I’m instantly enthralled with a man with legs long enough to climb into the ring by stepping over the top rope. There’s just something intensely intimidating and profoundly sexy about that over the top ring mount! It takes a seriously long-legged hunk of man to pull that off, and the word “giant” instantly pops into my head whenever I see it. Pair that pair of incredibly long legs with a washboard stomach, luxuriously meaty pecs, the wingspan of an Boeing Dreamliner and a booming, baritone, evil laugh, and I’m at full attention for none other than BG East’s Diego Diaz.
I’ve been buying anything and everything Diego has been selling since the moment he showed up at BG East. I have no idea how Diego fits into the pantheon of wrestling archetypes. Although he’s taken some epic beatings, there’s no way in hell to mistake him for a jobber. He’s a stunningly gorgeous specimen of a man with a strong penchant for excusing his obliteration of lesser opponents as righteously justified by his superior skill and strength, but I think he just enjoys making another man suffer a little too much to call him a babyface. But then again, I’m not sure he enjoys it nearly enough, nor is he quick enough on the draw for underhandedness, to qualify as an archetypal heel. What is he? He’s fucking-Diego-Diaz, kids, and you better put on your big boy undies because he cannot wait to separate the men from the boys!
And was there ever a more boyishly beautiful jobber on the planet than tasty morsel Rio Garza!? The genius of the Diaz v Garza pairing in Fantasymen 35 makes me gasp a little. The Brazilian skyscraper versus the Mexican fitness model champion!? Latino hunk versus Latino hunk!? Playground bully versus the protypical muscleboy!? Not an exaggeration: I was cruising at top speed less than 30 seconds into this match.
The string bikini trunks on Rio are mesmerizing. I could stare at beautiful Rio for days on end, mind you, but there’s an unmistakable value-added in his ring gear for Fantasymen 35. His mouthwatering ass quite possibly may have never looked as juicy, and there’s a perfect fit of tightness and room to swing in the pouch of those flaming hot red briefs. Cute as the proverbial button, flexing his award winning physique for the mirror, and making his pecs bounce, however, have never amounted to being an intimidating ring presence for Rio. Despite an initial flurry of offense that knocks the sneering Brazilian stud on his ass, it’s not long at all before Diego pins the Mexican coverboy by the throat into a corner by his mile-and-a-half long leg and size 17 and a half boot. “This is no place for a kid, you know what I’m saying!?” Diego growls like a tiger.
Elbow drops, stomps, and long, lingering trampling drive Diego’s point home over and over in the opening minutes of this match: Rio is looking like he’s in way, way over his head against the giant. I’m so completely aroused by the moment that Diego is so obviously tickled at the sight of the fitness star crawling on his hands and knees to get to the ropes to try to reach his feet again. Diego’s laugh is deep and full and so fucking sexy as he taunts the golden muscleman who’s already seeing stars about 3 minutes in. When he mounts Rio’s back, sits on those insanely fuckable glutes that Rio has, and leans back in a camel clutch, Diego’s incredible reach is stunning. When he wraps his humungous hands around Rio’s throat to not only threaten to break the boy’s back but choke him along the way, the fitness model champ coughs out the first fall submission. “What did I tell you, huh?” Diego asks rhetorically, standing up and kissing his own biceps victoriously.
Rio has been getting his fine, fine ass handed to him from coast to coast for several years now, so it should not come as too much of a surprise to see that the beautiful muscleboy has learned a few tricks along the way. Although he spends ages in transit sprinting back and forth helplessly pounded from corner to corner, he turns the tables by capturing his devastating opponent between his legs. Personally, I’d hand the Brazilian my firstborn to trade places right there, and I assure you there’d be no way in hell my hand wouldn’t be sliding up those golden thighs and underneath those red bikini trunks to feel that taut muscle ass mid-flex. Rio’s aesthetically perfect proportions can disguise the fact that he sports fantastically meaty, thick thighs that can make a long, lean Brazilian wail like a wounded animal caught in a trap. The look of concentration on Rio’s boyishly handsome face is breathtaking. His lovely pecs glisten with sweat. He bears down, and Diego’s knees buckle. Holy shit this is sexy!
Rio’s got more offense to show for himself, mind you. His full nelson on the towering Brazilian is astonishingly hot. The coverboy leans back, resting Diego’s ass against Rio’s crotch and making the shaggy-headed giant howl. Rio looks pissed. Seriously pissed. Like, pissed enough that I almost believe that his epic run as anyone and everyone’s jobber could be over because he’s had enough and he’s not going to fucking take it anymore.
Perhaps Rio should have reached his boiling point against someone less devastating, less overpowering, and more impressed with his credentials as a fitness model superstar. As is so often the case, the achingly pretty muscleboy cannot close the deal, and instead finds himself nearly sliced in half between the internal-organ-rearranging scissors of the Brazilian hedge clipper. Okay, I’m taking my firstborn back from Diego and handing him to Rio, because if I’m living the fantasy of trading places with someone here, it’s Diego’s sweaty thighs that I want to feel wrapped around me. Holy fuck, he manhandles Rio like a freshman, flopping the muscle stud back and forth as Rio leaves pools of sweat (and tears) behind him on the mats.
So perhaps my earlier point about Diego not being sadistic and underhanded enough to clearly qualify as a heel needs reconsidering, because just as gorgeous Rio is wilting, Diego drags his golden muscles across the ring and proceeds to torture the Mexican muscleboy in the ropes. Choked in the ropes, spine rearranged in a series of neckbreakers, and a lusciously intimate sleeper tied up nice and tight inside the luxuriously long right leg of the Brazilian brute… Diego doesn’t need to do any of it. He’s just schooling the little kid in the dangers of playing with the big boys.
Rio’s recurring, real-life nightmare plays itself out once again as his mouthwatering, award winning physique is battered and brutalized, as all of his picture perfect muscles are broken and owned, and he experiences that all-too-familiar sensation of his dignity being stripped as another charging bull beats him into the dust. “You want pain?!” Diego asks rhetorically when Diego refuses to give up on command. “You’ll have the pain!” What the hell is Rio thinking, showing up at BG East for his 16th match after being ground down, gorgeous muscle by gorgeous muscle, again and again?! What could motivate a goldenboy who apparently owns the competitive fitness model scene to tempt fate once more and place that beautiful body in the path of another raging wrestler?! I honestly can’t tell you… however… I swear to god there’s something new in this match that catches my eye, right around the time that Rio is helplessly suspended in Diego’s hangman, and that bouncing, quivering pouch of the Mexican muscleboy swells just a bit.
“Look at you,” Diego’s rumbling laugh returns as he watches Rio try to peel his soaked torso off the mat and defend himself. “So sad to see. Where’s that guy with all the poses?” Diego taunts. “You’re just crawling back for more…” This opening match on Fantasymen 35 just keeps coming back for more, more muscle, more beauty, more Latino swagger and ego, more agony, maybe just a little more ecstasy, and more fantastic physiques put to their most perfect use: hot, sweaty, homoerotic ring wrestling!