The Substance of Wrestling

wrestlebardLeave a comment
I’m not sure of what sick puppy thought of oil wrestling… but I like his thinking. Of course there’s the Turkish Oil wrestling that suddenly appeared everywhere on the internet a few years back. I still have no idea what the cultural meaning is behind these boys coating themselves in olive oil and shoving their hands down each other’s pants, but I’ve been assured that it’s not sexual. I am willing to concede that it very well may not be sexual at all… to them.
The more explicitly homoerotic version of oil wrestling, or its spawn, lube wrestling, is everywhere. Most of the time its a novelty grope-fest, so it doesn’t satisfy a fetish for hot, aggressive pounding. But it certainly has its own charm. Brit go-go boy Chris Geary has been filming himself and his go-go boy friends wrestling for years now, including several oil matches.
BG East did a few early “filmed on location” oil tapes at a gay club called Paradise. Some of my favorite classic boys show up, including the prototypical bodybuilder-jobber, Wade Cutler. BG East didn’t do much else in the medium until recently having Rafe Sanchez and Sebastian Rios oil each other down (mmmm…. Rafe….).

Can-Am has done over 100 matches taking place, at least in part, in oil. Their recurring script for almost every match used to be: 1) studs wrestle in gear in a ring, 2) studs wrestle in gear in oil pit, 3) studs wrestle naked in oil. I haven’t sampled all the goods, but in case anyone’s looking for recommendations, my first Can-Am purchase ever was Canadian Musclehunk Oil Wrestling 3, with the incomparable ass of Jimmy Royce. Another classic I recently discovered is Can-Am’s early workhorse “Flex” squeezing a totally dominating headlock while erect and nude and straddling the legs of twisted-like-a-pretzel Tom MacKenzie in Hard Nude Oil Wrestling 2. Sometimes it’s nice to see muscleboys get owned… sometimes it’s nice to see them do the owning.
Newer company Naked Kombat has done a few matches in oil (and water, and mud). I like the shiny bodies in Tyler Saint vs. Patrick Rouge, and the audience adds a nice voyeur-performance aspect. But one of my very favorite all-time homoerotic wrestling vids is from BG Wrestling. They’re online store appears to be down, but you can find a lot of their titles at the Can-Am Store. Fantasty Oil Wrestling 4, with Rocky and Talvin Demachio is a prized possession. When Demachio wraps up Rocky in a tight little package and strokes himself at the same time… it brings a little tear to my eye.
Seriously, oil doesn’t make for hard-fought dominating action (unless you’re a Turk), but the tactile look and sounds of muscled bodies slapping and sliding make for an entirely enjoyable sub-genre.

What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

wrestlebard1 Comment


Jon-Erik Hexum made me gay. Well, not personally. I never met him. And, frankly, I was already consciously attracted to guys by the time I first saw him on television. But he’s got to take some of the credit for sparking the sexual imaginations of many of us gay boys at that time.

I was just about the age of young Meeno Peluce when he starred opposite Hexum in the very short-run television show Voyagers. So I was the target audience (in more than one way, I’m sure). Peluce’s character was the nerdy kid who Jon-Erik’s character came to rely on as he traveled through time, getting the both of them into all sorts of adventures. Jon-Erik didn’t really know how to use that little pocket-watch/time traveling device, so Meeno had to operate it for him. Meeno was the brains and Jon-Erik was the brawn (and I mean brawn!).

Jon-Erik protected the kid and clearly grew to love him. A notorious womanizer, Jon-Erik’s character had to forgo his sexual conquests to hang out with his dependent ward. He ALWAYS had his shirt open, showing his beautifully hairy chest, and not infrequently he appeared shirtless and sweaty (mmmm….). Those eyes… that smile… that BODY! Oh, how I wanted a hunky time-traveler to stumble into my bedroom and carry me off to accompany him on his shirtless adventures!

After Voyagers went off the air, I kept my eyes peeled for more of Jon-Erik. When he landed a new series, Cover Up, I was tuned in eagerly anticipating more of his thrilling hotness. I remember when I heard the news that he had died in a freak accident on the set of Cover Up. I actively grieved. It was like someone I knew and loved had died. My family had no idea what I was experiencing, but I had so identified with the kid from Voyagers, so pictured myself with Jon-Erik as my companion, protector, and I his loving ward – I was devastated.

There are a lot of fan sites devoted to Jon-Erik, with more than a few of us gay boys testifying to our adoration of the magnetic hunk. The tribute group to Jon-Erik Hexum has a stunningly large catalogue of images of him. His life was tragically cut far too short, but he remains always and lovingly in my memory as the gorgeous, sexy, bright blue-eyed, 27 year old hunk that made me very happy to be a gay boy.

What We See Every Day

wrestlebardLeave a comment

I’ve heard a theory that what we grow to lust after as adults is based on what was available during our sexual development in adolescence. In other words, I find wrestling homoerotic because, as an adolescent, wrestling was the only place that I saw scantily clad men in intimate physical contact. I don’t know if it’s true, but I could buy it. To paraphrase Clarice Starling, we covet what we see every day (that’s a creepy line in Silence of the Lambs, but I don’t mean it in a creepy way).

