Tis the season for year end retrospectives. I’m delighted to see Alex’s bold calls on his favorites of the year, drawing from across a wide swath of the homoerotic wrestling industry and reflecting some sensational wrestling. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that BG East will again do their Bestie Awards, so that I can obsess further about the highs and lows and gauge where I fall along the distribution of BG East fan tastes. Like the neglect of hot legs, I got to wondering what other categories of objects of my homoerotic wrestling lusts will likely also not be reflected in the mainstream polls and retrospectives. Since this blog is all about me (I keep repeating that because some people seem to keep forgetting it), I’m paying a little more attention to some of the niche categories that attract my attention, even if they don’t seem to be the subject of many/any other best of lists.
Even though this is all about me, I’m happy to have you chime in with your opinions (apart from nasty insults). So feel free to register your votes in these waning, dark days of 2016. I’ll report out the results of the polling, as well as let you know who I pick for top honors, in a few days. Today’s unsung hero category of homoerotic wrestling is Sexiest Nipples.
This category is tough to pin down the specifics, but I most definitely know what I like when I see it. The topic of attractive nipples pops up frequently in my posts, so it’s little wonder that I have opinions about who showed off the hottest nips in wrestling this year. If I have a criteria for judging sexy nipples, I’m sure size, symmetry, and placement are playing a part, but ultimately, it comes down to the nips that make my mouth water. I’ve picked my top 5 for you to vote on, but feel free to write-in a candidate in the comments below, as well as share your criteria for judging sexy nipples.
My slate of nominees for Sexiest Nipples in Homoerotic Wrestling for 2016 are as follows (in alphabetical order):
My favorite part of writing this blog for 7 and a half years has been getting to interview some of the sensationally sexy stars of homoerotic wrestling. I’ve had to conduct most of those interviews remotely, so it’s a particularly rare treat when geography and timing line up for me to sit down for a face to face with a wrestler willing to let me toss a barrage of questions his way. Just such a fantastic alignment of circumstances recently occurred, and I sat down with an audio recorder and super lightweight rising pro wrestler Charlie Evans. I’m not sure if the transcript captures just how much fun I had. Charlie had me in stitches, and like Charlie says, what you see is what you get with him. So when he says, “jeepers” or “son-of-a-beeswax,” there isn’t an ounce of irony in his voice. And that makes this “scrawny” ginger phenom massively charming, adorably engaging, and a three-dimensional pro wrestling character in a category all his own.
Bard: Charlie, thanks for agreeing to meet with me and chat on the record. I know a lot of wrestling fans are interested in learning more about you. You mentioned to me earlier that you’re a big fan of indy pro wrestling, even more so than mainstream pro. Who are some of the indy pro wrestlers than you like?
Charlie: So I’ve always been drawn to the size difference matches, big versus little, David versus Goliath. And I’ve always liked the high flyers. Growing up, Rey Mysterio was easily always my favorite. So I’ve always been drawn to the same kinds of wrestlers on the indy scene, like Nate Wings, Ryan Kidd, Zack Sabre, Eli Everfly. Them against the big guys.
Bard: So who are the big guys that you like?
Charlie: Son of a beeswax (laughing, trying to come up with names). Terex, Brian Cage. Anytime you have the big giant guys versus the small, high flyers, that’s what I’ve always been drawn to because I’m a smaller guy, and I always thought that maybe I could take on some of the bigger guys.
Bard: I like it! And you and I have talked about this, that I think that is a cool angle.
Charlie: Before I got into this I always envisioned myself as the glorified jobber type. You know, I like seeing squash matches or whatever, and I figured that’s going to be my role. I never realized how hard wired my personality was. I’m not a pushover, and I do NOT like being humiliated in the ring. I do NOT like getting my ass kicked. I like to fight back with 110% of everything I’ve got, and I did not envision that to be the case before I started.
Bard: I think that’s awesome. I think that makes for good wrestling from a fan’s perspective.
Charlie: Especially since you start off thinking, oh, I’m going to be a jobber. And then snap, almost instantly, no, that’s not going to be me.
Bard: In the moment, I’m getting more into this.
Charlie: Right, it’s like, all right, I’m going to have a fifty-pound weight disadvantage, or a hundred pound disadvantage, and I am going to fight back with every ounce of strength, speed, agility, what have you. I’m not going to fight dirty, because I’m too nice for that. But I’m not going to give up. I’m not going to quit.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic. So thinking of you in the fight, getting provoked, getting competitive in the moment, I’m picturing your BG East debut in Tag Team Torture 19.
Charlie: First, I’ve got to say, that was one of the best AND funnest matches of my life, and I could not have been happier that that was my BG East debut. That was a kick ass match. I loved that one.
Bard: Nice! So I’m thinking of that opening sequence in that match. It’s both you and Christian Taylor, but you sort of go ballistic in that.
Charlie: Yeah! You know we get some good roll up pins, atomic drops, and I get to debut the Ginger Snap.
Bard: Tell us about the Ginger Snap.
Charlie: Oh, the Ginger Snap. First, you’ve got to brand everything, so that’s my first “patented” move. And that’s running handstand headscissors that flips the guy right across the ring. I kind of use my speed and size and stuff. You know, it can backfire though. I’ve been powerbombed a couple of times doing it.
Bard: I could see that.
Charlie: But you catch them off guard, and booya!
Bard: Nice! Well it looks amazing. It’s very cool to watch. And it’s sort of along those lines of a real small guy who could probably easily be underestimated, who then pulls off something that is really devastating. It’s really cool.
Charlie: Just be on the look out for some other moves, like Ginger Bombs.
Charlie: Now, you’re going to have to wait to see what those are. You’ve got the Ginger Splash. I’ve been saying I need to go away from the “ginger” aspect.
Bard: I don’t know why. I don’t think you do.
Charlie: Yeah, well, I’ve been overruled on that one. I figured I could at least go with “scarlet” every now and then, but the ginger thing is sticking.
Bard: (laughing) Good! So, a tag team. Does that increase the competitiveness, the “I need to fight more, I need to pull my weight?”
