The Best: Classics

Honestly, I keep delaying writing this post because of the real possibility that, by the time I’m done writing, the lead will have changed yet again in the reader poll to decide between Mikey Vee and Ace Hanson. There have been more than a dozen changes in the lead over the past two days. It’s been close from the start. I thought Mikey was going to edge out the victory at the end of voting on day one. Then yesterday morning, the vote was tied when I woke up and checked the poll. Over the course of the day yesterday, Mikey kept trying to pull ahead, but Ace persistently clawed back to a tie over and over again. And lo and behold, this morning I arise to discover the classic, hard bodied muscle hunk to eek out the victory in the bitter, bitter end is Ace Hanson with 51.8% of the vote!

Ace Hanson: The Best

I feel pretty certain that, should voting continue, these two beautiful badasses would be locked in a give and take, back and forth in perpetuity. And, on the one hand, I feel like that’s the perfect climax to this series. Yet, I feel like I need to call it, as arbitrarily as it may be, handing Playgirl centerfold, gay porn muscle god, and fucking brutally dominant homoerotic wrestling heel Ace the title. Tuck in and read David’s description of how he sees the match in the comments to the original post (back when Mikey was holding onto a lead). Personally, I think of this vote as the wrestling equivalent of two devastatingly vicious heels pulling out all the stops and just not able to put each other out. Both muscle gods defy belief by surviving finisher after finisher. Mikey tries to break Ace’s back and balls in a crotch claw torture rack, bouncing up and down and twisting his testicles. Ace screams and writhes, but he refuses to submit. After Mikey gives up on the torture rack, Ace battles back, scoops Mikey up and pounds him down in an OTK backbreaker, exacting revenge by beating the fuck out his bobbing cock and balls. Mikey wails, but won’t concede. When Ace flings Mikey off his knee with contempt, Mikey roars back into contention with a knee to the gut that bends Ace over, Mikey snapping his hugely muscled quads around Ace’s head, tugging his huge cock in excited anticipation, and then hoists Ace off his feet, suspended upside down, and delivers a spine tingling pile driver. Ace’s sweat soaked body twitches and spasms, his eyes rolled up in the back of his head. But when Mikey lifts and drops Ace’s right arm to confirm that he knocked him out, Ace’s tenuous hold on consciousness denies him the victory. A stunning jab at Mikey’s balls puts them both back at neutral, but it’s Ace who grabs the initiative first by sliding Mikey’s head between his tree trunk thighs and presses his tibia squarely across his opponent’s throat in a padlocked crotch pillow figure-4 chokehold. Mikey starts bucking and writhing in panic, clawing at Ace’s crushing legs, struggling futilely to reach behind him to land a last chance blow at Ace’s juicy cock, now fully erect and grinding into the back of Mikey’s head. Ace bats his hands away, squeezing Mikey’s throat even harder. “It’s over, mother fucker!” Ace barks victoriously. Mikey groans deep in his chest, no more than a trickle of oxygen permitting him to hold his grip on consciousness. Mikey’s hips rise off of the mat, his lower back arched, and he grabs hold of his own rock hard cock stretched toward the ceiling at the apex of his bridge. Ace laughs at his opponent’s utter humiliation, flexing his biceps like a boss as he watches Mikey jack his meat harder and faster. Mikey can’t help himself. He can’t stop himself. He’s never met an opponent like Ace before, who can take everything Mikey can give and still button Mikey up like an underclassman. Mikey shoots a jet of cum across his washboard ups, splattering his bulging pecs and chin. Mikey’s hips finally crash to the mat in exhaustion, seconds before he slips out of consciousness and remains blissfully unaware as Ace lifts and drops Mikey’s slack, cum soaked right hand three times to confirm the knockout and the victory.


Thanks to everyone for voting, and thanks for the comments, particularly David’s fabulously sexy and extensive narratives. And congratulations to the classic homoerotic wrestling hunk champion who managed to swoop in in the end and claim the title of The Best!

The Battle to Be the Best: Classics – extra innings

Woah. Before I went to sleep last night I checked the Be the Best poll, and Mikey Vee was in the lead, but Ace Hanson was hot on his heels. It seemed like a close battle all day yesterday, but it looked like Mikey was going to hold off Ace’s persistent push to take down the champ. When I woke up this morning, the poll was tied!  Fuck, this is the perfect way to pound out the climactic final match of this To Be the Best Classic homoerotic wrestling star competition. Even this morning, a few votes have teetered the title back and forth, like a wrestling match 25 minutes in, both hunks soaked in sweat, exhausted, stripped of their gear and hanging on desperately to their reputations as muscle hunk badasses.  Rather than call the match prematurely, I’ll keep the poll open a while longer to see if Mikey or Ace can open up a little distance and finally put away the last man standing in the way of final victory.

