Cry Havoc

Another hot young rookie!? Hell, yes, welcome to BG East, Dante Lesen! The titular rookie in Rookie Wreckers 3: Dante’s Destruction grabbed my attention in the marketing images and match description, and talking about grabbing something? Fuck, rookie…

The contrasts in this match are spectacularly stunning. On the one hand, you’ve got veteran masked heel, Masked Menace. BG East reports that he’s 5’5 and 170 lbs, but I think both of those numbers may be exaggerated. At least, when 6’3 and 180 lbs of Dante shows up, holy shit, Menace looks fucking tiny! I mean, he’s got sweet, mature muscle, and that sexy hairy chest looks both hot and intimidating. He’s flexing, his signature, ominous silence filling the mat room, when Dante strolls in and takes a 360 degree tour, stroking and admiring Menace’s muscles. And fuuuuck, Dante looks like the leaning tower of Pisa that just might fall over and crush him at any moment. Who is this towering, babyfaced newbie, and did he come to play? “Nice,” Dante whispers his approval, breathlessly. “Nice!” I say.

Dangling such a long, lean, gorgeous cut of veal in front of a legendary heel like Masked Menace is a formula for exquisite destruction. Within seconds, Dante is nursing his bashed balls and getting a mouthful of Masked Menace in a stunningly sculpted face-to-crotch standing headscissors that works so, so beautifully because of their height difference. The babyface newbie is getting swarmed and swamped ruthlessly, when the villain smashes his knee into Dante’s long, lean back and chokes him from behind. Fuck, fuck, that’s sexy!

It’s in the title, so I don’t feel like it’s too much of a spoiler to say lovely Dante gets squashed like a bug. This is Masked Menace, so it also should come as no surprise that Dante’s rookie balls get crushed to a pulp a thousand different ways. And fuck, he may be a rookie, but the boy knows how to suffer like a champ! Damn, watching him writhe and kick and squirm and whimper and scre-eeeam is seriously moving. When the extra-tall red singlet gets peeled off him forcibly, I’m also way, way moved by his washboard abs and his juicy, juicy ass suction packed into American flag briefs.

There are lots of sweet, sweet moments to admire, but let me just linger on the stunning art that is 6’3 Dante broken in half in Masked Menace’s OTK backbreaker. Holy fuck, Dante is weeping, as his big, star-spangled bulge quivers at the apex of his arching body. Menace throttles his balls relentlessly, hungrily, as Dante screams and kicks his mile long legs uselessly. Fuck, he’s gorgeous as HELL getting the warmest… nay, hottest welcome a rookie’s ever had!

Again, I say, welcome to BG East, Dante! I hope you were able to pick up the pieces and sign up for more to come. I promise, it gets better! :::::fingers crossed behind my back::::

Let’s give them something to see!

Crabcraft commented a few weeks ago that he thinks Jason Aleqsander may be “the new Eli Black.” Fuck, I’ve been unable to get that out of my head, ever since. It says something about the iconic role that Eli built for us, that he’s the point of reference/comparison for a super sexy new rookie. But when it comes to being saddled with buzz to be the heir apparent to Eli Black? Hmmmm.

So, to start with, let me say that I was just a little shocked by how much Jason’s debut match against Seon Cruz rocked me. I mean, I tucked in to Ring Rookies 7, obviously expecting something good. I’d seen Seon before, and his body is just fucking stunning. And I’d seen stills of Jason, and was super excited to see if he’s as sexy in live action as he is in still frame. But “ring rookies” doesn’t exactly scream “top notch wrestling.” But fuck it all, if I didn’t go along for the ride and sucked in the suspense to the very final drop!

Before I directly speak to whether I think Jason is the new Eli Black, I just want to appreciate him on his own terms. Fuck. His. Body! I mean, he’s pretty in his pictures. I’d give him a tongue bath for just standing still. But when the boys are doing a SENSATIONAL alternate take on the traditional pose down, by showing off how acrobatic their lovely, lean bodies can be, Jason suddenly looks up at the ceiling, judging it’s height, and then, standing flat footed in the middle of the ring, does a PERFECT standing back tuck. Have I mentioned before that I was a college cheerleader? Probably not. Anyway, fuck that standing back tuck instantly made me reevaluate my first impressions of young, hot, Jason/George. The back tuck has the same effect on Seon, who suddenly realizes he’s just been completely outclassed as an acrobat. In response, the relative-veteran ring rookie clotheslines Jason, nearly taking that really, really, really pretty head right off his neck.

