Wrestlefest Live – 2026

As I mentioned in my last post, this year at Wrestlefest NYC I enjoyed (and was only slightly terrified of) getting to experience what it was like being behind the camera, recording some incredibly hot homoerotic wrestling content. I’ve been a consumer of homoerotic wrestling for so long that being literally behind the camera put me through some fascinating mental gymnastics that made me think about my relationship to homoerotic wrestling content in a new way. Not to get too existential here, but being the one pointing the camera has made me think about myself and my relationship to what turns me on about wrestling just a little differently.

Last Year’s Hottie Ring Announcer for Wrestlefest Live 2025

If recording homoerotic wrestling content was an exercise in mental gymnastics, Wrestlefest Live this year was nothing short of a mindfuck for me. In a good way. Probably. Mostly. Wrestlefest maven Scooter approached me a couple of months ago to feel out if I might be up for being ring announcer. My almost immediate answer was yes, and then a couple of hours later, I was suddenly questioning what the fuck I’d just gotten myself into. I mean, I’ve watched enough wrestling to be familiar with the role of a ring announcer. But, then again, have I ever actually, really paid attention to what a ring announcer does? Honestly, when a ring announcer is doing his thing, I’m mostly just cranking up my horny heat in anticipation of the match to come, right? Fuck, I should’ve paid more attention! I snapped a dozen pics of last year’s ring announcer at Wrestlefest Live 2025, so you’d think I was paying attention then. But no, I was just crushing on the hot ring announcer.

My only other time doing anything remotely like this was co-hosting the Gay Wrestling History panel event at Wrestlefest two years. That time, I had the legendary Bob Wood to lean on as co-host, though, and it was mostly moderating a lot of talking and reminiscing, rather than hyping up a hungry crowd. For Live this year, I had an outline of the matches from the event organizer, KC Ryder. I had the list of who’s wrestling in which matches. I had a few announcements to make at the beginning, a few people to thank at the end. It sounds straightforward, right?

Holy fuck, it was barely contained chaos! I was chatting with BG East’s Kid Vicious afterward who assured me that putting on a show like this is always this wild and improvised with a thousand last second details to wrangle into one event narrative. And that’s definitely what this was like. An hour before the event started, I was in the dressing room with all of the wrestlers trying to take down details of exactly how they’d like to be introduced, finding out if there were any important beats to plan for. Holy fuck, just try to imagine me, one of the most notorious homoerotic wrestling-infatuated people you’ve ever read, trying to stay on task surrounded by about 25 smoking hot wrestlers in various states of undress. I’m still not sure if that’s my idea of heaven or hell. There was one classic moment where I was trying to write down information on how Beau Jordan and Ben Monaco preferred me to introduce them before their match. I’m assuming I was probably staring, glassy-eyed, at Beau’s bare, luscious pecs, because he abruptly grabbed my pen, took my paper, and wrote it down himself. I mean, he wasn’t being a dick about it. At all. It had more the feel of “Oh, you poor, completely overwhelmed walking hard-on, let me help you out.”

Beau Jordan knows I’m not looking at his eyes

Actually, the spirit of pitching in and helping out was everywhere. Of course, this room was packed with massive muscles and even bigger egos that were going to climb into the ring later that evening and tear into one another in a bid to come out victorious, but there was a whole fucking lot of cooperation and collaboration required by everyone to just get to that stage in the first place. Like, when I was getting down the details to introduce Kayden Keller’s handicap match against both TK Wu and Freddy Campbell… I could be misremembering, but I think it was Kayden’s suggestion to announce the team of TK and Freddy by both their combined weight and combined height, which was almost certainly my funniest line in the ring that night. Everyone was pitching in ideas to put a little polish on this very underground event in order to make it shine. There was just a ton of earnest respect for professional wrestling in that dressing room. Everyone was there, fit as fuck, and even with some occasional pre-show nerves in evidence, absolutely everyone focused like a laser on putting on a phenomenal event to entertain an appreciative audience.

Being ring announcer made this completely different from my experience of attending Wrestlefest Live the previous two years. For one thing, I didn’t get to enjoy the wrestling itself nearly as much. As soon as one match started, I was checking my notes about what happens next in the show. Not that I didn’t get to watch some. I’ve absolutely got to download these matches the minute they hit Watchfighters, because what I did get to watch, it was hot and intense and all-in entertaining. But I dialed in absolutely every ounce of my attention just for that minute or so before each match when I was in the ring, trying read my scrawled handwriting to get the intros right, trying not to look like as nervous as I felt, trying to remember when to wait for each wrestler’s ring entrance. And just when I would think I’ve got a grip on this thing, someone improvises or plans change. Kirk Donahue (that sexy bastard) rips the microphone out of my hand before I can introduce his opponent. Sir Dark grabs me by the face and plants a kiss on my mouth as he and Rick Roma are pumping up the crowd before their tag team match. KC Ryder pulls me to the side to give me a surprise announcement to make just before intermission. Sir Dark grabs me by the face an plants a kiss on my mouth. Did I mention that one already? Fuck!

There’s no way I can try to do justice to the hot wrestling, so I’ll save a full set of reviews for when I can watch the matches once they’re released. But I can share some blurry, impressionistic flashes of what I experienced when I was tearing my eyes away from my notes to watch the show. Like, in the opening four-way match (Ty Alexander vs Pup Leopard vs Sid Shaw vs Spenser Locke), the choreography of four fierce men tearing into each other and in the din and chaos, crafting these unmistakable characters for absolutely everyone to read. I mean, Ty Alexander was Ty, right? Self-obsessed almost to the point of comical if it weren’t for him delivering some of the biggest hits on opponents of the evening. Spenser Locke was the overly earnest football jock punch-drunk on adrenaline and getting his bell rung. Pup Leopard somehow was immediately the babyface hero holding the entire audience in the palm of his paw. And Sadistic Sid Shaw was that fucking mountain of intensity and muscle that always looks like he’s about to bulldoze everyone and bury them under 10 inches of asphalt.

The wrestling got really homoerotic!

I probably saw more of the second match than any of the others, because it was legitimately a rip-n-strip match that went all the way and, most importantly for my tastes, kept going! I announced the rules, of course (thanks to Beau patiently writing them down for me), so I knew someone was going to be naked and defeated before this one was over with. But intellectually knowing that’s coming is just a whole different experience than watching the gear come off and these two gorgeous beefcakes suddenly wearing nothing but boots and the magnificent muscles the homoerotic wrestling gods blessed them with. Like, even I didn’t really know if this was just a tease. Hell, Ben came out interrupting me when I introduced him, in street clothes, saying he’d thought better of the match stipulations and was backing out. But what I loved even more than that these guys literally just put it all right out there for everyone to see, was that they kept wrestling! The brutal pro wrestling punishment continued, indulgently naked and unselfconscious. The fact that the ref, who was last year’s ring announcer who I crushed on, also lost his shirt and got into the action only made me love this match even more.

