Picking Up the Remote… Again

What the fuck? Sorry about my crass language, but again: what the fuck? Less than a year after the morning “news” landscape brightened considerably with the installment of a blond and blue eyed, 6’3″ hunk with powerful arms and big, beautiful pecs behind the anchor desk of The Early Show, latest scoop is that Chris Wragge is out.

Despite his shirtless appearance training for the triathalon, Wragge gets dunked.

This isn’t sending me into the spiral of despair and existential angst that Good Morning, America’s decision to turn their backs on Chris Cuomo did.  There’s a definite hierarchy in my lustful fanaticism for my morning cup of Chris, and Wragge comes in second place behind a certain curly headed Italian with a fondness for fishing shirtless.

Chris Cuomo illustrates while he’s still the hottest newsman getting no respect.

However, the rumor is that CBS has decided to replace Wragge with Charlie Rose and Gayle King.

What. The. Fuck?

And now I return to my primary question of the day: what the fuck!? Now, some toothy, nerdy hunkiness from adorable lisper Jeff Glor, and the sincerity of even nerdier West Coast blond pretty boy correspondent Ben Tracey are legitimately entertaining side shows. But replace the sheer hunky sexual magnetism of Chris Wragge with either Charlie Rose or Gayle King and the message couldn’t be clearer.

Totally hot back-up singer, but I don’t think Jeff Glor can be the headline attraction for this audience of one.

I am NOT the demographic that CBS is aiming for. I suppose it’s back to Good Morning, America to relive 18 year old fantasies of meeting George Stephanopoulos in a wrestling ring. Then again, there are rumors that the gorgeous diminutive Greek may be on the way out as well! But of course there’s the tragically rare treat of seeing Chris Cuomo doing a guest bit as “legal analyst”on GMA, though it seems like he and Dan Abrams are due for a no-holds-barred loser-leaves-town beat down to once and for all settle whose legal briefs are on top at ABC.

Dan Abrams has both attracted and repelled me ever since O.J. introduced him to the world.

There is clearly no shortage of hunky newsmen who could give drowsy heads a welcome dose of adrenaline in the mornings. The obstinate refusal of the news outlets to dangle some tasty meat to get our hearts pumping is making me contemplate switching to HGTV for my morning devotions. Sure, maybe I won’t be as well informed about world events (though let’s not overestimate the morning news programs for their capacity to accomplish that), but at least I’ll be happy and eager to wake up again.

Year in Review – Favorite Moment #5

If you were tracking my musings this time last year, you may remember that I did my own “best of 2009” countdown. I’m reprising the tradition as I reflect back on another year of finding a ridiculous quantity of things to say about beautiful men, wrestling, and especially beautiful men wrestling.

Again, if you were tracking my musings this time last year, you may also remember my bitterness at the end of 2009 as a result of Italian adonis newsboy Chris Cuomo getting shafted (linger on that image a moment…) and yanked off of my morning television into the oblivion that is 20/20… or is it 60 minutes… or Dateline…. one of those news programs that I have far too much of a life to be watching on a weekend evening.
To kick off my 5 most favorite moments of 2010, I’m reflecting with deep appreciation on the new crop of news hunks that the networks are now beginning to harvest. I was sure it was going to happen, but it seemed like an eternity before hot new meat popped up to catch my eye in the morning news. When Matt Gutman showed up on ABC covering the oil spill in the gulf, suddenly the morning news grabbed my attention like it hadn’t managed to do since Chris’ exile.

So my discovery of Matt is the “moment” I’m appreciating, but I’m also happy to have seen plenty more of Matt on the oil soaked beaches of the gulf, and then covering the tornado ravaged Southeast, and more recently in harms way as Haiti rioted. I’m pulling for Matt to get a desk job soon, so that he can be a more regular fixture of lust and we can see those dimples up close. As long as he continues to keep his shirt unbuttoned to give us a glimpse of that hot, hairy chest, he will remain my favorite new fantasyman from the world of journalism.

