Being Human Battle

All right, Being Human SyFy season one is over, and I’m hooked. Despite fully anticipating disappointment, the remake of BBC awesomeness is different enough to keep me interested.

Ah, who the hell am I kidding? The man meat is hot enough to keep me interested, and the story isn’t getting in the way of hot angles of the boys from Boston. First and foremost, Sam Witwer is haunting my dreams. Shirtless. Getting wrestled out of the rest of his clothes.

Outside my dreams, SyFy is being relatively generous with regular shots of him shirtless. He’s one very fit vampire hunk in desperate need of a pec claw.

In that head-to-head competition in my mind between Sam W. and Aidan Turner from the BBC production, I’m shocked to say that Sam very well might out-sexy the hairy Irishman afterall. In a one-on-one rip-n-strip wrestling match in the ring (all of those details would be absolutely essential and non-negotiable), I’d have to guess that Sam’s advantage in muscle and strength would eventually end him up schoolboy pinning Aidan and pummeling his face with his cock.

Not to say that Aidan wouldn’t certainly make it competitive. I picture the Irishman working a “crazy as a shit house rat” angle, going as nasty as he can from go. All that humiliating face beating by Sam’s cock would only come well after Aidan has crushed the American’s balls repeatedly, pounded on his abs while he’s trapped in the ropes, and thrown Sam over the ropes for a nasty spill outside the ring as a prelude to pounding his gorgeous face relentlessly into the ringposts. By the time Sam’s turned the tide and has the Irishman helplessly enduring a cock whipping, it’s going to mean something to the both of them.

Of course, the thing is, a 1-on-1 match would fail to settle anything at all really. Being Human is a homoerotically charged buddy story, if nothing else. Mitchell/Sam always has George/Josh’s back, and vice versa, so a tag team match is as inevitable as me turning any hard bodied celebrity hunk into an over the top homoerotic wrestling master. And it’s there, my friends, in the 2-on-2 ring, that things really get interesting in my imagination. Because despite Sam Huntington pulling off some genuinely impressive surprise skin shots for SyFy, in this bout, he is the weakest link.

It’s hardly any surprise that, while Sam H. played the conscience-tormented nerd admirably, Russell Tovey would still kick his ass coming and going, as far as I’m concerned. Moreover, in my imagination, he’d really, really enjoy it. So, while Aidan might singlehandedly be destined for a cock whipping from Witwer, the chemistry would be so complex and unpredictable with the foursome in the throes together. I’m picturing Sam W. tied into a corner at some point, forced to watch his co-star get double teamed into oblivion, with a potential force-fed finale, a la Tag Team Torture 2, match 2.

The again, with Sam W.’s physique indisputably the most impressive in the bunch, perhaps he could carry his teammate the distance. Perhaps it’s Russell who’d find himself tied in the corner helplessly watching as Aidan (the actor) takes a brutal and humiliating double team from the Sams.

One way or another, no one’s left with gear on by the time this barn burner is over with. I’ll keep you posted how it turns out.

Is it wrong that I find this incredibly sexy?

Of course, in my mind I easily photoshop out the woman and replace her with me. That hand on Sam Witwer’s bloody thigh is my hand. I’m the one perched cozily between his knees. I’m the one that’s been sucking the life out of every inch of his beautiful body. I’m the one that’s been squeezing his sweet, hard pecs with my right hand and massaging his balls with my left hand shoved underneath the bottom of his underwear.

Oh wait, that last bit actually doesn’t happen in this scene from Being Human via SyFy, at all. But you know me, I re-write scenes in my imagination all the time. The sexy vampire shows up in my homoerotic fantasies repeatedly, I note. I don’t find blood, in and of itself, erotic. But Sam, covered in stage blood, slipping and sliding on the bathroom tiles in an orgasmic feeding frenzy all works for me well and above what Sam’s barely clad body, by itself, does. Should this disturb me?