A lot of us got a mouthful of Sir Dark

There was some super fun tinkering with tropes in the tag team match between Sir Dark/Rick Roma and Rocko Mortis/Dash Halley. Have I mentioned Sir Dark planted a kiss on me at the beginning of that match? Honestly, quite a bit after that was a haze for me, but I absolutely loved the storytelling. “From Italy (Sir Dark) and Little Italy (Rick Roma) and weighing in at exactly the right amount of marinara sauce….” The surprise babyface heroes in this match were fucking on fire. Give me a bold type and underline babyface who pounds his crotch into his opponent’s dazed face, and I’m completely sold! Rocko and Dash as goth baseball playing zombies made for a pitch perfect contrast with their crowd-pleasing opponents, and the tension in that divide between Team Vendetta and The Gothletes was sensationally ripe for homoerotic pro wrestling melodrama done right.

Wild Man Dick Clayton punished The Handsome Strangler hard

The match just before intermission was sponsored by Cole Cassidy and his Weekend Wrestling operation, pitting Wild Man Dick Clayton against the legendary erotic scamp, the Handsome Strangler. Fuck, trying not to eye fuck those two guys in the dressing room was nothing short of torture. So, I happily eye fucked the fuck out of them along with everyone in the audience when they climbed into the ring for their match. But it was the special guest referee for this match that took my breath away: Elite Eliot. I have obsessed over Eliot for years. His live match against Zip Zarella for BG East’s first Wrestling with Pride has gotten me off more times that I could possibly count. I think the wrestling was hot and beautifully executed, but no shit, I couldn’t say definitively for exactly three reasons. One: Wild Man Dick Clayton’s ass in that loin cloth. Two: Handsome Strangler’s mouthwatering pecs. And, three: Elite Eliot hog-tied in the middle of the ring, left for fans (and a ring announcer) to take selfies with at intermission.

I was first in line during the intermission to take a selfie with hog tied hottie Elite Eliot

After the intermission there came my funniest line of the night introducing TK Wu and Freddy Campbell squaring off against Kayden Keller. That vibe of the terminator taking out two out-matched pretty boys landed beautifully. There was a lot of painting outside the lines throughout most of the matches, but the adrenaline rush of watching mighty Kayden go on a rampage and tombstone fucking everyone, including the ref (MPJ) had this sensational off-the-rails feel to it. In fact, I wasn’t really sure how to handle my ring announcer duties at the end of this one, with the ring littered with knocked out wrestlers several minutes after the bell had been rung.

Kayden owning TK Wu

The penultimate match of the show was such a fucking crowd pleaser. The promotional material for the BG East sponsored match had been teasing Kirk Donahue taking on a “mystery opponent’ for months. The posters just showed a silhouette of hot muscle hunk next to Kirk’s smirking double bicep. I heard so much talk about this in the weeks leading up to the event! I heard more than a few fans grousing about the gimmick being overdone. Why the mystery? And of course, every one of those conversations was an answer to that very question. I had fans swear to me that they had the inside scoop on who the mystery opponent was, and, for the record, everyone who shared their theory about who he was was incorrect. So, I had the distinct honor of getting to be the one to put the mystery to rest when I introduced the triumphant return to the ring of none other than Z-Man! A lot of us have followed on social media news of Z-Man having been seriously injured in an accident a while back. He’s got some seriously impressive scars that hint at the hell he’s been through. But holy fuck, that man is never in anything but pristine and perfected condition! He is so fucking gorgeous and in such phenomenal shape. I don’t actually know what the extent of his injuries were, but I was cheering him on along with absolutely everyone in the place as he went toe-to-toe with dastardly Kirk Donahue. Fuck, the drama was breathtaking. You could hear the collective gasps and tense holding of everyone’s breath as Z-Man and Kirk battled back and forth. And when Z-Man absolutely clawed his way to victory on nothing but his drop dead gorgeous looks, stubbornness, and the flood of good will pouring down on him from this roaring and appreciative audience, the rafters were shaking with excitement.

The triumphant return of Z-Man!

The final match of the evening was a 7-man elimination match for the Wrestlefest Live championship belt, and it nearly broke me. I mean, it was designed to be barely contained chaos, so what was delivered was exactly as ordered. But my responsibilities as ring announcer for this particular match only actually made sense to me about 10 minutes before the match started. I had seven staggered ring introductions to make, starting with the stunning Chase Addams squaring off against perennial favorite Ethan Axel Andrews. Straightforward enough. I think I nailed that part. But then, it got way more complex. Not to pull back the curtain too much on the production side of things, let me just say that it was solely up to me to start the countdown every couple of minutes (or so) before announcing the next entrant. I know I fucked up Leon Cyrus’ entrance, damn it. I forgot to actually announce his sensational moniker, “the Swiss Menace.” I think I got the rest of the intros right. I’m pretty sure I announced at least one elimination in error, but despite the ref arguing with me, somehow I had the final word. Fuck, if I’d known earlier the power I held! I absolutely loved how this match played out, with some of my very favorite people in homoerotic wrestling (Lobo Gris, Tarz Lando, Mickey Knoxx, and Bobby Carter) commanding the spotlight to the extremely climactic end. Also, a quick shout out to referee Chris Collins for seeming almost as overwhelmed as I felt, while looking sexy as fuck… and for single-handedly being responsible for illegally eliminating one of the final three competitors. Fuck, I love pro wrestling melodrama!

The final three!

Again, this post is all about me. Please stay tuned for a more full-throated send up of the sensational matches that went down at Wrestlefest Live 2026 once they’re available for us all to enjoy on video. But just one last observation from my extremely subjective perspective: as phenomenal as the wrestlers were, and as much work was put into putting on this incredibly fun show behind the scenes, a key ingredient that was absolutely essential to making it work was the fantastic audience. I don’t just mean this as a cliché. Genuinely, it takes an audience of earnest wrestling fans like this to land this plane as spectacularly as this one landed. These wrestlers literally bared it all, they put their bodies and egos and dignity on the line, and there wasn’t a cynical snark the entire three hours. They poured a ton of love and respect onto absolutely everyone, and the sum total of the event was so much more than any one incredible match, more than any particularly impressive move, more than all of the hot bodies combined, even. It wasn’t just fun wrestling. It was an event, and everyone showed up for it, and that made it fucking fantastic.

I think that’s a bit of what I’m taking away from this experience… none of us are “just” seat warmers in this homoerotic wrestling community. We’re all participants. We’re all co-creating the edges and the heart of what it means to be passionate about homoerotic wrestling, as wrestlers, as content creators, holding the cameras, producing events, buying hot products, cheering for our favorites, and, yes, even ring announcing. Homoerotic wrestling isn’t something just happening on the other side of our screens, or only inside the ring with us merely spectators on the sidelines. We are, all of us, creating this community, this economy, and this fraternity out of our shared passion and investment of ourselves in all our varied ways. Keep up the amazing work, my friends!

More Mayhem

I tried to capture the crashing waves and relentless undertoe of Sir Dark’s Watchfigthers Rumble Match Part 1 in an earlier post. While I’ve been a bit spread thin over the past couple of months, I didn’t want to leave it any longer before I offered the necessary review for the necessary finale of that battle royale rumble from up north, Watchfighters Rumble Match Part 2. If you’ve read much that I’ve written, it will sound familiar when I say that wrestling is drama. Especially when it’s done right, it’s suspenseful and narrative. And WF Rumble Match Part 2 is drama done right. The energy and intensity of the second half of this wild ride is equally as frenzied and hot as Part 1, but the pace is a tad more deliberate. All that’s left are the last few lucky entrants to jump into the fray late in the line up and join the iron men with the stamina and stubbornness to endure while the first couple of layers of hopefuls got peeled off.

