Sidelineland

Hey again, homoerotic wrestling fans! This is Bard, the author of the blog Sidelineland, and most recently, I’ve also been working on this limited release podcast, Sidelineland Sounds, where I serve as host, producer, audio engineer, tech support, marketing director, and head of research. And, of course, by head of research, I mean I’m the guy devotedly watching hours and hours of homoerotic wrestling videos in order to sample some choice clips to illustrate what turns me on about the sounds of hot wrestling action. In episode 2, I took a meandering stroll through the topic of trash talk, where I focused on the taunts and insults of wrestlers when they’re confident, riding high, playing the intimidation game. In that episode, we listened to the verbal attacks of sexy wrestlers on offense. Today, I’m switching the focus to the other side of the equation, turning up the volume on what I find hot about the sounds of suffering.

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

To start with, I wanted to just share a quick story. when I had the honor of co-hosting the Gay Wrestling Panel at Wrestlefest New York this past February, in the question and answer period, an audience member asked for advice for an aspiring new jobber. There was some awesome advice generously offered, including Kid Leopard himself telling all would-be jobbers that their job #1 is selling their heels. Now, my understanding is that “selling” in pro wrestling is the way the wrestlers, especially the wrestler  on the receiving end of a hold or maneuver telegraphs to the audience the damage done. So, if one wrestler drives a punch into his opponent’s gut (a blatantly illegal move, by the way, shame on you wrestlers when you do that), his opponent folds over his fist and “oofs” out the air from his lungs. The one on the receiving end demonstrably suffers, thus selling the offense of his attacker. 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Demolition 27 starring Shane McCall and Drake Marcos]

I think your sense of what good sell is comes clearest when it’s missing. When a wrestler is locked in what should be a crippling hold, but he’s not even breaking a sweat. Or, worse, when a wrestler takes some huge hammer blow that the wrestling conventions dictate should be devastating, but he bounces up and is on offense as if nothing happened. Fuck, what a buzz kill for me. I think in pro wrestling there’s this unspoken contract between the wrestlers and the audience. We, the audience, agree to suspend our disbelief when it comes to the extreme edges of violence we’re witnessing, and in turn, the wrestlers agree to go all in and tell us a story that entertains and, for a homoerotic wrestling audience, turns us on. So when the wrestlers fall short on their end of the bargain, I feel like I want my money back, you know?

One of my first homoerotic wrestling video purchases was Can-Am’s Canadian Musclehunk Oil Wrestling 3. There are a lot of hot bodies on that product, but there’s one particular moment that sticks with me in the match between Beau Hopkins and Jimmy Royce. It’s a back and forth battle, and honestly, I can’t decide which of them is hotter glistening with oil and going at it in that clumsy, awkward way that oil wrestling demands. They both look like they’ve got some legit amateur wrestling skills, and they’re both aggressive and a bit mean. But Beau keeps scrambling on top, and he repeatedly catches Jimmy in a double hammerlock. Jimmy genuinely looks like he’s got a trick left shoulder, and more than once, Beau has to really crank on it to rotate it around in his shoulder socket and secure it in that hammerlock. And, like the vicious little bastard he is, Beau keeps doing it. In round 3, he’s got Jimmy face down in the oil, and Beau is sitting on the back of Jimmy’s head, yanking on Jimmy’s hugely muscled arms until they’re wrenched way up high between his shoulder blades. And then he bounces on the arms, just fucking up Jimmy’s shoulders as Jimmy grunts in time to each vicious yank and bounce. And suddenly, there’s this panic in Jimmy’s voice…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Can-Am’s Canadian Musclehunk Oil Wrestling 3 starring Jimmy Royce and Beau Hopkins]

Fuck, that panicked up-pitch in his voice, with notes of despair and pleading… I could sip on that bouquet all day long. There’s character, as well as plot, in how a wrestler suffers, too. Like, at the beginning of BG East’s Jobberpaloozer 12, we watch barefoot Jake Jenkins, with those sewn-on tight metallic teal trunks warming up before his scheduled match with Jonny Firestorm. Jake’s running warm-up drills from his days of competitive amateur wrestling, showing off his speed and moves, stretching his back and neck in a super high bridge. He looks legit as fuck, right? The gorgeously muscled, limber, agile athlete all set to do battle. When Jonny arrives, Jake smirks at him and calls him an “out of shape monkey.” Jonny’s sucker punch to Jake’s washboard abs shuts down that line of argument real quick, and 6 minutes later, Jake’s twisted in the ropes, his right arm locked under Jonny’s armpit overhead, and screaming as his armpit hair is ripped out by the vicious “monkey.” 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Jobberpaloozer 12 starring Jake Jenkins and Jonny Firestorm]

The quality and quantity of suffering document more than just Jonny’s brutality. They track the catastrophic fall of the cocky, hot bodied preppy who looked so earnest and legit just a few minutes ago.