Charlie: Oh gosh, yes. I’m a good guy, so I’ve got to be looking out for my partner. And when you’ve got Christian Taylor in your corner, that certainly helps.
Charlie: He had my back. I had his back, and the opponents didn’t really have their own backs.
Bard: They did not have each other’s backs, which was definitely the tale of that match.
Charlie: Oh, they were a bit of a mess. And you can quote that.
Bard: (laughing) They were a significant mess. I think they, well, at least one of the two of them would probably agree with that.
Charlie: Maybe (sounding doubtful).
Bard: So, over at MDW I haven’t seen all of your MDW releases.
Charlie: Oh my gosh!
Bard: I know, I feel bad about it. I was trying to do my homework beforehand, but I didn’t get to see everything. But my first introduction to you was actually your MDW work as… wait, it’s not the Riddler. What do they call him?
Bard: Riddle Man! Your Riddle Man takedown of Superman in the form of Damien Rush. Which was another example of you maybe picturing yourself as ending up a jobber in this business, and then your opening match…
Charlie: … I not only get to kick some ass, but I get my heel side on.
Bard: Yes! Was that fun?
Charlie: Yeah, I mean, when you get to portray someone like the Riddle Man, you kind of get to tap into your darker side a little bit. A side you might not be aware exists. But, yeah, anytime you can get Damien Rush’s ass…
Bard: Yes. It’s a nice ass to kick.
Charlie: It is.
Bard: And you spend a little bit of time paying attention to his ass in that match. Which I admire immensely.
Charlie: Oh? I was not aware.
Bard: No? You spend, well, Riddle Man spends pretty extensive time going back and forth between trying to decide in the long run which is the best angle to go at him, from the front side or the back.
Charlie: That is right. He gave me a lot to work with.
Bard: (laughing) He does!
Charlie: Yes, both front and back. I had to give equal attention to both.
Bard: Yes, super sexy match, and again, I’m a big fan of Damien’s ass, so you gave it some hands on treatment there.
Charlie: Yeah. What can I say? The Riddle Man really, really wanted to work that ass, in-between bashing some balls.
Bard: Absolutely. Anyway, fantastic to watch, very pleasing.
Charlie: And as a chatterbox, Riddle Man, he’s also a bit of a chatterbox. He had to be working with both riddles and puns on the fly. So I don’t think I stopped talking once during that entire match.
Bard: (laughing) And is that true to you?
Charlie: That’s true to me, though I’m not usually so mean! To all of the sudden on the fly realize that you have to fill up 20, 25 minutes of riddles and puns, yeah, it’s a challenge that I hope I rose to.
Bard: I think you did fantastic with it. I was recently having conversations with a couple other people about how much dialogue is too much, that kind of thing, and I’m pretty much always big on clever, on-point dialogue being a huge asset to a match. Not just sort of blabbing for blabbing’s sake, by any means.
Charlie: Well, you can’t be the Riddle Man without asking a few questions, including questions that don’t have any answers, but that give you a fantastic excuse to lay on some punishment for “wrong” answers.
Bard: Absolutely. Very good. So, most recently what I wrote a review about your most recent MDW appearance, which you did get a chance to see this review, as I remember, correct?
Charlie: I loved it.
Charlie: I love them all. They’re always fantastic to read.
Bard: I’m incredibly honored to hear you say that. So as you probably read then, I’m a long time fan of Steel Muscle God, and I thought when MDW got him on this side of the pond, that that was a huge coup. And while I’ve enjoyed watching him, I still say he’s a little wooden, he’s not really like a natural wrestler, it doesn’t seem to me. But he’s got such attitude all of the time, that he makes it incredibly engaging.
Charlie: And he’s got those steel muscles that kind of make up the difference.
Bard: Exactly. So then, most recently, you come strolling out and find him in the ring at MDW, and get to spend about 20, 25 minutes with him. And I feel like I needed to say this isn’t exactly a wrestling match, but an incredibly compelling 20 to 25 minutes. How was it for you?
Charlie: Well, first it’s a little bit like a blur.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough.
Charlie: What can somebody say when you take on Steel Muscle God? You are probably going to get your ass kicked. You’re a little bit in awe of the size and definition.
Bard: And you mention at the beginning, when he catches you…
Charlie: I was cleaning the ring.
Bard: (laughing) Yes, you’re cleaning the ring, coincidentally with his sweaty shirt stuffed in your face.
Charlie: You know, he left it there lying on the ropes and I was just trying to be a good fellow wrestler…
Bard: (laughing) I saw that. I saw that. But you mentioned at the time, as you’re explaining why you’re there, you mention that you’re a fan. Had you been a fan? Are you familiar with his stuff?
Charlie: Oh, yeah! I was a fan of Steel Muscle God. Anybody who’s seen his work is probably also a fan.
Bard: He’s got a lot of fans.
Charlie: It doesn’t take much to become a fan of Steel Muscle God. So yeah, it was surprising, seeing him in the ring. So I did what any fan would probably do in that situation.
Bard: Right. Grab his shirt. And smell it.
Charlie: Yeah, and then maybe try to get out of there before he gets his hands on you, yeah.
Bard: (laughing) Fair enough. So along those lines, I was struck by the five senses of that match, because it starts with you getting caught smelling the shirt. Tell me about smelling the shirt.
Charlie: Oh, boy. It was definitely all Steel Muscle God.
Bard: He said he was recently back from the gym.
Charlie: Yeah, I could tell.
Bard: Good stuff?
Charlie: Oh yeah, great!
Bard: So let’s keep going. I have to say, I’m always a little enthralled with his accent. So the sound of this match…
Charlie: His grammar structure is always a lot of fun.
Bard: I love his English. It’s like, there’s never anything technically wrong. It just isn’t the way that I’d expect to hear someone say it. But he’s fluent, so it’s very cool. So, as a fan, is there anything sound-wise that struck you from that time you spent with him?
Charlie: Well, he’s very commanding.
Bard: He is!
Charlie: He tells you to do something, and you kind of have a hard time resisting doing it.
Bard: I got that impression.
Charlie: And if you don’t listen, he’s got the size and the muscles to make you listen.
