Aces

We’re almost halfway through the month, and it’s about time I gave some much earned attention to my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Ace Hanson.

Ace’s match against Antonio last month was the performance that sealed Ace’s ascendency, but Ace has a deep, deep catalog of homoerotic wrestling that’s sure to entertain fans of big muscleboys with hugely thick thighs. Ace has simply beautiful, doe-eyes with long lashes that give him almost a tender appearance. So much more the devastation that the doe-eyed beauty unleashes when he beats his opponents into the mat with his stunning strength, tenacity, and taste for dishing out suffering. In his “bonus” interview at ThundersTV, early in his tenure there, Ace revealed that he was a competitive Greco-Roman style wrestler through the ninth grade, but he was disqualified about one out of every four matches for intentionally being a dick. This may explain why he excels so devastatingly in the no-ref venue of Thunder’s Arena, where bad sportsmanship is pretty much an essential qualification.

The definitive interview of Ace can be found over at Ringside at Skull Island. Ace-fans will be able to superimpose Ace’s sexy, deep voice overtop of the text of Ace’s interview. Fans will also probably enjoy Ace’s newest release, just out this month (making him another contender for the first-ever back-to-back homoerotic wrestler of the month title), Mat Wars 26. A long time ago, I made what some believed to be disparaging comments about Thunder’s being just a “side dish” of wrestling, but as if in answer, Ace informs Rocky Brick that he’s in for the “main course” after getting pummeled as an appetizer by Cameron Mathews. Fans of huge, meaty thighs squeezed into cut off jeans (they certainly make me feel nostalgic) will also appreciate that the first half of this match features Ace in just such gear, before he strips down to his grey underwear, because “I am just not able to do what I need to do to you with these jean shorts on!”

I think Ace’s appeal for me is not all that surprising. I mean, in addition to his drop dead gorgeous body and wrestling domination, Ace is delightfully quick-witted. There’s just something that much sexier about a wrestler who rhetorically dances circles around his opponent, heaping on humiliation before the flat-footed meat even realizes what’s happened. How can I put this delicately… let me just say that I think Rocky Brick is aptly named, allowing Ace pretty much unchallenged dominance when it comes to trash talk.

Rocky is nearly defenseless about two-thirds of the way through this match. As Ace shoves him across the room and Rocky slumps to the floor, Ace looks at the camera with his arms out, and challenges, “Where are the men? I need a man!” First of all, I’m delighted to hear it. Second of all, I suddenly had a flash of Ace appearing in an entirely different incarnation, wrestling as Eric Reins for Can-Am against Gauge in Sex Submissions.

Stripped out of gear, Ace/Eric and Gauge wrestled nude, and despite the title of the tape, Ace/Eric refused to give up his ass when Gauge reigned victorious. Seems like Ace’s tune has changed these 9 years later, now that he’s pleading for a man.

I’ll let you look up the details yourself, but I just need to say that Ace’s hard cock is almost as beautiful as are his doe-eyes. While I never anticipate seeing him pull it out for Thunder’s Arena (though I have to imagine their audience would double instantly, should they venture down that path), Ace is packing heat and has the full measure of what it is to “be a man.”

Back to his beat down on the Mr. Brick, though: the end of this match brings something new. After trading back and forth pec claws, after slamming one another repeatedly with clotheslines, both big boys end up knocking one another out cold. The camera lingers longingly over both of their prone bodies before it fades to black. But as for me, I’m wondering why that sadistic, opportunistic badboy with a beautiful bubble butt planted on the couch just “off” camera during this match doesn’t leap into action, yank down Ace’s trunks, and be the crowd pleaser he has the potential to be.

Now that would’ve put someone at the front of the line for next month’s title!

Pain and Regret Called-For

Ace Hanson over at Thunder’s Arena has been working his stunning ass off lately! This busy, big, bruiser of a boy (6′ even, 220 pounds, tree trunk thighs… did I mention is ass already?), is facing off with some even bigger boys lately (notwithstanding his squash-like-a-bug of Angel). As of this moment, he’s the featured new release against Cage, who looks like the last face you’d want to see in a dark alley. At 6′ and 215 pounds, the tale of the tape would suggest these two are tit-and-tat. But side by side, they’re actually quite the study in contrasts.

First of all, Cage is smuggling a grapefruit in the front of his trunks, whereas Ace is smuggling two regulation size basketballs in the back of his (which would seem like a perfect combination). Second, blond behemoth Cage is just outrageously massive, whereas Ace is constructed of thick and defined, hard muscle, no soft curves anywhere. Third, Cage is not pretty (unleash the grapefruit, and maybe I’ll change my mind about this, but I doubt it). In stark, stark contrast, Ace is absolutely, indisputably, yet somehow deceptively, very, very pretty.

I have a deep respect for Ace’s work because he keeps going toe to toe with fellow big boys. Regardless of what you think about the work itself, the big, hard wrestlers who continually tackle (and I do mean tackle) fellow big, hard wrestlers are, pound for pound, carrying more than their fair share of the homoerotic wrestling load. The physical workout itself has got to be intense (not that Ace’s quads could fail to be up to the challenge of doing squats all day with Cage across his shoulders), and the potential for injury has to be heightened in his session with Cage or Uno, as opposed to Angel (well, at least for Ace… the calculus probably doesn’t add up the same way for Angel).
Ace comes across to me as straight up straight boy happy to bring in some extra cash by appealing to the wrestling fetishist among us gay boys. More power to him. As with most all the work at Thunder’s, there’s something oddly demure about the ferocity and stagecraft of Ace’s wrestling performances of late that leaves me craving a look at that moneymaker (in Ace’s case, this is most definitely that muscle ass of his). Happily, Ace’s prior incarnation in homoeroticism (as Eric Reins) feeds the need. In Can-Am’s Sex Submissions, Ace/Eric was working that fine, hard ass of his against the bodybuilder bruiser, Gauge. Unlike his more recent work, he wrestled bare naked (and with a ridiculous haircut… you’ll find that easy to ignore when you get a look at his glutes and cock).
Despite the “sex” in the title, Ace/Eric did not obey the rules of sex wrestling: he refused to get fucked when he lost, opting instead to masturbate and then exit the stage for another wrestler to come in and do a much less impressive wrestling performance against Gauge but eventually take it up the ass. I think this should be considered a serious foul in the game of homoerotic wrestling for which Ace still needs to be draped across someone’s knee and spanked bare-assed until those glorious glutes are red as beets and he’s littered the floor with his tears of regret and pain.
Somehow, I don’t see this scenario happening anytime soon in Thunder’s. But I’m keeping my eyes open for it, nonetheless.