Seon admires Jason’s smoking hot bod, and both of them get extra credit from me for that fact. “You’ve got an all right body, all give you that,” he acknowledges, choking him a front facelock. “You’ve got some pretty good legs, pretty beefy,” he smirks, as he’s fucking up Jason’s acrobatic left knee and ankle in a nasty leglock. “You’ve got a good body, I think we might as well show it off a bit,” Seon says, bending him backward in a dragon sleeper, and doing just that. Seon cements his role as our champion, though (in addition to the purple nail polish), by locking down on a foldover pin, slapping Jason’s hot ass, and announcing, “Let’s give them something to see!”

The premise for this match is hilariously clever. For the first half of this match (to the minute) Seon, in shiny, purple, butt-hugging long shorts, beats the living SHIT out of Jason/George, who’s wearing shamrock green long shorts. And fuck, Jason suffers swwweetly! Fuck, he gets rocked and rolled, and lovely Jason sells it like a seasoned veteran. Seon gets understandably cocky. He hangs Jason in the corner, battered and sucked dry, and steps back and peels off his trunks, leaving him in green briefs.

“Funny, I heard you like to do some of that stuff,” Jason/George says, suddenly catching a second wind with a sly, knowing smile. “So I came a little prepared, myself,” he announces, stripping out of his green trunks, revealing purple briefs molded to his sensational ass. Fuck. He throws his trunks in Seon’s face, using the distraction to clothesline Seon flat on his back.

Apparently, there’s some seriously magic mojo to the color purple. Now flipping color schemes, Jason/George opens up a can of whoop ass on Seon that’s super, super satisfying! He mounts him in a schoolboy pin and slams his head into the mat over and over. “Are you feeling better in green,” he asks, shoving his crotch in Seon’s face. “Is that color treating you well?” He sucks him up in headscissors and an armbar, threatening to snap that long, lean arm of Seon’s off at the elbow. Battering him in a corner, he suddenly climbs up the ropes and monkey flips Seon flying all the way across the ring (fuck!).

The final three minutes flip back and forth wildly. Seon runs rough shod, victory in his grasp with Jason’s head stuck nice and tight in standing scissors. He hoists him up off his feet, preparing to slam his back to the mat, but acrobatic Jason snaps his sexy-as-fuck legs around Seon’s head, throws his weight to the side, and pulls off a shocking flying headcissors! I mean… fuck! These are fucking rookies?

All right, back to my original question. I’m going to say, no, Jason is NOT the new Eli Black, for a whole host of reasons, but mostly because Jason’s got some sensational charisma and ring presence all his own. Like Eli, Jason’s shown up with some seriously sensational skills and a some mysterious backstory to explain that cocky back tuck. But I don’t think of Eli as an acrobat, really, and I think Jason’s got a story to tell that could play out entirely differently than Eli’s!

“God, you’re fucking beautiful!”

There’s a rule in homoerotic wrestling. You have to pay for looking too pretty. Of course, I think there are a handful of exceptions. Like, Kid Karisma is, honestly, too pretty, and he never has to pay. But Kip Sorell is NO Kid Karisma, and holy shit, does he pay for looking so ridiculously, almost impossibly pretty! In the new release from Jonny Firestorm, fuck, does Aryx Quinn make Kip pay hard!

Kip comes to, with his wrists tied behind him, lashing him to the corner post. “Wakey, wakey, little one,” Aryx Quinn says, grabbing Kip by the hair and prying his shocked face upward. The look of terror on Kip’s face, eyes wide in panic, is seriously juicy! I’m perplexed about the backstory of this match, but Aryx alludes to Kip’s consent later in the match: “You are so stupid for agreeing to the terms of a match like this!” Fuck, how to begin to describe what it means when Aryx says, “a match like this…”

Okay, so I’ve got to start by saying this is a squash. If you have even passing familiarity with Aryx’ wrestling work and with Kip’s wrestling work, this will not surprise you. I’d say this match is about terror, more than anything, really. Aryx tortures and taunts in that way that nobody else comes close (well, I can think of one wrestler who I thought matched Aryx in trash talk). And the trash talk is super high stakes. “This is going to be the last place you’ll ever see,” he promises the sputtering muscle boy. Aryx shoves a straw in Kip’s face and asks, “Do you know what this is for? It’s for eating. Because every meal you eat after today, you’re going to be eating through a fucking straw, if you don’t do what I say!” Aryx keeps fucking with Kip’s panic-ometer, dialing it up until he’s screaming and whimpering and begging like a baby, and then letting him believe, for just a few seconds, it all might be over (spoiler alert: it isn’t).