In the mean time, I thought I’d share some inspiration to see if it can sway any of you fence-sitters. First, here are just a few of the reasons Mikey Vee has been a force of nature in homoerotic wrestling for over a decade. He’s got the face of a Hollywood leading man, the body of a superhuman porn muscle top, and the serious-as-a-heart-attack sadistic will to dominate. But let’s face it, it’s that solid beef ass of his that sets Mikey apart from almost any opponent. Take a look at a few more angles of the defending champ, Mikey Vee:

Before you sign up for team Mikey, though, you should also take a look at Ace in all his glory. If you think he looks like a Playgirl centerfold, you’d be right. If you think he looks like a gay porn muscle god, you’d be right. If you think he’d be a fucking steel-core bulldozer as a homoerotic wrestler, you’d be right. Take a look at Ace’s bid to earn your vote as the Best of the Best:

Does that give you any more clarity about who you want to vote for? There are no losers in a muscle match up like this one. Well, except for the hard core muscle hunk who’s going to get beat down, worked over, dominated and humiliated into a could-have-been runner up. But absolutely everyone else, particularly you and I, are winners. If you haven’t already, vote now!

The Battle to Be the Best: Classics

Flex’s magnificent muscles, gorgeous proportions, and porn-ready cock were not enough to knock Mikey Vee’s legendary muscle ass off of the BBB throne. The poll turned into the wrestling equivalent of a heel beatdown against a stubborn opponent unaccustomed to getting steamrolled. David once again narrated a ton of the action in the comments, and it’s a dizzyingly sexy, “full-contact” (to say the least) muscle massacre. Personally, I picture the climactic moment with Mikey’s naked ass smothering Flex, flat on his back, in the middle of the ring. Mikey hooks one of his opponent’s legs and folds him up, pinning him solidly and really planting his face deep up Mikey’s massive glutes. Of course, pins mean nothing, so Mikey grabs Flex’s battered balls with his free hand and twists hard. Flex probably submits, but there’s nothing but muffled grunts and whimpers from deep up Mikey’s cavernous crack. The grunts and whimpers finally grow silent. Still perched on his face, Mikey lifts and drops Flex’s right hand three times, confirming that the Can-Am gladiator is out for good.

So today is the final match in this round of the Battle to Be the Best, classics edition. There are so many more classic homoerotic wrestling stars who probably deserve a crack at the title, but with only one last spot, I’ve sweated over the choice of just one classic hunk to get the chance to unseat Mikey. Honestly, Mikey mowed through most of the classic hunks at BGE in his career, so I’m casting the net wider for the last contender. I’ve settled on giving this last shot to Ace Hanson aka Eric Reins of Thunders Arena and Can-Am/JetSet fame. Devastatingly pretty and deadly dangerous, Ace never made it to the BGE roster, which made a full throttle muscle match against Mikey merely hypothetical. So here’s his likely one-and-only chance to tap Mikey’s legendary ass and swoop in at the last second to claim the title of the Best of the Best.

On the left, BGE’s babyface beast Mikey Vee (5’11”, 185 pounds) vs. on the right, Can-Am & Thunders Arena’s beautiful badass Ace Hanson (6′, 220 pounds).

In the ring, no rules, only a submission or knockout matters. One of these two magnificent musclemen can win the Battle to Be the Best. You decide by voting here, and comment below to describe the climactic end to this brutal elimination series.

Giving it a Tug

More shots like this from the filming of Henry Cavill as the Man of Steel just keep winding me up harder and harder! Holy. HELL. I don’t know what Superman plot features so much facial hair on Clark Kent, but this look is really, really (really) turning me on!

I haven’t pictured hot Henry as sporting a full beard in my homoerotic wrestling imagination… yet. With these images seared into my retinas and filed away as priceless memories in the erotic stacks in the back of my brain, I’m strongly suspecting he’ll show up with lots of fur the next time he graces the pages of the Producer’s Ring (which, by the way, Google techs now tell me should be up and accessible for everyone who was recently having trouble accessing the site).

Henry Cavill with a full beard is also sending me diving into my search engines for some homoerotic wrestlers with beards. I’m not talking goatees, though I have been known to have a major crush on a goatee before). Not the soul patch (god forbid). Not the stash (though I must say I’d be up for a ride on this one…). Know what? I’m finding them a rather rare species.

Is it the stubble burn of close contact and lots of friction that makes them unpopular? I see tons of boys with enough stubble to hurt when rubbed the wrong/right way. But to really qualify as a “beard,” and not just a lazy ass 5 o’clock shadow, I’m finding precious little.  There are some “sculpted” beards that just barely qualify in my book. BG East’s Jarel Andretti, for example, has a pencil thin outline that stretches from his sideburns all the way to his chin. Same goes for his beefy opponent Jaguar, depending on the lighting. So I’ll give them partial credit for the beard (and say, yes, yes that’s one hot jobber beatdown!).

Thunder’s Arena has a whole bunch of boys who look like they just got lazy with the razor that morning, but a few who clearly have put enough forethought into sculpting the buzz to just barely skate across the line into beard territory. Big, beautiful, bubble-butted Dozer for example.