Bard: Absolutely. And speaking of the size and the muscle, you got some up close time spent with those muscles. So let’s talk about the tactile nature of what turns into a muscle worship session. Anything that you can share?
Charlie: The first time I felt the muscles and the strength I was outside the ropes and he grabbed me and literally just chucked me into the ring. It’s almost as though throwing 125 pounds is just no big deal for Steel Muscle God. Who woulda thought? And then from that point on, I resisted at first, but he kind of just pounded through it. And then when you’re actually feeling those muscles, you can understand why this person gets his way. He is a VERY solid individual.
Bard: He looks it!
Charlie: He’s got a well earned name. It felt hard as steel. Biceps all the way down to the legs. There was no give or take in the muscle. He is one of the hardest individuals I’ve ever met, and no pun or innuendo intended.
Bard: Understood. Along those lines, as much as I was impressed with him as always, I have to say I was really fascinated and giving you tons of credit for using almost every opportunity to get another feel of another angle on him.
Charlie: Well, he brought me in there, so at that point, all bets are off.
Bard: True enough. And he wasn’t exactly hating it along the way, clearly. I was really pleased with how he was getting into the pleasure of being worshipped.
Charlie: I think he may have smacked me around when I resisted a little.
Bard: This is true. But even when he snaps you up in a bearhug early on and you’re sort of resisting and pushing back, and I’m thinking I’m not reading into it, that you’re enjoying the feel of his pecs in your hands. Would that be fair to say?
Charlie: Uh, they were pretty good pecs (laughing).
Bard: (laughing) And then, my favorite moments from the match have to be you in those standing headscissors. In which case your hands aren’t stopping moving the entire time, up and down his legs.
Charlie: And funny thing is, if he told me to do that, I probably didn’t hear, because my head was being crushed between those steel thighs.
Bard: It looked like it!
Charlie: So that was all me getting touchy feely.
Bard: I was a little worried about your neck in the face-to-crotch, the upside down standing headscissors. I was thinking, that can’t be comfortable, and he had you hanging there for quite a while.
Charlie: Well, I’m very bendy.
Bard: Which would come in handy.
Charlie: It definitely helps. But it was like being in a steel vise.
Bard: So we’ve done smell, sound, touch. Now, I didn’t know, but my sense was that there are several moments when he’s shoving your face into his muscles, biceps, chest, lots of that. And I don’t have a great camera angle on it, because, trust me, I was pausing, reversing, pausing reversing, that kind of thing, but my sense was that you might have gotten a little bit of a taste. Can you say anything about that? What does Steel Muscle God taste like?
Charlie: Oh, boy, yeah, my face was shoved pretty much all over.
Bard: It was!
Charlie: You know, I’m probably going to let the viewers’ imagination run with that.
Bard: Oh, no! Denied!
Charlie: (laughing) Sorry. You know, he might have different tastes for every part of his body, is all I’ll say.
Bard: Oh!? That’s a little provocative. All right, I’ll take it. And then finally the sight. He is just a pretty, pretty man. And like I said, you pretty much had a close up on every single angle of him. Anything you can say about the sight of him? What it is to take in the sight of him that close?
Charlie: Well, first, one of my biggest advantages that I think I bring to the table in a match, is that I make anybody look pretty damn good next to me.
Bard: (laughing) Really!?
Charlie: Yeah, his size, his muscles, I’m guessing everything looked even more impressive next to little me.
Charlie: And then up close and personal, he’s not somebody you’d want to pick a fight with in a bar or on a wrestling mat or pretty much anywhere, because you’re probably going to get your ass kicked. And up close and personal, that’s just an inescapable fact.
Bard: I hear that. So, in that last face-to-crotch, the bendy-required move near the end there, I was just trying to picture as I was reviewing that for the blog, and I was thinking you’re looking up. Your head is between his thighs. Great position. So his crotch is right in your face. He’s got sensational abs, big, round, hard pecs, and he was staring down at you, insisting that you look up at him. What was that sight like?
Charlie: Well you pretty much just nailed it.
Bard: (laughing) I’ve placed myself sufficiently in the moment?
Charlie: Yeah, you pretty much nailed it. It’s just one, two, three, four. You’ve got that package, right above your face, pretty much eclipsing everything else. But then you see the outline of that six-pack, or eight-pack, or whatever you want to call it. And those big, giant, mountainous pecs, and then that cocky, very alpha look, staring down at you just pretty much making eye contact and telling you, “you want to look everywhere else, but you look at me right now.”
Bard: Like I said, I thought that was very compelling, and since you said you read the blog post, you kno what I had noticed that he’s looking for your friends to join you next time. And I just wanted to clarify that I’m willing for us to be considered friends, just so you know.
Charlie: (laughing) I have lots of buddies who got very, very jealous, and would love to meet Steel Muscle God, but I will absolutely put you at the front of the line.
Bard: Nice! I appreciate that! Good, well then maybe this interview will see the light of day.
Charlie: (laughing) There’s got to be blogger perks.
Bard: I’ve been doing it for, what has it been, six, seven years? Eight years now?
Charlie: I think you’re due.
Bard: I’m due for some blogger perks!
Charlie: You’ve put in your time. I think it’s time.
Bard: (laughing) That is so funny. I appreciate that! You mentioned you making opponents look good. What do you mean by that?
Charlie: I want to carve out a niche. Every roster needs a little guy. And I want that spot. I want to be the go-to little guy in any roster I’m on.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, and I agree. I like that, the sense of there being something particularly engaging about a size differential, you looking uphill, and then battling uphill. I think that’s very cool. I’m interested in the idea, though, that you make someone else look good. Do you not like the way you look? Do you think guys are just looking at your opponent and thinking “that guy’s hot,” because he’s in the ring with you?
Charlie: I think you’ll find a lot of wrestlers have body image issues.
Bard: I’ve gotten that impression, sure.
Charlie: Personally, you will never find me raving about the way I look. It’s one of those things where anyone who looks in the mirror is going to see flaws in themselves. You have to have enough self-awareness to take a step back and go, even if you might not care for your own personal appearance, other people might. And now that I’ve been out there on the scene for a little while now, the feedback has been fantastic, and for a kid like me, it definitely makes it easier to keep putting yourself out there when you might not have the highest opinion of your look, but you seem to be picking up fans left and right.