The roster for part 2 is more concise than part 1. B Sprite and Neil are still going at it as holdovers from the first half, along with Isaac, Kayden, and Chase. Fuck, everyone wants to wring suffering out of Neil, and I get that. He’s solid enough to not easily break, and it turns out he can suck down punishment with a tenacity that makes me want to see just how much he can take. He can take a lot, and he looks beautiful doing it.

Kayden and Chase are absolute titans in these final rounds. They’re fucking big, solid, and just so extensively experienced as hungry heels. I’m pretty sure if they cooperated even a little bit, they’d have wiped the floor with the competition and then had only each other to tuck in against in the end. Heels aren’t really known for cooperation, though, are they? Even still, I’m convinced the two of them are just too big and mean to do anything but outlast everyone…. right up until Leon Cyrus clocks in.

Fuck, Leon. I enjoyed watching him wrestle Dash Halley’s pecs at Wrestlefest Live in NYC last February. A lot. Leon is fucking massive and skilled, somehow managing to pull off a bulldozer heavyweight vibe while staying just this side of the line of earnest babyface. He’s a total wild card showing up so late in the rumble that suddenly I’m thinking Kayden and Chase might not just run away with this. In fact, this feels like anyone’s game again. There’s a real possibility of Kayden, Chase, and Leon being capable of doing serious damage to each other and leaving an opening for a sleeper underdog to sprint for the finish. There are three sharks circling, and fuck the drama is rich!

Chase gets double teamed by Isaac and Kayden, which feels like an incredibly sexy heel tag team to me. I feel like Isaac and Kayden run on the same octane, which burns hot and slow with an strong whiff of inevitability. But the alliances morph constantly, as if despite the fun of collabs, they keep reminding themselves that this is every man for himself. Rick Roma barrels in like a house on fire, tucking into Isaac’s hot bod like Thanksgiving leftovers. Isaac white knuckles it to the very bitter end, but the hairy hottie finally taps when Chase and Rick double team him and, honestly, there was no coming back from that.

When NonoZ clocks in, my already rock hard cock quivers with excitement. Fuck, that man. Like, FUCK… that man! When he just walks up and smack the fuck out of B Sprite’s crotch, I literally swoon. I’d donate a kidney to trade places with Rick when NonoZ hoists him off his feet in a bearhug. The masked hunk is so patient in this way that makes my knees weak, just milking the will to fight out of Rick with his hairy pecs and huge arms crushing like he could keep it up for hours.

My cock similarly throbs with an extra pump of excitement when Beau Jordan clocks in as almost the last entrant in the rumble. This man is ridiculously hot, of course, but when he turns full on sadistic, he’s got this pretty boy ass assassin feel like possibly no one else I’ve seen. Just like I can’t help but picture Kayden and Isaac as tag team, I can’t stop obsessing over the pairing of Beau and NonoZ. They’ve both got this silent intensity perfectly poised on the edge of competitiveness and eroticism. At one point they’re double teaming Neil, not because I think either of them couldn’t put the demolished fucker away single handedly, but because they can’t help themselves but work together like a well oiled machine (fuuuuuck, just picture that in oil?). Beau wordlessly wrenches Neil’s legs apart in a banana split. Simultaneously, NonoZ is immobilizing Neil with a chicken wing, tauntingly folding Neil forward until he starts slamming Neil’s face into Beau’s famously gorgeous curved scimitar, happily at attention.

Again, I say, fuck, this drama is compelling! NonoZ, Beau, and Kayden are the last men standing, and the erotic tension suddenly explodes. NonoZ picks up Kayden’s road kill and starts face-fucking Beau in a helpless schoolboy pin. It’s ally-and-betray, rinse-and-repeat, with Beau and NonoZ’ sensational cocks taking strokes and beatings that make me sweat hard. Again, the smart money is on NonoZ and Beau turning that incendiary chemistry of theirs on Kayden, but in the heat of a battle royale, decisions are sometimes more impulsive than smart. It takes Kayden exactly 3 seconds to congratulate his final rival on their mutual success in knocking the second runner up out of competition, before Kayden is landing a sucker knee to the gut and scooping the sizzling hot pretty boy into a bearhug.

As I mentioned in Part 1, there’s too much drama to do it justice in a review. You’ve just got to watch it and marvel. And, sure, if you’re like. me, you’ll have lost a few loads before you get there, but watch it all the way to the naked ass face scissors smother end.

Just like the incredibly hot and lucky 2nd place winner is asking himself with all that gorgeous ass in his face in the end, my only question is whether this is too much of a sensational thing? There are about 8 or so mini-dramas I want to linger long and very, very hard on, and who can bankroll a custom of my fixation on an erotic tag team beat down pitting Kayden and Isaac squaring off against Beau and NonoZ’s awe-inspiring cocks? Part 2 dials down the frenzy and lets us savor a little more deliberately the spontaneity and raw intensity that comes with throwing this many gorgeous wrestlers onto the same mat. Still, it’s a lot. If you want something slow and deliberate with cinematic blocking and measured close-ups documenting two hot competitors testing their egos against one another, this probably isn’t that. But if you want more of that full throttle, wild and unpredictable energy that is totally the Sir Dark brand, like a sampler plate of the tastiest Watchfighters wrestlers, you want to buy the WF Rumble bundle!

Mayhem

Watching Watchfighters Rumble Match – Part 1 gives me so many vibes of being at a Wrestlefest. Actually, it specifically gives me vibes of being at Wrestlefest Canada. I swear I stayed in that hotel room! Well, I’m pretty sure it’s at the hotel I stayed at when I enjoyed attending WF Canada three summers ago. But the vibes are about a lot more than the accommodations. There’s this serendipity about the pop-up community that forms at a fest. My best analogy is to summer camp, where you look forward to getting thrown into this community of people outside of your regular life, and the proximity and shared interests and just everyone stepping outside their lives and into this chosen community creates this incredibly fun esprit de corps. The (no shit) 13 wrestlers who join Sir Dark’s rumble in WF Rumble Match – Part 1 all look like they’re having a fucking blast.

It was at Wrestlefest Canada I experienced my first of many group mat matches. The rumble has all of those elements, but bigger and more intense and with an even more out of control feel of a melee. The premise is, like a pro wrestling rumble, a new wrestler is added to the mix every so often, and wrestlers are eliminated when they submit. And that’s it. Like, that’s all the rules. So the wrestling drama depends entirely on the luck of the draw, pacing, and the fickle alliances and betrayals that play out depending on who happens to be on the mat at any given time. It’s absolute chaos AND it’s got this compelling momentum that I can’t take my eyes off of.

I’m tuned in for my favorites featured, of course. Sir Dark appears to be the mastermind of the mayhem, which, honestly, is so on brand. If you could bottle chaos, I think he’d guzzle it daily. He’s got this constant edge of unpredictability about him, I think showcased never more clearly than in his Wrestlefest Live match last February in NYC. But he’s souped up and riding the feral edge about him as this rumble starts up, but holy shit is he in there with the yin to his yang. Ethan Axel Andrews is the other wrestler to kick off the Rumble, and he’s more like a cruise missile. Their opening scrap against each other is one of the most intense of the next 20 minutes, which sort of makes sense because all their attention is on each other, and their both fresh and primed. Ethan is rolling, exploiting his size advantage for a bit when he latches on a leglock and threatens to snap the Dark one at the knee. Sir Dark screams at him with total bile and adrenaline, “Fuck off, NO!” Fuck, that guy rocks me.

