Delightfully Deviated

Clearly I enjoy the perfectly shaped model boys. I’m a sucker for massive beasts and thugs. Muscleheads and wiry brawlers alike have a place in my heart. But without a doubt, I’ve also got a thing for deviated septa.

A fantastically crooked nose demands a story. A perfectly straight nose can be pretty, sexy even, but a nose that bears the evidence of trauma is erotic, if you ask me. Noses are just fantastically vulnerable. Of course there are lots of ways to get a deviated septum that aren’t so erotic. But that’s where an active imagination comes in handy.
Apparently not a lot is known about how Owen Wilson earned his trademark nose, though the word is that it came from playing high school football. In my retelling, I’m seeing a young, hunky Owen on field trash talking after practice, after he’s pulled off his helmet. Some vicious rival kicks his knees out from behind, dropping him to his back. Then without pause, the attacker drives his knee downward across Owen’s face, smashing his nose and sending blood spurting everywhere…. but that’s just me.
One of my daily news crushes, Carter Evans has an unmistakably deviated septum. Carter, looking so dapper in his pin-stripe suits and power ties, is one sexy beast, not in small part thanks to that traumatized nose suggesting some physical action. I initially wrote Carter into my wrestling fiction thinking I’d give his signature nose a backstory (his face caught scissored between two massive muscle thighs, perhaps), but interestingly, I kept writing Carter breaking the noses of his opponents rather than getting broken. The more broken noses, the better, in my mind.
Adrien Brody’s nose most often gets comments for its sheer size. Personally, I like them big (I’m talking about noses… stay focused!), but I detect a significant crook in that gorgeous nose, which makes Adrien that much sexier (as if he needed help). Word is that he’s broken his nose repeatedly doing “off the wall stunts.” That’s sufficiently vague to invite my imagination to write him in a throw down with some muscled heel who snaps it with a sadistic boot heel then drops to his knees, straddling Adrien’s face and planting his ass across the bloody, throbbing shnaz (as Adrien screams)…. again, that’s just me.
This fantastically produced YouTube clip (pop-up video meets sadistic pro-wrestling) shows some very hot nose abuse by beautiful Johnny Saint, who gets nasty on the heel Jim Breaks. Jim is bloodied and dazed by the end of the fall from move after move torturing his nose. Another YouTube clip has two teens who can’t decide if they’re wrestling or boxing, but one of them decides to beat the shit out of the other’s face. If you watch all three clips, you get the fantastic shot of black-shirt with blood pouring down his face, his nose already swelling, and blood spattered all over the sidewalk.

There’s nothing wrong with a pretty, perfect face. But a messed up nose is a thing of beauty that tells an awesome story… and if it doesn’t tell a story, I’ll make one up.

Of Age

I know that I’ll probably burn in hell for this (oh, let me count the ways…), but this, one of the first matches of Young David (aka, Davey Boy Smith), is hot. It’s a little bizarre to superimpose the figure of the man that he would eventually become in the WWF, but despite looking like a skinny kid, you can still tell that even “just out of puberty,” Davey had a very nice foundation upon which to build a rock hard body. There was some tipping point in his career at which he went from a body beautiful to a bit of a cartoon character (in my opinion), losing sight of much definition in the interest of bulk. But back at the start of his career, he was wiry, lanky, tall, and very agile. His shoulders and arms have outdistanced his long, skinny legs at this point, but he’s already looking a little more like a hunk than a twink, despite the spindly uprights.
The story line of the match is that Davey had nearly upset classic heel Jim Breaks in a prior match, and he was back to take a title shot at the champ. Jim, in his bumblebee outfit, was ALWAYS the consummate heel, as evidenced by the immediate jeers from the crowd at get-go. This was classic good guy vs. bad guy, handsome young hero vs. “ugly” (yet hot) older villain, strength and bravery vs. guile and deceit. Davey is fast and astonishingly agile, and in his baby blue onesy outfit, he totally turns my crank.
In part 4, there’s a jaw dropping hip toss (04:28) that sends the long, lanky Davey Boy flying entirely across the ring and landing on his arm still in it’s hammerlocked position behind his back (yep, I borrowed that idea for my celebrity wrestling fiction). Holy shit, that looks really dangerous (and is off the charts hot!).

I’m really (really, really) not into underage guys. Without some legitimately mature meat and at least the valid need to shave, they just don’t get my motor running (I’m not just being PC). But Young David here just tips the scale, and I’m left looking over my shoulder a little anxiously every now and then as I watch him, enthralled, entranced, and, truth be told, aroused.