I did an interview with Dante Lesen not long after he debuted in BG East’s Rookie Wreckers 3. Dante was the titular rookie that got wrecked by Masked Menace. Visually, it’s a striking match to watch for a lot of reasons. At 6’3, Dante towers over 5’5 Menace, but the even more striking mismatch is in experience. Menace has wrestled thousands of opponents, and that’s probably not even an exaggeration, while Dante is the first to admit that he walked onto the mat with nothing but enthusiasm on his resume. So Menace has his way with the long tall hottie. But in my interview, I actually mentioned to Dante that one of the things that grabbed me was his suffering.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Rookie Wreckers 3 starring Dante Lesen and Masked Menace]

Dante sounds like a newbie getting ripped apart, limb from mile long limb, by the heartless veteran heel. There’s this edge of despair, as he chokes on the pain. Like the last 13 minutes of him screaming in agony earns him nothing but more crushing abuse, but he can’t stop himself but to continue screaming. He also has this stop and start to his crying out, like he’s trying to swallow it, trying not to show his panicked pain, but his body just won’t obey him, and his anguished screams just keep getting milked out of him anyway. The sweet suffering is totally testament to Masked Menace’s limitless heel skills, right? But it also builds this gorgeous character of a tall, fit, baby faced pretty boy with military training who just gets overwhelmed and driven right over the edge his first time giving this homoerotic wrestling thing a try.

Suffering as character building, so to speak, is also this crucial meta theme for an iconic homoerotic wrestler like Brad Rochelle. So, yeah, I recognize I’m now 3 for 3 when it comes to episodes where I sample Brad, but honestly, listen to this and you tell me this isn’t extra level hot.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Demolition 3 starring Dom the Dominator and Brad Rochelle]

That’s Brad getting bounced around in Dom the Dominator’s torture rack in BG East’s Demolition 3. Fuck, Brad suffered so fucking well. He was the rock hard, stunningly handsome, fratboy jock, and he got demolished so gorgeously that they made an entire series just built on his character arc, trapped in the nefarious small print of Kid Leopard’s contract. Honestly, I think you have to have gotten off to Brad getting demolished in order to truly appreciate the stunning 180 degrees of post Combeback Brad, who’s been burning shit down as Jonny Firestorm’s back-up dancer, charging in and double-teaming Jonny’s opponent’s when Jonny can’t quite seem to get the job done all on his own. Yeah, honestly, anyone who has yet to get off on Brad squashed back around the turn of the century, put down your dicks and get that homework done first before you savor Brad snarling and sneering and intoxicated by the delicious allure of the dark side in 2024.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s The Comeback 3 starring Kal Connor, Jonny Firestorm, and Brad Rochelle]

Yeah, that’s Brad laughing maniacally as he works with Jonny to double-team Kal Connor, announcing that Kal’s youth and good looks are an affront to the veterans age and experience, and thus he deserves to get his face stomped. It’s more than 25 years in the making, and it brings it all full circle, as Brad wrings out of gorgeous Kal the same terror and agony that got crushed out of him those many years ago.

Van Skylar is another hot jock hunk who demonstrates how sweet suffering can be sensational character arc. When Van hit BG East, he was gorgeous as hell, looking like he climbed directly out of a go-go boy cage and into the ring. And like Brad, as a rookie, Van worked the long sell. Like in Jobberpaloozer 14, he refuses to admit to Brute Baynard that he doesn’t belong in the same ring with the huge pro heel. So, Van’s suffering starts off low key. He’s contained, almost making me worried he’s going to undersell, but no, it’s just him biting his lip and refusing to give Brute the satisfaction of hearing him hurting, everytime Brute demands to know, “Do you still think you belong in my ring!?”. So it’s that much more magnificent to watch that wall come crumbling down, and by two-thirds of the way through the match, he’s begging and weeping, which gets him nothing but more punishment, but now his filter is off. He’s just suffering hard, with that edge of what-the-fuck-was-I-thinking despair in his pleading voice.

 [Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Jobberpaloozer 14 starring Brute Baynard and Van Skylar]

Of course, all of this sort of begs the question of why… why does the sound of convincing suffering make me swoon? What’s the circuitry that accounts for how me hearing a hot jock whimpering and wailing gets instantly translated into me being incredibly turned on? I hold “why” questions like this lightly at this point in my life. When it comes to reflecting on sexual tastes, particularly sexual tastes outside of the mainstream, why questions can easily collapse into feeling pressure to justify my sexual tastes, which I think is a waste of time that only serves to prop up mistaken ideas of what’s “normal.” But this question of why I’m so turned on by hot suffering wrestlers is an interesting intellectual question for me. It’s not like I’m turned on by suffering in almost any other context. I’m not getting off on people’s pain and misery under any other circumstances. But I think part of what makes it so hot for me in the context of wrestling is the implicit contract between the wrestlers. They’ve both signed up for this. The only difference between the one suffering and the one gloating is who’s managed to come out on top. Back at the start of the match, they were both cocky, optimistic, looking forward to proving themselves as the better man, and both picturing themselves as the victor savoring the suffering and humiliation of their opponent. It’s not like criminal assault gets me hard, but that battle of wills and skills and egos that turns into one wrestler being crushed and possessed… that does. And clearly, it turns on others, as well. Sometimes, clearly, even the wrestlers want it. There’s this magical moment in BG East’s the Great Outdoors, when Kid Karisma and Carter Alexander are locked in a back and forth battle of insanely hot physiques. They’re both plucky and cocky, and despite being a novice, Carter is giving as good as he gets for a while, boasting that he will not, cannot ever submit. And then the Kid Karisma train starts rolling down the tracks, and Carter is seriously regretting those words. He’s taking a mountain of humiliating punishment, and the more he refuses to submit, the more nasty KK gets. Kid Karisma is threatening to knock the big boy out in a rear naked choke, and he’s latched on and Carter’s going nowhere, and he starts pulling on Carter’s hair…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s The Great Outdoors 2 starring Carter Alexander and Kid Karisma]

