Tag: Joe Manganiello

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DListed seems seriously pissed at the news that Ryan Reynolds has been selected as this year’s Sexiest Man Alive. He’s at least in my top 10 or 20, so I’m willing to give People a little more slack than DListed is. That said, I completely agree that the photo that they chose for their sexiest coverboy is ridiculously lame, and oddly airbrushed.  This is evidence of being the sexiest man alive?

Now THIS could be evidence for a claim on the title of sexiest man alive:

In my imagination, of course, he came in a very, very close second in a balls out wrestling contest with Chris Evans, who I think is glaringly absent from People’s list. I do, on the other hand, strongly approve of Joe Manganiello (yes, I promise, I’m still pecking away at his debut in the Producer’s Ring).

And Glee’s Matthew Morrison is grabbing me by the balls and holding my attention in the past few days (metaphorically). His People pic, again, looks oddly photoshopped yet hot. I’m not into absolutely every guy’s underarms, but I could definitely be into his.

His Details spread, though, is propelling him quickly into the cue for a wrestling match in my mind.
But who might initiate Matthew into the Producer’s Ring?

The Gasp Heard Round the World

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I could hear gay men across the country gasp at precisely the same moment I did, when I realized that the gorgeous naked ass unexpectedly running across my widescreen television was Joe Manganiello in his first (of hopefully many) bare-assed appearance on True Blood last Sunday. Thank all the gods there are to thank for high definition.
Seconds later, I swear I could hear the cap heads (bless them) across the internet clicking their mouses frantically freeze framing every fantastic fraction of seconds that this 6’5″ mountain of muscled deliciousness appeared sans clothes. Clearly I’m as desperate for more of this man as the next gay fanatic. I’ll take a little blur here and there. Just show me that excellent pair of glutes pumping!
And again!
And again!….. Damn, I need to take a break for a minute and free up the use of my hands.
In the mean time, take a gander at the stunning delights of a fully clothed Joe appearing in a Joe sandwich beside his two costars. I’m hungry for a Joe sandwich of my own. Look at the cleavage in that skin tight t-shirt! This man is getting promoted to the head of the line in my wrestling fantasies.

Joe’s Back

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Clearly, sweet muscle stud Joe Manganiello has earned himself an infinite supply of fans, including more than our share of gay male fanatical fanatics. His debut on True Blood this season has unveiled him shredded to bits, astonishingly huge, abs of a Greek god and, speaking of the Greeks, the shape of an Adonis. Even among those of us who are his drooling fanatical fanatics, though, Joe’s garnered just a little bit of hate. I’ve seen it repeated in more than one place, that there’s something just not right about a werewolf who, as a man, is smooth as a baby’s bottom.

Anyone who can find something to fault about this man’s body is smoking crack. And not that I’m a expert on were-lore, but isn’t the whole point that an otherwise “normal” man who’s restrained (repressed) and blends into civilized society, is driven looney by the full moon, at which point he bursts into full-body hair and takes the form of a wolf? It’s the contrast between the straight-line walking citizen by day whose catapulted into a primal state of blood lust by night that’s the point. By day, he isn’t a wolf. By day, he can look like Joe Manganiello, but in the full moon be Cujo.

I’m sure Joe doesn’t need me to rush to his defense, but then again, where else do I get to step in and act as protector for a 6’5″ muscle giant? I’ve got your back, Joe… and any other part of your body that you need any help with… anytime.

Casting Hits Continue

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I’m finally caught up on season 3 of True Blood, and I am one happy camper. At every turn, a new gorgeous hunk has been introduced. I’m still bitter about Mehcad Brooks’ character being killed off at the end of last season, but by my calculations, the addition of Grant Bowler and Joe Manganiello evens the score (yes, it takes the both of them to cancel out the absence of Mehcad… one for each of Mehcad’s massive, round pecs). Then add Kevin Alejandro, Theo Alexander, and James Frain, and True Blood’s hunk quotient is back in the black (a little ironically). All of this new hunk blood merely compliments the main course hotness of Ryan Kwanten, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, Nelson Ellis, and Alexander Skarsgård. Finally, in the first four episodes we’ve seen the beautiful bare asses of Alexander Skarsgård, Stephen Moyer, Sam Trammell, James Frain, Ryan Kwanten (twice!) and depending on how you count it, Grant Bowler. Hands down, this wins the best hunk-casting for a television show… ever.
In addition to the very satisfying rear nudity, the two highlights among the new kids on the block, in my opinion, are Grant Bowler and Joe Manganiello. I’m a little torn as to which one is my favorite so far. In the spirit of everything in my imagination, someone has to be on top, and typically these sorts of situations are settled with a wrestling contest (again, in my imagination).
Massive, massive (did I mention massive?) Joe Manganiello looks like he could snap Grant Bowler into two pieces with a decisive drop into an over the knee backbreaker. Not many 6’5″ boys can pack on the astounding muscle mass and proportion that Joe is sporting. Picturing that body stepping over the top ropes and staring you down from across the wrestling ring would be an adrenalin rush of a lifetime.

Still, my money just might be on an upset victory for Aussie extraordinaire, Grant. Whereas Joe is almost too pretty to be believed, Grant looks like he’s built for serious business. I’d be tempted to sketch Joe as the (overly?) cocky, physically dominating juggernaut/face who’s never really faced serious competition until he climbs into the ring with Grant. Joe would probably play by the rules. When you can squash your opponents like bugs underfoot, why need to cheat? But I’d sketch Grant as an ice cold, calculating heel whose jaw might drop a little to be staring up at the behemoth in front of him in the center of the ring, but who would make it his personal mission to teach the big boy that no one, no matter how physically dominating, is invincible.

School’s in session, and someone needs a little corporal punishment.

Taking Time to Adjust

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True Blood Season 3 is rapidly approaching, and I’m already getting a little breathless. This interview of Joe Manganiello is pushing me into “swooning” territory. This is one huge, muscled, gorgeously bearded man discussing tackling people wearing only a sock on his cock. Get out of my way, Anna, because if you aren’t up for taking that hit, I am!!

Excuse me while I pick up my jaw and wipe the drool from my chin (and adjust my pants).
Is Alan Ball out there somewhere reading this blog? If not, I think he clearly should be. He’s so obviously one of us, and I mean that in every way possible.
So let’s just assume that Alan Ball is, in fact, reading this. In which case, I have to make a desperate plea for a rip-n-strip fight scene between Joe and Alexander Skarsgård for loser-gets-fucked/winner-gets-worshiped stakes. A 6’5″ bearded Italian American with slabs of muscle taking on a 6’4″ blond Swede oozing sexuality?
Excuse me, I need to adjust myself again.