But there’s another really, really delightful flavor to this match that is sorely missing in far too much homoerotic wrestling: Aryx is fucking INTO Kip’s body! “God, you’re fucking beautiful,” he says at one point, and honestly, I stand up and cheer, because if you step into the ring with Kip Sorell, and you have an ounce of appreciation for male beauty, how could you NOT marvel at him? “You are fucking built solid,” Aryx marvels, as he digs his claws into Kip’s lats and pecs and rips his muscles apart to Kip’s symphony of screams. “You’re pretty,” Aryx says bluntly, and it’s one of the most pristinely authentic moments I’ve seen in homoerotic wrestling. “I like pretty boys,” he says, a half a second before he stomps the living shit out of Kip’s rock hard abs and pitifully helpless balls. “Look at the veins in that chest,” Aryx marvels, clawing the fuck out of Kip’s pecs. “Fuck,” Aryx says, “someone’s been doing some training!” And honestly, I’m talking to the screen like a crazy person, saying that it’s about TIME somebody acknowledged the dazzlying, dizzying, insane hotness of Kip, and the outrageous level of fitness he maintains like some android from the future, where you can see the roadmap of his veins feeding his sculpted, bulging muscles in real time. How could an opponent NOT comment on Kip’s vascularity!? Fuck, Aryx is a truth-teller.

So I’ve caveat emptored that this is a total, start-to-finish squash. Despite that fact, the action takes them all over the ring, as Aryx finds 1,001 ways to threaten to snap, smother, and strangle Kip over the edge of terror, again and again. Highlights for me include the patent-pending Aryx-rack, with the muscled heel bent forward and twist-tying Kip’s spine around his torso. There’s a super, super severe Boston crab that displays both beautiful muscle men to perfection. “I bet I can fold you in half like a deck of cards,” Aryx says, and fuck it all if he doesn’t do exactly that! Holy shit, I think Kip wasn’t quite believing him, until he’s absolutely screaming his submission in terror.

Okay, the final star of this match for me is Aryx’ sweat. Fuck, if you wonder who’s carrying the load in a squash, sit back and watch the sweat literally streaming off of Aryx’ body from about 1/3 of the way into the match to the end. There’s a camel clutch, where the camera angle happens to catch the spectacularly sexy hold silhouetted in front of some harsh studio lights. I’m sure it was an unintentional moment of getting the stagecraft of the lighting inadvertently washing out the foreground. But there’s this magic moment when you can see sweat literally streaming off of Aryx’ face and pouring down on Kip’s twisted body beneath him. Fuck… I know of some serious Aryx Quinn fans who would love to volunteer to squeegee that mat in the aftermath (and save some souvenir bottles of perspiration for themselves).

Kip’s journey from this match to getting tapped by Jonny to be his heel protege in the Bundle 2 feature I reviewed a couple of days ago had to have been an insanely wild ride! I buy Kip begging, pleading, weeping in humiliation, promising Aryx that he absolutely does NOT want to be a pro wrestler. And, damn it all, if I don’t find Kip oddly compelling as a baby heel, emerging from his cocoon, with his new vampire eyes soaking in the sight of Christian Taylor’s gorgeous suffering and wanting a taste for himself. Aryx’ takedown of Kip is in Bundle 1 of Jonny’s Black Friday sale, and the gorgeous 2-on-1 of Jonny walking Kip through the wonders of heeling on Christian appear in Bundle 2. Super, super sexy matches all around!

Best. Grindr. Hookup. EVER!

Holy shit on a cracker! I just enjoyed the profound pleasure of watching one of Jonny Firestorm’s new releases, just in time to treat yourself for Black Friday. Squirreled away in Bundle #2 is a dazzlingly sexy 2-on-1 match, pitting Jonny and heel protege (!?) Kip Sorell executing the sexiest Grindr hookup in history with Christian Taylor.

“You look a little different on your Grindr profile, I’m not going to lie,” Jonny says when Christian steps into the ring with them. Can someone please, please screenshot me Christian’s Grindr profile? Because I’m not sure what that means, because…fuuuuuck… he is as sexy as he’s ever been, as far as I’m concerned. He’s got a 5 o’clock shadow that’s making me feel all sorts of new things about him. And he absolutely TOWERS over Jonny and Kip. I don’t think I’d ever quite realized how short Kip is, or perhaps how tall Christian is, until now, and the contrast is outrageously sexy.