Every minute (or so, the timing isn’t entirely precise), a countdown signals the arrival of a new wrestler to join the fray. In these raucous 20 minutes, favorite wrestlers of mine show up in the mix and I’m unable to stop myself from cheering at my screen. Mickey Knoxx comes in hot, flexing and strutting and wasting no time tearing into Feroce in a completely unfair double team with Demonflex. Isaac Andrews comes in looking gorgeous as fuck with his hairy chest and beard. Kayden Keller and Chase Addams turn the heat way, way up when they take each take their turns as the fresh man diving into the mix.

Just like it works at a fest, though, there are also these unexpected finds, wrestlers I don’t think I’ve ever seen before but once I do, I can’t take my eyes off of them. The fourth entrant is introduced as Mischief. He’s adorable, with this gentle giant feel about him as he strides onto the mat. And then, holy fuck, there’s nothing gentle about Mischief! The guy is grinning ear to ear the entire time, so transparently loving that uncorked chaos Sir Dark is serving up. Two things in particular about Mischief make me swoon. One is just how much delight he takes in muscle bullying a smaller opponent. No apologies. No giving a little guy a fighting chance. He just licks his lips and tucks in to the bite sized morsels with relish. The other thing that catches my eye and turns me on about Mischief is this go to move he has of buttoning an opponent up and just clamping his huge hand over the guy’s face and refusing to let the fucker breathe. He does that more than once, and it’s such a fucking BOSS move.

There are some other new-to-me wrestlers that instantly impress me. I’ve seen Feroce DeLeon on Watchfighters before, but I was not expecting just how much absolute abuse his hot body can soak up. I met Kevin Nova at that fest in Toronto a couple of years ago, and he’s buffed up and gotten super aggressive in a way that makes him fit right into this wild melee. I’ve followed Demonflex on social media for what seems like forever. We’ve had near-misses at scheduling a 1:1 for the two of us, and watching how much fun he has swimming in this chaos makes me want to make sure that meet up happens soon. Veneno is this tasty little masked scrapper who looks like he should get submitted super fast based on nothing but size, but there’s a short king under that mask who is taking on everyone and in the center of the fray at all times and holding his own like a terrier. For some reason I think I have seen Neil Rey somewhere, but I’m not placing him, but he’s fascinating to watch come in and join this big boy gang triple teaming the little guy on the mat at the time.

That little guy is the other new-to-me wrestler epiphany that caught my attention out of everything happening at once in the maelstrom. Honestly, I was worried about pretty boy B Sprite when he first showed up. I mean, this kid is pretty. Too pretty, and lithe, and lean, and he ends up in the turbulent waters right when there’s the likes of big, burly bad asses ripping into each other like Isaac and Kayden and Neil. I have to immediately reassess lovely B Sprite, though, when he doesn’t skip a beat, and half a second after stepping onto the mat he’s got a claw working on twisting Mickey’s balls off. Lovely B Sprite is fucking mean and skilled, and sure, maybe I’m just identifying with him because he goes after Mickey like he’s got blinders on.

Writing a review of the Rumble is a bit like trying to film it, I suspect. There’s just so many mini-dramas playing out, it’s impossible to see them all in one viewing. Actually, it’s impossible to see them all upon repeated viewings, because the camera misses some of the action on one side the mat while documenting the grappling on the other side of the mat. Like, I’m not sure what drove terrier-like Veneno to actually submit, because the camera and I were enthralled with watching Kayden lift Mickey by the balls, cradling the wailing Canadian across his chest, and then slamming Mickey down in a brutal gut buster. If you like clean edges and drawing within the lines, the Rumble may not be for you, because it’s super raw and spontaneous and messy. And I’m convinced every single one of those wrestlers is having an absolute blast because he loves wrestling, and he’s exhilarated by the chaotic brew Sir Dark is serving on tap.

I’m going to towel off and settle in for the Rumble part 2, now. I had no idea this was exactly the international wrestling drama I needed to take my mind off the end times!

Have I Got a Surprise For You!

New kid on the block Damian Pike is in way, way, way over his head. As Dark Knights 20 starts, he’s got his back pinned against the ring post and Kayden Keller’s tongue down his throat. He’s certainly not complaining, of course. The sexy rookie’s also copping a feel of Kayden’s famously hot ass while he’s getting his tonsils tickled. It’s like a little dessert before the main course, really, establishing the tone of this match/encounter as breathlessly sexy and hungry from the start.

I love this “star struck newbie” vibe. It has that feel of a long-time fan getting his big break into homoerotic wrestling and deciding to just fucking go for it. Call out the big dog. Of course, the raw rookie is fucking putty in the legendary heel’s hands. Kayden tosses him into the ring like a bitter Logan Airport baggage handler shot-putting a Samsonite across the tarmac. The opening action is Damian cracked in half in an effortless OTK backbreaker. Yeah, that’s the dynamic from the start. The beautiful babyface rookie is just holding on for dear life.

This is Kayden’s fifth appearance in the Dark Knights franchise, and he wears that harsh master mantel well. I’ve opined before about how much I enjoy Kayden’s “vulnerable heel” matches, when a super lucky jobber gets some riding time in on the 6-time Top Heel award winner. But the only vulnerability in this match is Damian’s lusciously sexy body, being molded and pounded and forged by a master artist. Kayden is big and bad and relentless, terrorizing the awestruck rookie with brutal punishment seasoned liberally with equal measures of threats and promises. This is a total squash. Damian gets nothing in on the reigning heel daddy, other than a fraction of surprise when Kayden unwraps that shiny metallic jockstrap and the impressive hardware he’s packing underneath. Kayden is completely in charge of his new toy, body and soul, for the entire 38 minutes.

Damian is cast so perfectly as the prettyboy for his new heel daddy to plunder. He’s curiously handsome. He looks achingly young and innocent, but his tenacity in staying in the ring and getting used so hard tells another story. He’s got a little punishment slut side to him (said lovingly), that compliments that adorable babyface faux-innocence beautifully. At one point, Kayden refers to him as “my muscleboy,” which is just a perfect description. Damian’s body is gorgeous and powerful. Kayden makes him stare at himself in the mirror a lot, being brutalized and dominated, and the way Damian looks at himself makes me think he’s sort of amazed by his own muscles. Like, maybe he didn’t know, deep down inside, what a fucking slice of beefcake he really is, until he saw himself through the eyes of this snarling, salivating heel daddy so totally turned on by possessing the new kid’s body. I don’t know if that’s even remotely true, but that’s the drama this match brings to me.

Kayden and I are both awfully infatuated with Damian’s sweet, sweet ass. He has this lush, round bubble butt that looks better and better the more bright red hand prints Kayden leaves on him. At one point, the heel viciously pounds the prettyboy down in a gut buster and pins him there, bent over his knee. Damian is grunting and groaning, exhausted and still sucking down more punishment. And I swear, his ass is demanding it when Kayden spanks him hard and then possessively kneads those sweet, smooth, vulnerable cheeks.

