbarian hordes beating down the gates of America, all of them drug dealers and mafioso murders who want nothing more than to sneak across the border in order to sit in their lazyboys and soak in all the free shit American’s mistakenly think we provide anyone, much less undocumented immigrants.  It’s guaranteed that U.S. policy makers will bat around Mexican interests like a cat with a ball of string, but do Mexicans get to have any voice in directly influencing their overly wealthy cousins to the north? Despite wildly misleading allegations of voter fraud (always implicating Central and South American immigrants), the answer is no.

Vlad Varek is billed a Russian cage fighter who made just one trip to this country to beat the living shit out of a few weak-assed Americans.  True story or promotional gimmick, I can’t actually attest, but if Vlad is indeed from the motherland, he’s also got to be wondering just how much more saber rattling American politics will get based on who we elect today.  The right wingers in this country still try to dabble in resurrecting Cold War terrors to motivate the electorate, and let’s face it, Russians have more than their fair share of both widespread corruption and undue influence over their neighbors, near and far.  But whether the US will keep trying to put the boogeyman mask on them or, conceivably, deploy actual diplomacy that doesn’t come at the point of our over-estimated sword, Vlad and his peeps can only wonder.

I’ve got a crrrrazy infatuation building for the particular combo of Dan the Steel Muscle God and the return of his plaything, Wimpy Boy.  These Hungarian beauties have managed to reach halfway across the globe and grab me by the balls with the intoxicating chemistry that they’ve got going.  I sweat to god, I’d do a lot of things for the chance to get my hands on SMG, but I’d give my left kidney to round out the entirely naked threesome with BOTH SMG and Wimpy Boy.  I have no idea what their politics are, but if they know what’s good for them, they’d better be hoping for increased prosperity for their army of gay US fans.  Whether they think that would come from re-electing President Obama or siding with $Romney$ and Ayn Rand budget slasher, it doesn’t really matter, does it?  Because Hungarians don’t get a vote in our crazy hot mess of an election in the US.

I’m sure there are more citizens of the world in our homoerotic wrestling universe, but those are the ones I could come up with on short notice.  Whether this little jaunt across the globe actually serves as a distraction or not from the insanity of election day in the US, I don’t know.  But for those of you like me feeling extremely tense and at least a little nauseated today with worry about the future of the US and our social and civil rights, I encourage you to pop in a homoerotic wrestling tape, lay back, and pound yourself into a stupor until the political ads start to fade.  After you’ve voted, bitches.  But then, let your favorite wrestlers take you far, far away.

Reader’s Choice Poll – Sexy Brits

Neverland reader John let me know that he’s a big BG East fan, and he asked me an excellent question: “How about a competition for the sexiest Brit?” My answer: that’s an excellent suggestion!  Coming up with a short list of my nominations for the sexiest homoerotic wrestling Brit was a surprisingly difficult task.  I asked John to give me his top 5 sexy BG East Brit battlers, and then I painfully limited myself to add only 5 more to the short list.  I’m confident that voters will want to add some worthy hunks we’ve left off of our lists, so when you register your vote to the right, you have the option to select “other” and then name your pick in the comment section to this post.  So many mouthwatering Britboys to choose from… but which one do you think is sexiest?

In alphabetical order, here are the nominations for this month’s Reader’s Poll:

Chris Burnley – 5’7″, 165 lbs.

Chris Burnley is nothing short of striking. Of course, he can punch the shit out of an opponent’s abs, but I also mean visually striking, wrestling with his essentially hairless, milky pale, fantastically sexy body. He turned up the heat in 4 BG East matches, and with each appearance, he packed more muscle onto his bulging, pale body, always starkly contrasted by that adorable little boy face. Sexy Britboy wrestler without a doubt. Sexiest?

Rob Chandler – 5’5″, 143 lbs.

Rob Chandler has made a massive impression in his 4 BG East outings. In his first appearance, BG East described him as looking like “the bastard love child” of Aryx Quinn and Cole Cassidy. That was pretty much all I needed to know to be entranced, but catch that rock hard physique, the gorgeous ink, and the jaw dropping beer can hanging between his legs, and you’ll know why he’s on this list. As with all things around these parts, it’s far more than just the visuals, and Rob is as erotically intense a wrestler as just about any.  Just about?

Ty Garrison – 5’10”, 168 lbs.

This list would clearly not be complete without a push for Ty Garrison. He’s burned up the mats in 11 BG East matches. His body is lucious, his game face is fierce, and his wrestling is merciless. The heat he generates motivates some of the most explicitly sexual homoerotic wrestling in the BG East archives.

Neil Hewitt – 6′, 168 lbs.
Neil Hewitt has battled in 3 BG East matches, soaking up the pain like a sponge and clearly loving every moment of it. He can talk trash, he’s ready to exploit any weakness, and he’s got a pros in private attitude to turn a motel room into a high stakes pro arena. Hot bod, gorgeous blue eyes, and ready to throw down at a moments notice… that’s sexy!