Bard: Yeah! Good.
Charlie: But like I said, I’m perfectly content to be the little guy. I don’t want to become some jacked muscle beast. That is horrifying to me. In fact I keep trying to lose a little bit of weight here and there, and everyone is telling me I’ve got to put on 5 or 10 pounds. But I personally think you’ve got to play up the size difference. That’s my one big advantage. You stick me next to a middle weight, and they look like a heavyweight. You stick me next to a heavy weight, and they look like Godzilla.
Bard: Right. And like I said I think there’s a ton of potential in those differentials. There’s a ton of cool potential on the side of a middle weight who can hoist you up over their head, when they can’t necessarily do that with most opponents.
Charlie: Absolutely. Let’s just say a lot of wrestlers don’t necessarily break a sweat when they’re tossing me around. And now one of my go to functions sometimes behind the scenes, I’m pretty much a living, breathing wrestling practice dummy for some of the guys. If we have to be planning matches, some logistics, you don’t necessarily want to tire the wrestlers out. So, let’s send in Charlie. You aren’t going to tire anyone out. They can practice some suplexes, powerbombs, gorilla presses. Make it look good, and then they can kick ass for somebody a little bigger. I’ve got lots of talents and uses in this business.
Bard: (laughing) Very cool! I’m not going to let you go on your body quite yet though. What kind of feedback do you get? Have you got fan feedback? Do fans of Charlie Evans reach out and tell you, “I like what you did?”
Charlie: Yeah, and I don’t always know how to respond. I have a very hard time seeing it. I never even liked my red hair growing up, but now I kind of love being a ginger.
Bard: Oh, wow! Of course, I bet you get feedback on that.
Charlie: Yeah, I’m kind of like a unicorn on the wrestling scene. There’s not a lot of small, twink-like gingers running around. So I’ve got the little guy space carved out, and now I’m trying to make inroads and claim my top ginger status. I know there’s another contender by the name of…
Bard: …Kid Karisma. Yes, I love that you’ve got your eye on the top ginger title. And I will agree with you from your summer match with Blaine that regardless of how that match turned out, I don’t think he made inroads into legitimately claiming top ginger status.
Charlie: Not even close. But Kid Karisma, though, he’s got a shot.
Bard: (laughing) A shot? Yes, he does!
Charlie: And there might be enough space for the big giant muscle bodybuilder Kid Karisma and little old me over here.
Bard: I would hope that you don’t always stay on opposite sides there.
Bard: I would love to see that match up. Have you ever thought about a ginger-on-ginger Kid Karisma match?
Charlie: What about a tag team?
Bard: Ahh! Fantastic! See!? My gosh, the ginger moves… you couldn’t stop naming ginger moves.
Charlie: The Ginger Express. We’d just be kicking ass!
Bard: I think that would be golden!
Charlie: I think it’s time for the gingers to rise up, you know?
Bard: Yes. Yes. So fans like the ginger.
Charlie: Oh, they love it apparently.
Bard: Fans like the lean, small guy thing.
Charlie: I call myself scrawny, but they think I’m more lean.
Bard: Anything else fans rave about?
Charlie: Apparently I come across as very earnest in the ring. I wear a lot of expression on my face.
Bard: You do!
Charlie: I’ve got this kind of wide-eyed thing, I either wear a smile or I’m screaming in pain. And apparently, they do like how expressive I can be.
Bard: Absolutely. I’ve referred to that as presence. When wrestlers are present in the moment, and I get the impression they’re not thinking about something else, they’re actually experiencing this moment.
Charlie: I have a laser focus in my matches, on my opponent and what is coming at me.
Bard: I can see that.
Charlie: You know, what you see when I’m in a match, that’s me. That’s just 100% Charlie. There’s no filters or anything.
Bard: That’s how you come across. How many of your fans have mentioned your ass?
Charlie: (laughing, turning red) Ohhhhhh.
Bard: I’m not the only one. No chance.
Charlie: Well, you know, this is an uncomfortable topic, because I know a fellow wrestler who has a very high opinion of his ass.
Charlie: And he doesn’t like competition.
Bard: I think I know what wrestler you’re referring to (laughing).
Charlie: And so when I’m getting complimented on mine, someone is feeling a little threatened.
Bard: I could see that. I would have thought that whole thing might have already been put to rest by the match record thus far, but no?
Charlie: He might not take win-loss records as an accurate commentary on his ass.
Bard: Fair enough.
Charlie: Honestly, I never had too much of an opinion about my ass.
Charlie: Yeah, but fans do seem to like it. So, you know what, I’m going to throw myself into contention for best ass. For the fans.
Bard: As one of those fans, I think that’s fantastic. I’m whole-heartedly in support of that. I think there are lots of fine qualities to different types of asses, and I think you definitely should own that, that you’ve got an ass that attracts attention.
Charlie: I will say, I don’t know for what reason, but a lot of wrestlers in the ring tend to like giving me massive wedgies. Or spanking my ass. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed that.
Bard: And for that, your fans are thrilled.
Charlie: I mean, my entire ass is on display. And that is not how I go into the matches, but boy, it is happening more and more frequently.
Bard: I’m going to watch for that because I think that is something to watch for! So, how do you describe your wrestling style?
Charlie: I would like to think I’ve got speed and agility to my advantage. One of the other things though is my pain tolerance is through the roof. I am tougher than just about anybody my size. I have taken some insane beatings, from some of the biggest guys on the scene and you’ll never hear me complain or whine about any of the bumps or bruises or welts that I walk away with, and there’s been TONS of those! So my stamina, my endurance, my toughness in the ring are definitely some of my biggest advantages. And I’m trying to ramp up my high flying abilities.
Charlie: Yeah, so in the future look for more hurricanas, flying headscissors, splashes. I want to be someone who jumps on the ropes and jumps all over the place and catches everyone off guard.
Charlie: Literally throw my entire HUGE body weight at my opponent and catch them off guard. Or maybe they’ll just catch me. Who knows?
