Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

It’s time to honor another homoerotic wrestler who captured my imagination and excited me the most for appearing in a match released in the prior month. The field of contenders this time around is almost paralyzingly deep. BG East alone has populated the potential prize winners with one of the richest catalogs I can remember. From Strip Stakes 3, both gorgeous rookie Damien Rush and rising heel Morgan “the Mastodon” Cruise easily secure nominations. From Catch Weight 5, reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler (porn-boy) Skrapper and his fanatsyman muscle beast opponent, Dev Michaels get credit where credit is most definitely due. Lovely underwear model Rio Garza gets a nomination for his Very Bad Day, getting fucked up sequentially and in tandem by Bulldog Barzini and his surprisingly inspiring protege, Mike Pitt. I can’t help myself but nomination from Mat Rookies 1 no fewer than 3 of the sexy, sweaty rooks, namely Ben Cohen, former HWOTM Jake Jenkins, and still another former HWOTM, Eli Black. It’ll come as no surprise, considering my recent gushing, that I’m breathlessly nominating rookie-I-don’t-think-so Latino stud, Diego Diaz from Florida Fights 4, as well as former HWOTM Bobby Horton and a new-to-me favorite, Drew Russell. And I’ll be damned if I absolutely can’t help myself but send up both big, luscious bruiser Chris Xaos and his muscle man opponent in combat boots, Rob Chandler, for one of the most homoEROTIC motel tussles, Motel Madness UK. Even with that huge list, I’m already second guessing several of the boys that I’m leaving on the table, but I must charge forward. Turning next to Can-Am, I’m whole-heartedly nominating yet another Latino muscle beast by the name of Thiago Diaz and ripped beyond belief Tyler Reese, for a muscle bashing feast for the eyes in Florida Pro Fights (not to be confused with Diego Diaz starring in BG East’s Florida Fights 4… seriously?). And then I can’t fail to nominate from the Rock Hard Wrestling ranks Eli Black (again) and his opponent, Austin Cooper, as well as former HWOTM Z-Man (aka Zack Johnathan) and muscle tamer extraordinaire, nasty Ethan Andrews.  And finally, an entry from an entirely new source this time around, I’m also nominating my personal crush and recent interviewee, Dan aka Steel Muscle God for his recent release of a muscle pose down, trash-talking, arm wrestling-leads-to no rules jockstrap wrestling on the mats in an unknown European gym (and if I knew the name of his shaved headed muscle beast opponent, I’d throw him a nominating bone as well).

This, my friends, has been a bumper crop of fantastic homoerotic wrestling! I think I’ll remember April 2012 for some time to come, because the new releases this month have kept me dehydrated and distracted from my work from start to finish. If it were even a slightly less competitive month, probably at least 5 of these boys would easily claim the title. But as hard as it is to put some of these incredibly entertaining boys in the back seat, I’m picking just one of them to drive us all forward as new, reigning homoerotic wrestler of the month…

Eli is only the second two-time winner of the title of homoerotic wrestler of the month. I trace his lead in the hotly contested race this past month starting right around April 4, when he dropped me the message that I might want to let neverland readers know that April was officially Eli Black month. Why official? Because Eli Black said it was so. Why his month? Because he was about to star simultaneously in new releases for an astonishing 3 different underground wrestling companies at the same time. And he kicked ass in serious MMA competition. And it was his birthday month. Enough said. It was Eli Black month.

Eli rips Austin Cooper in half.

I love, love, love a self-promoting, trash-talking, supremely confident, ripped muscle stud of an athlete, and there may be none to compete with him on all those fronts at the same time (except possibly Kid Karisma… now that would be a combination!). Eli’s match against goldenboy muscle man, Austin Cooper, was an astonishing catch weight wonder to behold. Eli quite literally got shot-putted halfway across the ring (multiple times), repeatedly slammed, stomped and pummeled corner-to-corner, tortured in the ropes, cracked and rocked humiliatingly across Austin’s knee… and still Primus kept clawing his way back for more.  RHW captures so well Eli’s face when he’s on top, making an opponent hurt, and he’s nothing short of ecstatic as he watches the agony he’s administering contort his opponent’s face.  Eli large and in charge drives me wild, but Eli taking an epic mauling and clawing back on his hands and knees to stare defeat defiantly in the face turns me into a quivering mess.

