He Wore It Best

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I’m excited to declare Tyrell Tomsen the winner of the Who Wore It Best poll! I fell completely in lust with Tyrell the moment I saw his spectacular debut in Strip Stakes 1. It’s a rare debut that features a muscle hunk this aesthetic, this gorgeous, this ripped, who’s also ready to get naked in his first dance. By the time Tyrell put his superhuman physique on the line against big Joe Robbins in Gutbash 7 a couple of years later, he’d taken some hard knocks and bitter humbling, but honestly, he’s one of the relatively few hunks that doesn’t look dwarfed next to the mountain of muscle that is big Joe. Sure, I didn’t hold out much hope for Tyrell to deliver the upset against the steamroller, but just those few moments of seeing him pumped to perfection, staring Joe down, and flashing his spectacular cuts and luxuriously draped muscles that make Joe look merely mortal, got my heart pumping in anticipation.

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My hopes for a heart pumping babyface upset spiked when Tyrell took those mammoth, superhero, vein-mapped biceps and shockingly beat Joe in a best-of-3 arm wrestling showdown. It takes a lot to put big Joe in his place, so it was incredibly arousing to see Tyrell demonstrate that he’s up for the task.

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Joe is notoriously unflappable, so I was yet again excited by the way that Tyrell’s arm wrestling victory pissed Joe off. Joe impulsively, bitterly slammed Tyrell’s gorgeous face into the table (no!). The big man is unaccustomed to being humbled. He just doesn’t really know how to handle being outclassed by an opponent’s objectively perfect proportions. Normally unphased by a challenger’s cocky confidence, Tyrell’s top shelf muscle mass and mindblowing conditioning made big Joe lose his cool. Fuck, yeah, Tyrell!

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Of every stunning inch of Tyrell’s muscled perfection, it turns out it was his deep, carved 6-pack abs that Joe felt most inadequate next to. Thus, this became a Gut Bash bout. Joe pounded and pummeled those resplendent, ripped rectus abdominis.

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Joe trampled him under boot, which is serious as shit when you calculate the pound per square inch of Joe’s 240 pounds deep boring his heel into Tyrell’s lower abs.

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Tyrell was trussed up in a tree of woe for Joe to exploit new angles of assault on the affronting abdominals.

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Joe trapped Superman in the ropes and bearhugged the bodybeautiful beefcake from behind, digging his knuckles into Tyrell’s throbbing gut.

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He wrung him out in an abdominal stretch, making Tyrell scream in anguish as his pendulous bulge quivered seductively. But it was when Joe went in for the money shot, that signature suspended bodyscissors, that put me over. He snapped his monstrously huge thighs around Tyrell’s ripped torso and squeezed. That made Tyrell gasp in shocked agony. But it’s when Joe rolled up to his hands, twisting his body and pulling Tyrell off the mat, that Superman seriously started to scream.

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So. Fucking. Gorgeous! I think Tyrell has been an underrated star in the BG East catalog, so I’m thrilled that he got the nod from voters in this poll. I miss seeing his incredibly fine physique in the ring, and I wish his tenure in homoerotic wrestling had been much longer. But he was all class, spectacular beauty, and fearlessness while he lit up our screens, and I’m thrilled to confirm that he wore it best!

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