Fresh Meat in the Morning

I’m predictable, I know. Having documented my obsession with Chris Cuomo’s exit from Good Morning America, I’ve illustrated clearly that I watch my morning news for eye candy. That’s why the dramatic news that CBS is dumping pretty much their entire weekday morning on air folks caught my attention. Whom they’re tapping to fill the seats is sparking my imagination, suggesting the possibility I may finally find a new morning news home.

Replacing Harry Smith with Chris Wragge is a no-brainer. I’ve just never found Harry a turn on. Perhaps he’s a wildcat in the sack. Maybe he even enjoys some boots and trunks homoerotic wrestling matches in his spare time. But on-air in the morning, I’ve got nothing for him. 6’3″ blond pretty boy Chris Wragge, on the other hand, makes me sit up and take notice. Another 6’3″ newsboy named Chris to lust after? Holy hell, this is tailored made for me. He can have a bit of an unattractive pursed look about him at times, but he looks delightful in a tuxedo (who doesn’t really?). The way he carries himself just makes me think “sex,” just like it makes me think that he’s a big, beautiful golden boy who’s managed to have life handed to him because he’s pretty. I smell a fictional wrestling character emerging…

Bingo! Oiled up and shirtless on the beach, Chris looks like he’s packing enough perhaps to even give my other newsboy Chris-crush a run for his money. Sensing something inevitably on the horizon? I am.

The boobulous Swedish swimsuit model and ex-wife aside, I think Chris has plenty to offer my raging homoerotic wrestling imagination. This could work. This could definitely work.

But wait! There’s more! New newsreader Jeff Glor has absolutely caught my attention on the weekend news round-up for CBS (as recently as last weekend). He’s got a fantastic boy-wonder potential about him. I don’t know much about him. Can’t find anyone speculating about his height, for example. He’s apparently married with a child, but I’ve already promptly written those details out of my caricature of him. He does have a sexy voice with an odd (in a make-me-hot-and-bothered way) inflection that sort of sounds like someone who’s overcome a lisp or some other impediment. He just looks like such a clean cut slice of white bread, I’m profoundly excited about the possibilities of his showing up as Chris Wragge’s sidekick.

Producer’s are expecting the new CBS morning team to make their audience grow, and I know one audience member who is already doing so. I will be tuning in to CBS’ The Early Show, and Chris and Jeff will, most definitely, be making an appearance in a fictional homoerotic wrestling match near you. Other newsboys should consider themselves on notice!

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