My heart raced the moment I saw the news that Joe Mazetti is starring in The Comeback 2 in BG East’s newest catalog. I fell so hard for Joe way back when I purchased my very first BG East DVD, Fantasymen 18. It was one of those situations where I purchased the DVD thinking that the match pitting Joe against Derek D’Amore ranked last among the contests that I thought I wanted to see most from the collection, but then it turned out to be tied for 1st when it comes to the bouts from that DVD that I return to over and over again.
There’s a strong element of barely contained rage in Joe as a pro wrestler. It’s like he’s Bruce Banner on the edge of hulking out, but honestly, Joe always looks like the Incredible Hulk, whether he’s philosophizing or raging. Returning to the ring after an absence of somewhere around a decade, Joe is every inch as wad blowingly sexy as he ever was. Fuck, please, I’ll pay a mint for a bottle of baby oil and Joe’s outstanding fantasy physique in hand for a couple of hours. But these days, Joe says he’s mellowed. All those sensationally sexy muscle is now paired with maturity and patience. With age has come wisdom, and he’s much more the philosopher than the impulsive ring heel he was back when.
He’s nearly fawning over big, beautiful, blond beefcake Biff Farrell when he climbs into the ring. Hearing the compliments roll off Joe’s tongue is both surprising (knowing what a bulldozer heel he used to be) and sensationally arousing. I’d love to hear more homoerotic wrestling stars show some well earned adoration for their opponent’s fabulous physiques. The sportsmanly tone draws the blond rookie right in, and Biff gives credit where it’s so aptly due, admiring Joe’s incredibly fit muscles. I keep waiting, any second, for Joe to jump his juicy young opponent from behind, to punch him in the testicles, to rake him across the eyes. But no, the thick, thick coat of humility and sincere compliments he’s laying down persists. It’s the kinder, gentler, but not an ounce less massively muscled beautifully built Joe Mazetti who agrees that Biff’s body is such a close match to his in size and fitness that they really ought to arm wrestle to check out whose biceps pack the bigger punch.
Joe loses, and I’m breathlessly waiting for his legendary short fuse to light. But holy shit. No, Joe is downright self-deprecating! Sure, he says he thinks that he may have been in a bad position, but even behind the rationalization for his loss, Joe reasserts repeatedly that Biff absolutely gets full credit for besting him. Credit where credit’s due, Joe insists. Still, Biff offers to go 2 out of 3, just to make sure Joe feels like he’s got a fair shot at an honest muscle versus muscle showdown. They’re so incredibly respectful! I expect this from a naive, muscle head youngster like luscious Biff. But never would I have expected to be this far past pushing the play button and have yet to see Joe Mazetti go ape shit all over an opponent.
I’m just settling in to appreciate this new reality. Would we call this a “face-turn?” They lock hands again and bear down. Joe’s quickly got the momentum going over the top, but holy shit, like a machine, Biff stops him inches from victory and second by second fights his way back to neutral. Joe can’t believe it. I mean, really, he can’t believe it. As Biff suddenly overpowers him, slamming his arm down, Joe swears that the blue-eyed rookie cheated. Before any discussion of the more esoteric rules of arm wrestling can be discussed, Joe’s fuse gets lit and the bomb goes off in an instant. He clotheslines the unsuspecting babyface beefcake. “Look what you made me do!” Joe screams at Biff, writhing at his feet.
It’s like not a minute has passed since we last saw Joe demonstrate the very definition of kicking ass. Fascinatingly, Joe tries to talk himself down, even as he brutalizes big Biff viciously. He doesn’t want to be that vile, ill-tempered, underhanded heel anymore. He wants to win fair and square, he argues as he kicks his opponent when he’s down. Biff is fucked but good, as Joe rides the wave of momentum he’s built out of pure instinct. All things being equal, he could put poor, bulging, beautiful Biff out for good at any moment.
But he doesn’t. He stops himself, swearing that if ever he’s going to be anything other than the vile, brawling heel of his youth, it’s got to start now. He gives Biff a hand up off the mat. I’m thinking Biff’s about to get sucker punched in the balls when he accepts the offer. Frankly, I’m pretty sure Biff is half prepared for just that sort of treatment he’s learned to expect from BG East heels. “Are you sure?” Biff asks if Joe’s sincerely ready to turn over a new leaf, as he slowly reaches his feet, shaking away the wobblies left over from getting his bell rung repeatedly.
And then Biff sucker punches one of the most devastating ring heels in BG East history! I’m sure I’m not the only one to wonder if gorgeous Biff is destined to be anything other than heel bait. Well, watching him not just level the playing field but ride his ill-begotten advantage out for days illustrates a whole new side of Biff that I for one am thrilled beyond words to be introduced to. He manhandles Joe. Let me just repeat that. Biff Farrell manhandles Joe Mazetti. Let that sink in just a bit, as I replay the incredibly hot scenes in my head of Biff making the veteran scream, his head trapped between Biff’s humungous thighs, while the rookie laughs in open faced delight at completely taking advantage of his stunned opponent.
This is a sensationally competitive match before all is said and done. I’m left guessing to the very end who’s still got fuel in the tanks and a will to stomp away the last vestiges of good will, mutual respect, and an honest interest in straight up wrestling competition. I’ve never seen big, bad Joe more vulnerable. I’ve never witnessed blue-eyed Biff more vicious. But watching both beautiful boys work up thick coat of sweat on their way to beating the living fuck out of each other, I’m breathless with anticipation of which handsome hunk will leave the other laid out cold in the middle of the ring.
I was chatting with one of my sounding boards this weekend about this very match, and we bandied about the question of which is inherently the sexier scenario: the seasoned veteran who puts the rising young hunk in his place, or the “pretty muscleboy who beats up big, burly daddy” (my sounding board’s words)? You know it’s a cruel universe when we have to choose between those two fabulous fantasies. The Comeback 2 gives us a tantalizing taste of both, but this is homoerotic pro. It’s not as if there’s any chance that this will end in a draw. It’s not as if these two perfectly matched beasts will so impress one another that they’ll just shake hands and join forces to own tag team wrestling in perpetuity (they would). As evenly matched, as fantastically fully formed these two wrestling characters are in service to a sensationally suspenseful, ego raging, muscle ripping narrative, only one of these homoerotic wrestling fantasies finally plays out here.
And I’m breathlessly waiting to see if Biff can bring this intensity and hunger to the ring again. And I’m nothing short of gagging for seeing more of Joe Mazetti, a little older, a little wiser, and, if anything, about 20 times sexier (by my subjective calculations) for the rounded edges and eye on his own legacy that’s motivated one of the most exciting comeback’s in homoerotic wrestling history (by my estimation).