Yeah, fuck, you heard right. Carter says he likes it when Kid Karisma pulls on his hair. He begs him to pull on his hair again and again, even as he’s grunting and choking and struggling to stay awake with KK’s gargantuan arm clamped across his throat. Okay, so sure, I don’t know if Carter intended it more as a bro-down trashtalk defense, but I read it as this incredibly erotic moment of sincerity. When push comes to shove, Carter demands that Kid Karisma hurt him more because he likes it. Holy fuck. Keep watching that match for more little erotic gems, like Carter sitting on KK’s face in a fold over pin and punching the fuck out of the redhead’s award winning muscle ass and Carter absolutely crowing about how much fun he’s having pounding that ass.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s The Great Outdoors 2 starring Carter Alexander and Kid Karisma]

So, whether wrestlers want to get hurt, or they’re just willing to risk getting hurt in order to put the hurt on an opponent, the suffering that results is like a shot of adrenaline coursing through my body as I watch and listen. Of course, there is such a thing as too much sell. There’s a brand of wrestler who so clearly gets off on being dominated and beaten up that he’s telegraphing it from the start. So, early on in the match, he’s screaming bloody murder from any incidental bump in a blatant oversell that sort of deflates the premise for me. Again, my policy is not to call out what wrestlers or matches that I think are getting it wrong, but… I’ll just say, my best wrestling-obsessed buddy and I have a short list of the wrestlers who make us roll our eyes because they so clearly oversell and want to get beat up just a bit too much.  It’s definitely not a more is more scenario, when it comes to how a wrestler’s suffering is an erotic turn on for me. What’s hot is just the right amount of suffering, in proportion to the hold that the wrestler is in, and where they are in the match, and just what the stakes are that he’s facing if he loses. And what’s “just right” can depend on the wrestler himself who’s owning it, getting vulnerable in a way that’s genuine to him, and letting the rest of us watch him get laid bare.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Gut Bash 9 starring Eli Black and Morgan Cruise]

That’s Eli Black pummeled way past the point of no return by Morgan Cruise in BG East’s Gut Bash 9. I always love the suspense of watching Eli wrestle, because he’s a dangerous competitor no matter how things play out. When he’s on top and heeling, he’s relentlessly sadistic, which makes it that much more intense watching him in a match like this where he’s absolutely trounced and stomped into a quivering mess of weeping humiliation.

Why does that turn me on? Fuck, I don’t even really know. I just know it does, and honestly, that’s enough for me.

So, what about you? How does suffering figure in what turns you on about homoerotic wrestling? Let me know, and let me know whose screams and cries and whimpers trigger the circuitry in you to make you swoon. You can share your take by commenting on the blog, like adorable Donny, who commented on the post for episode 2. It feels hugely validating to hear Donny say that reading the blog and listening to Sidelineland Sounds makes him feel seen and understood as he explores his guilty pleasure of enjoying homoerotic wrestling. I got a few messages over on Instagram, including Cecil who disclosed that he’s in the camp that finds trash talk “yawn emoji,” but it’s all good, because Cecil and I agree completely that watching Jake Jenkins wrestle is always a pleasure. Also on Instagram, Dave chimed in to chide me for not mentioning Scott Williams as the biggest trash talker of all, though, in my defense, I did sample Scott’s trash talk as paradigmatic of the genre back in episode 1. Also commenting on the topic of trash talk from episode 2, Joey V made a compelling case for the trash talking skills of Chace LaChance and Rock Hard Wrestling’s Alex Waters, so thanks Joey for those recommendations! So drop me a line one way or another and let me know your thoughts about the sounds of suffering by commenting on the blog, on Instagram, or by email at wrestlebard@gmail.com. No one has yet to share an audio comment, so I’m still waiting for someone to break that ice and verbally join in the conversation as well.

I’ll call that a wrap on Sidelineland Sounds episode 3. For the next episode, I plan on tuning the mic to listen to the nonverbal sounds that make my pulse pound hotter in a wrestling match, like the collision of muscles, the thump of punches and slap of chest chops, and all of the ambient noises like ropes squeaking and bodies pounding into a ring that make me involuntarily salivate like Pavlov’s dog. Until then, keep enjoying what you enjoy about homoerotic wrestling and let me know what and who is turning you in homoerotic wrestling on these days, and if you’re interested in one man’s take on the same topic, keep your eyes on Sidelineland… because you you know, I’m going to keep telling you what’s turning me on about it. 