To be honest, for me, I’m not into ropes. There’s something that seems just unnecessary when Kayden has owned every inch of his muscleboytoy, and then hangs him by his wrists from the rafter. I’m totally feeling myself as this armchair quarterback, muttering about unnecessary roughness… and then Kayden rips that shiny jockstrap off his boy….. Wait. Fuck. Honestly, what was saying? No shit, suddenly it’s yet another stroke of perfection, Damian hanging there, cowed and helpless, collared and naked and just so fucking delicious! And I’ve got whiplash going back and forth between trying to decide how I feel about that cock ring and just muttering to myself, “Fucking perfection!’ The look on Damian’s face as he’s getting devoured is intoxicating!

Around the time that a match like this typically turns totally about being forced to cum, Kayden flips the script again, exercising total control over the slack-jawed prettyboy who’s completely come-to-heel. Just to seriously leave the kid reconsidering if he’s ready to run with the big boys, Kayden leaves him with one last diabolical humiliation to make sure Damian remembers the pain and the pleasure a long time to come, and promising a little public humiliation to top off this intensely brutal private humiliation.

I usually like my wrestling more competitive than this, as regular readers know well. I couldn’t survive on a steady diet of a Dark Knights boy bashing squash. But this delivers exactly what it promises, and fuck it all if I’m not completely turned on watching this handsome, defiant, tenacious muscleboy living the dream/nightmare and getting totally tossed into the deep end!

Something to Prove

Rookie Anton Alvarez

I got my first glimpse of Anton Alvarez in his new Jobberpaloozer 22 release, and I like what I see. Technically speaking, I don’t think it’s quite true to say it was my “first” glimpse. I believe I saw him on the babyface bench cheering on WrestleFest 4. And honestly, the beefy, handsome, smiling babyface totally caught my eye on that bench. But I haven’t watched his debut yet, (Jobberpaloozer 19 against Ace Aarons), so settling in to see him square off against Kayden was all new.

Anton brightly cheered on fellow babyface beefcake Dio Characi at Wrestlefest 4

I like Anton’s look. A lot. He’s fucking solid. If I only saw his body, I’d guess he’s a sexy ass carnival strong man. And he’s adorably handsome. If I only saw his face, I’d guess he was 17. Those two characteristics combined make him an instant classic babyface, and, considering his first two trips to the BG East ring, a compelling jobber to watch.

“I’ve got some strength in me,” Anton boasts when Kayden sizes him up.

Two things jump out at me when I see him stroll into the Florida ring room, apparently having kept Kayden Keller waiting (holy fuck, rookie!). First, I’m thinking, this kid is fucking solid! According to the numbers, he’s over half a foot shorter than Kayden and only 10 pounds lighter. Meaning, fuck. This guy’s fucking. solid. The other thing that catches my attention is the crazy-happy smile on face. I don’t really know his full back story (time for us to have a sit down interview, Anton!), but he looks like he is absolutely living the dream. He wants to be no where else in the world but staring way, way, way up at the 6-time winner of the Top Heel award. I don’t know what he thinks his chances are of coming out of this intact, but I sort of get the impression he doesn’t give a flying fuck.

Anton shocks the notorious heel with raw, dominating power

Their first collar and elbow results in the babyface strongman shockingly muscling big Kayden back into a corner. The look of surprise on Kayden’s face mirrors my own. A test of strength a half a minute later is similarly stunning, as Anton nearly snaps the top heel’s hands right off his arms. He tells an awesome story of an earnest, eager powerhouse to be taken a whole lot more seriously than his dimples might suggest.

“You wanna break someone? I’ll show you how to break someone!”

Kayden snaps this right back into frame as a Jobberpaloozer release with a boot to his gut. “I’ve got a part of me that’s pretty freaking muscular too,” the heel deadpans, snapping the muscle jobber’s head between his thighs. The fierce babyface strongman starts kicking and screaming as Kayden takes possession of his body, clawing at his bulging lats, and ripping into his big, wide back muscles. The heel bullies the muscleboy relentlessly. He slaps him in the face and chokes him in the ropes. Kayden just keeps pounding all that beef down, again and again, and dragging him back up by the back of his trunks for more.

“Yeah, you give!”

All of Kayden’s domination clearly pushes the heel’s buttons just right. “You’ve got nice assets,” he announces, spanking the muscle boy’s butt hard enough to leave hand prints. “I think you’ll go far,” he predicts, and it’s clear this estimation is not based on his high appraisal of Anton as a wrestler. Like me, Kayden likes what he sees, and all of the muscle rookie’s writhing and weeping and sobbing and begging doesn’t exactly turn the heel’s attention away from him. A chicken wing piledriver finally knocks the pretty boy out cold. Kayden takes a full lap all over Anton’s beaten body, reappraising the property he’s just won the rights for. Straddling his face and flexing, Kayden tells him, “You have yourself a nice little nap. We’re going to have some more fun later.”

Anton rests up for more “fun” later

Tons of hot contrasts in this match. Size, experience, personality, fate. Like Kayden, I feel like muscleboy Anton could go far, and not just as a heel’s plaything. He’s bringing the earnestness and ambition back to the babyface bench, and maybe if the Boss would let the poor, sexy kid get some time in on an opponent other than the most sadistic and dominant heels on the roster, I think we just might see a compelling competitor! (And seriously, Anton, let’s do that interview!!!)

“I Want More!”

I continue to get instantly turned on when I see Dio Characi has a new release. The newest has him appearing opposite Kayden Keller in the double-header X-Fights 58. I feel like the Brazilian bombshell must have had a rider stipulating that we don’t get to see his full frontal, because once again, even in an x-fight, the Brazilian’s power tool remains holstered. It’s a little cruel, to be honest, and I actually think that’s completely in character for Dio, despite his persistent casting as a babyface borderline-jobber in his (hopefully first of many) forays into competing for BG East. Catching his Instagram reels is like eating M&Ms, because he melts in the mouth so seductively, while coming across as a sensationally sexy purveyor of snarling, dominating raunch. Which, FUCK, works like magic coming from someone with an insanely hot bod and cherubic baby face. But in his incarnation as an award-winning BG East it-boy, Dio puts up a good fight, but gets plowed under a lot (Rocky Sparks notwithstanding).

X-Fights 58 features the fan-selected Top Babyface of 2023 squaring off on the mats against the six-time award winning Top Heel, Kayden Keller. Fuck, the sexual tension and drama just write themselves, right? During the opening match at Wrestlefest 4, while Kayden was absolutely eviscerating bleach blond bon-bon Nathan FX, Dio was right up front of the babyface bench in the audience, leading the taunts and jeers taking Kayden to task for being such a nasty, cheating, merciless heel. At one point, as Kayden is bouncing off the ropes, about to kick Nathan in the face for the 645th time, Dio stands up and grabs him by the ankle, tripping the dangerous heel. You can see the steam rise off of Kayden, he’s so fucking angry. He starts hurling threats and insults at the Brazilian over the ropes, daring him to put his hot bod on the line and face him once he’s done with Nathan. Dio sneers back defiantly, telling Kayden to fuck off, holding his gaze unflinchingly. Which gives Nathan time to peel himself off the mat, clear his head, and nearly decapitate Kayden with with a clothesline when the distracted heel finally remembers he’s got an opponent still to finish off in the ring behind him.

