True Faith

What brand of genius is it that they’ve found in their casting agents at HBO?! I’ve raved (RAVED, I say!), about the uncanny brilliance of the people who have collected such stunningly inspiring hunks as Ryan Kwanten, Sam Trammel, Alexander Skarsgård, Mehcad Brooks, Joe Manganiello, and Stephen Moyer (to name only a few) into one cruise missile to my crotch that is True Blood. Now, reports are out that True Blood has cast Christopher Meloni for next season.

In my daily life, I’ve heaped sneering contempt by the buckets-full on proponents of “Intelligent Design” who argue that there must be a god because the world is just too perfectly ordered to happen by chance. Now, I have to admit, I’m thinking that this addition of Christopher Meloni to the cast of True Blood may have converted me into a believer. This is making me completely rethink whether there is a god controlling things, because this is just too perfect to be believed. Indeed, I’m suspecting there is a god, and he’s a gay man with impeccable taste working for the casting contractor who supplies the divinely inspired collection of erotic fantasymen that make me lost in flights of ecstasy as I ponder the cast of True Blood.

My homoerotic wrestling fiction is littered with evidence of the spiritual power that the casting of True Blood has had on me.  I’ve written fictional wrestling matches starring Trammel, Moyer, and Kwanten. Skarsgård has shown up twice, and like the two appearances of Manganiello, I’m strongly convicted in my faith that they will show up again. And Christopher Meloni has already been haunting my homoerotic wrestling fantasies hard and loud, inspiring 4 matches in just about any constellation I can throw him into the ring to face (singles, tag-team, gang-bang…).  The last we saw Christopher, he was  left stripped naked in the ring after being mauled by all of Eli Brody’s executive assistants in turn. My idea then was that he was finally, tentatively tamed and would be a fantastically sadistic tool of the powers that be in rookie wrecking more upstart egos, now fully incorporated into the corporate powers of the entertainment-industrial complex.

Hot damn in the morning! If that casting agent who is divine ever opens up a church of homoerotic wrestling devotion, I’m going to be the biggest evangelist the world has seen since Cyrus conquered the known world and incorporated all of the local gods into the pantheon of Persian hegemony. If Christopher Meloni doesn’t appear in a naked wrestling match with Manganiello, Skarsgård and, let’s say Allan Hyde (just to keep things fresh), then my faith in Intelligent Design may waver. Till then, I’m a believer, god damn it!

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