What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

When I saw the news last week that the Olympics have preliminarily decided that they’ll drop wrestling starting with the 2020 Olympiad, I thought it was one of those Onion stories that people mistake for actual news.  What a patently ridiculous idea.  What more direct connection between the ancient Olympic games and the modern games than one of the few sports left that requires no equipment, no complex venue.  This sport doesn’t require a horse and a few million dollars to “compete” in.  Just a circle on a mat and two bodies pitting strength and skill against one another… but this is the sport that doesn’t fit in Olympic competition!?
The USSR’s Alexander Karelin fueled how many gay wrestling fantasies!?
The Russian wrestling coach who blames the gays for this decision similarly sounded like an obviously Onion-esque farce of a story.  Eliminating wrestling is apparently something designed on behalf of “the gays” to redefine masculinity, turning away from the spectacle of hot, nearly naked muscled bodies of male athletes squeezing and throwing and pinning one another as crowds watch on cheering.  Because, yeah, you know…. the gays surely hate that.  We can’t stand seeing that, can we?

Indian Kamar Sushil shows off his biceps as he threatens to rip an opponent’s head off on his way to gold. More, please.

As a couple thousands hits a day on this blog demonstrates, there are plenty of gays deeply invested in the perpetuation of wrestling.  Personally, the only voices in my life who I’ve heard up in arms about the decision belong to fellow gays.  But then again, it isn’t the first time a minority have been unfairly scapegoated to help the privileged cope with the unfamiliar experience of not getting their way.  The aforementioned Russian wrestling coach predicts that this is just one more step toward the gays ruling the world, so I say our first order of business once our insidious cabal has succeeded in supplanting world leadership with our 6 percent (or so) of the population, should be the reinstatement of Olympic wrestling.  And in the interest of historical accuracy, I say they should have to compete like the real men of 8th century BCE wrestled.  Naked.

American Jordan Burroughs own his opponent in last summer’s London games. 

One of my early memories of getting wildly turned on and fueling sexual fantasies for years to come was when I happened to catch the quarter final match on television between the US’s Steve Fraser and Swede Frank Andersson at the 1984 Los Angeles Olympics.  Blond and bronzed and looking like a Norse god toasted brown in the Southern California sunshine, Andersson was almost too pretty to believe.  The action was aggressive, fast, and visually stunning.  I was 13 years old, and even if I’d never been turned on by wrestling before (I had), this match would have been guaranteed to drive home the point that the drama, the power, and the beauty of wrestling would remain the most erotic thing in my life.  Yep, Olympic wrestling most definitely turned me gay (not really).

So sign petitions.  Raise a stink.  And remember that haters will hate, regardless of the topic.

Um, yeah.  Nothing about this for a gay man to want to see:
Egyptian Olympic wrestler Karam Gabar Ebrahim

3 thoughts on “What Turned Me Gay (again, not really)

  1. I hadn't heard about the Russian wrestling coach saying that until now, and I got to say, it's laughable! It doesn't even make SENSE. Frankly, I'm hoping for the gays to be the ones to come out in droves and sign petitions to get wrestling reinstated.

  2. Ditto, Stay Puft. In fact, it's our plain duty. In the too often homophobic world of sports it would be a coup for gay folks if we made a significant contribution to the restoration of the sport for the 2024 Games. Sadly, I doubt that the IOC will reverse itself for 2020.My gay moment in Olympic wrestling history occurred somewhat earlier. In 1964, when I was in third grade, my gym teacher put up Olympic themed posters in our gym. One was of a very hot Greek wrestler and another of a Russian. I wouldn't be surprised if the teacher wrestled in high school or college. He certainly had the build for it. Ah, Mr. Vens, who starred in my youthful wrestling-themed masturbation fantasies in elementary school and even when I was in HS! And when I accidentally discovered one summer in a local park (when I finally got to see him shirtless) that he was an identical twin, his heat went thermonuclear. Speaking of sports homophobia, is anyone following the storyline in Necessary Roughness of a pro quarterback revealing that he's gay?

  3. Almatolmen: Yes, I saw that episode. Pretty formula, I thought, although I liked the star's speech in the locker room. Eric Dane's character coming out in Valentine's Day was more interesting to me.

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