I even speculated in my review of that match that the exquisite tension between Dio and Kayden in that moment simply HAD to result in the two of them facing each other one-on-one. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one with that opinion. “There you are,” Kayden says, as if mildly surprised to find the Brazilian bombshell stretching out his award winning body on the mat. “I was a little worried you might not show up, that you weren’t ready to take me on.” Dio looks up with those big brown eyes, looking through his long lashes, like a Raphael painting come to life, and grins. “Me? I’m always ready.”

Dio possesses a can of whoop ass as yet unopened at BG East, I’m sure of it. I keep thinking he’s going to finally crack it open and let loose the vile, raunchy, ravenous erotic wrestler that I’m 110% certain he’s got chained inside of him, but Kayden is just too much. It plays like brutal strength and experience chipping away relentlessly at stubborn, raw ambition. They’re evenly matched in terms of size, but Kayden strikes at will, persistently putting Dio on his back. “I heard a rumor you like legs,” Kayden confesses casually, as he wraps his long, strong tree trunks and starts crushing Dio’s rock hard core. I LOVE the passing allusion to the behind-the-scenes locker room culture. These guys aren’t just punching the clock. They’re thinking about each other off the mats. They’re comparing notes with other wrestlers, talking with former opponents to catch some juicy insights into weaknesses and what to watch out for.

Dio suffers gorgeously. Kayden tags the Brazilian’s abs for demolition, pounding, grinding, clawing and squeezing that sexy-as-fuck washboard. When seriously pushed, Dio sounds like he’s practicing Lamaze, with quick, shallow, audible exhalations, struggling to breathe through the corporal punishment. With Kayden’s huge quads scissoring his body, the sexy cherub’s neck arches in agony. His hands rest on his opponent’s rock hard leg bearing down on his gut. “Go ahead, you can feel those strong legs wrapped around you,” Kayden instructs. The intense intimacy, watching Dio immediately start to hungrily stroke his open palms over the bulging, brutal muscle, turns me on so fucking much.

Dio gets some offense, because he’s fucking fierce and strong. Assisted by Kayden repeatedly becoming almost completely distracted by the seductive allure of sucking on his opponent’s mouthwatering lips, Dio displays his sexy, raw power, turning the tables and climbing into the saddle of a schoolboy pin. It takes some seriously sexy strength for an opponent to grapevine Kayden’s infamous legs and rip them open wide, and gorgeous Dio absolutely possesses that sexy strength. And it’s entrancing watching Dio enjoy his riding time. He flexes his meaty, bubble butt hypnotically, grinding his hungry cock into Kayden’s gut. While Dio, indeed, keeps his cock holstered, it’s awfully inspiring to see it grow with excitement, straining the tight confines of his green trunks.

Among the super sexy moments in this match, there are a couple that keep intruding on my thoughts as I go through my day. One of those moments is the quirky, sexy script-flipping of Kayden repeatedly smothering Dio with his pecs. I’ve enjoyed (“enjoyed”) watching Dio pec-smother several lucky sons of bitches in his Instagram reels, and it’s compelling as fuck. So watching him panting like he’s going in labor, his breath muffled as his face his crushed helplessly against Kayden’s chest, is a super sexy twist. But I think the sexiest gem in this entire match is after Dio has had a few super resentful submissions wrung out of him, and Kayden is perched on top of a schoolboy, his fingers laced through the cherub’s curly locks, smothering him in his crotch. The Top Heel asks, “Do you like the smell and the taste of it, Dio?” As if in response, Dio reaches up and starts to stroke his opponent’s muscles. He squeezes Kayden’s juicy ass and palms the heel’s bulging biceps. When Kayden shoves them in his face, Dio obediently worships those biceps and licks his opponent’s sweaty armpit. Kayden is absolutely seduced, unable to resist swooping in and making out with the deliriously handsome babyface beneath him. “There you go,” Kayden coos. “Now you know your place.” And then, Dio absolutely pushes me over the edge when he stares up at Kayden with that fierce, unquenchable heat of his, and absolutely demands, “I want more.”

Dio is voicing exactly what I’m thinking, in that moment, and more philosophically as I think about his incredibly sexy journey through BG East thus far. I love the sight of Kayden forgetting himself momentarily under the Brazilian’s insanely sexy spell. I’m turned on so fucking hard by the raging furnace that is constantly burning just beneath Dio’s surface, whether giving or taking, demanding more, so completely turned on and sucking down the pleasure that comes with his gorgeous body locked in competition with a worthy opponent. And despite my disappointment at not getting to enjoy seeing what Dio’s packing in those bulging trunks, when Kayden peels out of his trunks and pounds out a quart of cum across Dio’s thick pecs and rippling abs, I get it. I really, really get it.

What Do You Think of Your Hero Now?!

Wrestlefest 4 gave me my first glimpse of Nathan FX, in his public battle with Top Heel Kayden Keller. Technically, that isn’t true, because I’ve “glimpsed” him wrestling for other companies, I’m pretty sure, but only in promo photos. I’d never seen him wrestle, though. Within 30 seconds of him showing up to the ring, I’m wanting to see him get creamed. “It’s time you learned, baby,” FX shouts and points a threatening finger at Kayden, hopping around in American flag long shorts. A babyface rookie that cocky, calling out BGE’s reigning Top Heel, to the ecstatic adulation of the bevy of babyface boosters at ringside, is just too naive for me to stand it. But then FX rips off his tear-away long shorts, to reveal equally patriotic, but significantly more tiny briefs underneath, and I’m recalculating him. The pretty boy showed up in tear-away shorts, clearly planning all along on inflaming the exuberance of the babyfaces with his audacity and soft core strip tease?! Hm. Okay then. The lovely, lean rookie with the bad bleach job has me intrigued!

Kayden is classically, thoroughly, essentially Kayden in this match. Playing against the snarling, jeering babyfaces trying to crawl under his skin, and playing to his heel buddies on the other side of the ring, clearly brings out his Kayden-ness. Not waiting for a bell, he kicks FX in the gut and bulldogs the pretty boy, pretty much knocking the rookie out momentarily, about 15 seconds later. “Yeah, he really looks amazing,” the sinister, snarling heel taunts the protesting babyface bench, dragging his opponent’s barely responsive body up and slamming the star spangled rookie down in a gut buster. The babyfaces are on their feet, threatening pandemonium, slapping the ring apron to rouse their champ, pleading with him to come-to and put up a fight. “Listen to them,” Kayden taunts his prey, snapping his crushing, gorgeous legs around the bottle-blond head. “They’re counting on you,” he laughs mockingly.

If you know Kayden’s catalog even half as intimately as I do, then you are not surprised to learn that FX manages some super sweet, super sexy reversals of fortune on the raging heel. I often wonder whether Kayden voluntarily allows this to happen, because he gets off even harder on digging back from a deficit and plowing a once hopeful opponent into dust. In this case, FX has clearly had enough humiliation and kicks Kayden in the balls. With the hot heel bent over, that much easier for FX to rattle his cage convincingly with a sharp, seriously nasty flying knee strike to the face, before executing a brutal tit-for-tat revenge bulldog. Woah! I see you there, rookie. FX did NOT sign up to be Kayden’s punching bag, and I’m very much into that fierceness.

