I’m late on selecting a homoerotic wrestler of the month! So let me slice through the preliminaries quickly. The nominees who turned my crank in June new releases are: Jake Jenkins, Jayden Mayne, Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you!), Christopher Bruce, Denny Cartier, Joah Bindao, Austin Cooper, Patrick Donovan, Skip Vance, Kid Karisma, Cage Thunder, Lightning Rod, Stinger, Jonny Firestorm, Mitch Colby, Joe Robbins, Morgan Cruise, Diego Diaz, Chace LaChance, Eli Black, Jason Kane, Ethan Andrews, Josh Steel, Steel Muscle God.

The field is full of former HOTM and overall favorite title holders, so you know that there are more than a handful of obvious front runners. Now that I have internet access again, rest assured you’ll be hearing my justifications for most of these nominees in detail in the coming weeks. But I’m tardy for the task of giving the nod to just one dish from this mouthwatering buffet of beef and brawn, so without further ado, my pick for the new homoerotic wrestler of the month is…

Okay, so this isn’t “just one.” And I can name a few readers who are instantly hating on me for my pick. First of all, Cage Thunder recently chastised me on Facebook for having never tapped him for the title. Some will cry unfair lobbying, to which I reply, yet again, there’s nothing “fair” (or “balanced” for that matter) about my tastes. It’s not the first time I’ve been thrilled to reward blatant self-promotion, and knowing that Cage Thunder wants it from me could easily make it that much more fun to tease him by withholding it, even when he’s earned it. But there’s no doubt about it, he’s earned it and I’m thrilled to give it to him (so to speak). I’m also painfully aware that there are plenty of us who can’t get enough of the pretty, baby face muscle boys (including me, 7 days out of 10), and those words do not describe either Cage Thunder or Lightning Rod. Hot as hell? Yes. Gorgeous bodies paired with brilliant, full-on explicit homoeroticism? Absolutely. But pretty? Not a shred of it. Baby face? Never for an instant. Muscle boys? Doesn’t quite capture it.  Turned my crank the hardest with all four of their expert hands? Unquestionably!

Lightning Rod and Cage Thunder can’t quite believe Stinger is ready to wrestle them both.

Regular readers are aware that I’m terrible about discussing spoilers without a shred of forewarning or shame. So let me just say up front that anyone who doesn’t want to know the unmasked identities of anyone in BG East’s Masked Mayhem 9, stop reading here and don’t look at any further photos below. I respect your desire to continue in suspense if you haven’t seen the match yet. You know I’m all about the drama! But I’m certain that I’m likely about to bust right through the curtain and if you haven’t already recognized Stinger and Lightning Rod from the promotional pics, you’ll likely figure it out soon enough if you keep reading.

Stinger trapped in the unfriendliest of unfriendly territories.

This is only the second time in the history of the HOTM title that I’ve felt forced to select co-honorees.  The first time this happened, I felt compelled to select both Mitch Colby and Brook Stetson in BG East’s Sunshine Shooters 4 because of the way their sweat and power blended and pulsed as one mass of gorgeous mat muscle. There was just no way for me to disentangle which of them was the one shoving me over the edge. My rationale is similar this time around, but now it’s tag team partners Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod teaming up at such a perfectly matched pace that they’re working me into a lather as one, awesome, homoerotic wrestling machine!

What the hell was this kid thinking?!

Their opponent is all by himself, desperate to redeem himself from some unmasked humiliation he’s suffered in the BG East ring and on the mats in the past. Stinger’s tag team partner has, reportedly, left him high and dry. Personally, the spoiled, beautiful youth storyline is so achingly perfect I suspect that The Boss may have had a hand in Stinger’s abandonment. And like the eager young face he is, he quickly slaps away Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod’s skepticism that he can continue solo. His baseball biceps are pumped. His lovely pecs are primed. He’s ripped to an astonishingly lean fighting trim, and he’s got all the bluster and fool hearty confidence of some superhero’s sidekick striking out to make a name on his own.

One perfectly tuned homoerotic wrestling machine!

Enter the perfectly oiled (I wish) machine that is my homoerotic wrestler(s) of the month. Lightning Rod is unmistakable to regular BG East fans. That body, the humorless, sexy-steely gaze, and, once almost all is said and done, that epically gorgeous cock (whose praises were sung in The Boss’ interview with Joe a while back) can belong to only one master heel. Cage Thunder is also well known to BG East followers, but as to his secret identity, I have no insights. However his body is lean and powerful; his swelling cock struggles to escape his trunks almost from the beginning of the match; and his mastery of babyface bashing is rivaled only by perhaps 2 or 3 BG East legends that I can name.

Between a rock and a hard place

What do you get when you pair two legendary master heels in masks against a paragon of youth, beauty, and completely outmatched enthusiasm? Well, I don’t know what you get, but I get off, repeatedly, and as soon as I can rehydrate, again and again. They play with Stinger like two cats toying with a mouse. It’s slowly sadistic. The eroticism builds like a two-page crescendo. Individually, they keep Stinger off balance and battered. The young hero manages some offense, but like the tide, there’s nothing that’s going to turn back the onslaught of these heel partners.

Stinger’s stinger seems to appreciate his double-team agony!

When they unmask Stinger, it’s little surprise to see the ridiculously juvenile face howling in anguish underneath. His body is so idiosyncratic and unforgettable, if you’ve seen Stinger wrestle unmasked, you saw this coming. But the depths of viciousness that my joint homoerotic wrestlers of the month delve into, especially after the unmasking, takes my breath away. This match becomes a masterpiece when Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod are double-teaming the little Stinger. Like one, two-headed wrestling monster, they crush and pummel, slam and squeeze the withering, unmasked young hunk with four-handed holds that boggle the mind. My favorite by far is Stinger draped backward across the turnbuckle, Lightning Rod nearly ripping his head off by hanging on Stinger’s neck from behind, and Cage Thunder instantly yanking down the babyface’s trunks and slapping the little stinger to life until the battered young hunk’s cock is raging in Cage’s hands.

His mouth says no, but his swelling cock screams, “Yes!”

Like the experts they are, my homoerotic wrestlers of the month draw a straight line between masked pro wrestling and explicit, wad-blowing homoeroticism. The pleasure of dishing out body and soul-crushing domination works both of them into a doubly explosive finish, baptizing the naked babyface, knocked out cold in the center of the ring, with two showers of victorious ecstasy.  Hot from the start and downright incendiary near the end, Cage Thunder and Lightning Rod are unquestionably my homoerotic wrestlers of the month!

Teamwork!