Always Wrestling

I’m still contemplating taking up fishing on the off chance I get to see Chris Cuomo shirtless.

I used to post a lot more around here about largely non-wrestling related things. Well, I posted about things that are not inherently wrestling-related, but that in that perverse way I have, I can’t help but overlay with homoerotic wrestling innuendo. Well, really, I posted about hot hunks who, as far as I know, don’t have any relationship to wrestling, that I fantasize about in raucous, rowdy, balls out, full throttle gay wrestling scenarios.

Alexander Skarsgård inspires so many fantasies

My posts have become more and more focused on the world of unapologetic homoerotic wrestling, in part because I have less time in the midst of a busy life. That said, my remarkable penchant for recasting beautiful men into homoerotic wrestling fantasies in my imagination has never skipped a beat. I’m just not writing about it so much.

Perfect combo: Speed skaters and headscissors

I was reminded of this when “Commenter” commented on my most recent post, asking if I was planning on authoring another Olympics-gone-wrestling series. I’ve done this a few times, basically documenting what I’m always doing when I’m watching the Olympics, namely, looking for arousing, hot hunks and, regardless of their actual sport, picturing them wrestling one another.

I’m imagining the USA bobsled team has inspired more than just me this month

As I replied to “Commenter,” my time is achingly short to invest as much as I have in pulling off some round robins like I have for past Olympiads. However, if someone else wants to do the preliminary work of identifying the fantasy-worthy athletes and drawing up some brackets, I would do my best to sketch out where my mind goes. If different readers submit competing brackets, I will be happy to have you wrestle one another naked to determine whose brackets I should use.

I have intrusive erotic fantasies that star Eliad Cohen

In the mean time, I thought I’d just offer a quick update on the hot men who have made recurring appearances in homoerotic wrestling matches in my mind’s eye in recent months. For example, and as always, Eliad Cohen. Fuck, I can’t even open Twitter in a public place anymore because the first glimpse I get of Eliad’s magnificent, hairy muscles make me instantly erect.  Eliad appeared in a New Year’s Eve wrestling fantasy I wrote last year, as he appears in fantasy after fantasy ever since. Hey, wait, New Year’s Eve wrestling fantasies! There’s another fond tradition I slacked off on this year.

Marry me, Pedro Andrade

Another Twitter-infatuation I have that persistently drives me into wrestling fantasy territory is Pedro Andrade. I love this Brazilian beauty’s politics, his eye for photography, and apparently he’s a poet. So, fuck, yeah, I’m ready to propose marriage… and then he shares a little skin. Damn, he is gorgeous in every way. Brains and brawn? What a total threat he’d be as a babyface in the ring!

I’ll fuck this “sleeve”

I almost nearly lost my shit as I started watching the Netflix series Altered Carbon. I am a ridiculous Sci-Fi junkie, so believe me when I swear I had no idea that this series was packed with so much mouthwatering beef. And then basically in the first scene, Swedish stunner Joel Kinnaman shows up naked and glistening, covered in lube. And moments later he’s naked in a communal shower. And in the next episode he’s naked and having sex. And then people show up to his hotel room, and he just stands there naked, the camera strategically positioned with a potted plant or some such nonsense obscuring his crotch. So much naked hotness! Kinnaman reminds me again how easily I’m turned into a slack-jawed fanboy for pretty much any 6’2″ blond, stunningly handsome Swedish man who takes off his shirt, which in my experience is pretty much any Swedish man.

Squeeze those shoulders into my newsboy infatuation ranks, Baruch Shemtov!

My newest newsboy crush is apparently openly gay and buddies with Gio Benitez and Tommy Didario, so of course he’s got a place at my table anytime. But it’s not like he needs any coattails. Just fucking LOOK at the size of Baruch Shemtov’s biceps!? I vacillate between picturing him as the smooth beefcake jobber to Eliad’s sadistic ring villainy, or seeing the two of them as contenders for the prettiest tag team in history.

Warm up the winter Olympics with some sweaty wrestling, please

Those are the current roster of studs slapping on face-to-crotch headscissors and making each other scream. In a better world, I’d write down some of the matches in which they star in my imagination.  In the mean time, I’ll try to clear a little time in my calendar in case you come up with a Winter Olympics 2018 bracket of homoerotic wrestling contenders to work with.

7 thoughts on “Always Wrestling

  1. Love this post bard! I tried coming up with a bracket here: as under your previous comments.

    Your post got me thinking. How about a Sci-fi hunks triple threat? Alexander Skarsgård (The upcoming Blade Runner inspired Mute) vs Joel Kinnerman (Altered Carbon) vs Ryan Gosling (Blade Runner 2049)?

    1. You’re seriously keen for this, now aren’t you Com!? I love it. I will, however, take a beat to see if anyone else posts a competing bracket, which, as I noted, will require you to wrestle naked to settle whose I write.

      As for a sci-fi hunk three-way… oy. You are wearing me out. This idea turns me on half a dozen different ways all at the same time.

  2. I can’t help myself wrestlbard, haha! Miss your stories so much. The winter olympics still have ways to go.

    If the sci-fi hunk three way tickles your fancy, oh please, please, please write it down! Whichever way you want… love to pick your bring on this scenario 😀

  3. Always Wrestling is so spot on. And in real life I can’t count the time spent walking through the airport scoping out prospective opponents or fantasizing that somewhere in the facilities there’s a ring where built pilots, TSA agents and ground crew can meet and wrestle.

    As for brackets, how about a superhero smackdown between the Chrises: Pratt vs Evans vs Hemsworth? The winner takes on the DC Champion, who would naturally be Cavill.

  4. hiya Bard,

    Lo-o-o-ngtime reader (infrequent commenter) here and i gotta say that I have actually missed your commenting on newsboys, actors and the like…
    You opened my eyes and made me look beyond the (more obvious) Cuomos and Champions and give some of the others another look … and it tends to be a long, languishing look at time (insert sly smile emojis here) when it comes to some of them (currently pocket hottie NBC’s Gadi Schwartz … he had to don a wetsuit for an ocean report and just have to say “Dat Ass!”)

    and yeah, Joel Kinnerman has caught my eye in the past and Netflix knows what a catch they have since his pic seems to promo Altered Carbon (which I have got to find time for… )

    I was just telling a friend what a treasure that instagram can be for eye candy (thirst traps?) … its difficult to stop ‘scrolling’…

    Keep up the great blog…

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