Where’d Your Banter Go!? Where’s Your Mouth!?

A trash talking, 6’1″ fitness model with an English accent… hello, Mr. Stanley!  Stretched and Split is Rock Hard Wrestling’s latest release starring said Britboy, Will Stanley.  The whole package is delightful, but those shoulders and that sexy as fuck hip tat are out of this world.  This match between Will and frequent tormentor Ethan Andrews is deeply satisfying and a gorgeous study in contrasts.

Will Stanley’s sculpted muscles glisten as he taunts and dominates Ethan Andrews

Will is jumping rope in the ring as the scene opens.  He rocks that skin tight navy blue singlet so hard it makes me gasp.  Some gear excels by it’s strategic absence, the expanse of skin left exposed.  Will’s singlet is stunning (well, Will is stunning in it) because of it’s presence, the obvious strain of the fabric as it molds to the bulges and crevices of this beautiful specimen.  It looks like something out of a 1950’s film, white piping, modestly square cut around Will’s powerful thighs, molded high up underneath his arms and covering at least half of the expanse of his broad chest. But there’s little left to the imagination.   His pecs and bulge bounce underneath as he dances on his toes, the jump rope moving so fast it’s pretty much invisible even in high definition.

Ethan has been on a roll, kicking hornets nests and picking fights with physique stars.  As he climbs into the ring with that permanent smirk tattooed on his face, he adopts a poorly executed faux English accent and snarls, “British wanker!”

I haven’t seen the tag team loss Ethan reminds Will of, but apparently Ethan was on the winning end of a double pretty boy beatdown over Will.  Ethan suggests that Will should probably be on the market for a better partner to watch his back (count me in!).  “I’m not interested,” the Brit snaps.  When Ethan finally tells the Brit to get out of his ring like the queen dismissing her subjects, Will is not amused.  “No, you can leave now. I was in the middle of my training.  I was here first.  It’s not your ring anymore.  I told you this. Off you go, come on.”  That “off you go” delivered with an English accent (and packaged inside an incredibly sculpted body) makes me laugh and adjust myself at the same time.  In those three words, he successfully communicates his contempt for Ethan, shooing him away like an adult slapping the ass of a petulant child.

In return, Ethan sucker punches the stud in the gut.  Ethan’s genius is his ability to set the pace, mount a pounding offense, and completely sell his capacity to not stand toe-to-toe with a towering physique star like Will, but out hustle, out maneuver, and dig deeper into his bag of dirty tricks to outsmart an opponent possibly overconfident in his superior conditioning.  He pounds Will with fists, backing the big Brit into the corner.  He’s relentless and focused, raining down blows that seem to make the lovely muscle stud wilt.  And yet, even while being choked beneath Ethan’s boot in the corner, the Brit stud sounds like he’s the one on top.  “You got nothing!  You should be taking notes!”

Ethan takes Will’s bulging muscles to the ropes early to knock the big man down to size.

Will’s mouth is the unexpected break out star in this match for me.  Early on, I have no idea if all those luscious muscles will be enough to dig the Brit beauty out of the hole Ethan digs for him, but holy hell, that trash talking, English accented mouth on Will is fucking awesome!  Ethan traps the stud in the ropes, stretching out Will’s beautiful muscles vulnerably as the heel pounds his mile wide back with kicks and knees.  He’s in a completely defenseless position.  Ethan is making mincemeat of all that glorious beef.  And still, it’s Will who snarls, “You just wait till I get up!” Ethan sits on his back, riding him like a thoroughbred while choking Will in the the rope.  “Enjoy it while you can, huh!” Will growls, demonstrating that even with Ethan’s entire bodyweight bearing down, he can’t hold the powerpacked Brit down.  “You put some more weight on there and it’d be so much more effective… fucking string bean!”

The “fucking string bean” owns the fitness model throughout most of round 1.

Ethan’s further genius is his accomplished skill at setting a plate.  Just like he did so gorgeously with Lon Dumont in BG East’s Hair Stakes match, he dishes up Will’s incredible physique tantalizingly.  With a backbreaker, he shows off the Brit’s sculpted body underneath that teasing singlet, prying the big boy backward and highlighting the beautiful beef in his pouch.  While Will’s obviously a serious athlete, Ethan’s clearly the one with superior ring savvy and wrestling experience.  He transitions from hold to hold smoothly and decisively.  A single leg crab allows the heel to punch the shit out of Will’s hamstring, sitting low on top of the Brit’s meaty ass.  Milking the hold (for possibly a fraction too briefly… RHW’s achilles heel, I think), Ethan abruptly flings the captured leg down and quickly scoops up the Brit hunk, giving that stunning muscled ass a squeeze on the way to slamming his back into the mat.