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

Welcome back to episode two of Sidelineland Sounds. I’m Bard, and this is the audio supplement to Sidelineland, which is the blog I’ve been toiling away at in text for 15 years.  I say toiling, but most often, I refer to it as a labor of love, because whatever Sidelineland is about, it’s about what I love about homoerotic wrestling. When I started the blog in 2009, I had an inkling that I wasn’t the only guy turned on by wrestling, and in the intervening years, it’s been a pleasure to communicate with hundreds of others for whom wrestling, and watching wrestling, and reading about wrestling, and writing about wrestling is a primary turn on.  Sidelineland Sounds is another variation on a theme, in this case exploring what’s hot about listening to wrestling. So lace up your boots and put on your game face, because today, I’m talking about trash talk.

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

In the last episode, I touched on several aspects of what audio brings to my enjoyment of wrestling. For this episode, I’m going to do a deeper dive into one of those topics I mentioned last time: trash talk – the verbal sparring between two wrestlers. For my purposes today, trash talk includes the insults, the barbs, the mind games, the intimidation between wrestlers. It can happen before, during, and after a match. Trash talk can set the scene. Perhaps in the most straightforward way possible, it establishes the wrestlers’ motivation and defines the characters in the drama. I think trash talk is maybe the most spontaneous way that a consumer of wrestling gets a glimpse into why these two fierce athletes are invested in beating the fuck out of each other, and why the rest of us should be invested in watching it play out. In mainstream pro wrestling, trash talk most often happens before or after matches, in interviews backstage or in microphone takeovers inside the ring. But an advantage to how homoerotic wrestling is typically produced is its intimacy. Homoerotic wrestling matches are typically recorded in small spaces, usually without an audience, and with just a little production attention to audio, we get to hear what wrestlers have to say to each other from start to finish.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Weekend Wrestling’s Cash Kellogg & Dominic D’Andrea vs Blake starr]

That was Cash Kellogg for Weekend Wrestling, telling hottie Blake Star that he’s skinny and doesn’t have the balls to fill his tiny little trunks. Now, as fun as I think that is, I know for a fact that not everyone is as big a fan of trash talk as I am. Some homoerotic wrestling fans tell me that it distracts from what they find hot about the raw pretense of physical competition pitting one man’s body against another. The words seem out of place for some fans who want to focus on nothing but the wrestling. I suspect a similar divide may separate us along the lines of those of us who key off on classic, high production, pro wrestling-style homoerotic wrestling and those who dial into homoerotic wrestling with more of an amateur or MMA vibe. In my opinion, it’s all good, and I’m good with you, even if you’re one of those fans who finds trash talk downright irritating. And, truth be told, as big a fan as I am, sometimes I find it irritating. As with anything, when it’s done poorly, it can be a lot more cringey than sexy. But when it’s done well, I think it accentuates the drama. It can add to the stakes of a match and make me believe that the wrestlers care about who wins, and so should I.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Ripped Rookies 1 starring Austin Cooper and Jake Jenkins)

That’s Jake Jenkins gloating after scoring a submission on Austin Cooper in Ripped Rookies, rubbing it in by pointing to his hot, thick thighs. —  I do want to mention that I’ve talked to a few wrestlers who’ve told me that they find the expectation of trash talk even more intimidating than taking off nearly all their clothes and doing battle with nothing but their hot bodies in front of a video camera. Knowing that the line between clever and cringey trash talk can be a fine one, some wrestlers really dread that verbally performative aspect of it that I’m talking about today. The demand to be thinking on their feet, to be thrusting insults and parrying verbal blows while also executing feats of strength and wrestling skill to try to dominate an opponent… it’s a lot. For some wrestlers, it’s not being beaten or physically dominated that really scares them, it’s been made to look foolish because they stumble over their words or sound silly trying to improv some trash talk. So, I get it that not all of us turned on by wrestling have the same relationship to trash talk. Today, I’m just talking about me, and the value added to my wrestling pleasure from hot trash talk.

In my opinion, the most perfect example of scene-setting trash talk is the verbal sparring between Rusty Stevens and Aryx Quinn. It happens at the end of Rusty’s match in Can-Am’s Arena 1. I blogged about it several times starting in 2010, because, fuck, that scene grabs me hard when Aryx steps out of the shadows and strolls onto the mat just when Rusty is literally taking his victory lap around his demolished opponent, Brian Bodine. I mean, it’s not like the scene is lacking in homoerotic tension before the verbal sparring starts between Rusty and Aryx. Brian is beaten senseless, ass up and out cold. Rusty is circling that ass, looking like the sex gladiator he is, naked and gloating, Rusty’s monster cock is bobbing up and down hypnotically as he monologues about just what he was going to do with lucky loser Brian. And right then and there, Aryx busts into the scene, interrupting Rusty’s victorious trophy-taking…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Can-Am’s Arena 1 starring Rusty Stevens, Aryx Quinn, and Brian Bodine]