I’ll even give massive and gorgeous Mario a nod as a bearded beast, perhaps not because his facial hair looks entirely intentional, but because he’s fucking huge and I’d be afraid that he’d crush me like a grape for implying that his scruff doesn’t count.

But the real rare breed in this zoo is the full, furry, lumberjack beard like Mr. Cavill is sporting these days. The thick, hairy fur that typically accompanies hairy pecs and legs – that’s the stuff that I’m jonesin’ for right now. Ace Hanson’s appearance against Uno, for example, comes to mind. So sad to see Ace has been moved to the ranks of “alumni” since I checked out of Thunder’s last spring.

Hairy beast Rex reminded me of Steve Reeves playing Hercules in the films that turned me gay (not really). But really, Rex does give me a Steve Reeves hit, just like he gave Sledge a picture perfect bone crushing bearhug in Bodybuilder Battle 35.

Naked Kombat’s Scout has to be mentioned for the manly facial hair. He simply doesn’t have the porn body (well, not the gay porn body) that I tune into NK for, but in the sport of spotting the rarified form of a beareded homoerotic wrestler, Scout gets a nod.

Possibly the hottest bearded wrestler I’ve had the pleasure to watch (over and over) is the one hit wonder from Can-Am’s Montreal Muscle Bear Fights, Bruno Sinclair. His battle with silky smooth studpuppy Ricardo Dias puts me in precisely the same mood as where I’m picturing Henry Cavill heading in my homoerotic wrestling imagination.  There have GOT to be more bearded homoerotic wrestlers out there. Who am I missing?

And finally, I simply have to say that it’s as if Henry is reading this blog. Just when I was complaining that there are simply not enough pin up shots of hot hunks from behind in order to marvel at a wide, rippled muscle back, our future Mr. Man of Steel goes and lingers like this long enough for several camera shots. Full nelson, anyone!?

Gear Named

It took Stay Puft mere minutes to correctly answer all 5 questions in yesterday’s Name That Gear quiz! Now that’s a good eye for homoerotic wrestling gear! There were other players who also correctly identified all 5 homoerotic wrestlers from their gear, but it was definitely Stay Puft doing it first. With Topher running the board last week, and SP sticking a fork in this one in record time, I may have to start making these quizzes a little harder again. That’s not to say that SP doesn’t deserve the laurel leaves for the week, so let’s take another look at what he saw so quickly.
Gear #1 belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy, of course!
Specifically, Big Sexy has his hands very, very full with the muscle stud juggernaut, Ace Hanson, in No Holds Barred 3. In his recent interview with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island, Big Sexy seems to indicate that he may have his own little fetish going on with those pink and lime green trunks of his. At least he seems infatuated with that particularly attractive gear. I think we all need to pitch in and buy Joe a plane ticket to south Florida to take Big Sexy up on the offer to wrestle him, with Joe getting dibs on wearing the pink-n-lime trunks!
Stay Puft correctly nailed gear #2 as belonging to…
…muscle jobber boy extraordinaire, BG East’s Troy Baker.
This is another example of an iconic homoerotic wrestler who, if you don’t know, you must instantly stop reading this blog, click over to BG East, and order a Troy Baker DVD – nay, a couple of them, with at least one of them being Troy’s Wrestler Spotlight. This mouthwatering shot of Troy’s golden trunks wedgied high between those unbelievably aesthetic mounds of muscle that are his ass cheeks comes from his Wrestler Spotlight DVD, where he faced off out of doors with Jarret Cole. The term “golden boy” seems somehow completely misplaced on anyone else, so those metallic gold posing trunks epitomize Troy in homoerotic wrestling.
Gear #3 belongs to…
…BG East’s Josh Avery.
There’s just something about homoerotic wrestler’s named Josh sporting egos the size of watermelons over at BG East. Josh pulling out the headgear and gloves (take note, Ace, it has been done… just sayin’…) was always nice storytelling. Meeting up with muscle jock Adam Killion for Mat Hunks 3 may have been more than Josh bargained for, but nothing keeps the babyface badboy from pulling out the gear and raising his game another notch.
Stay Puft instantly named gear #4 as belonging to…
BG East’s Muscle Mask.
I still find it astonishing that this masked musclehunk jobs. All that muscle looks like it’s hard earned and built out of something other than just hours at Gold’s Gym. That, and that big granite chin of his always make me intuitively expect him to open up a can of heel whoop-ass. So watching him felled by one opponent after another is fantastic storytelling, as I watch in wonder at the big, intimidating muscle hunk brought screaming to his knees.
Finally, gear #5, indeed, belongs to…
BG East’s “Tarzan” Tyler Reese.
I own this match in which Tyler faces Ricky Martinez in Ringwars 10. First, Ricky dominates the wild one commandingly, which, let’s face it, must have even surprised Ricky. All is said and done, really, until Ricky goes a little too far, humiliates a little too much, takes below-the-loin-cloth liberties in dishing out humiliating punishment over Tyler. As a result, Tarzan Tyler taps into his inner beast, making Ricky sorry he ever stepped foot in the ring. The priceless moment comes early on, though, when the boys are giving their all, and suddenly, Tyler’s eyes go wide as he looks up toward the camera in panic. The leather tie at the side of his loin cloth has come undone, and he’s holding it up, quite literally, by a string. The scene cuts awkwardly, panning back to Tyler suddenly geared up securely once again. When Tyler abandoned the loin cloth and cut his hair short, I lost my infatuation with glimpsing his bare ass cheeks. There just wasn’t the fun of watching in anticipation of another delightful wardrobe malfunction.