Mike Martin – 5’7″, 150 lbs.

16 matches loaded with buckets of Mike Martin’s sweat are more than enough to qualify this workhorse as a contender in this poll. He’s another star of an amazingly hot collection of X and XXX fights, and even when he keeps his kit on, he’s bringing sexy to every venue BG East owns on both sides of the Atlantic. He’s got a body built for grappling, and a fight face that should make any opponent think twice. But I think it’s that heart melting, adorable smile that’s his best weapon at disarming and distracting.

Ethan Pryor – 5’9″, 170 lbs.
Regular readers know my infatuation with imagining mainstream newsmen as stars in homoerotic wrestling matches. So no wonder Matt Lauer’s little brother, Ethan Pryor, made it onto both John and my short lists to include in today’s poll. Horny, hairy, and a face meant for primetime, Ethan’s 4 appearances for BG East prove that he’s ready to add as many X’s as you like, and damn if he shouldn’t show up as a Hollywood leading man! When Daniel Craig hangs up his gig as 007, I’m lobbying for Ethan to take his place!
Steve Ranger – 5’8″, 172 lbs.

Wowsers! Talk about buckets and buckets of sexy sweat! Steve Ranger has caused a tidal wave with his lickable, powerhouse body and prove-it attitude in all 4 of his BG East matches. A shaved head always inspires a double-take from me, and giving Simon Forrester (who I’m kicking myself for not being able to squeeze onto this list) everything he’s got both on the motel mattress and in the shower, Steve is a seriously sexy contender.

Mickey Rollins – 170 lbs.

Mickey Rollins caught my attention wrestling against Belgian sexpot, Dane Tarsen (at least John and I think Dane’s Belgian). Mickey is dripping with sexiness at all times. His ripped, lean body looks like classic sculpture, and his evolving facial hair in the 3 matches he wrestled for BG East is playful and just a little sinister. If Mickey had ever failed to get stripped naked in a wrestling match, it would have been a national shame.  Bounce a quarter off those tight abs and tell me if Mickey is the sexiest Brit in the bunch.

Gabriel Ross – 5’4″, 135 lbs.
It’s a good thing that BG East has proof of age on record, because otherwise I’d struggle with whether I’m a lecher for being so fantastically turned on by this definition-of-a babyface known as Gabriel Ross. He’s petite, with a bouncy bubble butt and fit, not overly muscled physique. He smiles a lot at his opponents. And right about the time that they can’t help but grin back at him, he drops them flat on their asses and slaps on a humiliating face-to-crotch headscissors that makes even the big boys whimper. And no stranger to the X’s, Gabriel clearly cannot wait to unleash the disproportionately long, lovely length of pipe that he’s swinging. The face of a cherub and the cock of a porn star make for one astonishingly sexy homoerotic wrestling Brit!

Iain Scott – 5’10”, 168 lbs.

Scottish muscleman and wrestling fetish evangelist, Iain Scott, quickly came to mind for both John and me when we were working on this list. Iain’s body is powerful and powerfully arousing. His chest is astonishingly broad. And, as John put it, it’s hard not to be in awe of Iain’s “lovely dick and wonderful arse!” Iain’s 9 matches for BG East are some of the foundational texts in the history of homoerotic wrestling, and all reports are that he’s continued to promote homoerotic wrestling independently in the UK. Pucker up and get ready to plant a wet one on that mammoth crotch of his if you fail to acknowledge the founder of Ruff N’ Raunchy as sexiest Brit in the bunch.

Chris Xaos – 6’1″, 170 lbs.
Our last suggestion for sexiest homoerotic wrestling Brit is Chris Xaos. There’s just no pretense with Chris. He’s here to wrestle you to submission in order to fuck you morning, noon and night. Chris is so turned on by his work, he’s apt to distract himself just when he’s on top by indulging in a long, lusty lip lock. His BG East career so far spans 5 matches, and his story arc is getting sexier and sexier by the minute. He tends to tower over his opponents, at that long, fit frame is sporting one of the prettiest asses in the business. He looks like he could be a punk, but Chris is prone to self-sabotaging moments of tender lust, and for my tastes, that’s one sexy combination!

Both John and I are instantly reconsidering our choices, but I’ve called a halt to tinkering with it any longer. Don’t count our “top 10” choices too carefully, because I’m not willing to check my math and eliminate anyone else from contention. You know the contenders as well as we do, so if your Britboy isn’t here, register your vote as “other” and put him in the comments below.

