Topher worked his ass off to track down the answers to this week’s episode of Name that Tat. If he wasn’t such a smart ass, he’d definitely be teacher’s pet. Oh, what the hell. He’s both a smart ass and teacher’s pet. Nicely done, Topher! Let’s review the research that Topher had to do to pull together 5 correct answers.
Tat #1 indeed belongs to…
… co-reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month, Brook Stetson.
Here, Brook’s about to plant his fantastic ass down onto the face of Skrapper in BG East’s Catch Weight 2. The fact that Skrapper didn’t pee his blue trunks the moment he faced-off with this beast makes me seriously respect the skrappy one.
Holy hell, what a catch weight match! Brook’s choice to completely unnecessarily yank on Skrapper’s hair as he squashes him like a bug is just further evidence of why the brute is co-holder of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month!
Topher had to get a little help from teacher to identify tat #2…
…which indeed belongs to Can-Am “exclusive” Michael Vineland.
In this pic, Michael is both dominating Landon Mycles and stroking the rookie’s crotch. I made a lot out of Landon’s debut, facing off against Michael in Can-Am’s Pro Sex Fight 1, earning the blue-eyed smirker his own homoerotic wrestler of the month title. Landon also showed up as a prior answer to Name That Ass. But this time around, I’m admiring Michael, his big, hard muscles, and his sweet ink.
That’s right, Landon. Breathe deep and enjoy the view.
Tat #3 gave Topher his toughest challenge, but it clearly belongs to…
Thunder’s Arena’s Jackson.
Despite Topher not seeming to appreciate my additional clues, I indeed have no interest in living in Jackson, Mississippi (though I might enjoy a vacation camping out in Jackson, the wrestler), or in St. Louis, aka STL.
You know how there are some intuitive responses we have to wrestlers that we don’t really know where they come from? That’s my take on Jackson. I was completely fixated on him when he debuted against STL in Thunder’s Arena’s Mat Wars 22, yet Jackson’s double-team partner in that match, Scooter, left me merely luke warm. As for the fratboy with Topher’s “lord and master Jesus inked on his side,” however, I’m a fan.
Tat #4 appears to have posed Topher little challenge.
It belongs to BG East’s stunningly handsome Angelo Damato.
Here, Angelo is in a position that makes me green with envy: trapped between Joshua Goodman’s (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) thighs in Backyard Brawls 3. Angelo’s ass pressed against Joshua’s crotch is the most inspired pairing since Ang Lee called up Jake Gyllenhaal and Heath Ledger and said, “I’ve got a movie for you boys.”
Of course, Mr. Joshua squirming like a worm trapped between the vice that is Angelo’s tree trunk thighs is awfully entertaining as well.
And finally, Topher appears to have had no problem identifying tat #5 as belonging to…
Can-Am’s Andrew Lane.
Andrew’s brief tenure wrestling for Can-Am seems to have always paired him off with muscle hunk Lincoln Lode. Here, Andrew pins the dark and handsome one with his crotch, displaying Lincoln’s #1 asset to perfection (except for the trunks) in Hotel Hell: Toronto.
Despite a few moments of gloating glory, Andrew almost always played the jobber (and played it well). The bulging muscles and up-for-anything attitude makes me wish that Andrew was still in the biz, so that he could meet my other favorite red-headed homoerotic wrestler, Kid Karisma. After Kid K beat Andrew senseless, they’d surely have made sweet, sweet music together as a fire-cracker tag team.
So there you go. Technically, Topher did require a little extra help, and he didn’t explicitly name all of the opponents. But I’m tempted to offer him the prize for a perfect paper, anyway. What do you think? Does he deserve full credit for his standout performance?