So the confrontation between Rusty and Aryx immediately crystalizes into West Coast versus East Coast. Rusty is the LA badass who’s strutting around with contempt dripping from his lips, pointing out the undeniable evidence that he’s The Man, that he can win absolutely anybody’s ass he decides to wrestle and fuck. It’s classic Rusty, all accelerator and no brake, mean and gloating and with a fight record to back up his bragging. If I remember correctly, Aryx had just landed in LA, after starting his homoerotic wrestling career with BG East back in Boston. He’s rock hard and gorgeous as fuck. He already commands one of the most passionately devoted fan bases ever, and his brand is wicked sharp wit backed up with military combat training and private tutoring in professional wrestling at the hands of Kid Leopard himself. I’d never seen Aryx at a loss for words before this moment in Arena 1, but holy fuck, Rusty’s trash talk game runs circles around him! The clash of words, the taunts and insults, turn the heat way, way up, and even though you know they aren’t slated to wrestle until the sequel to Arena 1, Rusty’s huge, dripping cock pointing at Aryx makes you think, for just a moment, the heel-versus-heel battle very well may just bust out spontaneously.

Pre-match trash talk can be like that, like a flame thrower set to burn an opponent to the ground before the wrestlers have even put hands on each other. But sometimes, it’s more layered, more subtle. Anytime a wrestler shows up and starts dishing out compliments to his opponent, for example, you’ve just got to wait for the other shoe to drop. Inflating a wrestler’s ego with relentless flattery, only to pop him like a balloon moments later, isn’t just scene setting. It’s part and parcel of the wrestling offense. It is a move, in and of itself, that can be just as unsettling and overpowering as an outmatched muscle hunk getting bested in a test of strength. There are a few masters of that pump and pop pre-match trash talk, but my sentimental favorite master of the technique is BG East’s Lon Dumont. For example, when he shows up to face off against Braden Charron in Forced to Flex 4, Lon is openly in awe of Braden’s thick, sculpted muscles.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Forced to Flex 4 starring Lon and Braden Charron]

So, Lon can’t seem to compliment Braden’s hot bod enough. I swear you can just about see Braden blush under the relentless charm offensive, as his ego inflates bigger and bigger. Then, with his back turned, he takes a blind side shoulder tackle to the back of his knees that drops his hot bod just like that. And Lon stomps the living shit out of Braden when he’s down, pulling the plug on the big boy’s overinflated ego and revealing what he really thinks of him. And, fuck, it’s not like Braden’s in any position to defend his honor there, laid out and suffering from the little bodybuilder’s brutal physical and psychological attack. Lon’s dragged him over miles of rough road just 3 minutes into the start of the match.

During a match, trash talk also dials up the temperature. It incites the grapplers to battle harder, to put more of themselves on the line to claim the victory. Trash talk in the middle of the action can act like a download progress bar, reflecting backward on what’s happened so far in the contest, and foreshadowing what may be in store. Like Joshua Goodman (that’s Mr. Joshua to you, by the way!), muscle bullying adorably twinky rookie Christian Taylor in Demolition 27. Fuck, the erotic tension in this match is magnificent. Everyone, and I mean everyone understands that Christian is fucking awed by the sight of Mr. Joshua’s drop dead gorgeous body and his gargantuan bulge, and Mr. J just keep piling on the pressure, dialing up the humiliation and tension, both by manhandling the skinny boy and by pouring heaping helpings of taunting trash talk on him until Christian is nearly drowning it.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Demolition 27 starring Joshua Goodman and Christian Taylor]

And then, just to really rub it in both figuratively and literally, Mr. Joshua sits on his face and demands that Christian kiss his ass. Holy shit, the way Mr. Joshua can cock tease Christian, and me, into a drooling mess is just fucking magic. Interestingly, I think some of the best and some of the worst trash talkers are the guys with pretty extensive indy pro wrestling experience. Some of them, frankly, suck at it, and, rightly or wrongly, I always assume when they particularly suck at it, it’s out of some self-consciousness about the literal and figurative intimacy of wrestling for gay eyes. Like, some legit pro wrestlers are the most painfully poor at selling. I have a long standing guideline on the blog about not tearing down wrestlers or matches, so I’ll restrain myself from naming names here, but it just bears saying that some indy pro wrestlers who show up in matches for gay eyes look like they’re half-assing it. But, on the other hand, there other indy pro wrestlers who’ve made a mark in gay-oriented companies who bring it sensationally hot and fierce. I’m guessing  that spontaneity of wrestling live in front of an indy pro audience, of telling a story all exposed like that, night after night, must help a lot of those pro wrestlers who dabble in the homoerotic houses, really improv in a way that’s clever and focused and turns up the temperature. Here’s two indy pro wrestlers who wrestled quite a few matches for BG East under the names Flash LaCash and Zip Zarella.  Both of them are insanely gorgeous specimens of male beauty, but they wrestle hard and aggressive, and they narrate their brutal contest in this super clever, spontaneous way. Zip is the smart ass who’s cheesing it up almost too much for my taste, and here, Flash is getting more and more pissed until he’s twisted the smart mouth pretty boy into a single leg crab pretzel, taunting him relentlessly until the brutal hold and insults finally make Zip tap.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Backbusters 1 starring Flash LaCash and Zip Zarella]