Perhaps that explains my lustful preoccupation with these gorgeous hunks who show up in my home every day – that is, the hunky newsmen on television. Every day, Chris Cuomo – in all his Italian hotness – shows up and smiles out from the TV. It also helps to make an object of lust out of him, knowing that underneath that suit and tie, he’s one stunningly muscled man. My God, look at those biceps and the vascularity in that deltoid!

Carter Evans does spots on some local news channels covering the NYSE in the mornings, so he’s also become a familiar hottie showing up in my living room regularly. Those dreamy, bedroom eyes and that adorably crooked nose propel him often into my lustful fantasies. We never get to see enough of these hunks to really satisfy (though thank God for fishing trips!), which is probably why the first wrestling fiction matches I wrote featured newsboys, stripping down to speedos and pounding on the beach in no-holds-barred competition. In fact, the first championship match in my wrestling fiction universe pitted Carter against Chris (you’ll have to sign up to find out who won).
Peter Alexander shows up less frequently in my living room. I’m busy coveting my time with Cuomo in the mornings, so I miss Peter’s occasional reports on the Today Show. But I once saw Peter working out at my gym when he was a local anchor many years ago. He was hot and sweaty and doing hack squats. A sexual fantasy star was born. Peter will have to show up soon in the battle of the newsmen in my wrestling fiction.
In any case, I think the world is full of beautiful men to fuel fantasies and bring smiles. From the hunky news anchor to the hot bike commuter with massive thighs stretching his bicycle shorts to their limit… from the tattooed produce guy at the grocery store to the shirtless jogger with bouncing pecs at the park. It’s a sexy, lustful, beautiful world, especially for a gay man with an active imagination.

Scottish Arse

wrestlebardLeave a comment


He hasn’t wrestled recently for BG East, but I just found a couple clips under Iain Scott’s name on YouTube that look fairly recent, with some accompanying photos from one of his opponents. BG East’s profile puts Scott at 5’10” and 168 pounds when he wrestled for them, but British Bulldog Wrestling has him at a much more likely 195. He’s still has one massively solid, muscle-bod. In the underground clips, he looks like he may have some gray hairs, but he’s still sporting that major league, bigger-than-your-average-white boy ass that’s really a sight to behold. His BGE matches frequently seemed to end up with various appendages in assorted orifices. His big vs. little squash of Simon Forrester in BritBouts 5 has him with an evil looking goatee and tight red trunks that make him look like he’s smuggling an orange up front. But that butt… that’s the moneymaker. A lot of the homoerotic wrestling boys are either prettier or “uglier” (in that hot way) these days, but Iain was always just one massive hunk of hot with a thrilling sadistic side that nearly always took him from grappling to groping seamlessly. I love me the classics!

These days, it appears that Iain is operating a wrestle shack near London and doing some coaching near Edinburgh (that’s a commute). His Speedo-Wrestlers group has more about what Iain’s up to these days. Clearly, he’s a serious devotee and promoter of gay men wrestling!

So You Married a Porn Star

wrestlebardLeave a comment


I haven’t mentioned my fanaticism for Mitch Colby lately, but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been on my mind. He has some recent shots up on his MySpace page with his “hubby.” The idea of the porn star coming home from a hard day at work to curl up with the partner seems on the surface to be a mood-killer. But the more I sit with that image, the more I like it. Of course, Mitch could crochet doilies and I’d pay cash to watch, but seriously, I hope that the objects of my objectifying gaze have a warm, loving home to be happy in. I sympathize with the critiques of porn as de-humanizing, so it’s a nice corrective to know that the boys of porn have homes, go on vacations, and enjoy time with loved ones. Imagining arguments over who forgot to take out the trash… now that’s a mood-killer. But the happy faces of a porn star and his hubby… that’s hot.

Similarly, I was happy to find a MySpace page for David Taylor, who I’ve mentioned before for his fantastically stunning ink. His eyes are hypnotic, though I confess that it isn’t his eyes that hold my fascination in his match in Can-Am’s Wrestle Bait… it’s his tats (that’s my story… I’m sticking to it). In any case, bi-boy David’s MySpace page features prominently his adoration for his girlfriend. I can’t bring myself to picture David coming home to his girlfriend at the end of a long day of screwing and getting screwed at work, but I’m happy that David has someone, nonetheless.
Ultimately, don’t we all end up wanting someone that we can depend on to love us when we walk in the door each evening? I like knowing that even the porn boys, with their rock hard bods starring in my favorite erotic wrestling fantasies, look forward to coming home to the warm embrace of a loved one.