Bard: I will definitely look forward to that. And in underground wrestling circles, that’s definitely a rare breed, so I think that’s definitely awesome for you to have your eye on that.
Charlie: I like to use a lot of submission moves that use my weight to my advantage. Like I already said, I’m pretty bendy, so I can literally wrap myself around an opponent, and they have to support my entire bodyweight as I’m cranking on their arms, their necks, their legs what have you, so it’s kind of the double edged sword.
Bard: Very good! Any wrestlers that you haven’t wrestled yet that you would enjoy, that would be on your list of “that would be a fun match?”
Charlie: Anybody on the online wrestling scene?
Charlie: I’d love an official match against Jonny Firestorm. He’s kicked my ass a few times behind the scenes. He’d be a phenomenal opponent. He’s a master of submission moves and he definitely knows how to throw out a beating. But maybe there’s a slim chance I could catch him off guard.
Charlie: I mean, with strictly enforced tag team rules, I’m not going to put myself too far out there and say I could take them both on at the same time, but maybe, that may be another match that I wouldn’t mind.
Bard: I think that’s fantastic, particularly since we’ve just seen Jonny and Brute and Guido in a 3-way match that for the most part ends up being a 2-on-1 that then goes into a melee. And Jonny got pretty much bulldozed, I have to say.
Charlie: Sure, and those two guys could pick me up and toss me back and forth like a bag of potatoes.
Bard: But you’d enjoy it?
Charlie: It would be fun.
Bard: That says a lot. I think we’re getting to know Charlie Evans.
Charlie: I think people underestimate Charlie Evans. So. Any other wrestlers that I would love to take on… You’ve got Kayden Keller. A little bit of a force of nature.
Bard: And another big guy.
Charlie: Yeah. I have a tendency to want to challenge myself against the best. Oh, and any time a certain Ty Alexander wants to try to take me on in a singles match, I’m game and maybe we can put other questions to rest.
Bard: I think between the outcome of your tag team match this summer, and between the potential that Ty could possibly even be said wrestler who we were referring to earlier as someone who really prefers to hold the best ass accolades all to himself, I think that could be a sensational grudge match.
Charlie: I will neither confirm nor deny that he was who I was referring to.
Bard: (laughing) Excellent.
Charlie: I’ve actually got a long list of guys, because I’m going to be around for a while, and I’m going to want to take on everybody. But another person is Drake.
Charlie: Your buddy Drake. Generally I like to pick a fight with the big guys. But Drake’s been around, and he’s shown his chops. I’m a little threatened that maybe he could take a beating maybe almost as well as me. So I would kind of like to throw myself at him and see what the outcome might be.
Bard: Well, from first hand experience, let me just say he can definitely suffer. He suffers like a champ, in fact. And, because I feel for the guy, you know… take it easy on him.
Charlie: Oh? (laughing) I’ll keep that in mind.
Bard: (laughing) Good.
Charlie: We’ve already talked about Kid Karisma. So I’m just kind of going through the whole Rolodex of wrestlers, you know.
Bard: So who would Riddle Man like to size up in the ring based on their ass? Because we know Riddle Man is into that.
Charlie: Really? He wasn’t more of a ball person?
Bard: (laughing) He was back and forth. And I do think in the end he went for the balls as the primary target, but based on my own interest in Damien’s ass…
Charlie: All right, who would Riddle Man want to take on? Well, first, Bat Stud. Come on, now. That has to happen.
Bard: Yes. That and your muscle worship release recently, I would just have those on back to back, back to back constantly.
Charlie: Now I’m trying to think if I could cross the fed. I will say this, I’m a big comic book fan and into company crossovers. So, I think there would be a lot of potential for there to be inter-federation fights and challenges, and let’s leave it at that.
Bard: That’s fair. You have been wresting for a while, but you’re fairly new. Your first MDW match has been out just about a year. And then the 2 matches from BG East this summer. So fans are still getting to know Charlie Evans. So anything else about Charlie Evans, not just as the wrestler, but what would fans want to know about Charlie the human?
Charlie: I know wrestlers aren’t supposed to talk about how nice they are. We’re supposed to project a very tough, take no prisoners visage. But I am one of the happiest go lucky people you’ll ever meet. You’re not going to see me doing a lot of cheap shots. Maybe in desperation, but if I did, I’d feel really, really bad about it. I’m somebody who, if I lay out my opponent, I kind of have to fight the urge to offer him a hand back up before the match is even done. That’s something I’m working on.
Bard: (laughing) I think you’ll need to work on that. A pro wrestler who feels guilty along the way seems like a formula for disaster.
Charlie: How can I not feel bad when I’m kicking someone’s ass who’s 50 pounds bigger than me, and they’re taking a beating from the little guy. You know, you’ve got to feel bad.
Bard: I’m not sure “bad” is how I’m feeling when I’m watching you do it, I have to say. But whatever intra-psychic thing you’re dealing with in the moment, I guess I have to honor that what’s coming out on screen is pretty damn entertaining.
Charlie: Another thing, I will always push myself to get better. I would like to show my fans and fellow wrestlers that every single year you can see improvement. New repertoire of moves. Better physical fighting condition. Hopefully an even more impressive win record, although I’m doing pretty okay for my size as a newbie right now.
Charlie: And I’m in this for the long haul. So hopefully the fans are okay with that, because I’m kind of hoping to stick around for as long as I can.
Bard: When we start to see more of those wedgies happening, I think fans are going to be just fine with that, just so you know. And I appreciate you taking the time to let me pepper you with questions and get into a little psychoanalysis here and there and get to know you a little bit better.
Charlie: Well, how could I ever, ever not help out one of my favorite bloggers?
Bard: You’re too kind. And I’ll believe it when I get the invitation to be one of your friends when SMG is in town next.
Charlie: You keep writing amazing reviews, and I will make that happen.