The same scene (really) from the original BBC version brings to mind the unavoidable comparison, and I’m hard pressed to say whether it’s Sam Witwer or Aidan Turner I’d rather be sliding across the blood soaked bathroom floor with. I hate Aidan’s floppy, needs-to-be-shampooed-more-often hair, so that’s a plus in Sam’s column. Sam also has a harder body. But damn, Aidan’s dark, hairy body along with the Irish accent evens the score in a blood pumping heartbeat. This is so much closer a call than I’d have guessed a few weeks ago. Only one good way to really sort this out, of course. These two suckers simply must fight it out, and there’s no place that will work other than a bath house arena in Seattle with boys in towels grunting and cheering them on to a final, decisive, explosive decision with copious amounts of body fluids.

Of course, if there’s a battle of beautiful boys for whom I’d be willing to overlook a little homicidal blood lust, whether it’s Aidan or Sam coming out on top, he’d have men of my fantasies waiting their turn for a shot. Slather Alexander Skarsgård in any liquid, including blood, and it’ll only make me swoon that much more for the giant Swede. Alexander is undefeated in the fictional wrestling competition in my imagination, and he plans on staying that way.

For all my infatuation with vampires, I still haven’t seen Vampire Diaries. It sounds bad from a distance. Still, Ian Somerhalder as a sexy, naked vamp is an inspiring picture. Ian got his ass beat hard in his only appearance in my wrestling fiction, but he put up a really good fight. I could imagine that he’d be nursing a hunger for some redemption.

And speaking of redemption, Sean Faris got beat bad and humiliated overwhelmingly in his only appearance in my wrestling fiction, losing hard and nasty in bare-assed action with Brad Pitt (specifically, with Brad’s bare ass smothering Sean’s smarmy face). But Sean joining Vampire Diaries makes me give him a second look. Perhaps Sean is primed to bite and claw his way back up the ladder of success. Of course, Brad also played a smoking hot vampire as well, so he may be primed for a return to action.

We’ve seen a Werewolf Rumble in my homoerotic wrestling imagination. Sooner or later, there’ll have to be a Blood Sucker Beatdown. Once the bitter yoke of work-related writing projects eases up, I’ll be posting more fiction.

Being Being Human

So we’re 3 episodes into Being Human – American Redux. I’ve sat with this, because I don’t want to be impulsive (I’m trying something new). Here’s my take. Sally is the weakest link, here. I didn’t find Annie anywhere near as annoying as I find Sally.

The next-to-the-weakest link is Josh. Of course Sam Huntington was doomed to be compared to Russell Tovey, and as could be predicted, Sam doesn’t have the timing or cuteness or sexiness of Russell. In fact, to paraphrase myself, I didn’t find George anywhere near as annoying as I find Josh.
The strongest link, by far, is Aidan. I have no trouble at all believing that everyone he encounters wants to throw him to the floor and suck his cock, which is pretty much what the vampire mystique is about. 
He’s got sweet, sexy pecs and a sultry face with pouty lips. In some ways, he’s the least like his BBC counterpart, and perhaps that’s the key to why I’m liking him the most. I may even find his tormented addict on the wagon pathos perhaps even a tad more meaningful from Sam W. than from Aidan Turner. But don’t worry, Aidan (the actor, not the character), a hot Irish accent will always tip the balance Aidan’s way though in determining who I’d prefer to be bit by.

I cringe a little when SyFy promotional ads refer to this as “as original series.” I cringe a lot when I’m trolling for caps, watching the episodes online, and a straight Christian dating website is the primary advertiser (WTF?). But I’m firmly a fan of Being Human SyFy for a few reasons (beyond a desperate craving to see more of Sam W. naked). They American redux is already cleaning up some of the odd plot inconsistencies that the first run with BBC apparently didn’t notice (like Annie can pick up objects and move them around in BBC). They’re taking the time to bring the audience along, explaining carefully and conscientiously what we need to know about this version of vampires, werewolves, and ghosts that we might not have known from other iterations of them. They’re already working in more characters and more tension, even as they follow remarkably closely to the BBC script.