This is a total squash (buyer beware, if that’s not what you’re shopping for). But fuck, the intensity remains super high throughout the entire 29 minutes. Apparently Jonny has handpicked Kip to be his new heel protege, and fuck it all if I’m suddenly convinced that that HAS to happen! I’ve honestly never seriously considered Kip’s heel turn potential until this moment, but put Jonny’s masterful hands on the task, and fuck… of COURSE devastatingly hot Kip would make a sizzling pretty boy heel!

They double-team Christian almost the entire time, and it’s gorgeous and absolutely artful. “I think you had something different in mind when I said my partner and I were looking for a threesome,” Jonny jokes. Oh fucking damn, Christian answered a Grindr call for a threesome, and showed up for this!? So many reasons to stay diligent on Grindr, my friends!

Every double-team hold is homoerotic sculpture. The mixture of the three different super sexy bodies turns me on harder and harder each moment of the match. One of my favorite moments is relatively early on, while Christian is still screaming and writhing and begging a lot. Jonny has tied his wrists behind his back, for absolutely no good reason other than increase Christian’s terror. Jonny rolls him into face-to-crotch headscissors and smothers him, burying his face in the legendary bulge and keeping him there with a handle on his hair. At the same time, Kip grabs him by the ankles and shoves the ball of his foot up Christian’s ass. Fuck me, I’ve got to push pause and rewind.

“Are you worthy to be our third,” Jonny asks, now with Christian smothering in Kip’s face-to-crotch, while Jonny tortures his back in a crab variation. “Yes. YES!” Christian screams, and I’m not quite sure if it’s begging for reprieve, or his desperation to join this threesome in earnest. I like to think it’s the latter. “Do you think you’re worthy,” Jonny demands. “Because all you do is whine like a fucking bitch!”

I’m so excited to see Kip warm up to heeling, torturing Christian’s nipples, throttling Christian’s cock, and smiling in delight as he does it. There’s this spontaneous moment where Jonny is pitching and in control, and Kip is taking a quick breather, admiring the scene or total humiliation in front of him, when Kip seems to be unable to restrain himself from leaning over and landing a cracking slap across Christian’s tortured, handsomed, hirsuite face. Damn, Kip, I am buying this!!!

Lovely, LOVELY action from all three veterans of my homoerotic wrestling fantasies. The dynamic duo heels leave Christian tied up, hanging from the ropes, passed out from pain. “Let’s go get a bite to eat, and we’ll come back for him later,” Jonny grins as the climb through the ropes. Fuck, yes. Best Grindr hookup EVER!

Boys On Film

I get Rocky Sparks, in his new release, Glamour Shoot 1: Immediate Gratification. “I’ve got a job to do,” he explains to Dio Characi. “I’m just serious about photography,” he claims, even when Dio suggests that perhaps Rocky had other things in mind when he asked to take his picture. “You know what would really make this great, though? Some oil. I want to see you glisten.” Fuck. I really, really get that.

Dio’s recent journey with BG East has just gotten hotter and hotter, and I’m here for it. He was sexy as fuck as a punishment slut in Hunkbash 27. Then he nearly burned the ring down taking on a living legend in front of a live audience in Wrestlefest 4. So I’m just a little shocked to be saying that he’s the sexiest yet in the devastatingly hot, intimately private moments with an overtly creeping Rocky.

In a stroke of pure genius, BG East has uploaded to the Arena that actual Polaroids taken during the match. The camera fucking LOVES Dio, nearly as much as I do! And I love that he calls bullshit on Rocky for pretending NOT to be aching to get worked over by him. Shut the FUCK up, Rocky, because that wasn’t believable for a second.

I feel like Dio should sell tickets for everyone who’d pay a whole lot of cash to get pec smothered, the way he does to Rocky. And bearhugged. And liplocked. Absolutely everything he does to Rocky is clearly Rocky’s dream come true. And again, I say, I get Rocky soooo much.

This isn’t competitive, though there’s plenty of super hot wrestling holds. I mean, Rocky keeps threatening to make Dio work for it, but fuuuuck, honestly? He barely makes Dio break a sweat. I, on the other hand, am sweating SOOO much by the time Dio is grinding his crotch into Rocky’s face and sucking on his nipples until he makes him cum.

For those who are more familiar with Dio’s personality from his social media presence, we get a much better look of that in this match. And you can tell his cold, sneering, nasty domination is his strong suit. Can someone, please, buy Dio a planre ticket to the States several times a year, so that we can get him in front of the BG East cameras a lot more often?!

