I’m under a deadline for a writing project, so I’m going to rely on you fine readers to help me out with today’s post. Jose’s fan poll concerning who we think will emerge king of the ring at RHW this week (#teamaustin) reminded me it’s been ages since we had some good old fashion voting here. At about the same time this occurred to me, I stumbled across the Details magazine cover featuring 31 of the top male models of the moment. My longstanding infatuation with male models starring as homoerotic wrestlers is well documented, so let me pose the question, among this bevy of by-definition pretty boys, who would reign victorious in homoerotic wrestling tournament?
I’ve tried to keep my “research” on these 31 Zoolanders concise, but sufficient to narrow down the field just a bit. Frankly, a lot of the skinny white boys look a lot alike to me, so I’ve tried to cull out twinners. Since this is my blog, I’m also establishing that this tourney takes place in a pro wrestling ring. Typical homoerotic wresting rules apply, namely no eye gouging, biting, or closed-fisted punches, with wrestlers given a warning and a count of 5 to break an illegal hold (meaning bring on the eye gouging, biting, and closed-fisted punching!). Victories are determined by a 3-count pin of the shoulders, a submission, or being forced to cum. To enforce said rules, I’m enlisting the winner of my first online model-cum-homoerotic wrestler tournament from over 5 years ago, devastatingly hot Jared Prudoff.
For the first match of the Hottest of the Hottest tournament, we have an old world versus new world homoerotic showdown. 35 year old Will Chalker hails from East Sussex, UK. He’s 6’1″ and looks to me like he could bring an opponent to his knees with nothing other than that “I will fuck you now” gaze. These are fashion models, after all, so don’t be surprised when I say Will is one of the beefier competitors, as well as one of the oldest. I picture him in baby blue super-briefs and white knee pads and mid-ankle boots. He’s cool, focused, but coiled like a snake moments from striking as he stares across the ring.
Will’s opponent is 26 year old Kennesaw, Georgia (US) native Sean O’Pry. Also at 6’1″, Sean is pumped and primed, beating his luscious chest and sneering condescendingly at the Brit across the ring. He’s incredibly lean and ripped in metallic gold, tiny trunks and nothing else. The barefoot beauty bounces on the balls of his feet, shaking out his lean muscles and shouting promises to kick Will’s “pussy ass” with relish.
Our celebrity ref, Jared, is dressed in skin tight black lycra bike shorts and a black and white striped short sleeve shirt, unbuttoned to the deep cleft between his lightly hairy pecs. He asks Will and Sean if they’re ready. They both nod silently. Jared calls for the bell, which rings loudly.
Then what happens? Does the Brit slap the brash young American down, or does Sean put the senior stud in his place? Vote here for the wrestler you see as reigning victorious, and comment below as to how you see the match unfolding, and what type of victory is finally won. I’ll try to keep the tourney moving, so you’ve got just a couple of days to chime in.