I want to lick that tricep!

Will grabs hold of the offense his first chance, outmuscling the heel and quickly mounting him, planting those big hands around Ethan’s throat and throttling him.  “Told you it wasn’t going to last long!”  The Brit’s got some smooth skills as well, transitioning to an arm bar and threatening to snap Ethan off at the elbow.  “How’s that feel, huh?” Will mouth woos me.  “You like that, huh?  You won’t be using this arm for a little while!”  It’s Will who peels the singlet straps off of Ethan first, to get a better view of the geography he’s raining down blows into.  Back on mount, he bashes Ethan’s gut with fists and then digs his fingers deep into the heel’s powerful core.  “How’s that feel, huh?  One day you might have abs too, huh?”

“Since you like strapless so much…!” Ethan returns the favor, exposing the muscle hunk’s torso.

The Brit beauty pushes his luck and leaves himself open for Ethan to reverse, which the veteran does commandingly.  “Since you like strapless so much,” Ethan peels the straps over the big man’s bulging shoulders.  Holy shit!  Forcibly half-disrobed, Will is amazing!  And that singlet is so insanely tight it clings to his ribs even as Ethan rains down blows into the big man’s mouthwatering pecs.  “Lookin’ and what you could have!?” Will taunts again from the bottom position.  Ethan’s transition to a Boston crab makes the big man groan, but on the receiving end of it, Will still taunts, “My abs needed a little stretch.”  The heel takes the stubborn muscle stud back to the ropes to stretch out that eye-catching torso.  Will’s pecs glisten under the lights as Ethan pounds his fists into it.  He endures the punishment admirably, but when Ethan threatens to decapitate the handsome hunk, literally hanging from Will’s neck, the Brit beauty finally gives away the first fall.  “God save the queen?!” Ethan snaps derisively. “God save YOU!”

“God save the queen!?  God save you!”

Staring with round 2 and lasting through the end of the match, Will has dragged his singlet straps down low, showing off the ink stretching from his hip and disappearing underneath his gear pointing toward his crotch.  His lucious ass cheeks bulge out over the top of the fabric sagging.  Ethan maintains the momentum for a while, latching onto Will’s injured leg like a terrier and pounding the shit out of is with stomps, knee drops, and kicks.  “Let’s see you try to stand on that now!” The heel’s rear naked choke once again displays Will’s mouthwatering bulge and naked torso stunningly. “I bet you’re wishing you were in England right now, snacking on your fish and chips!” smart mouthed Ethan taunts.

“Pretty good for a little guy, but it’s not going to last!” Will snaps right back.  That cocky banter from below turns me on so hard!  When Ethan mounts the stud and pummels his abs, the physique star flinches and flexes defensively, but through gritted teeth he maintains his hold on the verbal/psychological offense.  “I’m used to that shit.  It’s called conditioning.  You should try it!”  The stud remains Ethan’s bitch for a couple more minutes of increasing humiliation, including getting slammed into the turnbuckle and then mounted by his lean opponent, Ethan’s ass pounding up and down on top of Will’s sculpted chest.  Ethan slaps him in the face.  “Wakey, wakey,” he taunts.

Will’s most awesome, wild ride.

It might have been wise to leave the fitness model half asleep, because the moment Will leap frogs over a clothesline attempt, Ethan’s in for a shit load of muscle bullying.  All that smart ass trash talk from Ethan, all that muscle torture, suddenly gets served back to him in spades.  Will traps Ethan in the rope and begins the prolonged revenge session.  Again, too briefly he lets go of his opponent’s vulnerability in service of keeping up “the action” (which, I would argue, is actually secondary to selling the bone and soul crushing domination… but maybe that’s just me), but happily he quickly captures Ethan’s head between those gorgeous, massive, milky thighs.  “Feels good, huh!?” the Brit returns to wooing me.  Yes, yes, yes! I yell at my screen.  Where, oh where can I sign up for that ride!?

Will reminds Ethan of the insult he inflicted upon interrupting Will’s work out.

