“I’m not fucking around! I’m through with this! Fucking oil my leg! Fucking. Oil. My calf. Right now!”
There are a lot of classic, dominating heels in homoerotic wrestling who I might expect to say those words. There are brutal sadists with a passion for crushing opponents’ spirits as completely as they destroy their bodies, who you just know would get OFF on then forcing their prey to spread baby oil all over their bodies. But the hot hunk who said those words took me by surprise. Those words came out of the mouth of notorious muscle jobber, Brad Barnes.
I’ve been on the record for expressing concern about homoerotic wrestling hunks who get overexposed. Too many appearances across too many producers all happening at the same time can diminish any brand, I think. But this isn’t the first time that also I’ve noted with some delight a wrestling fantasy man crossing promotions in order to push an entirely new side of himself. In this case, big, beautiful, comic book hero hunk Brad Barnes has been jobbing like a madman, first at Thunder’s Arena and more recently lighting things up at BG East. Now that Muscle Domination Wrestling has got a hold of him, we get a glimpse of what Brad can deliver when he’s pitted against a twink half his size.
In Oil Hunks 1, Brad is as gorgeous as ever, with his ass not nearly squeezed inside of a pair of incredibly brief orange posing trunks (no matter what the online description says). He’s not as ripped as we’ve seen him before. His conditioning isn’t as peak as he’s reached in other matches. But there’s no denying he is one incredibly juicy, meaty hunk of man. So it’s no wonder that Brad immediately starts schooling lanky, awkward Enrique from the moment the young lightweight climbs underneath the bottom rope to enter the ring.
Brad talks trash, and I’ve never been turned on so much by him before (and that’s saying A LOT). What’s a luscious specimen of thick, masculine muscle to do when faced with a clearly intimidated punk who’s clearly embarrassed by his own inadequacy as he stares across the ring at one of the pretty faces on camera? There’s nothing to be done but to insist that the gangly lightweight gets down on his knees and starts to oil Brad up, starting with his calves.
I do not remember seeing Brad so cocky, decisive, and absolutely and utterly in charge, and it sits really, really nicely on those mile wide shoulders of his. His deep baritone is silky sexy, and if I’d been in the room, I’d have tossed reluctant Enrique over the top rope and thanked my lucky stars to obey the magnificent muscle man who just wants what’s coming to him, namely, a personal assistant to rub oil into every single muscle and crevice on his gorgeous body.
The one thing that does not work for me in this match is Enrique. I mean, I’m getting a major kick out of watching Brad humiliate and absolutely own the concept of muscle domination. But when Enrique concedes, over and over, body part by body part, to obey Brad’s command to spread oil across his body, the kid looks like he’s about to vomit. Talk about buzz kill. Again, I say, get a certain fanatical blogger to toss Enrique’s ass to the curb and give Brad’s every mouthwatering inch the adoring, oil-soaked stroke it deserves!
This season at MDW is a significant turning point, I think. Like their reimagining of beautiful Brad Barnes, MDW is actively and obviously reframing their focus on wrestling. Oil Hunks 1 is clearly in MDW’s stable of domination videos, but the hot squash wrestling action punctuates the psychological domination like the perfectly paced grasp of an expert lover. Muscle Master Kevin has been promising that MDW is ready to reclaim their block of the homoerotic wrestling neighborhood, and with tasty rookie Carter Alexander and a heel-reinvented Brad Barnes, I like the reboot.