So thanks again to Topher for the most excellent suggestion of a new Name That genre. I expect we’ll see future editions of Name That Gear, but regardless what the future holds, this moment, this week, it’s Stay Puft who’s on top of the Name That heap. Nice work!

Yes, Actually

A few of you have told me that you don’t agree with me when it comes to my take on the gay panic story in homoerotic wrestling scenarios. Personally, I find it a turn off when a homoerotic wrestling story depends on gay panic to make sense of the combat. When one wrestler finds himself enraged by some overtly erotic moment in the match, causing him to tap into a seemingly desperate wave of vicious brutality, it all feels like so much internalized homophobia.

So when halfway through Thunder’s Arena’s No Holds Barred 7, when Cameron Matthews plants an aggressive, adamant kiss squarely across the lips of Ace Hanson, it’s no wonder that a red flag flew in the back of my mind to watch Ace’s reaction. Ace tosses Cameron all over the place like a rag doll, grabbing his fight gloves to signal that he’s all business now. “You done crossed the line with that one, buddy!” Ace snarls.

The spike in my anxiety that this truly delightful homoerotic wrestling match is turning homophobic slowly evaporates though. I was already fully on board with being turned on by the Ace v Cameron face-off. Both boys are total work horses for Thunder’s Arena, bringing their gorgeous bodies and their respective skill sets in high quality homoerotic wrestling entertainment.

There’s a lot of mutual admiration that happens early on, and I like that. Both boys do a little trash talking, but mixed with some grudging respect. Ace acknowledges that Cameron has been putting on a few pounds of muscle lately. When they initially lock up, Ace can’t help but admit that Cameron is impressively strong.

Thunder’s Arena is becoming the master of the double entendre, and Cameron and Ace are certainly two of the most accomplished practitioners of sexual innuendo out there. When Cameron slaps on a double arm bar, for example, displaying Ace’s beefy physique to perfection, Ace gasps in pain, startled at the decisiveness with which Cameron is dominating him. “Uh!” Ace grunts with a note of panic. “You got that one in pretty deep!”
“Oh, I can go deeper,” Cameron snarls behind him. A little later, when Cameron has Ace uncharacteristically on his back and suffering, Cameron congratulates himself. “Oh man, I love taking big men down.”
Both boys take turns cranking hard on face-to-crotch headscissors, with accompanying trash talk that completely works for me. When inevitably outmuscled, Cameron evens the playing field with some nasty-looking ball claws that I completely buy. The boys hold my attention and tell a very fulfilling story of a muscle-on-muscle battle for domination, with two big egos slapping down extremely attractive sharp wits.
But then there’s that moment when Ace seems to be tapping into his inner Dan White. All my built up excitement from the action thus far begins to waver. Are these guys just another couple of straight boys hating on the very audience that buys this shit in the first place?
Ace flings Cameron’s sweet body all over the place, as Cameron tries to de-escalate the big man’s ferocity. “I didn’t mean it!” Cameron gasps desperately. “You’re not even my type!”

Surprisingly, though, Ace and Cameron never waver from a homoerotic true-line. It appears that the line that Cameron has crossed hasn’t tripped Ace’s inner-homophobe so much as Ace’s dominating muscle lust. “You wanna get freaky, huh!?” Ace barks at Cameron. Shoving Cameron’s face in his crotch in a tit-for-tat humiliating head scissor, Ace crows, “Is this what you like so much!? Here, let me show you a little closer.” Cameron taps Ace’s ass frantically in submission, but Ace refuses to let him up. He slides his hips backward, grinding his crotch into Cameron’s as he stretches his sweat-soaked, muscle torso overtop of his smart ass opponent, pinning him helplessly underneath his gorgeous bulk. “Stop squirming Cameron,” he mutters as he swivels his hips slowly. “You’re just like my little sweat towel,” he says almost lovingly as he wipes the sweat from his forehead onto Cameron’s face. Slapping a cheek-to-sweaty-cheek sleeper on, Ace moans passionately, “Come on… come on….”

Cameron groans, “I’m coming…” Ace returns the favor for all that ball torture Cameron treated him to earlier. Some truly gasp-worthy maneuvers include one of Ace’s hand clawing at Cameron’s testicles, the other wrapped around his throat, military pressing him overhead. Some incredibly high impact and all-in power squashing happens here that’s undeniably hot.