True Pump

wrestlebardLeave a comment


Thank God that Andy Towle has his eyes peeled for gratuitous photos of Mehcad Brooks shirtless and soaked in sweat. These shots reportedly come from Mehcad’s participation in a celebrity triathalon. So THAT’S what one does to craft a mind-boggling body like that! The profile pic of his pecs just about can’t be believed. Can man meat that massive cause back injuries? Does he need any help showering off, or perhaps a full-body massage to work out the lactic acid from those pumped muscles (or any other bodily fluids)? I’m just here to help…

Maskedheads – Revisited

wrestlebardLeave a comment


I’m presently working on a new masked/unmasking match in my celebrity wrestling fiction. So masks are, once again, on my mind. To get us all in the mood, here’s a whole masked hunks production company cleverly called Maskurbate. Here’s a peek-a-boo site with galleries of 5 of their masked men – very generous clips! The mask-motif seems to be built around the idea that hot guys will show off much more “anonymously” behind a mask than they would unmasked. Personally, I’d just like to see some of these guys wrestling. My vote is for a match in a pro-wrestling ring between their ebony god “Lantis,” and the ABS-olutely smoking farm-boy-looking Patrick. There, that put me in the mood to get back to writing. See you in the ring!

Believing the Promise

wrestlebard3 Comments


I stumbled across the MySpace page for Rock Hard Wrestling announcing an August ’09 launch of this new internet wrestling company featuring A&F looking young models with rock hard bodies and wrestling skills. Omnipresent hottie Zack Jonathan/Vazquez looks like the headliner. A couple of recent BG East wrestlers also look like they’ve signed up. Brody Hancock (who you can see as Reese Wells – naked, hard, and ball-bashed in BG East’s Ball Bash 2), must be a magician, because he has that skinny little frame, but when he flexes his biceps, out of no where, they’re huge!

Ray Martinez is also pictured for RHW (also in BG East’s just published Undagear 15 as Rio Garza, with legs for days, hot and sweaty… you know how much I love that!).

The only action I can find from RHW is this short clip of Brock squeezing out a submission from a nicely suffering Zack with a figure-four leg lock. Brock’s face looks like he’s 13 years old, but he still manages to sell the fierce victor looking with disgust at the defeated muscle-stud at his feet. And again, he lifts his (what look like) skinny little arms and pow, out pop these massive guns! Perhaps that’s his charm: he looks like an outclassed, skinny kid then – boom – out come the bulging biceps and – pow – he slaps down a vicious finisher. I’d buy that!
I can’t find much else about Rock Hard Wrestling, and August is nearly over with the rockhardwrestling.com link remaining dead. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

wrestlebardLeave a comment


It was a couple of years after Tarzan the Ape Man came out that I finally saw it. I was a teenager, and I almost couldn’t quite believe that Miles O’Keeffe was real. I thought his face wasn’t well suited to Tarzan. He looked more like a fashion model than the king of the jungle. But that body… the loin cloth… and the scene where he gets bearhugged by the African warrior… what a source of ecstasy! Seeing his nearly naked body getting tossed around like a ragdoll still makes me light-headed. Those incredibly long, muscled legs were entrancing, with the peek-a-boo loin cloth offering an occasional glimpse of bare, beautiful butt cheeks.

It wasn’t until much later I saw the Ator movies, but I was all over the Sword of the Valiant as soon as it came out. What a disappointment… the pageboy haircut and the dumbfounded look on his face throughout the movie was pretty much the opposite of sexy. However, the scene of Miles shirtless, tortured on the rack, surely sowed the seeds of my recessive S&M traits. His acting career never really took off, but those skin shots of Miles O’Keeffe from my early adolescence taught me the vivid lesson of what joy there was to be found in seeing such a strikingly beautiful male form.

Good Grooming

wrestlebardLeave a comment


My fixation on pecs is fading, but one last post on the topic that has captured my attention lately. While I don’t support cosmetic surgery, implants, or other artificial means to enforce only one standard of beauty, I am a big supporter of good personal grooming. It doesn’t take a big effort to keep hairy chests tamed. I’m not suggesting that any hair makes for ugly pecs. In fact there are excellent examples of beautifully hairy-chested men. I’ve been contemplating a reality-TV host battle royal in my wrestling fiction, the Producer’s Ring, to pull Mike Rowe into the story. Hirsute Aussie Hugh Jackman is already a fan favorite in the Ring. My hunch is that both of these hotties groom extensively, yet maintain beautifully hairy chests.

But when all one can see is hair, it’s time to get out the trimmer. Alec Baldwin in his younger days was so handsome, but the only thing visible below the neck was that carpet of hair. You could lose an earring in there if you’re not careful.
Justin Theroux has a fantastic body, and different shots of him show that he sometimes shaves his chest, sometimes not. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of the view of that anatomy-chart of a body, he can do ANYTHING he’d like. Justin has made one appearance in my wrestling fiction, the Producer’s Ring, mostly as an excuse to write up some body worship.
Then again, sometimes an entirely bare chest is a little creepy. It could be that he’s naturally blond and his body hair just isn’t so visible (or he’s still waiting for puberty to finish), but Hunter Parrish’s hairless bod creeps me out just a bit. Hunter shows up as a jobber a few times in the Producer’s Ring. There’s something about him getting worked over that’s very satisfying.
Finally, I want to mention my deep appreciation of the beautiful rack on Tahmoh Penikett. I suspect his First Nation heritage might account for his minimal body hair, but from some angles, you can catch just an ever-so-light patch of hair just between his gorgeous pecs, right above his sternum. Tahmoh figured in one of the first matches I wrote up for the Producer’s Ring, and as I think he’ll be making a follow up appearance soon.