When the rules of amateur wrestling start to get bent, things get really interesting!

But truth be told, it’s Eli’s rematch against Jake Jenkins in Mat Rookies 1 that put the distance between Eli and the rest of the pack to propel him across the finish line first as homoerotic wrestler of the month.  Eli conceded in my recent interview with him that he has a grudging respect for Jake, and if he was forced to take a tag team partner, it’s be him. Watching Mat Rookies 1 gives you the context for that comment. After Jake schooled Eli hard for his rookie debut at RHW, they show up for this rematch on the mats for BG East. They’re both gorgeous in their singlets, and the initial amateur-style sparring is incredible to watch. They both give running commentaries on the holds and moves, as well as on their relative assessments of how each of them is doing in the match. They’re beautifully matched in both muscle and technical skill. If they’d grown up in the same place, I’m sure they’d have been best buddies, teammates on the wrestling team, and friendly competitors for being feared and adored the most in the cutthroat world of adolescence.

When the singlets come off, the rules go out the window.

But the stakes in homoerotic wrestling are decidedly different than those on the high school wrestling team. When Jake peels out of his sweat-soaked singlet, stripping down to his orange jock strap, Eli sees it for what it is: just another challenge. Not to be outdone by the beautiful physique of handsome, young Jake, Eli shrugs out of his singlet straps and strips down to his white jock strap, insisting that just like his wrestling, his body is better than Jake’s as well.

Nobody seems to be able to resist gut punching that wall of rippled muscle!

Locked in bare-assed combat, the boys demonstrate why amateur wrestling skills take you only so far once you’ve reached the ranks of underground homoerotic wrestling.  Amateur wrestling doesn’t offer the opportunity to see two bare-assed hardbodies pick each other up by the hair and slam one another into walls (I’d be much, much more into amateur wrestling if they did). Jake and Eli didn’t learn ab claws and gut punching and suspended surfboards and over-the-knee backbreakers from high school wrestling practice. Fortunately for us, they picked it up elsewhere, and they unleash every above and below board move at one point or another to lay down layer after layer of humiliating domination.

Eli wipes the smirk right off of Jake’s face with a bare-handed choke.

Jake is the smart-ass in this match. He smirks a lot. He laughs off clearly painful holds that Eli applies. He intentionally goads the rookie, questioning his manhood. His psychological strategy, for the most part, is to stay ice cool regardless how hot the contest heats up, letting rash, short-tempered Eli burn himself out and run himself into a corner with impetuosity.  Every time Jake muscles his way on top and controls Primus, he snorts and chortles, building the psychologically dominating argument that he’s destined to beat Eli.

Jake threatens to snap Eli in half.

But I have to admit that Eli’s half-centimeter long fuse is what soaks up my attention. He rides his rage like he’s in a rodeo. He counts up every indignity that he suffers at Jake’s hands in order to keep a running tally of the humiliation that he must, he will, he is destined to eventually return with interest paid. In the past, I’ve mentioned this notion of a wrestler staying “present” as something that turns me on and just isn’t always something you can count on, but Eli’s focus is like a laser beam. I forget that there had to be at least one or two other guys crammed into the mat room that day to film this gem, primarily because Eli is one fiercely focused mother fucker!

Shades of Brad Rochelle from Wrestlefest 2, Jake is ready to bag and tag his prey.