Well, daddy’s back in ZZZZZ 6, and he loves his gorgeous, big, beautiful muscles almost as much as I do. “Yeah, look at that,” Matt says, flexing for the camera. “Daddy’s got some big guns here! Daddy’s the Man!” True on all points, as far as I’m concerned. Fuck, I’m into this hunk hard. Salt-and-pepper hair across his chest and ass. Sensationally thick legs, meaty pecs. Deep, gravely baritone with a hint of kicking a bad smoking habit a couple of years ago. I’ve never really wanted to be anyone’s daddy or anyone’s boy, but I’d donate a kidney (I’ve got a spare, right?) to get in the ring with Big Daddy Matt with a bottle of baby oil and a certainty that that jock strap is coming off.
Perhaps too much fawning attention from a blogger attracted a little too much of the wrong sort of attention at MDW. Muscle Master Kevin slips into the ring and steals up from behind big Matt. Silently he observes the gun show, smirking, studying. Then BOOM, he’s got his massive, bulging bicep wrapped around big Matt’s throat like an anaconda.
“Oh yeah, you are looking pretty good,” Kevin acknowledges. “Do you know what’s going to look a lot better, though? My meaty arms wrapped around your neck.” I have to admit, the pathos of watching my erotic champ get subdued is intensely provocative. I’m breathless, wanting Big Daddy Matt to rally. I want him to smother Kev’s ridiculously pretty babyface between his hairy pecs. I want Matt to grunt and growl and trap Kev’s head in a face-to-crotch headscissors and be forced to watch his big daddy yank out his meat and pound one out in victory.
But alas, this is MDW. This is Muscle Master Kevin’s kingdom, and there’s more than a whiff of inevitability about big Matt turning to jelly, a fraction too quickly, once Kev’s got him in his sights and, more to the point, in his sleeper. “You are a big boy,” Kevin concedes, “but all the big boys here need to get taught a lesson by Master Kevin.” While my heart is breaking watching my sex gladiator champ get owned, I’m happily surprised by the attention that MMK gives to Matt’s beautiful body. “All these big muscles right here,” Kevin slaps Matt’s bulging pecs. “All of them being manhandled by me!” Sometimes in the more sub-dom-forward scenarios as MDW, I’m left a little cold with the lack of explicit acknowledgement that these are two hot, muscled bodies locked together. MMK hands out praise by the eye dropper full, typically. So there’s something even more pleasurable that he acknowledges repeatedly what a fucking big, powerful, hunk of a mature man Mattie is.
Kevin also acknowledges he’s followed Matt’s career at MDW. He knows what a dominant muscle daddy he’s been. He knows how he’s not just crushed the ankle biter competition, but shoved his big, fat cock down their throats. And the humbled pups have loved every second. “Thing is, Big Daddy Matt, I’m not just any young muscle,” Kevin warns him, rousing him once again for more muscle humiliation. “I’m The Young Muscle!” He flexes in his face, but Matt’s too groggy to appreciate the view. “How does it feel to be dominated by that young muscle?” Matt’s too fucked up already to answer. So it sort of feels like MMKevin is really taunting me and my stated crush on watching big muscle daddyies like Matt take young studs to school and back. He isn’t just dethroning my sex gladiator champ, he’s rubbing my face in it. “I can do whatever I want with you now,” Kevin snarls. “I can do whatever the fuck I please!” He grabs Matt’s massive biceps and squeezes possessively. “These biceps are mine. Your body is MINE!”
Matt Thrasher’s fall from my sex gladiator champ podium to getting ground under MMK’s boot is sublime. It’s a squash, of course (did I mention this was MDW?). There’s precious little reason for this to happen in a ring, because battered Matt doesn’t move more than about 6 inches in any direction from the middle of the ring. Kevin’s army of fans, and I know they are legion, will love the relentless monologuing, but fuck, I’m wanting him to shut the fuck up long enough for me to hear big Matt’s groans and whimpers. But the scene tells the story of power and muscle spoiled, confidence shattered. It’s a crippling salvo in the ages old battle of youth and audacity against maturity and experience.
“Who’s your fucking daddy?” Kevin demands as Matt teeters on the edge of unconsciousness once again. “You are,” Matt mutters thickly.
“Who’s your fucking master!?” Kevin barks. “You’re my master,” my conquered sex gladiator champ mumbles in heart wrenching honesty.
Look at this,” Mutant flashes his gargantuan biceps. “I’m the best in the ring. Look at these arms!?” he marvels almost disbelievingly at his own magnificence. Mutant is, indeed, a marvel. There’s something almost too big about him, like he’s wearing an inflatable muscle suit. But time and time again, tested and not infrequently bested in the wrestling ring, we’ve seen abundant proof that everything about Mutant is grade A beef, ready to be tenderized and chewed up.
Of course a physique star who presumes to monologue that he’s “the best in the ring” is going to garner the attention of Muscle Domination Wrestling top heels, and there are none topper than Muscle Master Kevin himself. Kevin can be seen sliding into the ring quietly behind Mutant as the beefcake poses for the camera. Suddenly, Kevin slides his gloved hand across the muscle man’s mouth, pinching his nose, completely cutting off all sources of oxygen to feed his hungry mutant muscles. “Look at those arms, indeed,” Kevin smirks, smothering the stunned muscle stud and quickly making Mutant’s knees buckle. “Look at those muscles go nice and limp.” When I say Mutant goes out quickly, I mean really, really, quickly. Kevin says that he has “special gloves” guaranteed to make short order of a massive mountain of muscle like Mutant. Perhaps there’s a little chloroform on them, because Mutant drops like a sack of potatoes with astonishing speed. He’s out. Way out, and flat on his back with Kevin posing over top of him and trash talking like only MMK can.
Kevin impatiently urges Mutant to gather his wits about him as he rouses. “I want to see those cocky muscles deflate time and time again.” And that sentence, my friends, is the cliff notes to this match. If you want to see a mountain of muscle go limp over and over, Zzzz 4 is right up your alley. Kevin enjoys applying a half a dozen or more variations on sleepers and chokes, tipping giant Mutant over the edge of unconsciousness repeatedly. Like a cat playing with an all-but-dead mouse, MMK exercises complete control of his prey for his (and our) sadistic delight.
