Tag: Scott McGillvary

Gun Show

wrestlebard3 Comments



Damn, I’ve GOT to turn my basement into a rental apartment. It’s not about the cash (though that would be nice). It’s all about my growing obsession with HGTV landlord and property improvement hunk, Scott McGillivray.

I never plan on watching his show, Income Property, but it just keeps happening. Like last night, I had no intention of watching home improvement. But somehow, suddenly, the TV was on HG and Scott’s floppy hair and big, white teeth captured me.



He’s such a fucking boyscout (he probably wouldn’t approve of the profanity… but that’s the only way I can think to put it)! I think it’s the Canadian thing. He’s sensitive. He always offers his clients options to choose from. But he’s also clearly confident in his own skills and knowledge. He gets tough and adamant about cutting no corners, obeying all regulations, coloring entirely within the lines.



Someone knows their audience, too. In the episode I caught last night, Scott shows up for about a third of the time to do his handiwork in sleeveless t-shirts. Clearly, Scottie’s been working out, and he has every right to show off the impressive guns. In fact, I found myself shouting at the TV (you know I do that fairly often) for him to flex for us. Let’s get real! The property improvement bit is just a vehicle to display Scott’s boyish good looks and hot body. You know it. I know it. Scott’s producers know it. Scott must know it.



Or perhaps he doesn’t. He’s so incredibly earnest, maybe it doesn’t occur to him when his producer says, “You need to wear this sleeveless t-shirt on the shoot today,” that he’s being objectified. Maybe he’s just so fucking sincere he doesn’t even think twice when they tell him, “We’ll introduce this segment by explaining that you’re teaching the homeowner how to screw in a stud.” (I kid you not).

I’m picturing Scottie-too-hottie breaking out a plaster mold of Tom Zenk at the height of his invincible face days. Scottie doesn’t need to preen and strut so much because he’s so ridiculously gorgeous and self-righteous.



Definitely, white boots and trunks, and I’d say matching white knee pads (they’ll come in handy later). He’d be a legitimate buzz saw against 95% of the punks who wouldn’t take him seriously. But that 5% (perhaps my pick: Marc Bartolomeo), would turn the tables with dirty tricks, drape his ass over their knee, wedgie the white trunks up his crack and spank that boyscout ass of his until it’s raw. I still believe the only question left to answer is whether Scottie could be pushed too far, humiliated too much, to the point that he says, “Fuck the rules,” and really gets nasty. My fingers are crossed.

DIY

wrestlebardLeave a comment
You know how this works. Some hot thing catches my eye, and my imagination starts working on overtime. Since TLC is now endorsing right wing nut jobs by paying them to advertise for future runs to install themselves as religio-fascist authoritarians, I’ve migrated to get my DIY-fix over at HGTV. The parade of hot carpenters continues to astound me, certainly foreshadowing a sequel to the Carpenters battle royale in my wrestling fiction (eventually… my plate is very full at the moment). But I’m obsessing most over two hosts with the most who, I think, are tailor made for a classic babyface hero v heel ring match.
Our knight in shining armor must be Income Property host, Scott McGillivray. Holy hell, this Canadian is gorgeous. His floppy hair, big white teeth, and clearly fit body (though we never see enough of it) were made for entertainment.
Other than the prerequisite of possessing a babyface, what makes him the babyface hero in my emerging scenario is his subtle, confident, and loving to be cheered-for persona. He’s such a ridiculously clean cut, play by the rules, cut no corners, completely transparent good guy with a false-humility standing in for a healthy dose of self-righteousness, and a folksy Canadian accent to go with it.

And the flop of hair always threatening to fall into his face is screaming out for someone who doesn’t mind hairpulling to fling him across the ring by his locks.

Enter my nominee for the heel to spoil Scott’s lust for crowd approval: Marc Bartalomeo. This New York Italian hosts the show Kitchen Impossible, where he swoops in save renovators who’ve gotten in over their heads with kitchen rehabs. Despite working the same gallop-in-and-save-the-day scenarios, Marc has a distinctly different style than Scott, I think. Scott gives options, respectfully collaborating and negotiating. Marc plops down his junk, tells the homeowners what they need, and steamrolls right through.

With his New York accent and a body built for demolition, Marc is destined to heel. He’s shown that he’s ready to play naughty with some early career modeling shots. Where Scott comes across as simply adorable, Marc strikes me (please) as dripping with sex, a line ‘em-up-and-fuck-‘em-against-a-wall sort of sex pig who lures them in with a wink and a dimple, and then instantly turns into a foul-mouthed sadist.

I don’t imagine that Scott would job here, mind you. In fact, with a screaming crowd behind him, I could see him going toe-to-toe with Marc, possibly sporting superior technique and speed (the overachiever that he is).



But when Marc lands some low blows, drags smiley boy across the ring by his hair, pins his face to the canvas with his crotch, and ties him up in the ropes, Scott would simply have to make the decision that he doesn’t want to face. He’s either going to take a stroll to the dark side to fight fire with fire, or he’s in for some nasty humiliation, perhaps with a well-worn Italian cock planting a flag of victory up his ass as he’s bent over a turnbuckle (in front of the awestruck crowd).


Either way, I’m all for it.