This is Wrestlefest, so the shit goes off the rails often and wildly. From the babyface bench, Brazilian heartthrob Dio Characi (see my post from yesterday for his contribution to this festival of homoerotic wrestling) pops up and grabs Kayden by the ankle when the heel is bouncing off the ropes to clothesline his dazed prey, making Kayden land face first on the mat. Oh. Fuck. Yes. You can literally see the steam rising off of the back of Kayden’s neck, he is so fucking pissed off. He dives outside the ring and shoves a finger in Dio’s face, and I’m pretty convinced this is a half a second away from turning into one huge bitter melee (speaking of which, where can I put in my order for a reboot of the orgiastic brilliance of Battle R-Oil from Wrestlefest 1?!?). Despite the heel bench egging Kayden on, the Top Heel executes a superhuman feat of self-control and climbs back in the ring. Oh, but he promises that he’s got a score to settle with the Brazilian babyface beefcake, and I’ll donate a kidney for a front row seat to THAT sequel. Kayden brings a chair into the ring to beat the living shit out of FX and repeatedly, REPEATEDLY piledrives the All-American doe-in-the-headlights into oblivion.

Wrestlelfest 4 sets up a long-awaited (by me) tipping point. On the one hand, Kayden has never been more Kaydeny, and it’s exactly his Kaydenness that has earned the hot hunk the title of Top Heel for FIVE years in a row! On the other hand, the second half of Wrestlefest 4 features the legendary heel himself, Jonny Firestorm, possibly nastier, more brutal, and more sadistic than I think I’ve ever seen him. So riddle me this, wrestling fans, who is the frontrunner to earn the title of Top Heel for 2022!? Fuck… what a choice. Honestly, I cannot, at this moment, say who it is I’d vote for, although I’m tempted to say that the one who literally bit his babyface opponent’s big, beautiful balls in front of a live audience might have the edge (?).

And finally, let me be super late to the party in welcoming Nathan FX to the BG East fold. I was not expecting the incredibly moving sell, and the capacity for barges full of suffering to get dumped on such a lean, untested, outmatched rookie like this. Fuck, I’m shedding a tear over here in sympathy pains for FX’s breathless writhing, wailing, and weeping! Even though I was initially rolling my eyes, I’m actually thrilled that he came in that hot and bothered to start this match, flexing his cute guns, shaking his lean, red-white-and-blue ass to the roaring approval of the babyface bench. He’s tougher than he looks, and he’s got a sensational range with nuance and pathos. I vote that he show up next in HairStakes 2, because I will hate on him even less once the bottle blond his sheared off. In the meantime, well played, rookie. Well played.

Lights Out

Hurricane Isaias put my lights out like Kayden Keller knocking Chase Addams’ block off in Learning the Ropes the Hard Way.

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Seriously, though, I’ve been cleaning the ruined food out of my freezer and sweltering sans air conditioning for way too long. 2020 has had us all over a barrel, but a global pandemic, worldwide protests over anti-Blackness, murder hornets, and the dumpster fire of the executive branch of government weren’t enough. The curse of 2020 thought I was getting a little too cocky with surviving the national economic collapse and actually getting shit done in my work-from-home office. So Isaias slapped me down hard, like Braden Charron dropping Jake Jenkins like a boss.

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Even now, my internet connection is thready, so let me just reiterate how I’m feeling as I wait for the cable company to get around to my neighborhood.

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Call Me Goldilocks

In our recent welcome-back interview, Ash DeLeon firmly urged me to check out Three-Way Thrash 5. It promised to check off every box on my homoerotic wrestling fantasy crush list. Fierce young hunks. Extensive back story. Full-throated, explicit eroticism. Extensive lip locks. Big vs. Little (vs. Medium). Honestly, it sounded almost too good to be true, not that I doubt Ash’s sincerity (honestly, he’s one of the most enthusiastically earnest wrestlers I’ve ever met!).

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Well, Ash can bend me over his knee and spank my ass for doubting him. I’ve soaked in Three-Way Thrash 5, toweled off, and re-hydrated, and now I’m very happy to report that it lives up to the hype!

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First of all, I marvel at the casting. Kayden Keller was well on his way to being the heel-to-beat when I started my hiatus about a year and a half ago. Between then and now, he’s emerged from his chrysalis as a fully formed, magnificently beautiful, definitively dominant boss. I can give first hand testimony that Kayden is a tall, physically imposing drink of water, but his adorable baby face defies his cruel, heel master persona.  In his baby heel days, I persistently questioned whether he had the true grit to climb the heel ranks, solely based on the mismatch between his big, bad boy body and his boy-next-door, albeit mischievous, face. Well, color me convinced, because KKel owns the ring; he owns Ash and Luke Reel. He’s clearly not one-dimensional, but he certainly looks like a 6’2″ muscled heel daddy who knows full well he’s living large and totally in charge of the deep, deep ranks of dominant heels at BG East.

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Then there’s Ash, himself. Fu-uck! He’s sporting a similar fiercely-bodied baby face vibe as Kayden. Seriously, he’s packing on mature, prime cut meat that seems almost out of place framed beneath a little boy face. Ash may decide he deserves a second swat at my ass, but I have to say I’m still deciding if I fully buy him as a hard core heel. He obviously sports a passion for dishing out pain, but even when he’s drilling an opponent relentlessly in the gut, he’s tends to color within the lines. What’s the character type of a vicious sadist rule follower? Whatever it is, it looks really, really good on Ash, affording him the air of a pit bull with a soft underside.

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And finally, Luke Reel is crack. Fuck me, what is it about this hunk that makes me so obsessed with him?! I mean, I actually know what it is, but it’s significantly greater than the sum of its parts. I’ve mused in the past about the roots of how shorter-than-average hotties are a special treat for me. Luke is just the perfectly proportioned, bite-sized morsel for my little-hunk wrestling fantasy. Speaking of biting, his ass is deliciously munchable. His legs are crazy thick and powerful, which makes his astonishing flexibility the extra icing on top of this mouthwatering beefcake. His tightly muscled torso and lightly hairy chest are vintage 70’s porn-ready. He’s handsome in an effortlessly sexy and self-possessed way, like he orders his Vesper martini shaken, not stirred.

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For a moment there, this nearly turned into an obsession-post about my addiction to Luke, but let me just return to giving props to Three-Way Thrash 5. Kayden is absolutely, completely, totally in charge, as he begins to mold Ash into the rising heel he longs to be. Sure, Ash is a naughty boy apprentice, like when he suggests his abs are sexier than Kayden’s. But Kayden literally takes him in hand when he starts to get ahead of himself and puts him in his place. Those moments of gentle, but absolute, control are frequent and the sexiest elements of this entire scene. KKel holds Ash by the chin and forces him to look him in the eye, until Ash breaks eye contact with his alpha. When he introduces Luke as Ash’s heel test dummy, Kayden holds Luke by the top of his head, like he’s palming a basketball, making him a beefy little puppet, turning his head this way and that to direct Luke’s attention. The heel daddy pries Ash’s head backward by a handful of hair, to position his mouth upward to receive KKel’s lips swooping down from above. At one point, Luke is painting by numbers, obeying Kayden’s instructions on just how deep to drill his punches into Ash’s gut, and Luke literally leans against Kayden’s leg and closes his eyes, adoring this closeness with his instructor even as he punches away. There’s so much unexpected tenderness, and it stops me in my tracks every time.