Zip gets a lot less cheesy the more big Flash beats the living shit out of him, which is, itself, a hot little story told by the trash talk. Another value added in any Flash LaCash match is that fucking intense sound of his controlled breathing. It’s that rhythmic hissing you can hear, telling you and me that he’s working hard crushing the cheese right out of smart ass Zip. It’s like serious lifters at the gym, breathing in through the nose and then hissing out in long, controlled exhalations as they manhandle massive weights around.

Another hot variation on the trash talk theme is the wrestler who tauntingly demands his opponent humiliate himself before he’ll acknowledge the loser’s submission. Like, the forced-to-flex theme demonstrates this technique gorgeously. 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Forced to Flex 1 starring Kid Karisma and Brad Barnes]

That’s Kid Karisma, proving you don’t have to be an indy pro wrestler to bring sensational, spontaneous trash talk morning, noon, and night, to make a homoerotic wrestling match sizzle. In that clip from BG East’s Forced to Flex 1, he’s just clawed Brad Barnes’ gargantuan, meaty pecs so viciously you can just about hear the tendons tearing away from Brad’s sternum. And then immediately, Kid Karisma demands to see the once proud muscle boy flex his pecs now. It’s this seamless, double-pronged offense of brutal physical domination and Kid Karisma’s diabolical, self-amused chuckle and snarling trash talk, and watching Brad flinch and scream in response to both is fucking brilliant!

It doesn’t have to be forced-to-flex for a dominating wrestler to drive home the point that he owns this bitch loser, body and soul. I love the schoolyard bully theme that plays out when a wrestler insists that a sniveling loser say something, on demand, before he’ll let the loser submit. 

[Audio Clip – sound credit: Rock Hard Wrestling’s Royal Punishment starring Austin Cooper and Tanner Hill]

That’s serious as fuck trash talker Austin Cooper making twunk Tanner Hill scream that he’s a peasant before Austin will let the destroyed kid submit.  That taunting obey-me-now-bitch trash talk is super sweet, I think. I think it taps into something primal that playground bullies and bad ass pro wrestling heels all know, that winning a fight is one thing, but owning your fucking opponent takes it to a whole new level.

And then, finally, there’s the post-victory gloat. Trash talk can be the symbolic victory lap. It can demonstrate the stakes and substance of the victory, as one wrestler demonstrates the fact that he can say (and maybe do) anything he wants with impunity, because he’s proven he’s the better wrestler, and the loser just has to take whatever taunts and insults the winner shovels on top of him.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Fanstymen 17 starring Mikey Vee and Brad Rochelle]

That’s charging bull Mikey Vee taking his gloating victory lap after trouncing Brad Rochelle in BG East’s Fantasymen 17. It’s petty and unnecessary. It’s just verbally rubbing Brad’s face in his humiliation. And it’s perfect for exactly those reasons, because it’s not like Brad’s in any shape to complain.

One of the most classic examples of the post-victory gloat  has got to be the legendary badass and trash talker extraordinaire, Brooklyn Bodywrecker. The Bodywrecker hasn’t been in front of the camera in a long time, and still, he’s got one of the most passionate homoerotic wrestling fan bases in the business. I’ve recently talked with 20-year-olds who put BBW at the top of their list of wrestling crushes, and everyone agrees that his appeal is about way more than his smoking hot, hairy body and his wrestling skills. It’s his in-your-face attitude. It’s like when he was fucking over Yves Larocque in BG East’s X-Fights 10. He terrorizes Yves every which way. He has him screaming and weeping in panic. He strips him naked and makes him wear his jock strap over his face. He literally shaves Yves’ chest while he’s got the pretty boy served up like a turkey dinner draped over the top turnbuckle. It’s not a contest, it’s a crime scene, and at one point Brooklyn Bodywrecker’s snarling trash talk can’t be contained to just his sniveling muscle boy opponent. He wrings out another of any number of submissions he can demand from the traumatized pretty boy, and then turns to the camera. And in a rare busting through the 4th wall in a homoerotic wrestling match, BBW shoves a finger in the camera and starts trash talking you and me and anyone else who might nurture fantasies of challenging him in his ring.

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s X-Fights 10 starring Brooklyn Bodywrecker and Yves Larocque]

So, that’s my take on the value added of hot trash talk. Did I convince anyone who wasn’t already as turned on as I am by snarling insults, diabolical verbal mind games, and contemptuous gloating? It’s okay if you aren’t on board, because it seems like homoerotic wrestling producers are pumping out plenty of snarling trash talk for me to enjoy. Let me know what you think about trash talk by dropping a text comment on the blog like ComixRay did in response to the first episode of Sidelineland Sounds, when he and I bonded over our mutual impulse to shake our fists and complain about kids these days. Or record a brief audio file and share it with me at wrestlebard@gmail.com, that is, if you aren’t too much of a pussy.  See what I did there? Trash talk to get a rise out of you, to move the story and motivate you?

