Have a Homoerotic Wrestling Halloween

Who are you dressing up as for Halloween?  I thought long and hard about it, and I decided to shave my head, put on a sneer, and wear ass-kicking boots, blue jeans, a black shirt.  That’s right, for Halloween, I’m going as…

kidvicious
Viciously scary!

…Kid Vicious.  Sure, nobody at the party will get it.  But in the spirit of Kid Vicious, what the fuck do I care?  I’ll just sneer and look threatening.  Good times guaranteed.  Here are some other homoerotic wrestler inspired Halloween characters you might consider.

flyboy
Pin on some golden wings and go as a Flyboy.

 

corporaldaniels
Don the fatigues and get ready to get crushed as Corporal John Daniels.
tarzan
Costume requiring least fabric: Tie on a loin cloth, look a little feral, and get ready to rumble as Tarzan Tyler Reese.
super men season 1 episode 1 _Snapshot (9)
Feeling like a Super Hero? Go as MDW’s Captain Twink. More a Super Villain? Go as MMK’s Super Heel.
super
Then again, if you’re feeling like a supe, you might dare to don the costume of the deadly Black Spider, or the prey he’s about to suck dry, Blue Lightning.
hardheroes
Then again, the superhero homoerotic wrestler field is huge! Try one of the Hard Heroes.
hardheroes2
Can’t decide which Hard Hero? May I recommend Steven Shannon’s character Omega, spandex ripped off around the crotch and wrists and ankles tied?
superstudscapture
You could dress as one of the Superstuds: The Capture boys, my favorite being, of course, bare chested Titanium (Lincoln Lode).
academy
How about the collegiate superhero look? Like one of the (doomed) hotties in tights from The Academy: Super Studs School.
crotch2
My vote for most inspired homoerotic wrestler-inspired Halloween costume would be the stud who dresses as Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), also known as “The Crotch Monster.”
crotch
Vying for most-inspired would be Son of Crotch Monster, aka, Pretty Pete Sharp

Let me know what you pick.  Send pictures!

Victory is Mine!

Regular readers have heard me bitching and whining about my work life for years now. I’ve been wrestling with a bear of a job that leaves me underpaid and my labor generally exploited by others. However, I’m ecstatic to report that the mammoth project that has been weighing me down and distracting me from the great fun of posting more here and writing more homoerotic wrestling fiction has come to a thrilling conclusion. I took some vicious attacks along the way, but as of today, I have wrestled the mother fucker to his back, pinned his chin beneath my crotch, and slapped down a crowing, lingering, humiliating 3-count pin in the middle of the ring.

Shoulders pinned, leg hooked, crotch hovering at chin-level…

The size and scope of this exhausting victory cannot be overstated. I’m poised to start a new job in a few weeks, which will include an epic promotion and huge jump in compensation. I will be moving across the country in the mean time, so my availability to post around here will likely continue to be spotty. But life is good, gentlemen!

One!…
two!…
three, you son of a bitch! You’re ass is mine!”

Gear Named

It took Stay Puft mere minutes to correctly answer all 5 questions in yesterday’s Name That Gear quiz! Now that’s a good eye for homoerotic wrestling gear! There were other players who also correctly identified all 5 homoerotic wrestlers from their gear, but it was definitely Stay Puft doing it first. With Topher running the board last week, and SP sticking a fork in this one in record time, I may have to start making these quizzes a little harder again. That’s not to say that SP doesn’t deserve the laurel leaves for the week, so let’s take another look at what he saw so quickly.
Gear #1 belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s Big Sexy, of course!
 
