Imagining My Way Out of Hell

You don’t need to know the details, but suffice it to say that I am, at this very moment, stuck in my own little version of hell. I’m far from home, stuck in a motel room, with nothing but basic cable and an internet connection to keep me relatively sane.
Suddenly, I’m a HUGE fan of HGTV. Of my limited entertainment choices at this moment, I’ve settled on some mindless home improvement television. I know that I have HGTV at home, but I’m not sure where it is on the dial. A glimpse of Lynn Kegan on Designed to Sell convinces me I need to reprogram my Tevo.

Damn, this red-headed carpenter is stunning! And he’s built like a fratboy porn star. In fact, I swear he could wrestle as Andrew Lane’s brother, and I’d buy that in a second… particularly if it involved some forced stripping and muscle worship. My, oh my… Andrew

and Lynn….
Hell, yes.

So another hour of HGTV goes by, and I discover
Chip Wade on Curb Appeal. This bald headed muscle stud carpenter is way, way, way up my alley!
Damn, look at those arms! Chip needs to make a tag team appearance with Lon Dumont as shaved-headed, no-mercy, muscle partners. I can just see him wrap those guns around some chumps skull and crush him to tears in a side headlock.

Paired up with the
giant killer himself, the master of execution and my #1 homoerotic wrestler – non-pornboy, Lon, and I’d be in heaven, rather than the temporary hell in which I currently find myself.
While we’re at it, let’s toss these two tag teams in the ring together! Lynn and Andrew facing down Chip and Lon… someone’s going to get beat like a red-headed stepchild, that’s for certain!

3 thoughts on “Imagining My Way Out of Hell

  1. What about HGTV's resident hunk, carpenter Carter Oosterhouse ("Carter Can" and "Red Hot & Green")? He could nail the competition, if you know what I mean.

  2. Carter Oosterhouse is fantastically lustworthy! In my TV carpenter battle royale wrestling fiction match, Carter has a well-earned spot on the card. Perhaps I need to revisit a Battle Royale 2 for the carpenters, now that I'm discovering so many new delights swinging hammer on HGTV.Thanks for the positive vibes, StayPuft! I'm looking forward to emerging from hell shortly… hopefully unscathed.

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