For now, let’s bring Episode Two of Sidelineland Sounds to a close. For my next foray into exploring wrestling audio, I plan to turn the mic over to the sounds of suffering and ask what could be another controversial question, what makes for good sell? Until then, as always, thanks for listening and reading and commenting, and I hope you’ve the balls to let me know what’s turning you on about homoerotic wrestling these days… because, you know, I’m going to keep telling you about what’s turning me on about it!

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

Listen to Sidelineland Sounds – Episode 1 by clicking on the audio player above. Transcript of Sidelineland Sounds – Episode 1:

Hey there, homoerotic wrestling fans. This is Bard. I’ve been authoring the blog Sidelineland for the past 15 years. And in honor of Sidelineland’s crystal anniversary, I’m launching this little experiment. I’m producing a limited-run podcast to supplement my typically excessive written wordiness. So, yeah, welcome to this, the maiden voyage of Sidelineland Sounds.

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]

For this inaugural episode, I’m going to reflect on the relationship between video, audio, and the written word. So, I’ve run into more and more wrestling fans lately who don’t read. I mean, not that they’re illiterate. They just choose not to read the written word more than is absolutely necessary. This blows my mind a little, because, honestly, I’ve been an avid reader from the moment when I was a kid and I found my older brother’s stash of Edgar Rice Burroughs novels, and I fell in deep, deep lust with the cover art of Tarzan. Right then and there, I had to be part of the world where that drop dead gorgeous muscle hunk swinging from the trees lived. And I’ve been a voracious reader ever since. Genuinely, I read all the time for pleasure, typically science fiction, fantasy… I’ve been getting into gay wrestling erotica and gay romance lately. But, over the past couple of years, I’ve run into more and more homoerotic wrestling fans who don’t read. It typically comes up when I’m talking to someone who shares my obsession with homoerotic wrestling, and I mention something about my blog, and either they’ve heard about Sidelineland but “don’t keep up with it” because they “just don’t read much,” or they’ve never heard of it and sort of snort derisively when I mention that I blog about wrestling, as if I just confessed that I type Morse code as a hobby. And I get it, I do. Most of these guys I’m talking about are a good generation or so younger than I am. I think they belong to the same cohort who tell me YouTube is for geezers because they don’t have time to watch videos more than 30 seconds long. They’ve been fed instant gratification and salacious clickbait from the cradle onward. They’ve been raised on TikTok and podcasts. It baffles me, but they’re the sort who prefer to leave audio text messages, while at the same time, they think that voicemail is something out of the stone age.

I’m exaggerating to make a point… maybe… just a little. If you’ve ever read Sidelineland, it should come as no surprise that I exaggerate for emphasis… at times. But after writing more than 1700 blog posts over the past 15 years, it gives me a little gut check whenever I find out there’s a 20- or 30-something wrestling fan who otherwise appears to be into all the same things I am, but who’s not about to take the time to read my 1300 word post about a super hot wrestling match. I seriously feel grumpy old man vibes at times, like shaking my fist in the air and complaining about kids these days. So, I’m really committed to the idea that trying out this podcast format won’t just turn into me reading out loud my blog posts for those with an aversion to the written word. Out of 1700 blog posts on what turns me on about wrestling, if I do say so myself, there are a few flashes of clever-bordering-on-inspired writing that you should just need to put eyes to and exercise that part of your brain that processes written language. I’m not planning on quitting blogging, so I really want to pursue this podcast only as a supplement to the written word… not just to reinforce apathy for the written word.

But as I thought about what this audio format could add to my copious text on the subject of homoerotic wrestling, it occurred to me that this could be novel… and fun… and maybe even hot in an entirely different way. I mean, I know for a fact that there are quite a few followers of Sidelineland who subscribe solely for the graphics. I’ve been honored to have been given permission by most of the homoerotic wrestling producers out there to repost their photos of hot, sexy, sweaty muscle hunks grappling. I’m pretty sure they see it as marketing, and as long as I point readers where to buy the videos, producer’s have been pretty okay with me illustrating my reviews with their photos. And in turn, I’m pretty sure there are quite a few guys turned on by wrestling who just browse the pics at Sidelineland for the “masturbatory value” of the graphics, let’s just say. So on the blog, I’m using words and photos to share my reflections on the (let’s face it) masturbatory value of my favorite sexy gay wrestling videos.

So can a podcast add anything to what’s already there?  I mean, other than making it storytime with uncle Bard for the younglings who prefer to be read to, rather than read with their own eyes…

[Audio Clip – sound credit: BG East’s Undagear 38 starring Tanner Ripley and Zach Ramos]

Oh, wait, yeah… fuck, audio can be hot. That was an audio sample of Tanner Ripley screaming in panic in Zach Ramos’ camel clutch in BG East’s Undagear 38, released a couple of months ago. Oh, hell yes, there’s value added to audio! I’ve written a lot about how sexy the sounds of homoerotic wrestling are, but text, and pics and GIFs just don’t quite capture those elements that turn me on about the sounds of super hot wrestling.