But what finally sells me is Ace. As he systematically crushes Cameron, ignoring submission after submission in order to beat his boy relentlessly, Ace starts to take full possession of his opponent. With Cameron trapped flat on his back underneath him, yet again, Ace strokes Cameron’s muscles and squeezes his left bicep, marveling that Cameron is hard and pumped from all his exertions. “Feel a little lower,” Cameron mutters, suggesting that it isn’t just his bicep that’s hard and pumped. The grin on Ace’s face grows bigger as he strokes and massages Cameron in hold after hold. He squeezes Cameron’s pecs and thighs. He comes back over and over to Cameron’s impressively big biceps that so many homoerotic wrestling commentators have been admiring lately.

Yet again, Ace has Cameron pinned on his back underneath him, crotch-to-crotch. Ace presses their torsos together and rests his face, cheek-to-cheek on top of Cameron, their lips a fraction of an inch apart. “Is that what you like?” he snarls down.

Cameron mutters, “Yes, actually.”

Ace groans again, “Just like my towel, look at you all wiped up with my sweat. Now you’ll smell like me. Maybe girls will talk to you.”

Without skipping at beat, Cameron groans, “Girls have cooties.”

So, this is quintessentially Thunder’s Arena. Cameron and Ace (mostly Cameron) have extremely entertainingly sharp wits, giving high powered moves and blows a playful, fun-n-games feel about them. But I offer an unqualified recommendation for No Holds Barred 7 mostly because, in a Thunder’s way, this is awesomely erotic. Neither of these gorgeous hunks flinch from the homoerotic sexual innuendo. While Ace appears to grow particularly concerned about Cameron’s indulgent, full-faced kiss, it seems to be only an invitation for Ace to up his game and take more and more delight in exploring and owning Cameron’s hot, hard body. This match is entirely about you and me, with a story told with a lot of humor, a lot of innuendo, a lot of hard, amazing muscle wrestling, and, perhaps surprisingly, a whole lot of respect for their audience.

Kiss It Some More

Ace Hanson v Antonio – Thunder’s Arena’s No Holds Barred 5

If there’s one image that put Ace Hanson over the top in winning my homoerotic wrestler of the month title, it’s got to be the image of him flexing his huge bicep in Antonio’s face in No Holds Barred 5. Sweat streams down Ace’s forehead, drops falling from his brow. His freckled back is browned from the Florida sun. He presses the peak of his stunning bicep against Antonio’s nose humiliatingly, surely the scent of Ace’s sweaty body filling Antonio’s nostrils. “Kiss it,” Ace demands. And Antonio kisses it. Good God, that turns me on.

Mitch Colby v Jeremy Burk – BG East’s Motel Madness 8
I just don’t really watch much straight-up wrestling these days, but I have to imagine that this is not a common plot development. One man’s lips planted on the body of another is inherently homoerotic. I suppose even straight-up pro wrestling might dabble in a humiliating bicep kiss as an act of subjugation, sort of a bully’s prank, chuckling at the “degradation” he’s wrought on his loser opponent. Some of you who follow straight-up fare can tell me if this does, indeed, pop up from time to time. Regardless of whether straight-up wrestlers work a forced bicep kiss into their repertoire, I still say there’s something essentially, unmistakably homoerotic about one man’s lips on any part of another man’s body. Mitch Colby, with his massive hand holding Jeremy Burk’s head like a grapefruit, pressed the twink’s mouth against his beautiful bicep in Motel Madness 8. That kiss, along with Mitch shoving Jeremy’s face into his crotch and scissoring the twink’s head while Jeremy copped a completely understandable feel of Mitch’s pecs, decisively turned this motel pick-up match unavoidably down the path that would lead them to end up soaping each other up, tongues down each other’s throats, soon afterward.
Kid Vicious v Lobolito – BG East’s Wet & Wild 4
Reigning BG East sadist-extraordinaire, Kid Vicious, may not have the biggest biceps, but they’re nonetheless beautiful and more importantly, devastating. Every KV wrestling match is a morality tale in mastery. And the moral of the story? Don’t fuck with KV, or more truthfully, get ready to be fucked over by KV. Skill, cunning, and the complete determination to sexually dominate will overcome all challengers, particularly fresh faced newbies who think that because KV isn’t a a massive musclebound stud, he can’t be all that dangerous. The Wet & Wild 4 taming of Lobolito captures the image perfectly. Lobolito’s right hand is stretched, seemingly lovingly, across KV’s lower back, his tongue obediently lapping at KV’s rock hard bicep (KV is looking particularly toned in this bout). It it weren’t for the look of abject anguish on Lobolito’s face, the sneering domination written across KV’s face, and the leather studded belt wrapped around Lobolito’s neck, the better for KV to completely exercise his vicious control.

Kid Vicious v Kieron Knight – BG East’s Bootboy Brawl 5

I haven’t seen them all, but I’m assuming every KV match includes his opponent’s lips pressed against his body. And why not? If you’re as accomplished at the homoerotic arts of physical domination as KV, why wouldn’t you insist that every conquest include some carnal worship? Babyfaced Kieron Knight from Bootboy Brawl 5 is clearly an awed protege of the vicious one, as quick off the dime to kiss his bicep as he is to do his darnedest to show the master the best he’s got. To know when to be tender and to know when to be tough is surely the sign of a zen-homoerotic-wrestling master.