What Do You Think of Your Hero Now?!

Wrestlefest 4 gave me my first glimpse of Nathan FX, in his public battle with Top Heel Kayden Keller. Technically, that isn’t true, because I’ve “glimpsed” him wrestling for other companies, I’m pretty sure, but only in promo photos. I’d never seen him wrestle, though. Within 30 seconds of him showing up to the ring, I’m wanting to see him get creamed. “It’s time you learned, baby,” FX shouts and points a threatening finger at Kayden, hopping around in American flag long shorts. A babyface rookie that cocky, calling out BGE’s reigning Top Heel, to the ecstatic adulation of the bevy of babyface boosters at ringside, is just too naive for me to stand it. But then FX rips off his tear-away long shorts, to reveal equally patriotic, but significantly more tiny briefs underneath, and I’m recalculating him. The pretty boy showed up in tear-away shorts, clearly planning all along on inflaming the exuberance of the babyfaces with his audacity and soft core strip tease?! Hm. Okay then. The lovely, lean rookie with the bad bleach job has me intrigued!

Kayden is classically, thoroughly, essentially Kayden in this match. Playing against the snarling, jeering babyfaces trying to crawl under his skin, and playing to his heel buddies on the other side of the ring, clearly brings out his Kayden-ness. Not waiting for a bell, he kicks FX in the gut and bulldogs the pretty boy, pretty much knocking the rookie out momentarily, about 15 seconds later. “Yeah, he really looks amazing,” the sinister, snarling heel taunts the protesting babyface bench, dragging his opponent’s barely responsive body up and slamming the star spangled rookie down in a gut buster. The babyfaces are on their feet, threatening pandemonium, slapping the ring apron to rouse their champ, pleading with him to come-to and put up a fight. “Listen to them,” Kayden taunts his prey, snapping his crushing, gorgeous legs around the bottle-blond head. “They’re counting on you,” he laughs mockingly.

If you know Kayden’s catalog even half as intimately as I do, then you are not surprised to learn that FX manages some super sweet, super sexy reversals of fortune on the raging heel. I often wonder whether Kayden voluntarily allows this to happen, because he gets off even harder on digging back from a deficit and plowing a once hopeful opponent into dust. In this case, FX has clearly had enough humiliation and kicks Kayden in the balls. With the hot heel bent over, that much easier for FX to rattle his cage convincingly with a sharp, seriously nasty flying knee strike to the face, before executing a brutal tit-for-tat revenge bulldog. Woah! I see you there, rookie. FX did NOT sign up to be Kayden’s punching bag, and I’m very much into that fierceness.

This is Wrestlefest, so the shit goes off the rails often and wildly. From the babyface bench, Brazilian heartthrob Dio Characi (see my post from yesterday for his contribution to this festival of homoerotic wrestling) pops up and grabs Kayden by the ankle when the heel is bouncing off the ropes to clothesline his dazed prey, making Kayden land face first on the mat. Oh. Fuck. Yes. You can literally see the steam rising off of the back of Kayden’s neck, he is so fucking pissed off. He dives outside the ring and shoves a finger in Dio’s face, and I’m pretty convinced this is a half a second away from turning into one huge bitter melee (speaking of which, where can I put in my order for a reboot of the orgiastic brilliance of Battle R-Oil from Wrestlefest 1?!?). Despite the heel bench egging Kayden on, the Top Heel executes a superhuman feat of self-control and climbs back in the ring. Oh, but he promises that he’s got a score to settle with the Brazilian babyface beefcake, and I’ll donate a kidney for a front row seat to THAT sequel. Kayden brings a chair into the ring to beat the living shit out of FX and repeatedly, REPEATEDLY piledrives the All-American doe-in-the-headlights into oblivion.

Wrestlelfest 4 sets up a long-awaited (by me) tipping point. On the one hand, Kayden has never been more Kaydeny, and it’s exactly his Kaydenness that has earned the hot hunk the title of Top Heel for FIVE years in a row! On the other hand, the second half of Wrestlefest 4 features the legendary heel himself, Jonny Firestorm, possibly nastier, more brutal, and more sadistic than I think I’ve ever seen him. So riddle me this, wrestling fans, who is the frontrunner to earn the title of Top Heel for 2022!? Fuck… what a choice. Honestly, I cannot, at this moment, say who it is I’d vote for, although I’m tempted to say that the one who literally bit his babyface opponent’s big, beautiful balls in front of a live audience might have the edge (?).

