I’ve mused often before about the mysterious allure of masked wrestlers. BG East’s latest contributions to the masked pro wrestling canon sparkle with heavy notes of terror and luscious undertones of homoerotic desire. All three features in Masked Destroyers delight me. But if I’ve got to start somewhere in describing what grabs me hardest in this collection, it’s got to be my first introduction to masked muscle daddy Masked Menace.
It takes me a couple of minutes to warm up to Menace’s opponent, Lazlo Kohl. He’s warming up in the ring before Masked Menace arrives. He’s big and beefy and eye catching, no doubt. Lazlo is soft in the middle, with rounded edges padding what are clearly big, strong muscles. Blond and beautiful, I’m initially torn as to what to think. He’s handsome enough to be a babyface hero, but there’s something quietly bubbling underneath the surface that could be the bottled up sadistic zeal of a heel daddy. When the action heats up, I finally get my read on the silky smooth Norse powerhouse. He’s not really either babyface hero or sadistic heel. He’s a crybaby.
I’m not sure if “crybaby” is precisely a pro wrestling character type. I doubt it’s something that I can claim credit for, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned after 7 years of blogging about wrestling, there’s nothing new under the sun. But that said, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen anything quite like Lazlo before, either. He looks like a blunt bruiser. He has a quarter of a body weight in advantage over his significantly shorter opponent. Judging solely by the salt and pepper mix of gorgeous chest hair on Menace, I’m guessing Lazlo is likely somewhere between 10 and 20 years younger (Menaces’ mask makes that confidence interval large, I know). But although he looked confident to the point of cocky stretching and warming up pre-match, despite all of the more obvious advantages he’s walking in with, relatively quickly he reveals himself to be a flat footed and indecisive, and the clearly well-studied and accomplished pro debut of Masked Menace systematically turns all of Lazlo’s big, bulging blond beauty into an obviously overwhelmed crybaby who can handle a teaspoon full of punishment before pounding the mat and wailing like a naughty boy mid-tantrum.
So early on, I’m nursing a sneering contempt for Lazlo, but there’s exactly one, unmistakably element that redeems him as the match unfolds: Masked Menace’s raging lust to spank some crybaby ass. Whereas Lazlo comes into focus as an oversized teddy bear stuffed with fluff, our introduction to Menace coalesces around this fantastic character of a seasoned, salted, seriously tough slice of meat who clearly knows his way around a wrestling ring. And a bulging, beefy, sniveling crybaby opponent’s body.
This isn’t quite a squash, which I’m sure is surprising based on how I’ve described it thus far. Pooh Bear grabs hold of the reins at one point and uses his mass and building petulance to bully his petite opponent for some sweet riding time. It’s nearly enough to make me think that Lazlo might just turn this around and reveal himself to be a serious threat. He gets a submission, after all, and I think like so many teenagers, he’s starting to believe that he not only deserves to be treated with respect, but that he can demand it.
But then again, I think this is all part of Masked Menace’s personal kink. He gives the teddy bear a little rope, let’s him glimpse the mirage of the barest hope, and then crushes the Norse baby god with just that much more relish. He stretches out the torture, ignoring the first few seconds of weeping submission time and time again to drive the man child to panic. He trains Lazlo brutally, until Menace reaches that point that he can basically just lay a finger on the sweat soaked, rosy cheeked crybaby and instantly make him scream in submission.
I’m just a little crazed for Masked Menace by the time he really starts pulling his plan together, owning every inch of Lazlo and then moving in and measuring for drapes. He strokes him possessively. Whereas the the masked master daddy is lean as fuck, he obviously likes his conquests with meat on the bone. He savors Lazlo’s hefty pecs. He strokes his baby smooth bear cub belly. He throttles the withering muscle crybaby’s cock and then uses his balls as reins, dragging this completely compliant, entirely trained, gagging for it daddy’s boy out of the ring by his testicles.
My love-hate relationship with Lazlo in this match notwithstanding, I will say unequivocally that I would love to see this massive man child return to the ring under exactly one condition: collared and leashed by Menace appearing as a bit over one half (in overall weight, at least) of a sensationally sexy daddy/boy tag team. Masked Menace, on the other hand, can show up anywhere, at any time he’d like, facing any opponent BG East can think up to pit him against. I’ll be there as a fanboy, anxiously waiting to see that ripped, taut, sensually calculating body shocking and awing another bigger opponent (let’s face it, they’ll almost all be bigger).