Specifically, Big Sexy has his hands very, very full with the muscle stud juggernaut, Ace Hanson, in No Holds Barred 3. In his recent interview with Joe at Ringside at Skull Island, Big Sexy seems to indicate that he may have his own little fetish going on with those pink and lime green trunks of his. At least he seems infatuated with that particularly attractive gear. I think we all need to pitch in and buy Joe a plane ticket to south Florida to take Big Sexy up on the offer to wrestle him, with Joe getting dibs on wearing the pink-n-lime trunks!
Stay Puft correctly nailed gear #2 as belonging to…
…muscle jobber boy extraordinaire, BG East’s Troy Baker.
This is another example of an iconic homoerotic wrestler who, if you don’t know, you must instantly stop reading this blog, click over to BG East, and order a Troy Baker DVD – nay, a couple of them, with at least one of them being Troy’s Wrestler Spotlight. This mouthwatering shot of Troy’s golden trunks wedgied high between those unbelievably aesthetic mounds of muscle that are his ass cheeks comes from his Wrestler Spotlight DVD, where he faced off out of doors with Jarret Cole. The term “golden boy” seems somehow completely misplaced on anyone else, so those metallic gold posing trunks epitomize Troy in homoerotic wrestling.
Gear #3 belongs to…
…BG East’s Josh Avery.
There’s just something about homoerotic wrestler’s named Josh sporting egos the size of watermelons over at BG East. Josh pulling out the headgear and gloves (take note, Ace, it has been done… just sayin’…) was always nice storytelling. Meeting up with muscle jock Adam Killion for Mat Hunks 3 may have been more than Josh bargained for, but nothing keeps the babyface badboy from pulling out the gear and raising his game another notch.
Stay Puft instantly named gear #4 as belonging to…
BG East’s Muscle Mask.
I still find it astonishing that this masked musclehunk jobs. All that muscle looks like it’s hard earned and built out of something other than just hours at Gold’s Gym. That, and that big granite chin of his always make me intuitively expect him to open up a can of heel whoop-ass. So watching him felled by one opponent after another is fantastic storytelling, as I watch in wonder at the big, intimidating muscle hunk brought screaming to his knees.
Finally, gear #5, indeed, belongs to…
BG East’s “Tarzan” Tyler Reese.
I own this match in which Tyler faces Ricky Martinez in Ringwars 10. First, Ricky dominates the wild one commandingly, which, let’s face it, must have even surprised Ricky. All is said and done, really, until Ricky goes a little too far, humiliates a little too much, takes below-the-loin-cloth liberties in dishing out humiliating punishment over Tyler. As a result, Tarzan Tyler taps into his inner beast, making Ricky sorry he ever stepped foot in the ring. The priceless moment comes early on, though, when the boys are giving their all, and suddenly, Tyler’s eyes go wide as he looks up toward the camera in panic. The leather tie at the side of his loin cloth has come undone, and he’s holding it up, quite literally, by a string. The scene cuts awkwardly, panning back to Tyler suddenly geared up securely once again. When Tyler abandoned the loin cloth and cut his hair short, I lost my infatuation with glimpsing his bare ass cheeks. There just wasn’t the fun of watching in anticipation of another delightful wardrobe malfunction.

So thanks again to Topher for the most excellent suggestion of a new Name That genre. I expect we’ll see future editions of Name That Gear, but regardless what the future holds, this moment, this week, it’s Stay Puft who’s on top of the Name That heap. Nice work!

The Sweet Spot

Wade Cutler v Phil Latini  – BG East’s X-Fights 15
In my interview with my reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division, Lon Dumont, Lon mentioned that he typically doesn’t have to put a lot of strategic brainpower into destroying his “dim-witted” competition. If pressed, however, Lon says that he sometimes will choose to isolate a body part. Personally, I’m a big, big fan of a ringmaster chaining together move after move, all concentrating systematic, brutal, and incapacitating punishment on a singular body part. In particular, there’s something awfully hot about the unleashing of back torture that makes all the physical development of a muscle hunk completely useless. Sure, you can bench press a horse, but if you’re lower back is so compromised that you can’t endure the agony of standing up straight, those gorgeous, strong pecs and arms are just beautiful, yet pointless, accessories.
Cole Cassidy v Tarzan Tyler Reese – BG East’s Ringwars 11
Like Wade Cutler, simply gleeful (I always loved it when he laughed unselfconsciously when he had his opponent in a bad way) as he wraps up Phil Latini’s lower back like a twist tie, the lower back proves itself to be an awesome, vulnerable point of exploitation for seriously hot demolition. True, some muscle freaks can actually pack on shredded slabs of beef across their lower backs, but for most of us mortals, even in top physical condition, the lower back is a site of vulnerability. When your opponent has maneuvered you into position to crank your lower back folding in the wrong direction, you’re pretty much screwed. When he also delights in grinding his fist into quivering cords of traumatized muscle struggling to protect your lower spine, such as Cole Cassidy’s astonishing boston crab variation on loin cloth clad rookie jobber, Tarzan Tyler Reese, you’re seriously screwed.
Kid Leopard v Ken Decker – BG East’s Demolition 4
In thinking about this theme, I came across pics of Kid Leopard’s Demolition 4 decimation of muscle hunk Ken Decker.  KL is nothing if not the ringmaster of all ringmasters, and he illustrates to perfection the point of my post today. Let’s count the ways that KL, outweighed and outmuscled by hunky Ken, more than evens the playing field by isolating and absolutely pulverizing his opponent’s lower back. In the pic above, he KL looks like he’s nearly about to rip Ken’s head off of his neck, as his lower back is creased and pried at nearly a 90 degree angle in the opposite direction it’s built to bend.

