Control Myself

So this post has nothing to do with wrestling. But it could.

These images of Maroon 5 singer Adam Levine posing sans clothes for British Cosmo’s promotion of guys checking their baubles for cancer are washing up on almost every website I browse on a regular basis. I’ve had a crush on Levine for a while, even having never seen him with anything less than a crisp white v-neck t-shirt. This priceless gift answers the age old question of what my true love gave to me on the 14th day of Christmas (which before some smart ass corrects me, let me just clarify that I know that the 14th day of Christmas would technically be the second day of Epiphany… just let me try to be funny, why don’t you!). On the 14th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me almost every inch of Adam Levine’s hot body that I can handle (which, I suppose, makes SquareHippies my true love, despite me not being one of his husbands).

I suppose that I ought to have more to say about this, other than how much I’m enjoying ogling Adam’s smokin’ hot body. The tats, the coiffed but expansive body hair, the hot pecs with tasty looking nips… okay, sure, I could totally spend some time in the vaults of my imagination drafting a sweaty, homoerotic wrestling match for Adam to star in. He’d end up with exactly this amount of clothing, but the hands grabbing hold of his cancer-free balls would not have long, painted nails. They’d be thick, strong hands clawing at the pretty boy’s vulnerability, perhaps picking him off of his feet with crotch in claw and racking him across some powerful, broad shoulders attached to the muscular arms attached to the thick, strong hands.

Seriously, though, check your junk boys. Know their shape and size with the intimacy born of handling them often and lovingly, so that any lumps or abnormalities that develop, you’ll recognize something is up. And in case the newly crowned title holder as my favorite homoerotic wrestler – nonpornboy division, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!) needs a hand with his testicular examination (which would be entirely understandable, giving the size of that task!), I am first in line. Indeed, his health means that much to me.

4 thoughts on “Control Myself

  1. I was delighted to see the pic of BG and BG East's Sailor Rob illustrating the blurb on junk checking ala Mr. Joshua, but much as I enjoy seeing this great erotic wrestler of the 1980s again, wonder why he's there. Can you guide me on this?

  2. I wish I had a profound answer, but really he's there as a blunt illustration of my encouragement that we all take our testicles in hand. I realize that Sailor Rob wasn't likely giving himself a testicular exam in this shot, but for some reason it seemed to get the point across in my mind (though clearly not to everyone else!).

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