Cocks Named

No big winners this week, but these late-breaking cocks make us all winners, really. Wrestling Arsenal has a nicely put comment on the “other” cocks in the news these days that captures well some of my own sentiment. As we debate the morality of politicians with iPhones, take a break and check the answers to these other cocks in the news
Cock(s) #1 belong(s) to…
… BG East’s “Aqua” and Angelo Blanco.
Score! True enough, this isn’t quite as late-breaking news as a certain U.S. representative’s tweeting scandal, but Masked Mayhem 8 was just released a few weeks ago. While BG East has already released their Summer Sizzlers since then, my copy of Masked Mayhem 8 still has that “new DVD” smell about it that makes me all excited about the nuances I have yet to discover. However, I have already discovered the thrill of Angelo Blanco’s sweat-soaked body with his own cock in one hand and Aqua’s cock in the other.
Cock #2 belongs to…
…BG East’s extremely newly released debut of Stan (don’t call me Stanley!) Greer.
Thunder’s Arena’s fans will recognize the face and body, but this is by all means the first time I’ve laid eyes on that truly beautiful cock! As of just last friday, with Wrestle Worship 2: Triple Emission it certainly looks like Stan is giving us something that we’ve never seen from him before. Between him and Marc Merino battling for the adoration of lucky newby Randy Dowell, this is full-on, newsworthy, hot-off-the-presses cock worth taking note of!
Cock #3 belongs to…
…Naked Kombat’s Roman Rivers.
Muscle stud Roman just this week showed up for Naked Kombat against twink Mike Rivers, pulling out that pretty, pretty tool of his for a round 4 celebration.
Cock #4 belongs to…
 …BG East’s Rob Chandler.
Facebook buddy Ashley Ryder gets an extremely up-close look at Rob’s thick cock in Gear Wars 3: UK Kink in their breaking news release for BG East’s Summer Sizzlers out merely days. Ashley totally inspires me, but good god! Rob is smoking hot! The cock ring makes me wince, but every inch of this hot little muscle stud is sweet, sweet, sweet!
 Cock #5 belongs to…
…Naked Kombat’s Cameron Adams.
I LOVE this pic! DJ is on top here, bridging way high with that python of his bouncing around just out of Cameron’s reach. This match was the breaking news just a couple days before everyone started frantically tittering about a certain politician’s Twittering. Like Cameron in the round 3 face-off, personally I have a tough time tearing my eyes away from DJ’s sledgehammer. DJ has the cock to make Cameron weak in the knees and the wrestling skills to slap him to his back in heartbeat. Love me some DJ!
Like Wrestling Arsenal, I think there’s something insidious and untapped about the public flagellation required of a politician who snaps some iPhone pics of his hard body. Perhaps they do just need to find a new, more appreciative line of work. Regardless, I refuse to be discouraged or ashamed of big, beautiful, hot-off-the-presses cocks.

Short and Sweet

My nose remains to the grindstone this weekend, so I’m just coming up for air long enough to post another something short and sweet.

My very favorite example of short and sweet these days is Denny Cartier. The way that Denny wrestles, I don’t really think of him being as short as 5’5″. When he was paired up with Joe Robbins in Catch Weight 2 as the one climbing uphill, it actually sort of caught me by surprise. Of course nearly anyone would look small standing next to 6’2″, 240 pound bruiser Joe. Frankly, though, there’s just something about Denny’s presence that makes him seem on a level playing field even climbing into the ring with the likes of Joe. Denny moves like water, has a polished command of the mats, and has a beautiful authenticity that I find extremely sexy (and very tasty-sweet).

Another hot little morsel is Jonny Firestorm. Unlike Denny, somehow I’m always aware that Jonny is a modest 5’5″ and 145 pounds (when he’s shredded). And that’s precisely what makes the quality of his wrestling so enjoyable. Stand him up next to 6′, 175 pound TJ Tanner, and from a distance, this looks like it could get ugly. With a weight and reach advantage like that, knowing nothing else, smart money has to be on TJ to manhandle his little opponent.

But Jonny is all business, with an attitude that dwarfs TJ.  The story of the underestimated giant killer, particularly when he’s tight, shredded, and loaded for bear, is a major turn on for me.

Myke Mars in another one that I’ve seen in action, and somehow didn’t quite register the notable fact that he’s just 5’5″ and 150 pounds. My strong suspicion is that I’m not likely to notice anything other than that extremely aesthetically pleasing, round ass of his, particularly once he gets stripped to a thong. 
Gabriel Ross measures in at perhaps the shortest recurring character in the homoerotic wrestling biz, standing a reportedly 5’4″ and 135 pounds. Gabriel has the face of a perpetually juvenile angel to match his modest stature. That’s where the angelic comparison ends, though. He’s tenacious and perpetually looking to sexually dominate. I’ve only seen one of his matches, which devolves too quickly from wrestling into pillow play for my tastes, but it’s hard to argue that Gabriel is a prime example of short-and-sweet.
Finally, I think Rob Chandler will definitely qualify for my short and sweet rankings, though I haven’t seen him in action to know just how sweet. I love his look, including the tats and the shredded physique built for destruction. At 5’5″ and 143 pounds, he packs a whole lot of domination story into a compact container. Once I save my pennies and own him in motion, I suspect Rob will be sweet indeed.