The payoff for wrestling fans isn’t just the repeated sleepers, though I know plenty of homoerotic wrestling fans with a special kink for watching that money shot of a powerful gladiator going limp and helpless. For my money, I also enjoy the humiliation of watching Kevin exploit his often slowly rousing, sometimes still completely out cold “opponent,” applying vicious holds, dragging the barely clad beauty across the ring, hanging him like drapes from the ropes. It’s not like a full nelson or a kneeling surfboard are technically “offense” in this scenario, because Mutant is toast from start to finish. He’s not being “worn down” by these brutal, joint wrenching, soul crushingly painful manipulations of his magnificent body. It’s just gravy, with MMK milking the muscle exploitation theme for every ounce of homoerotic wrestling nutrition you’re hungering for.
I have one buyer beware caution, and one catty bitch complaint to level, because Zzzz 4 does a whole lot for me, but there are a couple of distractions. First my word of caution. If one-sided muscle squashes leave you limp, this, like most of MMK’s matches, are not your cup of tea. There are moments when the extremely up-close camera work here catches Mutant looking a little less like he’s dazed and a little more like he’s a little bored with his sorry lot in this match. Honestly, when was the last time Kevin was on camera in even the slightest jeopardy? I think his parallel industries of muscle domination kink and muscle domination wrestling kink seriously limit what Kevin can offer wrestling fans, because he seems constitutionally self-prohibited from being at risk on camera. I pretty much get it. Before he was wresting, Kevin was seducing hardcore fanatics of being dominated by a blue eyed babyfaced muscle god with (literally) in your face psychological and physical intimidation. His bread and butter has long been stroking the kink of those who want to be dominated by him, who want to be conquered by his bulging muscles and torrent of trash talk, who are slack-jawed betas to his persistent “alpha dog” performance art. I have to imagine it could damage the brand in that arena for fans to see him lose, hell, even suffer a little in the wrestling ring. So yeah, I get it. MMK on offense, in total control, dominating and destroying and taking full possession of a magnificent muscle specimen is part of the entire MMK empire. But you know me, and I know at least some of you, so if you’ve been waiting for MDW and MMK in particular to wade deeper into the drama of wrestling competition storytelling, keep waiting.
And I feel like I’m being bitchy when I say for the second time in a handful of weeks that there’s a major gear fail that’s distracting me. It’s not the barely there leopard print jock strap that Mutant is bulging out of, of course. It’s the not-so-tighty off-whities that Kevin has donned for this match. They’re gathered, elasticized, built for sucking tight to a hot bod like designer briefs do. The only problem is that they’re a size too big for Kevin. They sag in all the wrong places. Kevin has undergone some impressive muscle reformation in the past year of so, so perhaps this is symptom of his wardrobe still catching up to his redistribution of muscle and mass. But these briefs give the unfortunate (and false) impression that Kevin has no ass, and the bunching and gathering at the legs cast an illusion that his hunky, hairy thighs are somehow skinny and underdeveloped. Let me reiterate here, before MMK fans grab their pitchforks (too late, I’m sure), that I adore Kevin’s body. I’ve offered to suck Kev’s mouthwatering nipples raw and worship his bulges and peaks for days, and to his credit, Kevin confirmed that if a certain blogger ever found his way into his ring, he might just have to make that happen. So I am not complaining about anything at all about Kevin’s hot, bulging body. It’s just those fucking briefs!
Like your cat, Kevin lays his conquered prey out and proudly displays for you, his fanatical audience, the prize. Mutant is, indeed, a sight for sore eyes, all of that superhuman muscle brutalized, owned, and defenseless at Kevin’s feet. And clearly there’s not been nearly enough of a neverland reader campaign to demand that blogger muscle worship session that Kevin teased when I interviewed him a couple of years ago. As is so often the case, this MDW new release doesn’t do everything for me, but it does do some things very well. Now, let’s burn those fucking briefs and get MMK a (blogger) stylist.
Whoever is at the front desk in the hotel where Damien Rush and Muscle Master Kevin are staying, he’s one of us. How do I know? Because he’s apparently intentionally double-booked these two hot, hairy, pumped up studs in the same suite, both of them desperate for a (private) dip in the in suite hot tub.
This newest season on Muscle Domination Wrestling is featuring a noticeably beefier version of Muscle Mast Kevin. He’s not as cut, but sporting a whole lot more meat on those bones, accompanied by a lumberjack beard and a felonious disdain for sharing. Or taking turns. Though I wish this scenario was settled with the two hunks agreeing to share the more than ample hot tub. Naked. Alas.
Anyhow. In Zzzzzzzz 3, Damien Rush showed up for his dip in the bubbles wearing a wrestling singlet. His hairy pecs bulge out the top. His huge shoulders are mapped with pulsing veins. And he’s not having any of it when MMK tries to muscle in and intimidate pretty Damien out of his already paid for suite.
Muscle Domination Wrestling fans know that MMK has a fuse about 2 millimeters long, so no one but a newbie will be shocked that he opens a can of whoop ass on Damien in the blink of an eye. Happily for us, MMK’s carefully channeled rage immediately lighted upon the perfect solution to this conflict: they both need to get wet together. Of course, MMK’s version of this scenario has his hands wrapped around Damien’s throat as he dunks the stud.
Damien is begging for mercy in less than 2 minutes, which I have to admit, is turning me on. Hairy, hunky, hot as fuck Damien is overwhelmed and ready to submit so fast, I would’ve thought I’d sort of hate the stud for caving so quickly. But the muscle torture angle of this confrontation is provoking me to a surprising degree, and MMK’s relentlessness paired with Damien’s speedy decision that he is in (quite literally) over his head captivates me.
This is one of MDW’s genre-straddling productions that runs the risk of leaving some of its intended audience feeling frustrated. There is some wrestling, but the space outside the tub is extremely limited, and the range of combat that can happen inside a hot tub is somewhat abbreviated as well. The physicality is almost entirely devoted to choke fans, as MMK’s hands are wringing Damien’s neck non-stop. Those with a drowning fetish (not me, but I’m not judging) will also find the action inside the tub a pleasure. Looking for hot, hairy muscleboys straining and flexing? Check. But if your core fetish is a couple of hunks in a pro-wrestling ring bouncing off the ropes, flying off the corners, and scooping and slamming the fuck out of each other, this will be, at best, kink adjacent. What the match lacks in scope, however, it makes up for in intimacy. The lighting is surprisingly good for the limitations of the setting, and the camera man has got to be plastered to a wall, the view is so extremely up close.
