A Tale of Two Rookies – Nailed it!

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Rookie Ty Alexander – 5’7″, 150 lbs

I was getting turned on by BG East rookies Ty Alexander and Kayden Hungry-Like-the-Wolf Keller well before I saw their wrestling debut in Raunchy Rookies 7. The achingly pretty newbies were featured in the collection of smuggled behind-the-camera pics that our man inside of a recent BG East taping shared anonymously a couple of months ago. Based on nothing but that first stolen glance, I had Ty pegged as an earnest as hell babyface with a strong probability of getting trounced, and I assessed Kayden as a deceptively pretty babyface who could shock and awe if he sells his soul to the dark side.

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Rookie Kayden Keller – 6’2″, 175 lbs

Now that Raunchy Rookies 7 is officially released, I’m happy to report both that I nailed it and, on the other hand, was completely blindsided by this fresh meat. First of all, when you see a bottle tan young thing stretching out nervously in the ring for the first time wearing pink and white trunks with white wristbands, there’s typically a whole mountain of crushing hurt about to come crashing down on him. Kayden knows it too, when he strolls up to ringside and smirks at adorable Ty looking nothing short of vulnerable in the middle of the ring all by himself.  And sure enough, Kayden takes the initiative, muscling pretty Ty into a corner and taking a jab at his balls and landing a nasty slap across the face. At that point in the story, I was thinking to myself, nailed it.

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Ty turns the tables on the bearded badboy.

Then out of the blue, Ty Alexander opens up a can of whoop ass! I mean, seriously, where was he hiding that can, because it comes out of nowhere! He clotheslines the ominously bearded badboy and then proceeds to scoop slam the lean stud repeatedly. With authority. Total confidence. Blows me away! Ty isn’t an ounce less pretty, tanned, or pink clad, but there’s a practiced focus and intentionality about his opening flurry of offense that makes me think I’m looking at this kid for the first time all of the sudden!

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Kayden can barely scrape himself off the mat when Ty knocks him down hard and takes advantage of the stunned stud.

And further rocking my world, Kayden is HURTING! I mean, of course he’s hurting because he’s getting the fuck slammed out of his lower back over and over, but the suffering is palpably pulsing off of his sweet rookie body. I’m certain I’ve seen rookies dressed in black who are far less ready to tell the story of getting the wind knocked out of them and being shocked to find themselves kneeling at the feet of a bright and shiny pink package. But Kayden sells it with commitment, getting the wind knocked out of him and getting manhandled commandingly.

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Kayden grabs the momentum back and likes the feel of being in the driver’s seat.

When the tide turns, I’m back to patting myself on the back and thinking, nailed it! Sweet Ty absolutely withers when fierce young Kayden gets a head of steam behind him. Perhaps if it were just an athletic contest, Ty would have more to show for himself as the minutes pass, but Kayden is instantly attacking his crotch, yanking on his trunks, and making Ty melt under surprisingly carefully measured doses of sexy stroking and brutal beating.

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Kayden sets up yet another breathtaking crotch-claw suplex!

However, then when Kayden begins an incredibly long series of crotch claw suplexes, I’m back to thinking, holy hell, these are rookies!? These crotch claw suplexes have to been seen to be really appreciated. Kayden has one hand latched like a vice around Ty’s balls, and without releasing his grip, lifts unlucky Ty up off his feet, head over heels, and suplexes the young stud hard into the middle of the ring with his claw still attached!  Damn, damn, damn that’s both brutal and incredible to watch! I confess that I had a few moments of wondering if Ty’s sac was going to survive this match intact.

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It’s called raunchy for a reason.

The title of the release is Raunchy Rookies, of course, so we cannot be surprised to learn that these newbies get naked and sexy as hell. What does surprise me is, again, the all-in commitment these two brand new boys throw into it. Kayden is pulling off a mixture of Kid Vicious and Kid Leopard (don’t try that at home!), playing brutalized Ty like a player piano. He’s cruel, then suddenly consumed with passion, and somehow the passion is merely another means of delivering cruelty. Sorry for the spoiler, but Ty is down for the count no more than about halfway through the running time of this match. But I’m not sorry to say you’ve got to see these sweaty, entirely aroused, ravenous young hunks play out the drama of domination and power, submission and vulnerability, asserting over and over the sexy truth that Kayden has got Ty’s number – in combat, in foreplay, in sexual domination.

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Somebody needs to call up Jonah Richards and order me a raunchy stripper gram.

Let me give a nod to the B side of RR7 when I say that Jonah Richards and Ken Okeda are mouthwatering, if not as raunchy. There’s a clumsiness and awkwardness about them that’s like the bouquet of a fine wine best not aged a day longer to fans of the unexpected sexiness of raunchy rookies. I think I’d like to hire Jonah to be the stripper at my bachelor party, once I’ve taken the blue pill and handed over my soul to being co-opted into the illusion that I want a straight marriage with my homopartner to make me a full citizen.  But for over the top raunchy rookie delight, surprise, and mature-beyond-their-ages salesmanship, Ty Alexander and Kayden Keller heat up the screen just about as hot as I think I’ve ever seen a double debut ever do. Nice work, boys!

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