Matt’s debut in my homoerotic wrestling fiction (it was inevitable) was at first glance, perhaps, inauspicious. He submitted to David Muir in a Mexican Ceiling hold variation, despite the ringside encouragement of his mentor, Chris Cuomo.

When Chris’ nemesis, Carter Evans dives into the ring looking like he’s eager to take a bite out of the beaten rookie post-match, Chris intervenes in defense of his protegé. Matt cements himself as an anti-hero object of my lust by Pearl Harboring his now-former mentor and double-teaming the Italian Stallion with his new BFF, Carter. I expect to see more of all parties involved showing up in my homoerotic wrestling imagination in 2011, needless to say.

And I’m delighted to add that there are a bevy of newsboys ready to join them. A real life shake up at CBS’ The Early Show has catapulted Chris Wragge and Jeff Glor into my sights. I’ve also been taken with the appearance of CBS newsboys on the rise like Ben Tracy and Whit Johnson.

And did you see that Thomas Roberts is clawing his way up the ladder, now over at MSNBC? True fans will remember Thomas made a delightful debut in some of my very earliest wrestling fiction posts, including taking his tag team partner, Rob Marciano, by surprise in singles competition, illustrating that Thomas is a wrestling kinkster and erotic sadist in his own right (welcome to the family, Thomas!).

Indeed, Matt Gutman broke a bitter drought for me in newsboy infatuations, completely earning him my #5 most favorite moment in blogging in 2010. As the new year approaches, I’m toasting to Matt’s good health, unbuttoned shirts, muscled arms, and a lively News Division in 2011!

Fresh Meat in the Morning

I’m predictable, I know. Having documented my obsession with Chris Cuomo’s exit from Good Morning America, I’ve illustrated clearly that I watch my morning news for eye candy. That’s why the dramatic news that CBS is dumping pretty much their entire weekday morning on air folks caught my attention. Whom they’re tapping to fill the seats is sparking my imagination, suggesting the possibility I may finally find a new morning news home.

Replacing Harry Smith with Chris Wragge is a no-brainer. I’ve just never found Harry a turn on. Perhaps he’s a wildcat in the sack. Maybe he even enjoys some boots and trunks homoerotic wrestling matches in his spare time. But on-air in the morning, I’ve got nothing for him. 6’3″ blond pretty boy Chris Wragge, on the other hand, makes me sit up and take notice. Another 6’3″ newsboy named Chris to lust after? Holy hell, this is tailored made for me. He can have a bit of an unattractive pursed look about him at times, but he looks delightful in a tuxedo (who doesn’t really?). The way he carries himself just makes me think “sex,” just like it makes me think that he’s a big, beautiful golden boy who’s managed to have life handed to him because he’s pretty. I smell a fictional wrestling character emerging…

Bingo! Oiled up and shirtless on the beach, Chris looks like he’s packing enough perhaps to even give my other newsboy Chris-crush a run for his money. Sensing something inevitably on the horizon? I am.

The boobulous Swedish swimsuit model and ex-wife aside, I think Chris has plenty to offer my raging homoerotic wrestling imagination. This could work. This could definitely work.

But wait! There’s more! New newsreader Jeff Glor has absolutely caught my attention on the weekend news round-up for CBS (as recently as last weekend). He’s got a fantastic boy-wonder potential about him. I don’t know much about him. Can’t find anyone speculating about his height, for example. He’s apparently married with a child, but I’ve already promptly written those details out of my caricature of him. He does have a sexy voice with an odd (in a make-me-hot-and-bothered way) inflection that sort of sounds like someone who’s overcome a lisp or some other impediment. He just looks like such a clean cut slice of white bread, I’m profoundly excited about the possibilities of his showing up as Chris Wragge’s sidekick.

Producer’s are expecting the new CBS morning team to make their audience grow, and I know one audience member who is already doing so. I will be tuning in to CBS’ The Early Show, and Chris and Jeff will, most definitely, be making an appearance in a fictional homoerotic wrestling match near you. Other newsboys should consider themselves on notice!