“Too intense for you?” MMK asks Damien as the gasping hunk is sputtering and choking water out of his lungs. Damien worries that MMK’s real design is to literally kill him. It’s not a snuff bit, so don’t worry (or, sorry to disappoint, however it is you take the news). Damien is still alive by the end of the 16 minute session. Unconscious, sure, but alive, as MMK flexes over top of him, water dripping of his beefy bod as he explains that everything is an object lesson, and this lesson is for anyone who dares to defy him when he makes a move to take anything (ANYTHING) that may appear to belong to someone else.
Me? I’ve got a thing for wet musclemen. So despite Damien’s hot bod being submerged in water (and thus out of sight) for most of the session, there’s enough hot, hairy, handsome man meat on display to stroke that side of me that gets a little weak in the knees at glistening, soaked studs. What would have topped this off with a cherry would have been Damien subserviently bathing his muscle master (with or without his tongue… I’d have been okay either way). But there’s a bluntness about MDW that remains true in Zzzzzzz 3. The homoeroticism is primarily what you and I bring to the viewing, though the impulse to film two hunks having it out in a hot tub is, quite obviously, pitched our direction.
I didn’t see a lot of new releases in December, but I’ll go ahead and call out one wrestler that revved my engine hardest. I’ve made no secret that I have quite a crush on this beautiful slice of beef, but he’s just been getting sexier and sexier in every new release I see. I love his look. I enjoy his character(s). And watching him teeter between dominating power and dashed dreams is one of the hottest narratives around these days. Crossing the line between 2013 and 2014, my newest homoerotic wrestler of the month is…
I wouldn’t say his new release for MDW, Super Men 1.4 is his sexiest, but it certainly plays to his strengths. Damien is the unlucky son of a bitch who inherited the title of Super Stud when the original Super Stud retired to go full time in the world of corporate intrigue. Villainy has corrupted the smooth transition from one virtuous superhero to the other, however, and the original Super Stud has been transformed into the height of unstoppable villainy, Super Heel. Super Heel (played by Muscle Master Kevin) has been snuffing out would-be heroes (and all together innocent bystanders) one by one, slowly building toward the climax of meeting his protege, Damien’s Super Stud, in a fight to the death. Damien was saved from near destruction in the last chapter of this series by the mysterious “Suit,” who revives and reinvigorates Damien’s battered super body in the only proper manner: maximum physical touch. I hear ya, Suit.
Once massaging and stroking Damien’s hot bod has brought the beautiful stud back to full strength, Suit convinces Damien that the only chance he will have to defeat the overwhelming power of Super Heel is to beat him at his own game, namely taking a performance-enhancing elixir that will challenge the virtuous Damien to hold onto his bearings on right and wrong. With that and the promise to double team Super Heel, Damien eats of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and finds himself at 200% of full strength. Shirtless, he flexes his hot muscles, and I’m reminded all over again what instantly attracts me to Damien. He has a classically beautiful body. He’s sweetly proportioned. He sports an impeccably groomed hairy chest. His shoulders are insanely wide, and his lips are screaming out for someone to suck every super sexy ounce out of this handsome hero.
Suit abandons Damien in the ring when it’s clear that Super Heel Kevin will easily destroy them both. This is a squash to end all squashes, and I don’t think that stars in squashes typically get the HWOTM nod from me. That simply points to just how hard Damien moves me, as Super Heel effortlessly manhandles Damien’s tasty bod. The cape pisses me off, because it too often obscures a clear view of Damien’s sweet ass, squeezed so earnestly inside that shiny, breathtakingly tight super suit. But for so little visible skin, the latex and lycra leaves little to the imagination, and I’m entranced by watching Damien suffer like the studly, astonished, can’t-believe-I’m-being-owned corrupted Super Stud he is.
Super Heel has Damien’s life in his hands from start to finish. He plays with his outmatched imitation. He delivers that non-stop villainous, dominating, humiliating, taunting monologue that MDW specializes in. It’s too easy for Kevin for him to be the character that moves me in this match. But Damien sells his suffering in a way that grabs me by my balls. Damien pleads and begs. He weeps and wails. All of that beautiful, powerful physique he sports is wasted and crushed. He’s terrorized and in agony. He’s pristinely vulnerable in a way that a hot, horny, handsome young hunk like Damien should never expect to be. And that’s the sexiest part of all: dashed expectations, crushed dreams, power and beauty pounded into oblivion.
Damien rocks me hard, and in December, he rocked me hardest. His character may be snuffed out like so many would-be heroes before him, but he lives on the hearts and minds of those of us who could never get enough of that hot, sculpted ass encased in lycra. Super Stud II may be dead, but Damien Rush lives on as my reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month.
It was a pleasure to get to interview in 2013 Muscle Master Kevin, the CEO of the newest kids on the homoerotic wrestling block, Muscle Domination Wrestling. I found Kevin to be a deeply thoughtful and reflective young hunk, with a keen eye to feed both his entrepreneurial drive and his sincere desire to please his fans. There are paradoxes upon paradoxes when it comes to MMK. He has one of the babiest faces in the business mounted atop the body of a Greek god. He’s merciless in his ring and absolutely revels in the agonizing suffering of his opponents, but outside the ring he’s a keen conversationalist with a tender underbelly of self-deprecation that peeks through on extremely rare (and that much sexier for it) moments. His online persona is one of total carnal focus, with muscle and muscle domination being the first, middle, and last part of every story he tells, but the stud is literary-minded, introspective and meticulously well-spoken. I’m happy to have him as a friend of neverland, and thrilled to to pass along his new year’s greeting for homoerotic wrestling fans.
Oh, I’m watching, Kevin. I’m watching. I’d wish you luck as you launch into another year of empire-building, but I get the impression that your business success, like your phenomenal physique, has absolutely nothing to do with luck. And you know where to find me when MDW fans demand to see a wrestling blogger worship that fantasy body of yours in the coming year.