And finally, let me be super late to the party in welcoming Nathan FX to the BG East fold. I was not expecting the incredibly moving sell, and the capacity for barges full of suffering to get dumped on such a lean, untested, outmatched rookie like this. Fuck, I’m shedding a tear over here in sympathy pains for FX’s breathless writhing, wailing, and weeping! Even though I was initially rolling my eyes, I’m actually thrilled that he came in that hot and bothered to start this match, flexing his cute guns, shaking his lean, red-white-and-blue ass to the roaring approval of the babyface bench. He’s tougher than he looks, and he’s got a sensational range with nuance and pathos. I vote that he show up next in HairStakes 2, because I will hate on him even less once the bottle blond his sheared off. In the meantime, well played, rookie. Well played.

Save Me a Seat

One of my regular rants is about how much I enjoy homoerotic wrestling in front of a live audience. From the classic public events BG East filmed many years ago, to the more recent Wrestlefest matches, recorded in front of an audience of their wrestling peers, there’s something spontaneous and extra intense about wrestlers going full throttle on each other in front of others. I had the honor of writing the match descriptions for the newly released Wrestlefest 4, because, frankly, I elbowed and shoved my way to the front of the line of writers this time to insist on getting the first glimpse of these two fabulous matches. Both matches were very satisfying, for all of the reasons that I’ve mentioned concerning the extra adrenaline rush of a live audience, but also because the wrestling is just so fucking sexy! For this post, I want to pour a little love on Jonny Firestorm and Dio Characi, and the rich cast of characters at ringside who made their match so… interactive.

It’s impossible for me to overemphasize how much I am turned on by Dio. What felt like a near miss in his debut match, is an absolute bullseye when he climbs into the ring with Jonny. Just objectively, the Brazilian bomber is just so fucking sexy! He’s the paradigmatic babyface, with an adorable face, beautiful even, stacked almost improbably on top of a fucking outrageously sexy body! BG East lists him at 6′ even, but he looks even taller, particularly as he towers over a half a foot taller than fireplug Jonny. There’s a lot to take in on Dio’s bod, from his sweet, round pecs and his hot, hot six-pack abs. But I go a little light-headed whenever I get a serious glimpse of his astonishingly sexy ass. I literally stood up and cheered when Jonny peeled the Brazilian’s trunks off, leaving an unobstructed view of those glorious glutes hugged snugly by a brave, brave little thong.

Whereas Dio brings the shiny and new to this match, Jonny brings the legitimacy of a legend. This is Jonny’s second Wrestlefest, and mind you, Wrestlefest 3 was released well over a decade ago. Jonny has been heeling, day in and day out, the whole time, and was already approaching legendary status well before Wrestlefest 2. I’m still a little astonished he and Kayden can be in the same room together, because the sense of something dangerously unsettled is palpable, as the reigning, back-to-back, multiple Top Heel awardee Kayden watches the talents and terror of a mentor who was perfecting the craft well before the first BG East year-end besties were ever handed out. Jonny’s beefy, hairy, and looking like a badass brute, which is the absolute perfect complement to cherubic playgirl bunny Dio.

The action is intense and brutal. As you might imagine, Jonny is downright diabolical, and having a couple of heel proteges at ringside certainly seems to bring out a little extra sadism and a little devilish gleam in Jonny’s eyes as he brutalizes the Brazilian babyface beauty. When he plants Dio in a tree of woe, I knew there was something magical about to happen. I had NO idea that magic would include Jonny, literally, chomping down on Dio’s huge, vulnerable bulge! Fuck, I wouldn’t brush my teeth for a week, to savor that!

While this is a babyface beatdown, this is not a squash. Dio is a fierce mother fucker, and I love him for that. He turns the tables several times on the bulldozing heel, and I buy every single one of them. A hugely muscled bearhug and a gorgeously savored OTK backbreaker demonstrate convincingly that Dio is a beast, and he came to play. But woah, the torture rack?! Parading Jonny-fucking-Firestorm around like a chump on his shoulders, wringing him out in front of the bench of babyface boosters drowning a wailing Jonny with taunts?!? Sweet!

