Kiss It

I haven’t yet seen the newest match from Thunder’s Arena, starring work horse Ace Hanson facing off with rookie Antonio. The members-only area has these tantalizing pics and the provocative tease that this bout, No Holds Barred 5, may be their hottest yet. Sure, sure. We’ve all heard this before from every company serving up every new release. It wouldn’t exactly be a good marketing strategy to say, “This match is of mediocre hotness and may entertain you moderately.” The marketing office comes up with cliches like “hottest yet.” It’s consumers like you an me that are really the only ones to be in a position to back up a claim like that, though.

But damn, I must admit, the teaser pics for this match make me think this could be the hottest yet from Thunder’s Arena. This is the power of pics and marketing at work, my friends. I am being moved to fill in the gaps between frozen frames in such a way that I’m aching to see the match that my imagination is writing for me based on the barest of outlines. Ace looks like he’s got something to prove against the gorgeous, meaty challenge of Antonio. The ostensible story is that Ace caught Antonio stealing his truck (really… the Latino guy was caught stealing the white guy’s truck… really?). More than one pic shows Ace rubbing his massive bicep in Antonio’s face, and if we believe what we read (I do, every word), Ace forces Antonio to kiss his bicep. There’s reportedly spanking involved. Beads of sweat can clearly be seen coursing their way down Ace’s forehead. Antonio looks like he’s a big, big boy unaccustomed to getting manhandled, finding himself manhandled. These are all elements of hot wrestling kink. This looks promising (ignoring the potentially racist overtones…).

I fully intend on watching this match when I’ve got the time to take the time to truly appreciate it. In the mean time, I’m just drawn to the obvious. Ace in a zebra print green speedo is inspired. Those huge, round, squeezable glutes of his should never, ever, ever again be wrapped up in bicycle shorts. The sight of his bare thighs wrapped around Antonio’s head should require no further argument. Screw the square cuts and mid-thigh lycra.

And if we’re encouraging what’s working, let’s all raise a cheer for Ace putting those glutes to optimal use by squeezing Antonio’s head often and sitting on the rookie’s face. For anyone, this is humiliating. For someone finding his face crushed beneath the slabs of beef that are Ace’s glutes, though, this has also got to be seriously punishing. It’s also making me crazy to trade places with Antonio. If I could write this script, Ace would also require Antonio to kiss his ass, but I’m not expecting Thunder’s to venture into that territory. Please, please, please, Thunder’s, prove me wrong.

And, frankly, I’m a jonesin’ quite a bit to trade places with Ace, as well. Sweet man alive, Antonio is stunning in still life. The very brief white briefs leave nearly nothing to be imagined. Some major manhandling of a boy this big looks like a muscleboy on muscleboy bonanza. Often, Thunder’s strays too far into fratboy-horsing-around territory to completely satiate me. But if Ace is working out some convincing domination with a need to humiliate, punish, and tame the big rookie, illustrating that he’s the muscle stud not to be fucked with… this very well could qualify for Thunder’s Arena’s hottest yet. I’ll let you know what I think when the still life comes to life.