All told, and more to the point of this blog, this is absolutely heading to a Being Human Smackdown in a homoerotic wrestling universe near you. Russell and Aidan will be, without a doubt, climbing back into the ring together to face off with their wannabes-mini-me’s. I honestly don’t know how this will all turn out, but I predict that there will definitely be ear pulling, ass slapping, cock and pec clawing, and the sexual tension that both versions of this show effectively draw between the boys simply must be consummated. Stay tuned.

Being Being Human

The “American version” of Being Human debuts tonight on the SyFy channel. I’m of two minds about this. On the one hand, it really is a clever story that explicitly interrogates what it is that is essentially human about humanity. On that same hand, let me also count the delightful excuse that this premise offers for plenty of skin, including the requirement that the werewolf character wake up naked the morning after each full moon. I’m a big fan of the BBC original, so it’s entirely possible that I may become a big fan of the American knock-off (this has happened before… definitely not with Queer as Folk, but yes to both versions of The Office).

On the other hand, I’m a big fan of the BBC original, and, let’s face it, most American knock-offs suck. And as for the opportunities for fine male skin, I think it may be a close call as to whether the Americans can titillate me to the extent that BBC does. Case in point, the explicitly sexy, seductive vampire character, known in the BBC series as Mitchell and apparently called Aidan for the American version (which is the name of the BBC actor who plays the character, getting me all confused). BBC features the fine, fine Irish beauty of Aidan Turner, with a shaggy head and a carpet of hair across his chest that would mislead one to guess he’s the werewolf in the bunch.

The Americans have cast the perky pecs and cleft chin of Sam Witwer for the part. I’ll just have to see this to say definitively, but my initial take is that the Brits (or, more accurately in this case, the Irish) have put up the sexier, self-tormented vampire. Sam has a harder body, no doubt. He may even have a more classically handsome face. But Aidan Turner oozes effortless sexuality. In a head-to-head competition (and you know where my mind jumps), Aidan embodies the dark, violent, primal lust of a self-denying vampire better than the casting of Sam. I will happily correct the record should I be proven wrong.

Turning to the aforementioned werewolf, it’s no secret that I have a major crush on Russell Tovey of the BBC production. Russell (who has the most entertaining Twitter feed of all time) has shown up in two of my fictional wrestling matches, not to mention hundreds more private fantasies that play through my imagination. He’s got a fantastic ass that gets featured often in Being Human as he wakes, dazed and confused, naked from a night of werewolfing in the woods. Russell is not a muscleboy. He’s more adorable than classically handsome. But he turns… me… on… period. He has an incredible timing and wit that comes through in his acting. True, sometimes I just want to smack “George” upside the head for yet another bout of self-pitying whining. But as soon as I’ve smacked him (and perhaps after a body slam and a head scissor), I want nothing more than to climb into that S&M cage in his bedroom with him and do it doggie style.

The Americans have cast Sam Huntington for this role. George is now Josh, and they’ve clearly played up the “unlikely wild man” angle in casting Sam here. I vaguely remember him as Jimmy Olsen in the last Superman flick. He’s doing very little for me so far. He’s “cute,” not so much handsome to my tastes. He’s in no better physical shape than Russell. And he’ll have to seriously turn on the charm and acting chops to put him anywhere in the same ballpark, and he’ll have the added disadvantage of more prudish censorship of cracks and crevices on American television.

I will be watching tonight, and I’m preparing myself to be disappointed and bitter (just telling the truth). I’m suspicious that this imitation will sink like the Titanic, in which case all that may be left to compare will be these boys relative wrestling prowess in my imagination (you knew that’s where this was headed). Russell and Aidan fought hard and only had their fine asses handed to them in their debut tag team match in my imagination thanks to a dirty (sexy beast) ref on the take. I could see why the American knock-offs might think that they have a shot at bullying their way to success by stepping on the faces of their English/Irish counterparts. I strongly suspect that Sam-squared will run into a brutally rude awakening.