There’s a feel of an avalanche behind the muscle stud’s offense as he dominates more and more overwhelmingly.  Multiple times he leans over, peels Ethan flat off the mat, and hoists the battered heal up into his arms.  A rear bearhug nearly makes me explode as he bounces Ethan up and down, his pelvis thrust forward against the heel’s ass (me next! me next!).  It takes a lot to out trash talk Ethan Andrews, but as the wrestling offense slides securely into his grasp, Will’s arousing banter does nothing but turn hotter.  “You got nothing on me!” he taunts.  “Come on, get up!” he insists, only to kick Ethan back to the mat when he tries. “Because you disturbed my little training session,” Will uses his jump rope to choke Ethan.  He doesn’t need to at this point to even the score, but the submission isn’t Will’s primary purpose here, because he knows what he’s doing.  His purpose is to tell the story, which he does with skill that surprises and delights me.  “You got puny little legs, you need to go do some squats,”  he sneers, peeling Ethan backward, threatening to break his neck and/or back (whichever goes first).  “Look who’s beatin’ you!” the Brit snarls, pulling on Ethan’s hair to pry his face backward to look at his tormentor eye to eye.  The helpless heel submits. “Get out of my face, you disgust me!” Will snaps, throwing Ethan’s face to the mat and climbing to his feet.  He stalks in circles around Ethan’s body.  “Come back when you’re in my weight class!” he sneers down.

“Look who’s beatin’ you!”

As they start round 3, I’m completely sold on Will.  I’ll lose as many loads as the next guy on the muscled beauty who gets bashed and beaten by the less physically conditioned but more savvy opponent, but a big, beautiful, powerfully muscled, cocky as hell, masterfully trash talking fitness model (with an English accent!!!) can have me body and soul and leave me pulling for the muscle bully to work his magic.  When they lock up in a collar and elbow, Will taunts, “This is when muscle comes in handy, man!”  And true enough, he outmuscles Ethan and captures him in a gorgeous side headlock, grinding the heel’s face against his flexing pec and dragging Ethan stumbling around the ring.  “How’s that, comfortable, huh!?”

As the action is nearing its climax, Ethan shocks his powerhouse opponent with another attack on those  lickable legs.  He dishes up another gorgeously presented plate of muscled vulnerability, grapevining and then spladling the Brit hunk’s legs open wide, ass toward the ceiling, and threatening to rip him apart at the crotch.  “How does that feel!?” Ethan snarls, exhaustion evident in his voice.

“It’s fine!” Will grunts through gritted teeth. “I can deal with it!”

“It’s fine!  I can deal with it,” Will grunts back, obviously in pain but perhaps not quite as exhausted.  Perhaps serving up the ultimate I-told-you-so, it’s Will’s conditioning that seems to be the story as Ethan can’t keep his grip on the offense.  Will muscles free and back on top, decisively securing a standing surfboard that threatens to rip Ethan’s arms out at the shoulders.  The heel is fading fast, and Will delights in slowly (that’s what I’m talking about!) dragging his opponent to his feet by fistfuls of sweaty hair, only to taunt him and throw him back down again.   “Look at me when Im beating you!” the cocky Brit barks, rolling Ethan to his back.  Ethan’s done.  You know it.  Will knows it.  Ethan knows it.  The Brit looks down at him and can’t help but laugh.  “Look at you man!  Are you strugglin’?”  he uses Ethan as a punching bag in the corner.  He powers out a beautiful snap suplex out of the corner, slamming Ethan’s lower back into the center of the ring.  “Come on, get up!”  he taunts, throwing Ethan over one shoulder in a backbreaker and bouncing up and down as Ethan wails.  He pumps out some taunting squats with his opponent hanging over his shoulder helplessly, Will showing off his gorgeous quads.  About 2 minutes after we all saw Ethan’s doom written on the wall, the stunned heel gives up again.

“Where’d your banter go!? Where’s your mouth!?”

And then demonstrating a sadistic genius of his own that I didn’t know to expect from him, Will looks down and growls, “You know I don’t think that was enough.  I’m still not happy!”  He drags Ethan back to his feet to snap on a sleeper.  Ethan slowly sags in Will’s overwhelming muscle embrace.  “Where’d your banter go, huh?” Will taunts as Ethan goes slack in his arms.  “Where’s your mouth?” he asks as he puts Ethan out cold.  “Exactly what I thought! You sleep well, buttercup!”

This has been a tough couple of months for Ethan’s new releases.  My reigning favorite homoerotic wrestler,  Lon Dumont sleepered him out cold and shut up his smart mouth decisively for BG East in Hair Stakes, and now big and beautiful Will does the same for RHW.  All I can say is keep up that fantastically sexy work, Ethan!  Pick another fight with a stacked muscle stud because I (like I suspect you) seriously enjoy the muscleboys battling back to beat the living shit out of you and shut you up in the only way that seems to work.  And Mr. Will Stanley, I can’t wait to see you barely squeezed into that singlet again, and just as importantly stripped out of it on your way to bullying and beating up another smart mouthed punk!

2 thoughts on “Where’d Your Banter Go!? Where’s Your Mouth!?

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