Rusty Stevens v Mitch Colby – BG East’s The Breaking Point: Sexiest [by far]
And just to cover my bases on the topic, I also want to mention that I’m a big, big fan of the self-worshiping homoerotic wrestling hunk. Any self-worship has it’s delights, but particularly the self-worship of a stunningly muscled, accomplished and always dangerous wrestler like Rusty Stevens, pushes the same buttons for me as the forced bicep kiss from an opponent (well, the buttons are at least kink-adjacent). It’s cliche, I know, and yet I’m always a sucker for a hunk with baseball biceps lifting his arm to his face and planting a lingering, adoring, lustful kiss on his own bicep. Any beautiful physique can pull this off satisfyingly for me, but particularly a physique that I’ve seen dominate hunk after hunk, inflicting precisely measures quantities of pain and humiliation, putting every aesthetically perfect muscle to no better possible use than to one overmatched stud after another. The bicep kiss is just giving credit where credit is due – showing some love to what got you there, and to what it is that will bring home victory after sexually dominating victory.


We’re almost halfway through the month, and it’s about time I gave some much earned attention to my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Ace Hanson.

Ace’s match against Antonio last month was the performance that sealed Ace’s ascendency, but Ace has a deep, deep catalog of homoerotic wrestling that’s sure to entertain fans of big muscleboys with hugely thick thighs. Ace has simply beautiful, doe-eyes with long lashes that give him almost a tender appearance. So much more the devastation that the doe-eyed beauty unleashes when he beats his opponents into the mat with his stunning strength, tenacity, and taste for dishing out suffering. In his “bonus” interview at ThundersTV, early in his tenure there, Ace revealed that he was a competitive Greco-Roman style wrestler through the ninth grade, but he was disqualified about one out of every four matches for intentionally being a dick. This may explain why he excels so devastatingly in the no-ref venue of Thunder’s Arena, where bad sportsmanship is pretty much an essential qualification.

The definitive interview of Ace can be found over at Ringside at Skull Island. Ace-fans will be able to superimpose Ace’s sexy, deep voice overtop of the text of Ace’s interview. Fans will also probably enjoy Ace’s newest release, just out this month (making him another contender for the first-ever back-to-back homoerotic wrestler of the month title), Mat Wars 26. A long time ago, I made what some believed to be disparaging comments about Thunder’s being just a “side dish” of wrestling, but as if in answer, Ace informs Rocky Brick that he’s in for the “main course” after getting pummeled as an appetizer by Cameron Mathews. Fans of huge, meaty thighs squeezed into cut off jeans (they certainly make me feel nostalgic) will also appreciate that the first half of this match features Ace in just such gear, before he strips down to his grey underwear, because “I am just not able to do what I need to do to you with these jean shorts on!”

I think Ace’s appeal for me is not all that surprising. I mean, in addition to his drop dead gorgeous body and wrestling domination, Ace is delightfully quick-witted. There’s just something that much sexier about a wrestler who rhetorically dances circles around his opponent, heaping on humiliation before the flat-footed meat even realizes what’s happened. How can I put this delicately… let me just say that I think Rocky Brick is aptly named, allowing Ace pretty much unchallenged dominance when it comes to trash talk.

Rocky is nearly defenseless about two-thirds of the way through this match. As Ace shoves him across the room and Rocky slumps to the floor, Ace looks at the camera with his arms out, and challenges, “Where are the men? I need a man!” First of all, I’m delighted to hear it. Second of all, I suddenly had a flash of Ace appearing in an entirely different incarnation, wrestling as Eric Reins for Can-Am against Gauge in Sex Submissions.

Stripped out of gear, Ace/Eric and Gauge wrestled nude, and despite the title of the tape, Ace/Eric refused to give up his ass when Gauge reigned victorious. Seems like Ace’s tune has changed these 9 years later, now that he’s pleading for a man.

I’ll let you look up the details yourself, but I just need to say that Ace’s hard cock is almost as beautiful as are his doe-eyes. While I never anticipate seeing him pull it out for Thunder’s Arena (though I have to imagine their audience would double instantly, should they venture down that path), Ace is packing heat and has the full measure of what it is to “be a man.”

Back to his beat down on the Mr. Brick, though: the end of this match brings something new. After trading back and forth pec claws, after slamming one another repeatedly with clotheslines, both big boys end up knocking one another out cold. The camera lingers longingly over both of their prone bodies before it fades to black. But as for me, I’m wondering why that sadistic, opportunistic badboy with a beautiful bubble butt planted on the couch just “off” camera during this match doesn’t leap into action, yank down Ace’s trunks, and be the crowd pleaser he has the potential to be.

Now that would’ve put someone at the front of the line for next month’s title!

Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

February brought us a hardy winter crop of homoerotic wrestling. As I mentioned a few days ago, Thunder’s Arena’s presentation of Ace Hanson punishing Antonio for trying to steal his truck in No Holds Barred 5 comes with the promise from Thunder’s that this is their hottest match ever, meaning Ace and Antonio are instant contenders for February’s homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Ace also did double duty in No Holds Barred 4 against Dallas, and Antonio did a second stint this month against Angel in Mat Wars 24. Z-Man and Cody Nelson get nominations for their prettyboy scramble in Thunder’s Mat Wars 24, and just under the wire for February’s offerings comes Cameron Mathews’ work to tame hilariously named Rocky Brick in Mat Wars 25. Thunder’s is definitely dominating the field this month when it comes to nominations! But Rock Hard Wrestling has a slate of nominations to offer, as well, all from the same tag-team match up: muscle studs Tyler Reeves and Max Powers and their doe-eyed prey Chris(tian) Cox(Taylor) and Jeff (Skip) Hollister (Vance). Can-Am is going to the well a second time with their gorgeous rookie workhorse, Landon Mycles appearing in the obligatory follow up to his debut ring match (which earned him a homoerotic wrestler of the month title), starring in their Hard Heroes storyline. Can-Am also is putting up Cameron Mathews (damn, that boy is busy… and has a beautiful ass…), Donnie Drake, and Rio Garza for Pro Bashed Triple Threat, and Aryx Quinn and A.J. Irons for the much-anticipated (by me) sequel, Pro Sex Fight 2. I liked the look of several Naked Kombat boys in February, including DJ making an entirely respectable bid to be the first back-to-back repeat title holder for his domination of thug Nikko Alexander; lean-n-mean rookie Adonismasterful debut against Gianni Luca; and stunning slice of thick, thick beef, rookie Roman Rivers for getting those massive, hot muscles of his tamed and claimed by veteran Leo Forte.
Damn, even without any BG East new releases, that’s a hard and thick field of competitors. This is legitimately a tough call for me for all the right reasons this month. I’d like to spread the love far and wide, but, truth be told, this is not such a tight race that I could say we’ve got a tie. No, I have to put my finger on one homoerotic wrestling stud in particular who noses his way ahead of the competitive pack this time around with a truly inspired performance. February’s homoerotic wrestler of the month is, decisively…

It turns out, I totally buy the marketer who dubbed Ace’s action on the mat with Antonio as Thunder’s Arena’s hottest. Story is, Ace catches Antonio trying to hotwire his truck… while it’s still in the garage. Characters are established immediately (e.g., Antonio isn’t all that bright; Ace is aggrieved). Thunder’s reports these boys at just about the same size, but Ace manhandles Antonio like Saturday’s laundry. Antonio, for his part, actually has a legitimate bid here for the homoerotic wrestler of the month title. It’s not because he wrestles particularly well or convincingly. In fact, this is a remarkably one-sided match in which Antonio is pounded, twisted, pried and prodded mercilessly, without putting up much of a fight at all. But damn it, he looks like he’s actually ashamed for having been caught trying to steal Ace’s truck! I pretty much buy that Antonio takes his humiliation like well-deserved penance for his sins, and a big man who sucks up his deserved punishment without whining about it is awfully hot. But then again, in this scenario of Antonio doing penance, that makes Ace the hand of God, and that’s just that much hotter.

Ace tosses 220 pound Antonio over his shoulder, walks him through the Thunder’s house, and dumps him on the mat. Ace looks hungry as he slips on his gloves and rips off his t-shirt and jeans, his huge, gorgeous legs and ass possibly never better displayed than in his neon green zebra-stripe trunks. Ace proceeds to dish out Antonio’s punishment eagerly, determined to teach the red-handed boy a lesson he’ll never forget. But what strikes me immediately here is that Ace’s mat work is… well… so fucking intimate! I mean, wrestling and full-contact fighting are always a hair’s-breadth away from full-on simulated fucking. That goes without saying. But with Antonio taking his punishment in shame and Ace eagerly climbing on top, pressing their faces together cheek to cheek while grinding his crotch into Antonio’s lower abdomen… damn.

With Antonio on his back, Ace has Antonio’s right arm in an armlock that looks like the poor thief’s elbow could snap at any moment. “Oh, yeah… oh, yeah….” Ace whispers as Antonio grunts in bursts of pain. “Come on… come on…” Ace whispers with just a hint of pleading in his voice. Shut your eyes, and you’d swear these boys were fucking. Wrapping up Antonio’s head between Ace’s thighs, Ace crows, “Put that head where it belongs!” Flexing his glutes rhythmically, he snarls, “Feel that!? Huh!?”