The wrestler-audience does their job, keeping it live, fresh, and intense with the guarantee that somebody is going to get ultimately and publicly humiliated. I love the spontaneous taunts and cheers, the pleading with Dio to hold out against Jonny’s machinations, the jumping up to land a few gratuitous, completely illegal blows of their own when the opportunity “presents itself.” I’m registering exactly two complaints about the audience, though. Complaint #1: What… THE FUCK… is Freddy Campbell doing on the heel bench!? I mean, I realize that he’s Ash’s boy toy and all, but the doe-eyed pretty boy has GOT to be in line for jobber of the year at this point, and slipping him onto the heel bench, even with his badass boyfriend protecting him, just seems like a miscast. Complaint #2: Will someone PLEASE take your sock off and shove it down Forrest Taylor’s throat!?! Dude, he does not shut up, and I almost can’t quite suspend my disbelief enough to wrap my head around how Jonny didn’t drag him by his lumberjack beard into the ring and beat the living shit of him right next to Dio. Hell, I’m a little awestruck that one of the other babyfaces didn’t get fed up with Forrest’s over-exuberant work on the sidelines and pummel the pretty boy themselves. If there was ever a jobber gagging for a beatdown, it was Forrest that day on the babyface bench at Wrestlefest 4.

I loved this match, and I’m proud to have been honored with the opportunity to write the match description!

BG East Fantasies

It may not have looked like it, but I’ve been pretty damn busy when it comes to exercising my homoerotic wrestling imagination. I’ve authored a few BG East match descriptions for their not new releases. AR and I have been exploring just how up close and personal it can get when we combine my prose and his graphic art, mixed together with a shared passion for homoerotic wrestling, and BG East, in particular (more on that later). And in that vain, I’ve been fishing more of my old archived homoerotic wrestling fiction out of the old, defunct Sidelineland Stories archives and uploading them to the Sidelineland Stories Reboot.

It’s not like BG East doesn’t produce enough blindingly hot wrestling fare to satisfy me, but knowing how out of control my imagination gets, it should come as little to surprise to anyone who reads this blog that I authored my own fan fiction to explore BG East matches that never were. The first match explores the corporate intrigue and espionage that I always imagined was going on between competing homoerotic wrestling companies. This was after Rio Garza had started wrestling with BG East, but then went to Rock Hard Wrestling, and before Z-Man had done the reverse. The tag team match featured those two babyface beauties, facing off against my personal dream team, Mitch Colby and Derek DaSilva.

I also rebooted the story of a fitness model who got in way over his head wrestling for BG East, getting schooled hard by Mitch (yeah, this was deep, deep in my infatuation with Mitch phase). I enjoyed “recruiting” someone new to the BG East universe, and played heavily off of the Contract Series that was still going hot and heavy around then.

The third match I just migrated over to the new archives was the sequel to James Dawson’s tragic contract negotiations with BG East, in which the ripped, gorgeous muscle hunk next had to square off against the bulldozer Joe Robbins.

The fourth old match you can now find in the new archives was another dream combination that, sadly, was never to be IRL. Brad Rochelle and Mitch Colby squared off in that wrestling fantasy, ticking all the boxes of babyface beauties I go weak in the knees for.

And the final match I migrated in this genre (for now) was a super clever little piece that co-author Metellus and worked on, flipping scripts and putting a literal underwear model in the BG East ring against Enforcer, and discovering that not all underwear models are “just” underwear models.

All of these BG East-inspired fantasies have been dovetailing into some really exciting works that AR and I are doing, similarly finding angles and wrestlers that would otherwise just not find their way in front of a BG East camera for real, but who, nevertheless, make for sensationally sexy homoerotic wrestling fantasies in our imaginations. More on that to come soon, I hope!

Twink Heels

I was chatting with a friend about heels recently, and we were extolling the charms of a twink heel. Now, as soon as I broach this topic here, I brace myself for controversies over the definitions of heels (and twinks, for that matter). Just for context, let me say that I’m approaching heels in terms of wrestlers who are viciously sadistic, taking pleasure in the pain and humiliation of their opponents. A heel, to me, is a wrestler who doesn’t so much break the rules as makes his own rules that, coincidentally, typically contradict the commonly accepted standards of fair play and sportsmanship. In 2022, I feel like we’ve transcended the old characterizations of “villains,” because, let’s face it, sometimes we cheer louder for the sensational villains that the so-called heroes. The wrestlers I count as heels don’t have to always be heels. They don’t have to always win. In the transient world of homoerotic wrestling, hunks inhabit multiple characters and storylines all the time. But for at least one brief, shining moment, if they’ve been a heel, I’m counting them.

