Jonny Firestorm is coming on way, way strong as 2013 comes to a close and 2014 begins. For one thing, the notorious heel unveiled a newly minted physique a few months ago, and its chiseled out of marble by the loving hand of a homoerotic master sculptor. Jonny also launched his own website in 2013, and I know for a fact that he’s pleasing customers left and right for those looking for a full service Jonny fix. Jonny has some of the most fanatical followers I’ve ever met, for whom no matter how dastardly and vicious, no matter how brutal and bullying, no matter how cruelly and underhandedly he punishes an opponent (hell, BECAUSE of all of those things), Jonny Firestorm can do no wrong. Personally, I think 2014 should be the year that Jonny gets passionately muscle worshipped by one crushed and awed opponent after another. From Jonny’s year-end greeting card he sent neverland, it looks like he’s planning on there being a long, long line of crushed, awed, and fully owned wrestlers kneeling in subjugation at his feet.

Just flash that devastatingly handsome smile and flex those insanely roped arms, and I have no doubt you’ll have plenty loyal subjects on their knees, Jonny! For that matter, if the king needs a personal valet to groom, dress, and primp that royal bod, consider me first in line for the job! And it’s so nice to see neverland up on your computer there, over your shoulder! It’s an honor, and just a little intimidating, to know the king is watching.