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Don’t let me mislead you, though. This match is mean as motherfucker. The explicit story is that Ash must prove himself worthy of Kayden’s tutelage by besting KKel’s sexy boy toy Luke, bought and paid for in Ultra Heels 6. Ash literally laughs at the the suggestion, protesting that Luke is “just so delicate.” At first. Of course Luke opens up a can of whoop ass on the applicant, albeit with a little help from his doting heel daddy. Luke pitching is intoxicating. He’s tentative, adorably checking with Kayden often to make sure he’s doing it right. “How am I doing,” he asks earnestly, looking up at his daddy even as he digs a claw in deep into Ash’s abs. “You don’t make such a bad heel, yourself,” Kayden sounds surprised, spoon feeding praise that Luke laps up. Turning his attention back to Ash, Luke snarls, “You still think I’m weak, bitch?” (sooooo fucking adorable).

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Ash is just too much for rookie Luke to handle, though. Kayden puts his finger on the scales frequently to even the odds for his pocket boy, but Ash is too much for little Luke to hold down for long. Ash keeps upending him, reversing, putting the pup to his back. “I’m disappointed in you,” Kayden chides him when Ash reverses him, folding Luke quite literally in half, pinning Luke’s ankles to the mat over his head (so fucking flexible!) and humping that gorgeous ass.

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I’ve also waxed poetic in the past about how the voyeur angle turns me on, so it should come as no surprise how hot I find it when Kayden is sitting back and watching the training session, and he starts stroking himself. He’s visibly excited when he watches Luke making him proud, but there’s some extra passion in his piston when Ash takes the reigns and starts grinding Luke down. Watching on the sidelines, Kayden is somehow that much more in charge, with the sexy pup scrap implicitly happening for his personal pleasure. Every so often, he gets so excited he just suddenly shoves one or the other trainees off and takes his place, delivering hands-on daddy damage for the instructional benefit for everyone involved.

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When Kayden takes his finger off the scales, Ash seriously starts to shine for the earnest sadist he is. Luke is stripped and stretched out, pounded for days (because: Ash), and crushed every which way. Little Luke takes every pound-per-square-inch like a sponge, though. Kayden teases Ash for being unable to seal the deal, which sparks renewed ferocity.  Ash presses the submission out of Luke eventually. And then Kayden joins in, taking his turn dominating his boy, punishing him, demonstrating his total possession of him. Luke suffer beautifully, but there’s no missing that he also wants it. He wants to dangle from Kayden’s chain. Even strung up, spread-eagled, hanging by his ankles from the ropes and ball bashed, Luke’s unleashed jack hammer swells with pride every time Kayden acknowledges how tough he is.

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In the end, Ash and Kayden start to work Luke over like a well-oiled machine. Equal parts pain and pleasure, one heel tortures him while the other jerks him off. Honestly, I can’t decide if I’m aching more to feel what it’s like to have Ash and Kayden tag-teaming me in a cock lock like that, or to be the one with my hands driving Luke’s joystick as he hangs helplessly from Kayden’s torture rack.

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I’m not always quite as convinced that homoerotic wrestlers are quite a genuinely turned on by each other as Kayden, Ash, and Luke clearly are. There’s a sweetly sincere authenticity about every inch of this match, from the punishment to the suffering to the carnal lust to the open, mutual positive regard. The lingering gazes and lip locks make this one of the gayest, most unashamed homoerotic wrestling matches I’ve seen in a long time.

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Let’s make wrestling gay again, and I recommend that you start by cuing up Three-way Thrash 5.

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And if Luke Reel would just fold himself up in an envelope (he’s seriously that flexible) and Express Mails himself to my address, I promise to send him back to heel daddy Kayden when I’m done with him. In a few months.

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Asses Named

It was great to see a lot of you playing along in this rebooted round of Name that Ass! As my stats instructor was fond of saying when handing back our tests, mistakes were made. But asses were also correctly named. No one accurately identified all four sets of mouthwatering glutes in this round, but three of the four hunks were correctly named, in the aggregate of answers. Of course, this is all just an excuse for me to worshipfully adore the gorgeous butts of some of my favorite wrestling hunks, so let me get on with the pay off and name those asses.

Ass #1 belonged to none other than underground wrestler gone way, way big: beautiful Finn Balor.

Since making it huge in big, box store corporate wrestling, rainbow ally Finn has fucking whittled his magnificent physique to insane tolerances. I actually prefer his beefier build from early career BGE appearances, but that g-g-g-gorgeous ass of his is top shelf in any weight class. There were a couple of incorrect guesses for Finn’s glutes, but eagle-eyed Jose instantly recognized one of his (and my) favorite wrestlers’ backsides.

Jose also immediately I.D.ed spectacular ass #2 as belonging none other than indy pro hunk Clark Connors.

Holy FUCK, I’ve got a raging infatuation with Clark. His body sends me swooning instantly. I’ve got it about as bad for him now as I have crushed for most of my youth and adult life on a young Billy Jack Haynes. His porn-ready ass has a YouTube fan video devoted to it, and I’m slightly irritated that I didn’t think of that first. I can guarantee you that you’ll see Clark starring in some homoerotic wrestling fiction on these pages soon, because I cannot get enough of him!

You can all be forgiven for not recognizing ass #3 as belonging to CMLL luchador, young buck and golden devil, Oro Jr.

I’ve been watching so much CMLL in the past year that nothing I say or do can convince all Google platforms that I speak fluent Spanish (I don’t). One of the top reasons I’m so into the Mexican luchadors is Oro Jr., and, let’s be honest, Oro’s unbelievably juicy ass. He jokes on his Instagram page about how fans only seem to ever take photos of him from behind. I can see why. When he’s in the ring, I’m obsessed with watching his magnificent glutes from every angle. When he’s waiting his turn on the ring apron in a tag match, I forget about the action and just stare at his glorious butt. I realize he’s pretty perpetually in prima o segunda lucha position, so he’s not exactly a headliner yet. But I fast forward through most everything else when I know his hot bod is going to step into the ring.

And finally, ass #4 belongs to none other than rising star and body beautiful, Angel Garza.

Tim Sheridan accurately identified Angel’s ass almost the instant I posted the game, because Tim knows his spectacular wrestling asses! Unnecessary Gay Character (awesome handle, by the way) also put his finger on the correct pair of glutes. Garza is just so ridiculously pretty, and like Oro Jr., he’s clearly abundantly aware of what the fainting gasps and screams are about when he shows up packed snug in a pair of butt-hugging wrestling briefs (or, better yet, when he arrives in tear away tights, and rips them off like a stripper halfway through a match). I LOVE a crowd pleaser, and the impish, handsome smile on his face says that he knows what we’re all lining up to see.

Finally, one more ass that was not featured in the original game on Monday. Kayden Keller chimed in on Twitter to chide me for neglecting to shine the spotlight on his jaw-droppingly sexy backside in this round. First of all, I’m loving that the multi-winning, reigning Best Heel at BGE is demanding my attention. Second of all, I will marvel at and adore Kayden’s fantasy man glutes morning, noon, and night. No one technically “won” this round of Name that Ass, but I think Kayden’s power play at slapping down his beautiful butt and insisting on its due makes him, and, really, the rest of us, the real winner.

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