Then there’s the potential debate over what constitutes a twink. Since this is my blog, and I’m relating my conversation with my friend, let me share my take on the subject. I think of twinks as pretty, perhaps even of delicate features. They can range from downright skinny to “swimmer’s build”-fit, but aren’t heavily muscled. If a fight breaks out, you might not expect a twink to step up because they wouldn’t want to bruise their beautiful faces, and there’s probably a bigger, stronger stud nearby who’d get the job done more efficiently.

I love the idea of the combination of the two: the twink heel. Delicate, pretty, slight of build, and a viciously sadistic, fuck-the-rules, delightfully nasty son-of-a-bitch. After waxing poetic about the abstract allure of a twink heel, we were then struck with how difficult it was to come up with a robust list of them. We settled on John Wolfboy as a potential twink heel we like who’s currently wrestling. I suggested back in the day, I’d include Scott “Dark” Rogers, and even Brigham Bell (like when he fucked over Troy Baker sooooo sweetly). Who else, though? I’m sending up incense and a prayer to the homoerotic wrestling gods for some more sensational twink heels to come our way!

Have You Heard?

I received a DM late last night asking me if knew some point of contact with the classic BG East wrestler Nick Archer. Quick answer: no, sadly. I’d love to know what Nick is up to, and if he still puts his incredible arsenal of submission holds to good use. So damn handsome. So fucking hot!

Nick Archer

It’s not uncommon that I get this type of question. I assume it’s because you all know that I’m a self-avowed low-impact stalker. I’ve spent an unreasonable amount of time in my life obsessively combing the internet for updates and clues to know more about the gorgeous hunks I lust over. I’ve also enjoyed the privilege of conducting interviews with wrestlers over the years, and it’s also true that I’ve had the amazing privilege to get to meet in-person several of the wrestling studs who step into the ring for our pleasure. I’m honored to even call a few of them friends! So, you’d be forgiven if you overestimate my behind-the-scenes, insider access to information about homoerotic wrestling stars.

Friend of the blog and the blogger, Drake Marcos

However, sometimes current and former wrestlers read these pages, and even respond in the comments or reach out to follow up by email. In case Nick Archer’s eyes ever fall on these words, I hope he knows that there’s an army of homoerotic wrestling fans who wish him well, and we’d all be delighted if he’d drop a comment to let us know he’s well.

Sal Bruno has found memories of Ken Canada!

Sal Bruno reached out to be my email a couple of weeks ago, after he recently read my interview from several years ago with Ken Canada. Sal says reading Ken’s reminisces brought back good memories for him, mostly of pounding the perkiness out of adorably sexy jobbers like Ken. I’ve lost my direct connection to Ken, but in case he’s reading this, drop me a note, buddy, and I’ll be happy to get you back in touch with Sal!

Troy Baker haunts our homoerotic wresting dreams!

There are recurring subjects of “have you heard from” messages I receive. I get hit up at least 2 or 3 times a year with questions about Troy Baker. Trust me, I get it! Troy’s monster quads show up often in my fondest wrestling fantasies. The only intel I have on Troy came from the Boss, who once told me that Troy left the world of homoerotic wrestling on good terms, but an old hockey injury knocked him out of competition. In case Troy ever reads these words, I’d like to suggest that he consider sending up a flag to a whole lot of us fierce fans, and I’d bet he’d rake in some cash with a OF glimpse of himself!

Text Me, Sexy Alexi!

Some other common questions I field focus on babyface heroes like Brad Rochelle, Alexi Adamov, Chris Bruce, Mr. Joshua Goodman… I don’t have any lines of communications with those guys, either, but just listing their names here leaves me with all sorts of feels. I will always, ALWAYS be thrilled to hear from any of them, and pass along the passionate appreciation their fans have for them still!

Need a kidney?

Of course, I have my own personal wish list of wrestlers I’d love to have a direct line to. Kid Vicious has teased me cruelly over the years (because… he’s Kid Vicious!) about the possibility of an actual sit-down, full-on interview. Sadly, that’s never happened, and he hasn’t even teased me with the possibility of it in a couple of years. I’ve heard various rumors that he’s retired from active wrestling, or not… that he now lives full-time in the UK, or not… that he actively trains new BG East recruits, or not…. He’s been edging me ruthlessly for years, so I can only imagine how hard I’d pop if I ever actually landed that interview. I’ve got SO many questions. And I’d donate a kidney to get to see one of those training sessions!

Feel free to send me your “where are they now” questions, though I don’t promise to have the answers. But I’ll be happy to put out the call to the ether, and hope that our favorite homoerotic wrestling hunks might just read, and respond, to the passionate appreciation of their fans!