[Audio clip – sound credit BG East’s Ultra Fight 2 starring Scott Williams and Brad Rochelle]

And fuck, cocky trash talk turns me on. I mean, I transcribe some of the choicest dialogue from my favorite matches in my written reviews, but honestly, is there any sexier sound than Scott Williams’ snarling baritone as he taunts Brad Rochelle  and refuses to let go of his headscissors? It’s one thing for me to write about just how much it turns me on, but holy fuck, listening to that sound of shocked panic in fratboy muscle stud Brad Rochelle’s voice is most definitely value added.

[Audio clip – sound credit BG East’s Ultra Fight 2 starring Scott Williams and Brad Rochelle]

Audio is also pretty essential context to homoerotic wrestling videos. The sounds of springs and cables squeaking as a cocky hunk warms up in the ring, bouncing on the balls of his feet and testing out the tension in the ropes…

[Audio clip – sound credit: BG East’s Fantasymen 18 starring Jeff Phoenix and Brad Rochelle]

…it adds texture and depth to the visual stimulation of watching.The sound of hot, hard, sweaty muscles pounding into each other as wrestlers scramble for advantage… the dull, deep thump of one wrestler’s fist punching an opponent’s washboard abs… the higher pitch percussion of an open palm chop to a stunned wrestler’s bulging pecs… there’s a fucking symphony of ambient noises happening. While the visuals are what I think of as the heart of what turns me on about wrestling, the sounds are often what makes a match feel spontaneous. The sounds are 75% of the sell for me.

And speaking of sell…

[Audio clip – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6, starring Jonny Firestorm, Brad Rochelle, and Monstah Mike]

Fuck, is there anything sexier than a cocky muscle boy who climbed into the ring cock sure that he’s pound his opponent into submission, only to be crying and begging like bitch 15 minutes later? It’s not just the text, it’s the panic in the voice. It’s the cracking sob, like this hot hard hunk just got pounded so hard he’s regressed back to that pre-adolescent moment his voice changed. The same words coming from two different wrestlers could be like night and day, scorching hot intensity or eye rolling play acting. The difference is woven into the audio, and I love that, and now that I think about it, blogging for 15 years has just scratched the surface of what’s turning me on in what I hear in a sensationally sexy wrestling match.

It’s not like this is the first audio file on Sidelineland, either. I posted a series of interviews I recorded in 2014, when I had the distinct honor of being invited by Kid Leopard to be on site at BG East during a weekend of filming matches.

[Audio clip – original audio recorded by Bard, interviewing Mason Brooks]

That’s a previously unreleased clip of an interview I did with Mason Brooks back then that, for various reasons, I never published. I’ve posted dozens of text-based interviews with wrestlers over the years that have been a blast, but those live recorded audio interviews were something else. Not to overstate it, but there’s this chemistry that sometimes does and sometimes doesn’t happen when I’m interviewing a wrestler, and I definitely do not always capture those intangibles in text, no matter how hard I try. Like, my favorite example is when I interviewed Kayden Keller on a hot summer day down there by the dock on the lake behind the BG East compound. Kayden was there in his red graphic tee, black shorts, and flip flops. And he was sitting next to me, and I literally could not stop myself from continually checking out his long, sexy legs. And finally he caught me eye fucking his quads, and with a little taunting sneer, he just flexed them. And the chuckle in his voice and me nearly choking on my drool was this hilarious, spontaneous moment that just wouldn’t not translate to text, no matter how hard I might try.

[Audio clip – original audio recorded by Bard, interviewing Kayden Keller]

So, anyway, we’ll see how this podcast idea goes. I should disclose, though I’m sure it’s not necessary to the trained ear, that I’m no audio engineer. This is just me with Garage Band a thousand wrestling clips on my computer, stitching this together out of nothing but raw enthusiasm and a growing delight in connecting in new ways with other homoerotic wrestling fans. If you feel the need to bitch about my production quality, feel free, and then send me a few thousand dollars to hire someone who knows what the fuck they’re doing. But, seriously, I always get a kick out of seeing comments on the blog, and I’d be delighted to hear if this is scratching any itches at all out there among my wrestling-obsessed brothers. You can drop a text comment on the blog, or, if you’re feeling inspired, send me a brief audio file with your comments, and, who knows, it might even make its way onto a future episode.

For now, let’s call episode one of Sidelineland Sounds a wrap. Next up, for episode two, I plan to do a deep dive into the curiously controversial topic of trash talk. Until then, keep wrestling, keep watching and listening to hot wrestling, and keep letting me know what’s turning you on these days in the world of homoerotic wrestling… because, you know, I’m going to keep telling you about what’s turning me on about it!

[Bell Ring – sound credit: BG East’s Three-Way Thrash 6]