A New Brad In Town

“I’m not fucking around! I’m through with this!  Fucking oil my leg! Fucking. Oil. My calf. Right now!”

There are a lot of classic, dominating heels in homoerotic wrestling who I might expect to say those words. There are brutal sadists with a passion for crushing opponents’ spirits as completely as they destroy their bodies, who you just know would get OFF on then forcing their prey to spread baby oil all over their bodies. But the hot hunk who said those words took me by surprise. Those words came out of the mouth of notorious muscle jobber, Brad Barnes.

5’8″, 200 lbs, Brad Barnes

I’ve been on the record for expressing concern about homoerotic wrestling hunks who get overexposed. Too many appearances across too many producers all happening at the same time can diminish any brand, I think. But this isn’t the first time that also I’ve noted with some delight a wrestling fantasy man crossing promotions in order to push an entirely new side of himself. In this case, big, beautiful, comic book hero hunk Brad Barnes has been jobbing like a madman, first at Thunder’s Arena and more recently lighting things up at BG East. Now that Muscle Domination Wrestling has got a hold of him, we get a glimpse of what Brad can deliver when he’s pitted against a twink half his size.

One of Brad’s thighs is significantly thicker than Enrique’s waist.

In Oil Hunks 1, Brad is as gorgeous as ever, with his ass not nearly squeezed inside of a pair of incredibly brief orange posing trunks (no matter what the online description says). He’s not as ripped as we’ve seen him before. His conditioning isn’t as peak as he’s reached in other matches. But there’s no denying he is one incredibly juicy, meaty hunk of man. So it’s no wonder that Brad immediately starts schooling lanky, awkward Enrique from the moment the young lightweight climbs underneath the bottom rope to enter the ring.

What the hell!? Enrique laughs awkwardly, embarrassed, when Brad instructs him to coat his bulging muscles with oil.

Brad talks trash, and I’ve never been turned on so much by him before (and that’s saying A LOT). What’s a luscious specimen of thick, masculine muscle to do when faced with a clearly intimidated punk who’s clearly embarrassed by his own inadequacy as he stares across the ring at one of the pretty faces on camera? There’s nothing to be done but to insist that the gangly lightweight gets down on his knees and starts to oil Brad up, starting with his calves.

Brad gets what he demands, time and time again.

I do not remember seeing Brad so cocky, decisive, and absolutely and utterly in charge, and it sits really, really nicely on those mile wide shoulders of his. His deep baritone is silky sexy, and if I’d been in the room, I’d have tossed reluctant Enrique over the top rope and thanked my lucky stars to obey the magnificent muscle man who just wants what’s coming to him, namely, a personal assistant to rub oil into every single muscle and crevice on his gorgeous body.

WHAT THE HELL!? Enrique looks like he’s about to be sick stroking the stunning torso of the muscle god Brad. Move the fuck over, Enrique, and let me show you how it’s done!

The one thing that does not work for me in this match is Enrique. I mean, I’m getting a major kick out of watching Brad humiliate and absolutely own the concept of muscle domination. But when Enrique concedes, over and over, body part by body part, to obey Brad’s command to spread oil across his body, the kid looks like he’s about to vomit. Talk about buzz kill. Again, I say, get a certain fanatical blogger to toss Enrique’s ass to the curb and give Brad’s every mouthwatering inch the adoring, oil-soaked stroke it deserves!

“Now come over here and OIL UP MY BACK!!!”

This season at MDW is a significant turning point, I think. Like their reimagining of beautiful Brad Barnes, MDW is actively and obviously reframing their focus on wrestling. Oil Hunks 1 is clearly in MDW’s stable of domination videos, but the hot squash wrestling action punctuates the psychological domination like the perfectly paced grasp of an expert lover. Muscle Master Kevin has been promising that MDW is ready to reclaim their block of the homoerotic wrestling neighborhood, and with tasty rookie Carter Alexander and a heel-reinvented Brad Barnes, I like the reboot.

Friday Fashion



I know, I know. It’s Saturday, not Friday. But with time off work mid-week, my internal calendar is all screwed up, and today feels either like Friday or Sunday. Yesterday felt definitely like Saturday or, possibly, Thursday. Just put away the calendar, read this post in the voice of Joan Rivers, and enjoy this make-up Fashion Friday breakdown.

Eli Black wore it best.

I think I’d have a psychotic break with reality should I ever see Eli Black and Lon Dumont square off in the ring, because my conflicting loyalties would rip me into pieces. However, when it comes to which of these hot hunks wore the POW!-in-the-ass trunks best, neverland readers have spoken, and they spoke decisively. By a vote of 68 to 44, you declared that it was Eli Black who wore them best.  Eli will be the first to tell you that his ass is irresistibly sexy, so the graphic on these trunks just say what we’re all thinking.  As for me and my divided loyalties, I’m withholding judgment until I get to see them both in, then out, of these trunks… in the ring… in an all-in naked battle for the gear.



Today’s Fashion Friday poll draws from the newest kids on the homoerotic wrestling production block, Muscle Domination Wrestling. I count three very different wrestling hunks who packed themselves inside a certain pair of red, white and black leatherish mid-rise trunks. Rodriguez Cortez slid his incredibly, hot, beefy, smooth bod in them twice in season 5 and once in season 6.  Hunky twink Enrique then had the audacity to show up in the same trunks twice in season 6 and then twice again in season 7.  And finally, the most recent and imposing character from MDW to wear this bad boys was none other than the Mastodon himself, Morgan Cruise, in season 7.  These are three very different wrestlers with very different body types, so I’m guessing you should have a clear opinion one way or the other or the other. These are also three very different qualities of photography, so I hope that won’t sway your vote. My wishes for 2014 include MDW taking higher quality photographs and including a searchable wrestler roster with stats to better tease their wrestlers and matches.  There’s a lot to consider here, but the real question you need to ask yourself is who wore it best?

Beefy, smooth, bronze muscle boy Rodriguez Cortez fills these trunks out delectably. He’s a vision in red, white and black, but did he wear it best?


Lean ‘n’ hunky beauty Enrique strikes a stunningly different figure in the same gear. He unquestionably wore them most often, but did he wear them best?


Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise seldom loses at anything, particularly not in the ring. But when it comes to fashion, is he the winner of who wore these trunks best?