I don’t know the actual sequence of this story, but let’s start with the direct approach. KL tosses the hardbody chest-first into the corner and pounds his knee into his back.

There’s the tried and true over the knee backbreaker to isolate the hunk’s lower back in a particularly delightful and humiliating fashion (always one of my favorites). Ken looks impressively bendable, but that’s no inoculation against incapacitating, prolonged back torture, now is it?
A camel clutch especially for the viewing audience cranks further on the square-jawed hunk, prying his upper back and shoulders as well as torturing the lower back, and just for good measure, a humiliating hair pull and knuckles to the temple. I love the look of fierce concentration on KL’s face here, right next to his exhausted, defenseless, nearly unconscious opponent’s face.

A fourth approach has KL grabbing hold of Ken’s right boot and left wrist and prying them upward in a nasty standing bow-and-arrow. If Ken had been doing his yoga, this might not have been quite as devastating as it looks like it was for him.

KL drops some more knees into Ken’s back to continue to weaken up the sweet spot, as Ken flails in agony on his stomach in the middle of the ring.

Here must be where Cole Cassidy learned it. KL locks up Ken’s legs underneath his armpits and folds the hunk backward. This was not the direction that the human torso was meant to bend. But a fist grinding deep into the muscle surrounding Ken’s spine breaks down the hunk’s core strength that much more. Again, look at the pain on the sweaty face of the catcher here.

Typically, from the last maneuver, an outmatched chump frantically reaches behind him to try to use his hands to protect his assaulted back. Always three moves ahead, KL happily snaps up captain america’s wrists and then leans back. This is nothing if it’s not art. The precision balance, KL’s face flushed with the effort, Ken’s face twisted in agony, and his lower back and shoulders pried starkly in the wrong direction… stunning athleticism, true, but aesthetically, this is art.

One helpless suspension hold is not enough, however. KL maneuvers the handsome one into still another variation, now facing backward, with Ken’s right knee stretched painfully around his own trapped left ankle, and his right ankle hooked between KL’s upper thighs. 
Back to the corner, KL traps Ken’s head between his thighs (look at how beet red Ken’s face is here!), and somehow manages to pry the hunk backward, locking his ankles underneath KL’s armpits. I’m going to have to buy this DVD to see how two bodies can manage to get into this position, because I simply can’t imagine it. However, the end result is still another fantastic example of isolating poor Ken’s lower back, creased and folded over on itself, with the hunk literally having absolutely no place to go.

Since we’re in the corner, and since KL is never shy of capitalizing on anything and everything at his disposal to torture his opponents, KL wracks Ken over the turnbuckle and ropes and pries the muscled hunk backward with a vicious tug on the hunk’s chin with KL’s right hand and on the hunk’s balls with KL’s left hand. Ken’s ass squeezed out the top of his trunks doesn’t hurt the aesthetics here, either. So many points of agony, but the relentless assault on Ken’s back is clearly the purpose of this, like every other, hold.

I believe that adds up to (at least) 11 ways that KL beats the living shit out of Ken Decker’s lower back. Damn, that’s hot. And once you’ve conquered a muscle boy and left him helpless and wasted on the mat, his back in too much agony to even try to roll over, then it’s time to reward yourself for a job very well done.

From start to finish, this is an awesome homoerotic wrestling plot told by a master. Relentlessness, small guy conquering the big guy with cunning and wits, more relentlessness mixed with a healthy pinch of merciless viciousness, and topped off with some ass humping, hair pulling, ear nibbling pleasure. Sweet.