Both of these boys work… their… ASSES off in this match, which is also something that can’t be assumed. And by the time Jake hoists Eli across his shoulders and parades him around the ring like a stag he’s shot on opening day of hunting season, Eli’s rock hard vulnerability absolutely makes me gasp. All of the nuance and character in the match makes being captured in Jake’s torture rack exquisitely poignant and climactic. The battle has waxed and waned for both combatants, and it’s looked like it’s over many times already.  But finally, it seems like cocky and calm Jake had the winning strategy, letting Eli’s rash rage burn itself right out in a pool of outmuscled sweat and tears. All of Eli’s predictions of how he’s going to conquer the world, tame any foe, and become the franchise look like the dashed dreams of a hero from Greek mythology. Jake is stunningly powerful, and the look of primal joy/rage on his face as he struts around the mat and bounces Eli’s tortured back across his shoulders is the spitting image of another young, muscled frat boy seizing destiny by the balls and settling in for some well-earned self-congratulations.

“Go… to… SLEEP!”

Eli’s done that clawing his way back from the brink of despair that turns me on so hard. He’s battled long and hard. He’s sold me that he’s burned every last ounce of fuel in his tanks (of both physical and psychological stamina). Primus has told me that story that moves me so deeply. And then, holy fuck! He delivers two sharp elbows into Jake’s temple. As Jake stumbles and begins to drop Primus, Eli has captured Jake’s throat with his right arm before his feet have touched the mat. Out of nowhere, Eli locks on a beautifully tight, perfectly positioned sleeper. Jake fights it. The hit of dominating power and fate are still in his nostrils from the torture rack he commanded just moments ago. But ambitious young Eli remains clamped across Jake’s back like a python. Primus is gasping for air, still recovering from the torture rack. As Jake begins to melt in his arms, losing his hold on consciousness, the two sink to the mat with Eli’s cheek resting across the back of Jake’s head. “Go… to… SLEEP!” Eli gasps, almost pleadingly, desperate to put this most challenging rival down once and for all.

Jake dreams of past victories.

Just like in the ranking for HWOTM, Eli comes out on top. Both barely clad boys are nursing their wounds, neither one able to summon the strength to start the long journey out of the mat room. It’s done, as Jake pants desperately, regaining a solid handhold on consciousness and looking up to see Eli clutching his back, clearly still in agony. Grudging respect between these two?  Of course. And what does Eli say to sum up this destined-for-the-hall-of-fame 40 minutes?  “Pussy.” Of course.

Reigning 2-time homoerotic wrestler of the month, Eli Black.

So last month was Eli Black month, leading to this month, as Primus returns to the throne of homoerotic wrestler of the month. It’s no wonder to me that he’s got his eye on running the show. He’s one fiercely entertaining, smoking hot wrestler. If I’ve said it once, I’m sure I’ll say it a thousand times. This is Eli Black’s world. You’re just living in it.

4 thoughts on “Homoerotic Wrestler of the Month

  1. Despite disagreeing with your conclusion, I love your passion, Anon. Happily, I'm sticking with Eli as my HWOTM, but I don't argue with you for a moment that Coop or SMG are hot as hell. Eli definitely cranks my erotic kink, however.

  2. You're definitely not the only one Bard, Eli certainly "cranks my erotic kink" as well. I find many body types erotic and sexy. Eli represents a thinner physique. But he is no doubt fit and toned. Hello, eight-pack abs! There are plenty of places to find juiced up muscle jocks. So it's wonderful that you showcase a beautiful, young and toned athlete like Eli on your blog. And beyond that, this kid works hard to sell the action and create an exciting product. That's way more erotic to me than a bunch of juiced up muscle heads languidly rolling around applying bear hugs over and over again the ring any day.

  3. i don't usually watch matches in their entirety, prefering to skip over to the action (and suffering), but this match was riveting from beginning to end. jake's cocky, taunting demenor, and his charming smile vs eli's frustration and competitiveness made for one of the best, if not the best match i've ever watched from bgeast. captivating. wow.

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