Ace takes Antonio to the brink of being sleepered out cold, and then rips the hunk’s board shorts off of him. Ace starts to taunt him. “You got no life in you! Why you got no life in you boy? You wanna just lay there like that? Huh!?” He folds Antonio up and sits his big, glorious glutes down in the truck thief’s face humiliatingly. In barely adequate metallic white posing trunks, Antonio can only grunt as Ace slaps his vulnerable ass and crows, “I got you all kinked up now!” And indeed, things take a fantastically kinky turn, as Ace marvels at his own handiwork, looking down at Antonio spread-eagled helplessly underneath him. Ace reaches down and claws the truck thief’s balls, and like me, Antonio gasps.

“Come on, show me a little bit! Let me see if you’ve got some muscles on you!” Ace demands of his suffering opponent. Antonio begins to try to flex in obedience, but Ace quickly snorts in disgust and shows Antonio his bicep… up close… demanding that Antonio kiss it… which he does. Mounting him again and locking up his arms, Ace whispers almost lovingly, “That’s right, just catch your breath. I got ya. That’s right. Right there, that’s right.” Ace thrusts his hips against Antonio’s abdomen, making his massive glutes quiver as Antonio grunts in time. Ace tortures Antonio’s nipple. He wraps up Antonio’s head in a figure-4 leglock, with Antonio’s nose crushed against the base of Ace’s scrotum. More ball claws (“Say ‘mercy’ or I’ll squeeze it off!”). He forces Antonio to worship his softball-size bicep (“See that! Huh? It’s nice, isn’t it.” Yeah, Antonio grunts. “Touch it! Touch it! Come on, grab it!”) and stroke and kiss his massive, flexed quads. Ace hoists (let me remind you, 220 pound!) Antonio up over his shoulder, shoving the thief’s face into Ace’s crotch with lingering, humiliating delight.
So, Antonio decidedly does not merit homoerotic wrestler of the month after all, really, because this match is entirely a testimony to Ace’s hard work and sweat. Ace taps into a wrestling kink sadist streak deep within him that takes awesomely homoerotic turns. Ace tells this story. Ace paces the action. Ace delivers an onslaught of humiliating punishment that surely, nearly, washes away Antonio’s sins. Ace is, without a doubt, my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.

Kiss It

I haven’t yet seen the newest match from Thunder’s Arena, starring work horse Ace Hanson facing off with rookie Antonio. The members-only area has these tantalizing pics and the provocative tease that this bout, No Holds Barred 5, may be their hottest yet. Sure, sure. We’ve all heard this before from every company serving up every new release. It wouldn’t exactly be a good marketing strategy to say, “This match is of mediocre hotness and may entertain you moderately.” The marketing office comes up with cliches like “hottest yet.” It’s consumers like you an me that are really the only ones to be in a position to back up a claim like that, though.

But damn, I must admit, the teaser pics for this match make me think this could be the hottest yet from Thunder’s Arena. This is the power of pics and marketing at work, my friends. I am being moved to fill in the gaps between frozen frames in such a way that I’m aching to see the match that my imagination is writing for me based on the barest of outlines. Ace looks like he’s got something to prove against the gorgeous, meaty challenge of Antonio. The ostensible story is that Ace caught Antonio stealing his truck (really… the Latino guy was caught stealing the white guy’s truck… really?). More than one pic shows Ace rubbing his massive bicep in Antonio’s face, and if we believe what we read (I do, every word), Ace forces Antonio to kiss his bicep. There’s reportedly spanking involved. Beads of sweat can clearly be seen coursing their way down Ace’s forehead. Antonio looks like he’s a big, big boy unaccustomed to getting manhandled, finding himself manhandled. These are all elements of hot wrestling kink. This looks promising (ignoring the potentially racist overtones…).

I fully intend on watching this match when I’ve got the time to take the time to truly appreciate it. In the mean time, I’m just drawn to the obvious. Ace in a zebra print green speedo is inspired. Those huge, round, squeezable glutes of his should never, ever, ever again be wrapped up in bicycle shorts. The sight of his bare thighs wrapped around Antonio’s head should require no further argument. Screw the square cuts and mid-thigh lycra.

And if we’re encouraging what’s working, let’s all raise a cheer for Ace putting those glutes to optimal use by squeezing Antonio’s head often and sitting on the rookie’s face. For anyone, this is humiliating. For someone finding his face crushed beneath the slabs of beef that are Ace’s glutes, though, this has also got to be seriously punishing. It’s also making me crazy to trade places with Antonio. If I could write this script, Ace would also require Antonio to kiss his ass, but I’m not expecting Thunder’s to venture into that territory. Please, please, please, Thunder’s, prove me wrong.

And, frankly, I’m a jonesin’ quite a bit to trade places with Ace, as well. Sweet man alive, Antonio is stunning in still life. The very brief white briefs leave nearly nothing to be imagined. Some major manhandling of a boy this big looks like a muscleboy on muscleboy bonanza. Often, Thunder’s strays too far into fratboy-horsing-around territory to completely satiate me. But if Ace is working out some convincing domination with a need to humiliate, punish, and tame the big rookie, illustrating that he’s the muscle stud not to be fucked with… this very well could qualify for Thunder’s Arena’s hottest yet. I’ll let you know what I think when the still life comes to life.